7 months pregnant and in-laws tell me to sleep on floor

[WillowPuff]

Hi all,

Posting under a different name to keep "family" from finding this post.

I am pregnant with my first DH and I are very excited.

However, I'm already getting anxious about Christmas. We always travel to see the in-laws over Christmas. They live 500 miles away - we usually fly. They have 5 kids... the 3 older ones are married (I'm married to the 2nd oldest), the other two are 11 and 8 (they decided to have two more kids when their youngest, at the time, was 12). Anyway, every time we visit, and everyone is there... there just aren't enough beds. There will be 14 people there this Christmas, and they only have enough beds to sleep 6. Previously, we've always ended up on the living room floor... and I've been a trooper and didn't mind. But this Christmas, I'll be 7 months pregnant... I'm not sure sleeping on the floor will be comfortable. (Plus, this is a high-risk pregnancy).

I suggested to DH that we get a hotel, but he said his parents would be offended because we're not all "together" Christmas morning to wake up to breakfast.

Then I suggested that everyone come to our house for Christmas. We have enough beds to sleep 10, and the other 4 (who are kids under 11) can camp out on the floor in sleeping bags. The in-laws are complaining that it's too far to travel. ugh! We have traveled there for the past 4 Christmas's... why can't they just sacrifice one?!

Any suggestions on how to make both sides happy? I'd just rather not go at all. hehehe. But we only see them 2 or 3 times each year as it is.

Edited to add: Just updating, that we plan on staying home for Christmas. And... I don't want to "bash" my in-laws, but to give you a taste of the way they think... MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally. However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun." What the heck!? I was just saying I MIGHT not be able to travel later on in the pregnancy.

Also mentioning... that NO they haven't flat out told me that I'll have to sleep on the floor. But they seem to think any pregnant woman can do everything a "non-pregnant" person can do... they are pretty egotistical since MIL was able to survive 5 births at home - therefore, anybody should be able to do that.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Easy...tell them your coming ONLY if you have a bed to sleep on.

My goodness you'll be 7 months pregnant, why would they expect you to be on the floor?

 

[Christine]

I don't think there is a way to make everyone happy. No one seems to want to "give way" here so you're either just going to have to suck it up and sleep on the floor, or you're going to have to piss everyone off.

If this is a high-risk pregnancy, is it really wise to either fly or drive such a distance? What does your OB say about this. I assumed that high-risk pregnancies could not do that sort of thing. If that's the case, your problem is solved.

The other solution is to state that you will be uncomfortable on the floor and you will be getting a hotel room. Period. I'm sorry about your husband's remark. He doesn't sound like he's being helpful here.

 

[LBAK]

I honestly would tell my DH it's a hotel or I stay home. When I was 7 months pregnant there was no way I was getting up off the floor let alone sleep on it.
Your comfort and health have to come first. You could always get up early and come to their house on Christmas morning before the kids get up.
Good Luck!

 

[MushyMushy]

Ugh, we had the same issues with my MIL early in our marriage.

I'd just flat out tell them that you can't sleep on the floor and you need to make alternative arrangements. Just be firm and polite about it.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I would just tell the in-laws that due to the fact that the pregnancy is high risk, you doctor has advised you not to travel. That way they can either accept your offer to have Christmas at your house or you'll be off the hook and can stay home.

My in-laws live 45 miles away but we only see them 2 or 3 times a year. I gave up trying to accomidate them some time ago. We do invite them to things at our house, but if we have other plans I quit worrying about it they'd be upset about us not showing up to events at their place.

 

[DawnCt1]

You described yourself as having a high risk pregnancy, which says to me that you may well need to be monitored more closely in your last trimester and your physician may discover that you shouldn't fly or be that far from home. I would "plan" on that. Have the discussion with your physician and tell him that you are concerned about being that far from home and I would guess that he would concur with you. When he concurs with you, you have "backup".....although you shouldn't need back up. You should just tell everyone that it is too far away that late in your pregnancy and you need to stay home.

 

[NMAmy]

Simple...this is a high risk pregnancy. Personally, I'd just stay home for that very reason. If you and your DH feel you must go, then I'd explain that because it's a high risk pregnancy, I would not be comfortable sleeping on the floor and we'll be staying at a hotel and we'll be over bright and early for Christmas morning.

Honestly, at this time, you need to put yourself and your baby first and your DH needs to support that.

 

[Olaf]

Who is more important to your husband? You or his parents?

I agree with a previous poster. Bail out, claiming the doctor doesn't want you to travel. I'm not sure they'll let you fly then anyway.

 

[ilovejack02]

Ok here is the deal....

You let that Dh of yours know that the ONLY person he needs to be worried about is you. The ONLY person he needs to be worried about upsetting is YOU.

The rest of those folks really just dont matter right now, this is your time and no way on God's green earth should you be sleeping on the floor.
If you let Dh put his parents first now, I cant imagine how that is gonna work out once the baby comes.

 

[mickeyfan2]

If I had a high risk pregnancy, there is no way I would fly 500 miles away. Just tell them the Dr. does not want you to travel and the only way to all be together is at your home.

 

[java]

You have the perfect out. A high risk pregnancy- you should not be flying(depending on how high risk you are) Now I would say just say you can't fly --but it sounds like DH really wants to go. A medical out is your best bet.
I think you are very generous to offer to have it at your house.
But the "too far to travel" Is your way of saying well now you know how I feel. I got sick and tired of hearing my inlaws complain about how far it was to go to our house- yet we drove to theirs all the time with no complaint(And we have 4 children- young children my sil has 2 teens) So I just put my foot down and said we'll go when we can. I realized nobody was making an effort to see us so I wasn't going to bend over backwards to get to them.
It works out for us in that I am no longer bitter about going- and we go when we really want to.

 

[Wonderlandmom]

I don't think you should travel that far away at 7 months pregnant, especially if you are high risk. I have a friend who was recently told not to travel for 2 months before the due date. That was just standard advice.

If your Dr. says it is OK to travel you should not sleep on the floor. Tell your husband you need to stay home or get a hotel room. You will be going to the bathroom a LOT, even during the night. You may not get a bathroom when you need it! You can get up early and go have breakfast with his family.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree with everyone else. I bet your doctor will not want you to be that far away, or to travel that long at that time in your pregnancy.

Also to consider, at some point you will want to wake up with your children in your own house on Christmas Morning. Your MIL is going to have to do some bending on this issue at some point.

Good luck!

Denae

 

[peachgirl]

If I were you, I wouldn't be dealing with this at all, my husband would.

Tell your husband to tell his parents that IF you can come, they need to make plans for you to have a bed to sleep in. If they can't do that, then tell him to tell them you won't be coming.

I would think your husband would be more concerned with your health than his parent's feelings.

 

[Camicar]

I suggested to DH that we get a hotel, but he said his parents would be offended because we're not all "together" Christmas morning to wake up to breakfast.

This is a learning opportunity for your dh. He should use this experience to learn that his first priority needs to be you and his child. Period. His parents' hurt feelings are less important than your comfort and the well-being of his unborn baby.

I mean, seriously. He's expecting a 7 months pregnant woman to sleep on the floor to avoid hurting Mommy and Daddy's feelings?

 

[WillowPuff]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Guess I'll just bite the bullet and put my foot down. I'm a people pleaser so I don't want to disappoint the in-laws... but my health any baby do come first. If I make them mad by not going out there... then I'll just blame it on being hormonally deranged, and there's always next Christmas.

My pregnancy is high-risk due to being a Type 1 diabetic. I did ask my Dr about traveling over Christmas and he said it shouldn't be a problem (darn!) I was hoping he'd say "no travel during the 3rd trimester." But instead, he said no travel during the last month.

 

[Saphire]

You have an excellent reason to stay home, as others have stated. Also, this might be a good time to cut the cord and establish new traditions with your own family. It may be time for the inlaws to let go and let you have your own Christmas in your own home. People who hold on tight are never pleased when you desire some independence (for whatever reason), so you will just have to let them pout about it. Your DH should be the one on the front line to take the hit. Good Luck, and best wishes with your pregnancy!

 

[Dr.Snark]

I concur with many here.

It is a moot point. If you are high risk, travel will be restricted in your third trimester. No need to worry, chances are you will be under doctor's orders not to fly or travel.

 

[ilovejack02]

If I were you, I wouldn't be dealing with this at all, my husband would.

I would think your husband would be more concerned with your health than his parent's feelings.

Heck not just your health but you happiness too.

If Mamma aint happy , no one is lol.

The rule in our house is my child wakes in his own bed for Christmas morning. People are invited to visit, but that is it. I started it the yr he was born and as selfish as it sounds, I didnt give a rat's butt what anyone else thought. I am happy to visit others for New Years, Easter, Thanksgiving... even birthdays. But Xmas is all mine.