7 months pregnant and in-laws tell me to sleep on floor

[tw1nsmom]

As someone else said, the first thing I'd do is check with your OB to see if you'll be allowed to travel then. If he/she says no, then the discussion is over and they either come to you or you'll see them next year.

Then, if you do go, I would put your foot down and either insist on a bed (even if its a twin bed for you and DH sleeps on the floor next to you). Actually, I would go to a hotel. If they don't like it, tough. The first year something changes it can be difficult, but then they'll get used to it. Besides are you going to fly there and sleep on the floor every year once you have kids? Aren't you going to want them to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning?

At the bare minimum, if you don't feel like you can do any of the above suggestions, I would buy a really good Queen size Aerobed; the double kind that is the same height as a regular bed.

 

[peachgirl]

I did ask my Dr about traveling over Christmas and he said it shouldn't be a problem (darn!) I was hoping he'd say "no travel during the 3rd trimester." But instead, he said no travel during the last month.

Next visit, tell him you'll have to sleep on the floor, the stress is driving you nuts, you don't want to go and you want him to tell you that you can't. My guess is you'll get the official word that you shouldn't travel.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I can't even believe that your in-laws are asking you to sleep on the floor. Put your foot down, don't worry about the hurt feelings. The health of you and your unborn baby are the first priority.

 

[Beth76]

I did ask my Dr about traveling over Christmas and he said it shouldn't be a problem (darn!) I was hoping he'd say "no travel during the 3rd trimester." But instead, he said no travel during the last month.

First of all, your family does not need to know what your doctor says to you. If you want to use that as an excuse then do it. Second, my MIL would NOT be telling me to sleep on the floor, pregnant or not. If she so much as even suggested a thing, something would hit the fan. This is YOUR life not hers. YOU get to decide where you sleep.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummmmm, If you husband does not feel the need to step up and make sure that you have a bed to sleep on, as well as a little down-time and privacy, by getting a hotel room, then you have a huge problem with your husband. These are never inlaw problems, they are always 'marriage' problems.

I speak from experience here. It came to the point that I told my husband that the very next time he put his parents 'feelings' over my needs and his son's needs, that he could pack his bags. Believe me, when the grandchild comes along is always when these issues get worse, and the you know what hits the fan.

1. Do NOT speak to your inlaws about this. It is your husband's parents. He is the one who should speak with them. One should never, ever, throw their spouse under the bus by standing back and letting them handle a problem with the inlaws.

2. Draw your boundaries NOW. Do not whine, complain, argue, throw around blame or accusations, hint, or any other such thing. Say these words to your husband and repeat them each time the subject arises. "I am sorry but I will no longer be traveling unless I have my own bed to sleep in."

WTH!!!! Does your husband think that you all are little kids?????
He actually wants to go to sleep on the floor so that he can play "mommie and daddies boy' on Christmas morning?? Honestly, the whole 'sleep on the floor so we can be together on Christmas morning". is just plain wierd. I mean, there are some serious issues going on here. What is wrong with getting together for a Christmas Dinner or other gathering. Why do the parents insist that you stay at their house and treat you like children?

Let me tell you, when your child comes along, this type of thing (meeting your inlaws unreasonable expectations at the expense of your personal needs) will only get worse!!!! Now, the inlaws expectations will be applied ten times over to THEIR precious grandchild.

We to used to spend Christmas with my inlaws. Well, that came to a dead stop When DS came along. He!! would freeze over before I would drag my child down to inlaws and sleep on the floor so that they could see him wake up on Christmas morning. My child slept in his own bed, Santa came to our house, we had a fire in our fireplace, the presents were under our tree, etc... (And, the inlaws even had beds for us.)

You are an adult.
You need to learn how to establish some personal boundaries.
This may cause a bit of an uproar at first, but it WILL BE WORTH IT.
And, seriously, I would not be surprised to see some of your husbands other siblings and spouses follow suit once you pave the way.

If your husband continues to see only his parents wishes and ignore your needs. Then, I am very very sorry.

 

[ducklite]

I agree with the others, you won't be allowed to travel in your last trimester. I want to also add that at seven months pregnant you'll be too exhausted to host all those people in your home, and especially with a high-risk pregnancy it will be way too stressful.

Stay home with your husband and start your own Christmas traditions.

Anne

 

[Robinrs]

I had a high risk pregnancy and was due on December 25th. We always spent Christmas at my Mom's house but she told me no way would I jeopardize my child or my life travelling 125 miles.

Now THAT'S love and consideration.

BTW, I paid her NO MIND and went anyway! We had my doctor's pager number and could get to a good hospital in Tennessee if something did happen. I will NEVER forget the look on my Mom's face when I showed up. It was a mixture of anger, love and concern. She hugged me while chastising me.

Her beautiful grandson was born January 5th.

No loving person deliberately asks you to jeopardize the life of your child or the comfort and safety of it's mother.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

High risk preganancy means you stay home this Christmas, period.

 

[Lisa_M]

Who is more important to your husband? You or his parents?

I agree with a previous poster. Bail out, claiming the doctor doesn't want you to travel. I'm not sure they'll let you fly then anyway.

I'll be 7 months pregnant in December too and this is how I got out of going to my parents for Christmas and his parents for Thanksgiving. I just told our families that the doctor said we shouldn't be traveling that far late in pregnancy (400 miles) and if they want to come here, they are more than welcome to. I don't know if they will or not, but I am going to have some great holidays with DH and our kitties.

 

[WillowPuff]

Next visit, tell him you'll have to sleep on the floor, the stress is driving you nuts, you don't want to go and you want him to tell you that you can't. My guess is you'll get the official word that you shouldn't travel.

This is EXACTLY what I'll do next week when I see the Dr. Thanks! Problem solved!

And... to defend my husband - even though he knows his parents would be "offended" that we'd get a hotel... he said we would get one if they didn't have a bed for us. Also, he is pushing for everyone to come to our place for Christmas. He knows that I won't want to travel.

And yes, the in-laws do treat us like children... wanting everyone there for Christmas ON Christmas day. It annoys me. At least they're starting to get used to the idea that their oldest daughter (who has young kids of her own) does not come on Christmas until the evening. They don't like that she does that... but tough.... they're grandparents now, they need to act the part of Grandparents. They just think their younger kids (8 and 11) ought to have the big "family Christmas" that they deserve. Too bad, so sad.

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being selfish by saying "I don't want to travel or sleep on the floor." I don't know what it's like to be 7 months pregnant... so I don't know what to expect. You have all confirmed that it will be agony.

My decision is made... I'm staying home for Christmas, and if they want to pay us a visit here - feel free!

 

[mrsltg]

What others have said is correct. Your dh needs to put you before his parents. There is no way you should be sleeping on the floor at 7 months pregnant! How could they even suggest that????

Further, your doctor may be saying it's ok for you to travel at that time now, but things change - rapidly - in pregnancy. Don't buy a plane ticket you can't use. Also, double-check your insurance. Mine won't cover a birth after 32 weeks which occurs more than 100 miles from home. Translation- don't leave the area!

 

[Christine]

They don't like that she does that... but tough.... they're grandparents now, they need to act the part of Grandparents. They just think their younger kids (8 and 11) ought to have the big "family Christmas" that they deserve. Too bad, so sad.

Try to cut them a little slack on that part. It's tough being a parent to kids ages 8 and 11--I'm sure they are really wrapped up in them as I was. My kids are 16 and 12 and I just couldn't imagine being real "into" a grandchild at this point like I should because my kids require so much time and attention from me at this point.

When my DD was born, my in-laws had a 15 year old. He had sports activities, band practice, high school, teaching him how to drive, etc. My in-laws at that point just weren't "into" the grandparent thing as they were still heavily into parenting. They are much better now that their youngest is 30!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Good for you!!!!

However, this is just a patch... a bandaid... a one time excuse.

What happens after the baby comes????
Your excuse will no longer be valid.
You will be right back to pleasing the inlaws whims.
Your husband will still put THEM first.

It may be Okay for your husband to use this as an excuse with his parents this one time.
But, seriously, you need to take this opportunity to set some personal boundaries and make sure your husband is on the same page. From now on out, you and his son are his first and only priority.

 

[swilphil]

If there are enough beds for 6 people to sleep in, why can't the high risk, 7 months pregnant woman be one of the bed sleepers?

And have these people ever heard of air mattresses?

 

[ilovejack02]

This is EXACTLY what I'll do next week when I see the Dr. Thanks! Problem solved!

And... to defend my husband - even though he knows his parents would be "offended" that we'd get a hotel... he said we would get one if they didn't have a bed for us. Also, he is pushing for everyone to come to our place for Christmas. He knows that I won't want to travel.

And yes, the in-laws do treat us like children... wanting everyone there for Christmas ON Christmas day. It annoys me. At least they're starting to get used to the idea that their oldest daughter (who has young kids of her own) does not come on Christmas until the evening. They don't like that she does that... but tough.... they're grandparents now, they need to act the part of Grandparents. They just think their younger kids (8 and 11) ought to have the big "family Christmas" that they deserve. Too bad, so sad.

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being selfish by saying "I don't want to travel or sleep on the floor." I don't know what it's like to be 7 months pregnant... so I don't know what to expect. You have all confirmed that it will be agony.

My decision is made... I'm staying home for Christmas, and if they want to pay us a visit here - feel free!

AHHH they have younger kids, I get it now! Well to bad for them, not yall's fault they decided to have kids so far apart in age lol. I have a 5 yr old an 18 yr old and will prob try for another soon. I cant imagine insisting the oldest be here on xmas morning once he is married.

It wont be agony , it will be fun. 6-7 months for me was the best time!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Also, he is pushing for everyone to come to our place for Christmas. He knows that I won't want to travel.

My decision is made... I'm staying home for Christmas, and if they want to pay us a visit here - feel free!

ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!!????

Honey, this year you need to have a quiet Christmas. DO NOT have your DH "push" for them to come to you.
Tell HIM TO STOP!!!!!!

Trust me...it will be even more stress than sleeping on the floor.

 

[MosMom]

I must be missing where your in-laws told you to sleep on the floor. Looks like you've slept on the floor in the past but if you are 7 months pregnant they may save a bed for you. Nowhere in your post did you say the in-laws suggested you sleep on the floor at 7 months pregnant. You could also buy a nice air mattress.

 

[goudaman40]

I feel your pain . . . anyway . . . I'm a high risk pregnancy also, and when I reached 14 weeks, my doctor told me no traveling (car, plane, or train). I wouldn't push the issue of you going over 500 miles to visit.

Explain that you would love to go there for Christmas, but your doctor will not sign off on you for an ok to travel. I have a note from my doc, saying no travel that I gave to my employer. I am ok to drive (ride) no more than 2 hours in a vehicle and the reason why there is such a problem with travel is my OB is afraid of me going into labor.

HTH!

 

[Daxx]

Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Too bad if nobody else likes it. They'll get over it. You can't make everyone happy all of the time.

 

[DMickey28]

Depends on how much I want to go there for Christmas. I LOVE Christmas at home but not at my IL's.

I would have your husband make it clear to them that there are two choices here. Either you ( at 7 months pregnant) get a bed to sleep on or you are staying at a hotel and will be there first thing in the morning Christmas morning.

My other thought would be to spend the year together just the two of you, but I don't know how you would feel about that. What is going to happen when you go home next year with a 8 month old? Are you all going to sleep on the living room floor? You may want to start with the tradition of your family staying in a hotel now.

Last Christmas I was 6 months pregnant and went home to visit family. It was fun but very tiring. I wasn't high risk, how does your doctor feel about you traveling at that time?