7 months pregnant and in-laws tell me to sleep on floor

[mickeyboat]

As the mom of a 30 week per term baby. Please consider staying close to home. Everything was fine (at least we thought) and then all of a sudden it was NOT fine. I found myself at the hospital for 10 days and then delivering our baby 2 months early. DS then spent another month in the NICU. If I had been that far from home it would have been really bad. And it was bad enough. I know this doesn't happen very often but it does happen.

Happened to me, too. My water broke at 31 1/2 weeks, and I was hospitalized. They induced me at 34 weeks, and Hannah was in the ICN for 2 weeks. If we had been far from home, I don't know what we would have done.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

ITA with starting your own traditions. Granted, it took a little bit to get DH to see it my way since that's how his family always did it. However, that was when everyone lived in the same town. We are now 4 hours away and his cousins with kids don't live in town any more either.

I now host the IL's (MIL, FIL, Sister and Brothers IL's) at our house a couple of weeks before Christmas. That way we all get to see each other at holiday time, but our kids get to wake up in their own beds. Plus travel in the midwest is always iffy this that time of year.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I agree that you probably shouldn't fly at 7 mo in a high-risk pregnancy. And even if it is medically ok, you may be extremely uncomfortable! There is no reason why I am not able to make the four hour drive down to my mom's house right now, but after doing it two weeks ago, I told her I would not be doing it again until after the baby is born!

This is also a good time to set expectations for family get-togethers post-baby. We already discussed this with my mom--Thanksgiving is for Grandma and uncles, Christmas is for mom, dad, and baby.

 

[daisax]

Maybe his family's trying to re-enact the whole "No room at the Inn" Christmas story?

I agree on ducking out this Christmas because of the pregnancy, and starting your own tradition. I don't know how old your inlaws are, but if their plan is that you travel every year (and it WILL get harder as the kids get older, have more "stuff", don't want to miss out on school vacation activities with friends, etc.) until they're no longer around, you could end up with teenagers who've never spent a Christmas other than camped out on somebody's floor. And then when they marry, just watch how fast they adopt their spouse's family traditions!

I don't see anything wrong with occasionally leaving home for Christmas, but the kids should definitely have a HOME Christmas as well.

Sounds like the in-laws haven't made that final step in accepting that their older kids have moved on in life, and if they're worried about the quality of life of the younger kids having Christmas, they should consider the effect of having ever increasing numbers of cousins/nieces/nephews horning in on their home and their parents.

 

[mickeyboat]

Maybe his family's trying to re-enact the whole "No room at the Inn" Christmas story?

 

[budbeerlady]

I would stay home, they can come to you if they wish. I would be surprised it you are allowed to travel that far, by car or plane. Either way it wont be comfortable, the world wont end if you dont come over there. You and your Dh need to think about your little family to be, not just his family.

(I know I had a heck of a time just getting out of a big chair, I couldnt imagine getting on and off the floor.... It wouldnt have been pretty!)

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't know how old your inlaws are, but if their plan is that you travel every year (and it WILL get harder as the kids get older, have more "stuff", don't want to miss out on school vacation activities with friends, etc.) until they're no longer around, you could end up with teenagers who've never spent a Christmas other than camped out on somebody's floor. And then when they marry, just watch how fast they adopt their spouse's family traditions!

Sounds like the in-laws haven't made that final step in accepting that their older kids have moved on in life, and if they're worried about the quality of life of the younger kids having Christmas, they should consider the effect of having ever increasing numbers of cousins/nieces/nephews horning in on their home and their parents.

Exactly! If the inlaws are so wrapped up in all their kids and grandkids, and expect them visit, then they should darned well have a home to accomodate them.

And, once again. My concern is not 'this Christmas' or 'next Christmas'. My biggest concern here is that the OP's husband is still firmly attached to his parents by one humungous umbilical cord.

Somebody mentioned that the husband may personally want to go home for Christmas. Well, sorry, but he is an adult now, he made the choice to get married, move 500 miles away, and start a family. His parents are no longer his first priority/obligation.

As some of you here might know, this is what I experienced with my husband, and it ain't pretty.

 

[Coolio]

Blow-up beds that are on Legs as well. This would keep you up high like a regular bed. Then just return it when your done your trip or Keep it to use in a pinch.

.

ummmm...why would you suggest returning a used bed to the store?


you need to tell your husband what you are willing to do christmas. give him several choices, none of which involve you sleeping on the floor. personally, i'd stay home.

 

[shortbun]

I haven't read the whole thread but I'd bet my bottom dollar no one responding says, "go and tough it out, they're your husbands parents and your needs should be secondary to theirs." Seems like your husband is thinking this way though. Straighten him out in a very nice but firm way. Your doctor will likely nix travel at 7mos in a risky pregnancy anyway. You may be on bed rest or restricted activity by then. Have a quiet Christmas. Make it special between the two of you.

 

[WillowPuff]

Eeek! I didn't expect this thread to become so long-lived.

Anyway, yes, we already have spoken of our own family traditions... and once we have kids, we'll be home for Christmas. But we may do a trip to the in-laws at Thanksgiving or New Years - just so the kids can see their out-of-town Grandparents and vice versa.

We were just unsure about this Christmas, because it's technically the "last Christmas" of being just the two of us... so we are "free" to travel. I just don't want to go because there aren't enough beds, their house is a zoo when it's filled with so many people, and I don't know what it will be like at 7 months pregnant... but it doesn't sound pretty.

How do I know we'll be put on the floor? Because the oldest daughter (married with 2 kids) thinks she's obligated to have the guest bedroom (her old bedroom from childhood). DH and I have even started out with the guest bedroom before, but as soon as the older sister arrives, we get booted to the floor... no discussion... we were just told we'd be on the living room floor for the rest of our visit. This is why I'm happy we live 500 miles away from them.

Once again, with your opinions and suggestions, I've made up my mind to stay home for Christmas. My family is here in town, I haven't seen them on Christmas day for the past 4 years, and I like them better anyway.

 

[TimeforMe]

Hmmm, you really think your sil would expect you to sleep on the floor being 7 months pregnant? My SIL could be pretty callous but I think even she would know better. I don't understand why you are assuming you will have to sleep on the floor. Even if you have always done so in the past, this year is definitely different.

At any rate, if you want to go--make sure you have a bed. If you don't want to go, well at least you have a good excuse.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hmmm, you really think your sil would expect you to sleep on the floor being 7 months pregnant? My SIL could be pretty callous but I think even she would know better.

I don't see how this matters at all.
What matters is that the OP does not feel comfortable going.
She shouldn't even have to worry about whether she will have a bed or not.
She hasn't seen her own family on Christmas in years.
And, her husband needs to cut the umbilical cord and learn to tell his parents 'no'.

 

[TimeforMe]

I don't see how this matters at all.
What matters is that the OP does not feel comfortable going.
She shouldn't even have to worry about whether she will have a bed or not.
She hasn't seen her own family on Christmas in years.
And, her husband needs to cut the umbilical cord and learn to tell his parents 'no'.

And that's why I said if she doesn't *want* to go, then she has an excuse. Her original post was that she was being made to sleep on the floor and that she was 7 months pregnant. That's all.

Edited to add that the original title of her post was "7 months pregnant and in-laws want me to sleep on the floor". That's a bit different than (understandably) not wanting to travel with a high risk pregnancy. No?

 

[piratesmate]

When you said your doctor said it would be okay to travel at Christmas, do you mean your OB or your endocrinologist? I ask because I find it hard to believe that your endo would be okay with you being that far from home. I'm also a Type I diabetic. I found that there were many things my OB was blasé about but the endo would respond with "He said WHAT?!?!" Of course my 2 are 16 & 26 so things may have changed greatly.

But I agree those who said you should just stay home. You need to take care of yourself & your little one!

 

[floridafam]

Your Dh should back you up on this. He should be the one telling his mother that you are not sleeping on the floor.

I wouldn't even be going but if I did it would only be with the understanding that you are sleeping in a bed.

Your health and the health of the baby come first and anyone who doesn't realize that is just being stupid.

I've got to ask. Has your DH "seen the light" and realized that he should be supporting you on this issue?

 

[mamamia]

I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to wish you good luck with any decision you make.

I also just remembered that when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child, I actually went camping 5 hours away from where I lived. We slept in sleeping bags in a tent (no air mattress). It was my very first camping trip too. I had to be crazy to do such a thing. It was fun!

Luckily I wasn't high risk and everything was fine. But, really what in the world was I thinking to do such a thing?

 

[DisneyPhD]

If there are enough beds for 6 people to sleep in, why can't the high risk, 7 months pregnant woman be one of the bed sleepers?

And have these people ever heard of air mattresses?

I have to agree. I know you have already made your decisions to stay home (right one!) but I just can't believe anyone would even dream of letting a 7 month pregnant women (really a pregnant women at any stage) sleep on the floor when there was a even 1 bed. That is just crazy.

Enjoy your Christmas at home in your own bed. Next year you will have a baby, how exciting!

 

[punkin]

No loving person deliberately asks you to jeopardize the life of your child or the comfort and safety of it's mother.

Can we all agree with this? Well said and completely true.

 

[mickeysgal]

Previously, we've always ended up on the living room floor... and I've been a trooper and didn't mind. But this Christmas, I'll be 7 months pregnant... I'm not sure sleeping on the floor will be comfortable. (Plus, this is a high-risk pregnancy).

I suggested to DH that we get a hotel, but he said his parents would be offended because we're not all "together" Christmas morning to wake up to breakfast.

There seem to be a few different issues all thrown in together here.

You've slept on the floor in the past, but I didn't see where they said that you, now pregnant, would have to sleep on the floor this time. Are you assuming that they wouldn't make better sleeping arrangements for you or did they say this would happen again? I would imagine that they are reasonable people and would give you a bed - you are pregnant after all!

On a go-forward basis, this situation has to be fixed not only for Christmas, but for all future visits. When you travel to see them, sleeping on the floor isn't acceptable (unless of course, this is what you want to do).

As your family grows, so will your obligations...school calendar, sports, etc. It may make more sense for them to travel more often to see to you. If they choose not to travel to you, then oh well, its their choice, and not your obligation to keep carrying the travel burden.

Time to break with the parent's tradition of having to have everyone there xmas morning and time to make your own traditions with your own new family (DH, yourself, and baby).

Time for DH to stand up to his parents. Time for change. Better now than letting this get ingrained any further.

 

[PaulaSue]

I was high risk and couldn't travel with any of my pregnancys especially in my 3rd trimesters. You should check with your doctor if you can.

Hope you can work it out or I would go to a hotel if you even go.