37 years ago, my life changed forever

[onecoolmama]

 

[Robinrs]

Hey, you...

As a neonatal grief counselor I have seen your Mom's reaction to the loss of her child. I'm sure you realize after your experience that she was just trying to heal herself, not realizing how it would affect you.

Everyone does it differently, and grief can be so all encompassing that it can be very selfish.

Do realize that she did all she could because there is no gameplan for a Mom who loses a child, nothing but pain. I hope you forgive her for that.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry Colleen.

 

[always quiet]

I, only too well, know the pain my mother went through. Her words meant no harm, but to a child, they were painful. I have memories of my dad crying, and thinking I was "sent" because my brother was taken away, I would sometimes pray to God at night, to please take me up and send my brother back. My dad missed him so much. I remember always panicking after I would ask that, thinking that I really didn't want to go and was afraid that God might do what I asked! I was too young to know that's not how things work! The real kick in the pants was one day, the local priest was coming around for block collections. I was in grade school at the time. My mother was talking to him and somehow, this story (of why I was here) came up in discussion. The priest AGREED with my mom that I was sent to be Jim's replacement!!!! If I hadn't been convinced before, at that moment, I had no doubt! As an adult, I know God doesn't send one child when he intends to take another..........but as a kid........................

As I said, this life lesson DID teach me things NOT to say to my daughter, who was born 13 months after I lost Kyle. I will be sure history does NOT repeat itself!!!

 

[Robinrs]

Colleen, I am so sorry this brought back so much pain.

Have you ever discussed this with your Mom? I feel that it can release some of the unresolved grief you have, also.

I am so sorry. My Mom was told that she was named after a child her Mom lost and I saw her cry about that when she was in her 70s. She begged me now to name Michael after my lost son because of that. She kept this pain so close to her heart that it affected her forever.

Having that priest come into agreement with your Mother's feelings seemed to put the lid on this mess. Remember, he was not the last word. Only God is. God never replaces children, you know that you were not a replacement and you should be allowed some peace with that.

God bless and please, forgive me for remindng you.

Robinrs

 

[TINKTWINS]

 

[EsmeraldaX]

 

[castlegazer]

Colleen, May the sun shine brightly on you today and every day.

 

[always quiet]

I never told my mom how I felt about this. When I got old enough to understand, she was beginning to suffer from Altzheimers. She never knew how her words hurt. I am not sure I would of liked her to know how she unintentionally hurt me. I would not want her to think that. She was a great mom and I would give anything to spend another day with her. I think what happened had made me a better mom. I always make sure things I say to my kids are never hurtful. I hope never to leave them with "baggage"!!

Robin, you have nothing to apologize for. I never knew you were a grief counsellor. I don't think anyone can understand the feelings of a mother who has had to bury a child. Only someone who has walked that road truly understands. I pray that no one else here ever needs to go down that path.

Have a great day everyone!!!

 

[dingydiz]

I REALLY know what you are going through. I lost my sister at three years old when I was 11. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her smiling little face. I know that I will see her again and that is what I hold on to.

Keep the faith and it will keep you going one day at a time.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[jjskribs]

Hugs to you Colleen......... I also know how the death of a child can change a family. My brother was killed in an automobile accident in 1972. He was 22 years old. My mother unfortunately turned into a bitter and negative woman after my brother's death. My dad died at 55 years old and I think the strain and stress of my brother's death contributed to his early death.

I see so much of my brother in my oldest son..... both free spirited and very creative. They resemble each other and their birthdays are only 1 day apart. I prayed that my son would not be born on my brother's birthday as it would have been too difficult for my mom.

I too, never forget the "anniversary" of my brother's death. It did change my family forever.

My best to you Colleen............ you are obviously a special person.

 

[goofygirl]

Wow, Colleen I had no idea. My thoughts are with you.