5th Grade Detention Opinions Wanted.

[mjkacmom]

I understand your child has a disability, but a typical function 11 year old should be able to manager quite well (and my ds12 is ADHD). Even ds7's teacher marks him down for homework, because he forgets to hand it in, and it's late. I did tell her that I suspect he's ADHD as well, and he most likely will have problems like this, which is why it's great that they start to make the kids accountable so early, so that by the time they get to middle school, they are prepared.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

You'll all be happy to know that I just emailed his teachers and apologized for questioning the detention. I told them that he would be doing the detention tomorrow and that I understand why the rule is there and that I respect their rules and so should he!

I also told them that my intent was not to undermine their authority, but rather that I'm just a mom trying....and I happened to make a mistake today. I also told them I make them all the time!

I guess I have this thing in my head that a detention was something that you got when you did something really bad that was done with a malicious intent.

I actually went to a catholic school from K-8 and believe it or not, we never had detentions. I think because we were too afraid of the nuns to do anything wrong. So somewhere along the way I've thought .....if you get detention is must be really bad. How ridiculous is that?

Did you ever have one of those weeks where you question each decision you make? Well I'm having one.

Thanks again to all for your input and helping me see the error of my ways!!!

I think all of us understand the instinct to defend and protect our children. It's hard sometimes to sit back and let your child deal with the consequences of their actions!

While some of us were a bit harsh (me included) in our responses to your post, no one can doubt your love and support for your son. While I'm glad that you've decided to support the teacher on this issue, I think it's important to remain an advocate for your son. If you feel that there is inconsistency in the classroom, I would pursue it as a separate issue from this incident.

And don't worry...your child won't be labelled a miscreant for having a single detention .

 

[NHdisneylover]

You'll all be happy to know that I just emailed his teachers and apologized for questioning the detention. I told them that he would be doing the detention tomorrow and that I understand why the rule is there and that I respect their rules and so should he!

I also told them that my intent was not to undermine their authority, but rather that I'm just a mom trying....and I happened to make a mistake today. I also told them I make them all the time!

I guess I have this thing in my head that a detention was something that you got when you did something really bad that was done with a malicious intent.

I actually went to a catholic school from K-8 and believe it or not, we never had detentions. I think because we were too afraid of the nuns to do anything wrong. So somewhere along the way I've thought .....if you get detention is must be really bad. How ridiculous is that?

Did you ever have one of those weeks where you question each decision you make? Well I'm having one.

Thanks again to all for your input and helping me see the error of my ways!!!

I think we all have those days. I am truly happy that you were able to get a new perspective thanks to some of the comments here and hopefully the new email will keep the teachers feeling very positively about you. I guess I can see where you were coming from if your perception of a detention was that it was for violent or malicious type behavior. In the schools I went to, most REALLY bad behavior would have had stronger consequences than detention--detention was always for passing notes, forgetting books, chewing gum, whispering in line and the like.

 

[NotUrsula]

Our middle school kids aren't allowed to go to their locker in between classes and they aren't allowed to carry back-packs in the halls either. Some of those piles of books in their arms are bigger than they are

I'll go you one better -- our middle school doesn't HAVE lockers. Each kid gets a foot-square cubby and a backpack hook in homeroom, which means that going back to it at any unusual time during the day would disrupt a class. They are not allowed to carry any kind of bag bigger than a pencil case between classes, either. They do eat lunch with their homerooms, so they do get to visit their "stuff" once in the middle of the day. You should see the odd things that the girls do to discreetly carry sanitary supplies -- the most common way is to put them in their bras. (Their uniform skirts don't have pockets.)

DS is naturally very klutzy. I've lost count of all the times he's gotten docked tardy for a class because he dropped all his stuff somewhere in the hallway and had to take the time to pick it up.

 

[jrmasm]

OP, I think you did the right thing.

 

[crashbb]

You'll all be happy to know that I just emailed his teachers and apologized for questioning the detention. I told them that he would be doing the detention tomorrow and that I understand why the rule is there and that I respect their rules and so should he!

I also told them that my intent was not to undermine their authority, but rather that I'm just a mom trying....and I happened to make a mistake today. I also told them I make them all the time!

I guess I have this thing in my head that a detention was something that you got when you did something really bad that was done with a malicious intent.

I actually went to a catholic school from K-8 and believe it or not, we never had detentions. I think because we were too afraid of the nuns to do anything wrong. So somewhere along the way I've thought .....if you get detention is must be really bad. How ridiculous is that?

Did you ever have one of those weeks where you question each decision you make? Well I'm having one.

Thanks again to all for your input and helping me see the error of my ways!!!

Good for you OP!

Clearly you were acting out of love for you child, not hatred for the teacher/school, but I think letting him sit the detention is the right thing to do. Now that you have opened communication with the teacher, perhaps a discussion of the rules might be good (assuming they will affect your son next year as well or there is a while left in your school year).

 

[cristit14]

I would have stayed out of it and told him he needed to be more responsible, as I have been doing with my son for a good part of this year. He hasn't had detention in while though because I told him that the next time he had it he was losing the tv and computer.

 

[princessmom29]

OP I think you did the right thing, and a follow up about the consistency issuses in te classroom with likely be much better recieved since you have restored a positive climate between you and the teacher!

 

[traviesojmt]

When my DS was in 6th grade last year, they had the same log books. The reason was to teach organization and proper time management as they prepared the kids for middle school. My DS had detention one time. He signed the log for forgetting books in his locker, repeated going to the bathroom during class instead of during breaks and forgetting homework in locker. Our detention is before school and involves hanging with the janitor and cleaning. One time is all it took. He started remembering his things and going to the restroom during breaks. These were skills he needed to learn before he started 7th grade. Once he hit 7th grade, there was less time between classes and classes where spread out so it would take much more time to get things from locker. I think the policy is a great thing. Kids, especially my son, have to learn organization and responsibility. I am a mean mom, I guess. I did tell my son that if he didn't want detention, he needed to remember his things.

 

[H&Hmommy]

Been there...done that! I think you made the right decision in sending the second email.
Kim

 

[Ceila]

Having a son with some moderate neurological learning-disabilty, and having a learned a LOT about these kinds of things.

I think it is entirely inappropriate, in general, for schools and teachers to expect 11 year old boys to have the organizational skills and Executive Function skills that some schools and teachers expect them to have. (these are skills that are often deficits with my sons disability)

I just don't find this realistic.
(But, hey the 'experts' in our educational system don't seem to recognise this )

I know that many 12-13-14 year olds (especially boys, it seems) can have troubles with this.
They can walk into class with a completed assignment, and just 'forget' to turn it in.

You say you have a child with a disability, but have you ever taught a class of regular-ed 11, 12, or 13 year olds? If not, then you really DON'T know what they are capable of. And let me tell you, the majority of them ARE indeed capable of remembering to bring their basic classroom materials with them. Further, how exactly will those who do have trouble remembering things learn to remember if there are never any consequences?

 

[hereyago]

Wow, I have never heard of detention for these things. Detention at DD' school is ISS and it is for more serious things.

 

[Wishing on a star]

We are with you OP!!!!

PS: I never, ever, said that there should be NO consequences.
I just don't know where you all get this stuff!!!!
I never said the OP should 'baby' her son and try to bail him out.
I very clearly advised the OP to back out and let her son serve the detention.

I do, however, stand 100% behind my post.

The way that all of the sudden this kid has a total of FOUR infractions... Many of which seem questionable.. (TWO counts for forgetting materials once... Another count for not having a book that many kids believed was not needed/required that day, etc...) Which now amount to an immediate detention... And, it doesn't seem that any other actions have been taken. (seems to have taken the OP completely by surprize.) YES, I question that. And, yes, I fully believe that many 11 year old children have not developed the organizational skills and Executive Function skills that are sometimes expected.

 

[MushyMushy]

The way that all of the sudden this kid has a total of FOUR infractions... Many of which seem questionable.. (TWO counts for forgetting materials once... Another count for not having a book that many kids believed was not needed/required that day, etc...) Which now amount to an immediate detention... While it doesn't seem that any other actions have been taken. (seems to have taken the OP completely by surprize.) YES, I question that. And, yes, I fully believe that many 11 year old children have not developed the organizational skills and Executive Function skills that are sometimes expected.

You're right, some haven't, but most kids have by that age.

And let me tell you what, if a kid can remember to charge his cell phone every single day and have it with him, there's no excuse not to remember a pencil. I always loved pointing that out to my son.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!! Mushy, you are TOO GOOD!!!!

Has to be the best comment on this thread!!!!

 

[MM27]

I teach 4th grade and we are departmentalized. We usually give the kids the month of September to return to their other class for forgotten materials because 4th grade is the first year they switch classes. Starting in October, that ends and they are penalized for not having what they need in class. I don't agree at all with the boys forget or aren't organized thing. Stop being a crutch for these kids. I have 5 special ed students in one of my class and they all are able to, at this point in the year, get their things together. One of the kids was a challenge, but he is now doing it all on his own every day with a written checklist we have provided him.

We have school rules but each teacher also has their own class rules/policies. I send all that info home in the beginning of the year, so parents are clear about my expectations, consequences, ect.

What might seem to you like no big deal, he just forgot his pencil, can be a huge disruption. I don't do after school detention but I do take time off of recess for things that you mentioned. Guess what? I get very few repeat offenders. They hate sitting out when everyone else is playing and eventually they remember to bring what they need.

 

[gregokdisney]

Thanks guys! I'm definitely not trying to undermine the teachers. I didn't tell them he wouldn't serve it....just not today until I talked to them about it. I do want to get the full story...because like someone said....there may be more to it.

I certainly agree he needs to be responsible and held accountable. But....don't they also have a responsibility to be consistent? Depending on the teachers mood decides who signs the log at that time? That's not right.

I also really didn't know about this rule since it hadn't come up before.

My other thing is that the kid who starts a fight with another one or who continually disrupts the class on purpose, gets the same detention as a kid who leaves a pencil in their locker?

I think I'd rather they made him write an essay on why it is important to be responsible. At least then he would have to really think about it...and use that pencil that he forgot!

At detention....all they do is have the kids sit there for an hour. And....they have even been allowed to listen to their ipods!! (I know this because my neighbors son had one and this is what he said they were allowed to do.) What's the point of that?

Appreciate your input and will probably have him do it. But I do think it is important for the teachers to know I'm concerned and that not every parent thinks this is the right way to handle it.

I figure if this is my biggest problem with him, I can't complain!!

No, they don't have a responsibility to be consistent. Each teacher handles discipline their own way in class and has a right to, as long as it is within district guidelines.

Look at it this way - all the bosses he'll have throughout life will not be consistent. Part of life is learning how to juggle and deal with different personalities. This teacher has a big problem with not coming to class prepared. He's learned that, serving detention will reinforce it, and he'll remember. Next year he'll have a different teacher with a different hot button and he'll have to learn to deal with that too.

 

[mickeyboat]

OMG! This takes me back. They had "a book" in my middle school many moons ago. I remember DH and I having to go sign it together for passing notes. I had detention once in middle school for signing the book again that week for chewing gum. I never ever got into trouble at school, and the detention did not scar me for life. (I think I spent the entire time flirting with DH)

I actually think this is a great way to discipline kids for small infractions. Do it every once in a while, sign the book and it's no big deal. Sign it a lot in a short period of time, it's a problem and a detention is the consequence.

Good for you, OP for stepping back, thinking about the situation, and admitting you made a mistake.