5th grade girls = rude, selfish, and spoiled

[cotomom]

I'm so sick of all the girl 'drama' in 5th grade. I'm ready to pack up and move somewhere else.... where everyone isn't fake and self absorbed. Somewhere where parents teach their children manners and right from wrong.

I'm tired of prank phone calls, people promising my dd sleepovers or playdates only to have it never come, unreturned phone calls, 1 way playdates (you know, where the playdate is never ever reciprocated at their house). I can't believe that 90% of the 5th graders have cell phones... and shop daily/weekly at the mall for the top of the line $70 jeans...

So, is there someplace that still exists where people are just nice? You don't have to love everyone, but can't you at least be nice/polite? geesh...

Like my dd has the plague. And she's not 'new' to the school. And she doesn't smell.... or look funny or ???????? I feel HORRIBLE for her. In tears most days, doesn't understand what she's doing wrong, why people say one thing and then do another. At first I thought it was a token 1 or 2. But it's now more like 80% of the girls.

Off my soapbox now.

 

[golfgal]

I can honestly say that we have not had to deal with this with our DD12-7th grade and so far so good. I guess we are lucky or live in an area were the material things in life just aren't all that important.

 

[KaitlinsMom]

I see you are in So CA - So am I! We are fortunate enough to put my DD in a private school. Not to say it doesn't go on there, it does, just not as much (I don't think, )

I think it varies from school to school. Each school handles things differently -Have you gotten the teacher or principal involved? I don't know how much that will help, because girls like this tend to do things on the sly. They know when the teacher is not looking, etc.

I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. I feel for your DD - Wish I knew something smart and intelligent to tell you, something that would take it all away -



Karen

 

[MAKmom]

Is there any girls in your neighborhood? Play dates are for little kids. My DD just hangs out with the girls in the neighborhood for the most part. They are in 6th & DD in 5th.

Is she in a Girl Scout Troop & sports team? We also do orchestra so she meets girls that have common interest. She just sees them in school for the most part.

 

[eeyore45]

How sad - we're in the midwest - dd in 5th grade - and I think her personality could lead to a "mean girl" syndrome - I fought it, and plugged her in to activities that could show her other ways (from church, community service, etc) and I think schools are TOO large - I know its a cost cutting savings, have one school with 5 - 8 classes per grade level, as opposed to the old fashioned neighborhood schools with just 2 classes per grade level...

Our district tried to start a "charter" school, with 2 classes per grade level, and to really work on a philosphy by William Glasser - I can honestly say it makes a difference - there may be a temptation to start that drama - but it isnt tolerated by teachers, staff, or students...

However, my son (now 22) when he was in high school we found out how mean girls could be (and they definately played the games) - the worst was when a girl stopped at our house and wanted to go to prom with him - they talked on the front porch - he asked if he could ask her again in school Monday... bought her roses, the whole spiel... she lol in his face and said "no way" - it was so shocking...

 

[KarenB]

I think it is out there all over the place. I teach fourth grade and I get so frustrated with the drama. I am a firm believer of "treat others like you want to be treated" but each year I have fewer and fewer kids that are willing to think that way. Kids can be so mean, I can only imagine what they say about me behind my back. I hope things get better for you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd is 11 and in 5th grade. Yep, lots of mean girls and all that jazz.

However my dd has alot of self confidence and that certainly helps. She will cry alot about alot of things though. It is hormones.

She does have a 16yo sister who is a PITA, so she is not a stranger to getting treated like crap. Her sister is not the best person all the time to her.

So here are some to her.

 

[CEDmom]

My DD is only in 3rd grade but I'm at her school a lot so I see my share of nasty girls plus nice girls. Luckily the nice ones far out number the nasty ones. Is your DD involved in activities? I'd say that's one of the best ways to make friends since you already have a common interest.

 

[kidzmom3]

I have daughters in 4th and 6th grades. There is drama but there are also nice girls. I try to have my girls hang out with the nice ones. My older daughter's school has 1000 kids in it. The younger is in elementary so there are not as many girls. We do girl scouts, ccd and they cheer (pop warner and all star) This gives them built in activities and friends. Team members seem to get along better, because if they don't someone may get hurt. There still can be problems from time to time, but I try to let them know that they are not the cause. I also tell them not to get involved. If they have 2 friends that are having a problem, don't get in the middle. Have you read the book Queen Bees and Want To Be's? Its really good.

 

[MAKmom]

I think it is out there all over the place. I teach fourth grade and I get so frustrated with the drama. I am a firm believer of "treat others like you want to be treated" but each year I have fewer and fewer kids that are willing to think that way. Kids can be so mean, I can only imagine what they say about me behind my back. I hope things get better for you!

I say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh yeah, I feel your pain. My daughter is a total sweetheart and is constantly being hurt by mean girls. She's very fortunate to have a couple of very nice friends, but you know there will always be girl drama no matter what. I think it's almost as hard for us moms to get through it as it is for the girls.

Here's my own vent if you don't mind. Yesterday, DD's school had a dodgeball game to raise money for holocaust survivors. She bought me a ticket and I ended up being the only parent there. It was really awkward, but since I do substitute teaching there, most of the kids thought I was there in the capacity of a teacher. DD ended up finding some girls to hang around with and assured me that I could go home. Not five minutes after I left, these little darlings started making fun of DD for getting hit in the face with a ball and told her to get lost because she was annoying. She sat there in tears all alone until we came back to pick her up. After we got her, she cried off and on for about an hour.

 

[kimmikayb]

When you find that magical land, please let us join you!

5th grade is where it started here and it just gets worse. DD14 is in 8th now and I will say it is a little better. Still drama, but nobody is mean to her (she stood her ground last year and "they" don't mess with her anymore). I do believe that the girls who are being mean are learning it at home.

 

[momof1princess]

i was just talking about this with a mom at DD's dance class last week-she said the things 5th-8th graders go through now are SO different from when we were in school. she teaches this age group at her church's youth night each wednesday, and she says she's appalled at the way some of the kids treat each other (of course, while they're there, that behavior is nipped in the bud) and the things they have to endure at school. my DD will enter middle school next fall (5th grade) and she's a quiet, sweet-natured child, so i'm preparing myself for a difficult time. my heart goes out to your DD and i pray things get better for her.

 

[cotomom]

Thanks everyone...

I haven't heard of that book so will look into it. She is involved in theater, but outside of school so the kids aren't all classmates.

We have 1 girl in our neighborhood, but she's always unavailable due to sports & sibling activities. So, no built in group/core to just hang out with. That is a definite disadvantage that everything has to be 'scheduled' and she can't just hang with the neighbors...

I doubt getting the teacher/principal could do anything since it is done 'on the sly' or outside of school. Plus my dd would of course be mortified.

Guess moving might be a little extreme but at the time it sounded as if it'd solve all her problems!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

5th grade girls = rude, selfish, and spoiled

I don't know the answer to your question, but I would like to say that the majority of girls we know that age aren't as you describe (as your title suggests).

I have a 10yo DD (in 4th grade) and she's none of the above. I don't expect she will be next year, either. There was one girl in her class last year who was kind of jerky, but overall, the girls I know are pretty nice.

I'm sorry your DD's having a rough time and hope she finds some girls she can connect with.

 

[lookingforward]

I would love to move to escape the materialism and sense of entitlement that exists in my community. I have lived in North Carolina and Connecticut and it was not nearly as bad there. My daughter has friends that ask why we don't have a housekeeper, like she was living in a pup tent. And she is only in the third grade. I keep saying I am going to move to save her soul. HA! Seriously, try and get your daughter into an activity where she will meet non-school mates or a mix of different girls (girl scouts, dance, etc). One good friend that she can count on will make the difference. Good luck!

 

[kirbsam]

had no problem at all with my 15 year old dd and her group growing up. all good girls. they all get along and there is a large group. no pretentiousness. not that way at all for my 12 year old dd. a couple of prima donnas and many prima donna wanna bes. my dd has managed to stay out of the drama and just be herself.

 

[Cindyluwho]

OP, I know this is very emotional for you but....saying that the girls are mean because their parents buy them $70 jeans is like saying that girls who can't afford $70 jeans are white trashy. If that is the message you're DD is hearing from you it might be her attitude towards those girls at school that is creating the chaos. Setting her up to dislike or disrepect others because of their income is never right.

 

[Blue Skies]

I would love to move to escape the materialism and sense of entitlement that exists in my community. I have lived in North Carolina and Connecticut and it was not nearly as bad there. My daughter has friends that ask why we don't have a housekeeper, like she was living in a pup tent. And she is only in the third grade. I keep saying I am going to move to save her soul. HA! Seriously, try and get your daughter into an activity where she will meet non-school mates or a mix of different girls (girl scouts, dance, etc). One good friend that she can count on will make the difference. Good luck!

When I was growing up we lived for two years in Boca. Those were HARD years for me. The "culture" (for lack of a better word) was so materialistic and shallow (in general), that when my Dad was transferred with his job, my parents were happy to get me out of that environment.

I will say that the public school I went to was worse than the private school I went to the second year we lived there (PJPII). I think it helped to wear uniforms, etc. However, we had a boy at school that drove a Ferrari, and many kids had Porches and BMW's (This was in the eighties) - so you could still tell who had the money.

Kids can be cruel (especially girls). My DS is in 4th grade, but he goes to a very small private school K-8 that has about 250 kids total. There is only one class per grade. For my son it helps to be in a close knit environment - it's not perfect, but the teachers and staff keep a very close eye on what's going on.

OP - for your daughter. I've been there, and these years can be so hard! I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[BMNABrinx]

I so feel your pain! We had to deal with the "mean girl" issues earlier this week. The principal took care of things very nicely.

Last night DD was supposed to have a friend stay over. We were supposed to pick her up from a dance but when we got there she had changed her mind. She called her mom to tell her that she wasn't going with us. Well, she was supposed to stay overnight tonight too but I said "I don't think so!" She told my DD to "pick me up at 9 and I'll stay" like she is doing DD a favor. Well needless to say we are going to have a great time doing family activities tonight.

I am so tired of the girls in DD's class being so hateful. I know DD isn't perfect by any means but they give her a hard way to go because we have things they don't have and because she has gone to WDW several times. DD just found out today that she gets to go to the Hannah Montana concert in Dec. and she said she isn't going to tell anyone because she knows it will make them mad. I hate it that she can't be excited! Drama, Drama, Drama!!!