5th Grade Detention Opinions Wanted.

[HeatherC]

Hi There! Wondering what everyone thinks about this.

My ds (11) who is in 5th grade (middle school) came home yesterday with a form for detention today. It was a result of having to "sign the infraction log" 4x's in one week. So I grilled him on what happened and he said that one day he forgot his pencil and book in his locker (made him sign twice) and another day he left his homework in his locker and had to go get it. The last time he left a book in his locker for reading that he didn't think they were using that day. (A bunch of kids had the same thing happen to them that day since the teacher told them they would be working on something else originally.

The lockers are right outside his two classroom doors. They are actually in between the two rooms.

So...I do the mommy thing and tell him he has to be responsible for his stuff and making sure that he keeps himself organized. We have been working with his teachers on this the entire year and have been in contact with them regularly. He finished this last marking period with a total average of 92. Missed high honors by one point.

So...he is not a bad kid. It is not for disruptive behavior or anything like that.

It is also my understanding that the one teacher is not always consistent with this either. Sometimes she makes them sign the log and sometimes she doesn't.

My feeling is that I think detention is not necessarily the way to handle this. My reasoning is that this is not a "school" policy or even a 5th grade policy. My daughter in seventh grade says kids (including herself) forget stuff all the time in their lockers and they quietly step out of the room to go get them. Only two of the 5th grade classes have these "infraction" logs in the entire school.

Also...apparently kids that have gotten these detentions are being made fun of for being "losers" by other kids in the school.

Now...I'm all for holding a kid responsible for their actions. But making mistakes is not the same as a deliberate mean, hurtful, or reckless act. Does that make sense?

Soooo.....I emailed the teachers telling them all this and that I'd like to disuss it with them before he serves it. So he is coming home today.

Am I crazy or shouldn't this be consistent throughout the school before they punish a kid with a detention? I always thought detention was for bad behavior...but maybe I'm wrong.

So what do you all think?

 

[BabyTigger99]

I would have let it go. It is the end of the school year. It is 5th grade. It isn't going to keep him from getting a job when he is older. Have him serve it, and hopefully it will just be a lesson in responsibility.

 

[happygirl]

I think you need to back the teachers up. No one ever thinks there kids do anything serious enough to be in dentention

 

[crashbb]

You should have made him serve it. Doesn't matter if other classes don't have the same rule - HIS class does have the rule and the stated consequence.

If you truly had an issue with the rule/consequences, the time to address it was when you were made aware of the rule - now it just looks like whinging.

 

[mjkacmom]

He's lucky - we don't have lockers in the elementary school, so they always have their stuff, but in JH, if it's in your locker, you can't go get it, and your grade is penalized. You have your homework right outside the door? Too bad, it's a zero. Your book is in your locker? You are unprepared for class.

My dd9's 3rd grade teacher is tough. If she forgets her homework, she gets a zero. She can't hand it in the next day. If she forgets to put her name on something, she loses 25 points. I actually requested this teacher, because dd13 and ds12 had him, and having him for a teacher helped them so much with responsibility.

I would've definitely supported the teacher in this situation.

 

[jrmasm]

Hi There! Wondering what everyone thinks about this.

My ds (11) who is in 5th grade (middle school) came home yesterday with a form for detention today. It was a result of having to "sign the infraction log" 4x's in one week. So I grilled him on what happened and he said that one day he forgot his pencil and book in his locker (made him sign twice) and another day he left his homework in his locker and had to go get it. The last time he left a book in his locker for reading that he didn't think they were using that day. (A bunch of kids had the same thing happen to them that day since the teacher told them they would be working on something else originally.

The lockers are right outside his two classroom doors. They are actually in between the two rooms.

So...I do the mommy thing and tell him he has to be responsible for his stuff and making sure that he keeps himself organized. We have been working with his teachers on this the entire year and have been in contact with them regularly. He finished this last marking period with a total average of 92. Missed high honors by one point.

So...he is not a bad kid. It is not for disruptive behavior or anything like that.

It is also my understanding that the one teacher is not always consistent with this either. Sometimes she makes them sign the log and sometimes she doesn't.

My feeling is that I think detention is not necessarily the way to handle this. My reasoning is that this is not a "school" policy or even a 5th grade policy. My daughter in seventh grade says kids (including herself) forget stuff all the time in their lockers and they quietly step out of the room to go get them. Only two of the 5th grade classes have these "infraction" logs in the entire school.

Also...apparently kids that have gotten these detentions are being made fun of for being "losers" by other kids in the school.

Now...I'm all for holding a kid responsible for their actions. But making mistakes is not the same as a deliberate mean, hurtful, or reckless act. Does that make sense?

Soooo.....I emailed the teachers telling them all this and that I'd like to disuss it with them before he serves it. So he is coming home today.

Am I crazy or shouldn't this be consistent throughout the school before they punish a kid with a detention? I always thought detention was for bad behavior...but maybe I'm wrong.

So what do you all think?

I think you should have stayed out of it. But since you don't think detention was appropriate, how should he have been punished for not being prepared for class repeatedly?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would think my kid needs to serve detention for not coming to class prepared.

He knows the rules and is slacking off near the end of the yr. I know my dd (7th grade) is struggling (ready for school to be over) however she knows from past experience she has to pour it all out because the teachers tend to not be so forgiving at the end.

Plus if you have a teacher that is "different" you have to learn how to navigate those waters, like it or not.

 

[Nennie]

I'd back up the teacher. It's just detention. It's not going to hurt him to serve it, and it will teach him to be more responsible next time.

It's probably disruptive to class when students are constantly asking to go to their lockers to get stuff they forgot. Likewise, if there's no penalty for this, it encourages kids to make excuses to go to their lockers to get out of class for a few minutes, etc.

If this is the worse thing he ever does, then it sounds like he's a pretty good kid! He should still serve the detention though.

 

[Frantasmic]

I have a 3rd Grade DS and a Soph DD. Let's just say that getting the whole story is probably a good idea. Your child may not have lied, but they may have told the story to put them in the best light. So, it is probably a good idea to talk it over with the teacher.

I'm just saying to not be surprised if the story gets pieces added to it that would have been better yesterday.

I think there should be rules and uniform rules throughout the school like you infer. However, if there are different rules, that's still part of life to follow the rules of the person in charge of you.

 

[HeatherC]

Thanks guys! I'm definitely not trying to undermine the teachers. I didn't tell them he wouldn't serve it....just not today until I talked to them about it. I do want to get the full story...because like someone said....there may be more to it.

I certainly agree he needs to be responsible and held accountable. But....don't they also have a responsibility to be consistent? Depending on the teachers mood decides who signs the log at that time? That's not right.

I also really didn't know about this rule since it hadn't come up before.

My other thing is that the kid who starts a fight with another one or who continually disrupts the class on purpose, gets the same detention as a kid who leaves a pencil in their locker?

I think I'd rather they made him write an essay on why it is important to be responsible. At least then he would have to really think about it...and use that pencil that he forgot!

At detention....all they do is have the kids sit there for an hour. And....they have even been allowed to listen to their ipods!! (I know this because my neighbors son had one and this is what he said they were allowed to do.) What's the point of that?

Appreciate your input and will probably have him do it. But I do think it is important for the teachers to know I'm concerned and that not every parent thinks this is the right way to handle it.

I figure if this is my biggest problem with him, I can't complain!!

 

[luvsJack]

I would have backed up the detention but I would also want to talk to the teacher that is not being consistent.

You say that you and the teachers have been working on his getting himself organized all year? If that is the case then his teacher must be consistent for the things you all are doing to work. Also, if several students had to go back and get a book that they were told they didn't need, maybe this teacher needs some organization herself??


Not in any way saying he shouldn't do the detention, maybe it will help him to remember to be more organized. I just think you can back up the teacher's decision and still talk to them about the things causing him to forget his stuff and how to prevent it in the future.

 

[kellyg403]

I am with the others, would have backed up the teacher and let him serve it. If it has been a problem all year, a little reinforcement that it is not o.k. to be disorganized can't hurt.

As for the other kids, I definitely would bring up to the teacher this is an issue so that she can possibly have a learning lesson in class about rudeness and issues related to the behavior. And honestly, I would be talking to my dk that words can hurt but they need to ignore other hurtful kids and concentrate on taking responsibilities that led them to detention.

I guess, in the end, I do understand where you are coming from but at this age its been my experience that learning lessons usually come from to pay the consequences for repeated violations and sometimes that is socially.


Kelly

 

[kamik86]

I always hated those kind of detentions. I had a bunch of them they were shorter not an hour long but in 6th grade we had these dumb books we had to write all our homework in and have it signed by our parents each night. Now I understand some people lived the books to keep track of homework, some kept using something similar in HS. but I hated it. My homework never got written in half the time and I almost never remembered to have my mom sign it. Now my homework was done, most of the time in the class where it was assigned after I finished whatever other busy work the teacher gave me or I would work on it during the 5 min between classes until the end of the day and rarely had anything left by the time I had to go home. However if you didn't have it signed 3 days in a row you got detention.

I probably got detention at least once every 2 weeks that year because neither me or my mom would remember about the book, or mom would remember but I forgot the book at school that day (I didn't have any homework so why bring all my stuff home?)

I liked it much better when we got to older grades and it didn't matter how you remembered to do your homework all they cared about is if it got done.

I don't know what I would have done with that one, mostly because I hated the rule so much myself although yours is a bit different since he is forgetting stuff that he does have to turn in, not something that the school shouldn't be making him to anyway.

 

[princessmom29]

Few things to cosider before going to the school:

1. What kids say happened and what really happened are often two very different things. The child that said he was allowed to listen to an ipod in detention probably just wasn't caught. The bit with sometimes not having to sign the log could have a valid reason, or be a lot less of an issue than the kids are making it out to be. There are valid reasons for making exceptions, like a disability or it being required on an IEP that kids would not be privy to.

2. He broke the rules, and if this is the consequence assigned to breaking those rules in the school code of conduct he should do the detention. One forgotten pencil would not be grounds for detention, but this is a pattern of behavior over time. By saying what he did is not that bad, and that kids that have detention are branded as losers you are subtly implying that he is not like those other bad kids that have to go to detention, and shouldn't have to be subject to the same punishment.

3. Is this really about thinking it is not fair that he have to do the detention, or about the apparent stigma attached to having to serve detention?

4. Are you really willing to get labled as a problem parent over something like one afterschool detention, because going up to the school and making an issue of something this minor will surely do that for you, as will accusing the teacher of applying rules incosistently based on what a couple of 5th graders have said. If you have valid concerns about the overall detention policy at the school, then address those with the administration, but don't go in and argue that your child sould not be subject to a policy already in place.

I realize that you say that you are not trying to undermine the teachers, and want your son to take reasponsibility, but a lot of what you are saying reads like you are trying to find every reason in the book why your son shouldn't be in detention becuase he is not one of THOSE kids. Every kid makes mistakes, and they need to own up to them without a parent trying to get them out of it.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Appreciate your input and will probably have him do it. But I do think it is important for the teachers to know I'm concerned and that not every parent thinks this is the right way to handle it.

Probably?! Why would you even consider undermining the teacher's authority in this case? There is no judgement call here...your DS messed up by forgetting class materials several times in the same week. He admits it. The consequences for that action are a detention, not a suspension or a paddling!!!

Of course, as teachers, it's important to try to be consistent in disciplining the students. But, if I get a ticket for speeding (when I was), I can't go to the court and claim that it's unfair because other people get off for going over the speed limit. If your son got 'caught' with too many infractions, then he needs to suck it up and accept the consequences. Personally, I think four chances IN ONE WEEK before detention is very, very reasonable!!!

 

[scottishduffy]

Have him serve the Detention. Perhaps it will help him to be more responsible and remember his school items.

I served detention for the exact same reason in 5th grade. Had to serve it *twice* for that as I recall. I would forget homework, or forget to have my parents sign my homework pad (though I had all my homework), Or forget books or supplies. I can assure you the teacher had tried to be nice to me at first and wasn't always 100% consistent on giving me Tally's (our discipline system) for these minor infractions. However, once it was obvious that this was an issue for me she became stricter on me.

Back up the teacher, have him serve the detention. It won't hurt him and hopefully he will remember the detention before class and think a little harder about what supplies he needs to bring. She is just trying to help him be a bit more responsible. Having responsibilty and accountability also means accepting punishments when you make an error (however unintentional that error may seem).

 

[HM]

This is why you'll find that he won't use a locker when he get to middle and high school. The kids ruin their backs carrying all their books and notebooks and even their lunches all day, so that they can't 'forget' anything.

 

[joviroxx]

By 5th grade, kids need to deal with these issues on their own. What Ive told my kids is , you know the rules. If you get away with it once, you are lucky. Whether other kids get away with something, well, its still a rule and there are consequences.

My DD is in 6th grade. I would have told her that she needs to serve her detention. They need to start realizing that life isn't always fair, deal with it. As they get older, they aren't going to have people following them around making sure everything is fair and putting everything in a "fair way".

I would have stayed out of it and if he thought it wasn't "fair" or not right, let him go to the teacher and discuss it. 5th /almost 6th grade kids aren't little kids anymore, time to let them handle school situations like these.

 

[luvmy3]

My kid would be serving detention, no question. In fact I'll probably have the same situation with my own kid one day and I would have no issues. There is no reason to compare the severity of what your kid did to what others do, if the rule of the class is get an infraction for *insert various behaviors* and then detention after a certain amount if infractions, then it doesn't matter because that is the teacher's rule/policy. It also doesn't make one bit of difference that she/he is the only one with those rules in their class.
My ds wasn't getting his work done in class and consistently missing his recess. This had been going on for awhile, the next step was to have lunch in the VP's office instead of class. Was it harsh, yes, was that a typical punishment for trouble makers, yes but you know what my child was not responding to any other punishment, this was the next step and I totally respected the teacher's decision. It didn't matter to me that his behavior was only effecting himself, because when you look at it differently it wasn't. Your child not being prepared for class effects the teacher, will she have to give extra time to your child from another lesson so that he can do what he wasn't prepared for? If she lets him get up and leave everytime he forgets something it most certainly is disrupting the class and her lesson. Its not too much to ask that a 6th grade student be prepared for class, and sure a mistake may happen now and then, however if its consistent behavior its no longer just a mistake, its "bad" behavior and needs to be dealt with.

OP, if you are concerned about the policy and want more information about it, contact the teacher but if you are just going to try to get your kid out of detention then I would think twice about doing that. You will insult the teacher, maybe even embarass your child and give yourself the rep of "that mom". Is all that really worth it?

 

[luvsJack]

By 5th grade, kids need to deal with these issues on their own. What Ive told my kids is , you know the rules. If you get away with it once, you are lucky. Whether other kids get away with something, well, its still a rule and there are consequences.

My DD is in 6th grade. I would have told her that she needs to serve her detention. They need to start realizing that life isn't always fair, deal with it. As they get older, they aren't going to have people following them around making sure everything is fair and putting everything in a "fair way".

I would have stayed out of it and if he thought it wasn't "fair" or not right, let him go to the teacher and discuss it. 5th /almost 6th grade kids aren't little kids anymore, time to let them handle school situations like these.

I cannot agree with the bolded statement. Some teachers simply will not discuss things like this with a student. Being told "because I said so" or "because that's the rule" isn't really allowing the kid to handle anything. I have seen many teachers that when a student questions a punishment or "write up" considers it talking back, when a parent poses the same question they will get a whole different response. There are many things that still need to be handled by the parent--which is kind of why the notes are sent home to be signed in the first place.

I would have him do the detention, because it may help him in the long run; but if I had a question about what is happening I wouldn't hesitate to ask. Being a part of your child's education doesn't just mean making sure they do their homework.

And no one should have to take any punishment just because "life isn't always fair".