3 year old and bedtime tantrums...throwing up - help!

[mookie]

Has anything else changed? Has something scared her recently? I only ask because my one DD has had "worry" issues at times. When the lights go out and they are laying in bed it's a great time for the mind to start to wonder and things are seen differently in the dark.

The one thing is that we are pregnant (due in June) and she does know about the baby, but that doesn't really seem to bother her. That is really the only thing that I can think of that might have an effect.

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

cut out the attention. The first time you go in, talk to her and say she must go to bed, the next time and all future times, do not talk to her or acknowledge her other than to lay her back down. If changing the sheets are required, then do so but still do not talk to her. She must see that she won't get your sympathy or attention or it will continue.

I agree with this...I have 3 kids (7,5,3) and they all go to bed very well, but it's due to our being relentless about bedtime. They know it's not gametime. They each get a story in their own bed and hugs & kisses and then they go to sleep. If they get up they have always been escorted back to their room with little small talk. It's just not worth it to them to get up! Even when they were babies we wouldn't talk to them alot at those midnight feedings. Now they are great sleepers!

All of the kids are allowed to look at books by the light of their nightlight in bed. (DS7 is an avid reader so he gets to read for about 15 minutes with the light on) THey think it's a great privilege and they fall asleep really quickly.

I feel for you, hopefully it's one of those quick phases!

 

[Hannathy]

I agree with the posts who say let her stay up later and no nap. Some kids just don't need as much sleep or are night owls. My daughter is an example she never napped, ever, as a newborn she would be awake 8 hours or more at a time. She likes to stay up late and still does. She is in a charter school for the highly gifted and straight a's so no problems with school work. She either would lay down on the couch and fall asleep or I would lay down with her in her bed till she fell asleep. Our pediatrician said often smart kids minds are so busy it is hard for them to turn off and often won't take naps. I can't imagine getting any good sleep after I was so upset I threw up. I also don't understand the big battles, so what if she is up late, who are you trying to please. do what works for your family not what makes your Mom or neighbor or friend happy. Kids WILL sleep when they need to, the same as they will eat when they need to another battle I refuse to have. I firmly believe people can be night people or morning people and why does everyone have to be a morning person? Quite a few nurses were happy I was a night person and would trade for their night shifts!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The one thing is that we are pregnant (due in June) and she does know about the baby, but that doesn't really seem to bother her. That is really the only thing that I can think of that might have an effect.

Well that certainly is a "big thing" to a 3yo. She is experiencing anxiety and then releases it at night. Gets attention, etc...
Even though you think it doesn't bother her, a kid her age shows "bother" by behavior, not words. They are too young to express it.

I would cut out the nap and start a new routine, esp....since a baby is coming. Do positive reinforcement for good behavior and follow through with some kind of discipline for undesired behavior. It works wonders!!!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would try the suggestions of no nap and a new routine.

Now if, after a period of time, this doesn't work and she is still throwing up then I will go against the grain and say to leave it. She won't sleep in it. How do I know? Because my DD was purposely peeing in the bed to get attention. I posted about it on here at least 1.5 years ago. She wanted us to keep coming in and changing the sheets. Finally I left it and she was MAD! But she also slept on the other end of the bed. She's not dumb. She did it one more time and that was it. I would use this as a last resort only.

I guess I could get flamed, but I took DISer's advice.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

Sleeping in it is just gross and mean to do to a child.

I absolutely agree with this. But I do like the bucket idea.

 

[diznygirl]

DS used to sleep in his bed until he heard us coming upstairs to go to bed - then he would wake up and come into our bed. Instead of the stickers thing, I offered him a dollar for every night he spent in his bed. It worked great! I only had to do it for about 3 weeks, and then he was sleepinng through the night (he was about 4 1/2 at the time). It was worth the $$!

 

[janette]

I'd layer the bed with sheets & plastic pads so it would be very quick to change, combined with the no attention during the change it might help to make her realize it just isn't working.

 

[DawnCt1]

BTW, before anyone flames me, I just want to make it clear that I too, agree that this is disgusting and mean to do to a child, which is why I was wondering if anyone has ever really brought themselves to do it. I know deep down I could never do it, but in the heat of the battle, it can become a tempting threat.

Could you quickly strip the bed and have her sleep in a washable, childrens' sleeping bag. That way she could be in clean bedding in less than a minute.

 

[iggbees]

wow, this reminds me of the super nanny show were the little girls would not go to bed and they came out and called their parents a "butt-pie" because they wouldn't pay attention to them. that one was my favorite show.

(although i'm not a mom yet... speaking from watching the super nanny way too many times) i agree with the person who says just don't pay attention to her when she does something like this again. just go in there and change her sheets and pajamas, but don't acknowledge that she wants the attention. i deal with my little cousins a lot and it seems that when they want attention they will do anything to get it and if you just ignore them they'll find something else to do.

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughter was never a sleeper, even as a toddler. If she napped during the day then I could count on her being up until midnight that night. Even now she does not nap (she is 6) and she is still up until 10 or 11 at night and wakes up on her own at 630 for school. If by some chance she falls asleep at 8pm then I am in big trouble because she will be up by 430 in the morning! She just doesn't sleep more than 8 1/2 hours-9 TOPS! I thouht she wasn't getting enough sleep and tlaked to her Dr about it and she saidthat some kids just need less sleep than others and there wasn't much I could do about it....

 

[justhat]

Aprilgail, I feel like that will be my child in a few years! She's almost 2 and still naps everyday, but if she wakes up any later than 2pm she's up for the night-I mean till 10 or 11pm, and she gets up between 6 and 6:30 for school too. She gnerally sleeps around 10 hours at night, and that's the max-she fell asleep at 6:30pm a couple of weeks ago and was wide awake at 4:30am too!

 

[Hannathy]

Guess what you will! I posted earlier about my daughter who never slept. She is 14 and stays up to around 12 some nights 11 always and then is up at 6:45 She will however sleep in late now on Saturdays since she is a teenager. Some kids just do not need as much sleep as others and I still can't understand why so many people get so bent out of shape fighting over getting them to bed. Flame me but I think it is cruel to fight with a child over something that should be restful and calming to the point of hysterics. They will sleep what they need not neccessarily what you want. My daughter is an honor student, Student Council president, many other activities and I wouldn't trade her for a sleeper for the world.

 

[Glynis]

I haven't read through the entire thread, so I don't know if this has been discussed, yet. Have you tried asking her why she doesn't like going to bed? My DD did the same thing when she was 3. She finally told me she was scared of the "crickets". I didn't know what she was talking about, and she was too little to explain it. My mom suggested making a "potion" to spray in the room to take care of all the "crickets." I took some perfume and mixed it with water in a spray bottle. At bedtime, I would spray her pillow and bed, the floor around her bed, and the window sill. After about a week of doing this, she told me all the "crickets" were gone. She hasn't had a problem since.

 

[justhat]

I have another question for you. It seems like a lot of people are saying she might just need less sleep, but is it that after the crying/vomiting that she then stays up much later in her bed, or does she basically go to sleep soon after? If she's staying up just laying in the bed then I agree with everyone else that maybe she just needs less sleep, but if she's just going to sleep after all this, then it just seems like a stall tactic to me and that she does need the sleep after all.

Another thought I had is that if that is the problem, that she just wants to stall, then maybe tell her that since it takes her so long to actually get to sleep because of all the crying and vomiting that you have to move her bedtime earlier. Tell her that if she stops that routine and goes to bed without a fight then her bedtime can be later again. Maybe that would help?

 

[cepmom]

I'd have to say also that she probably needs a little less sleep. I would take away her afternoon nap and have her go to bed earlier than you are now. I know dinner time will be tough ~ try to stick it out though to see if it will help. That along with some positive reinforcement should at least help.

DD5 had a similar problem with the afternoon naps and not being able to fall asleep at night. She couldn't get through the afternon without a nap, but then she would be up too late, keep getting out of bed, I can't sleep, waking in the middle of the night, etc. Her Dr told me to take away her nap and put her to bed earlier, like 7:15 - 7:30 instead of 8:00 - 8:30. It was really tough to get her through the afternoons and dinner time without a nap, but eventually she was able to manage and she's a much better sleeper now. She is usually out like a light as soon as I put her in bed.

I feel for you.....I am tired at the end of the day and as a SAHM I am ready for a break from the kids!! When I put them to bed, I need them to stay there for the night!

Good luck!

 

[Puffy2]

I think you need to be careful with this sort of thing. I don't agree with the "let them sleep in it" (and I usually agree with Dr. P, but not in this case). The one time you ignor it and let her "sleep in it" will be the one time she is actually sick and you ended up "ignoring her". Not good.

I handled bed time issues by not having bedtimes. When my spouse and I wanted to go to bed, we went to bed and so did the kids. Occassional I had to lay down with the younger one for a few minutes - to tell you the truth, I think I'd rather do that than deal with what you are going through.

Keep in mind, she isn't "getting any younger" - meaning , this too shall pass.

 

[mookie]

I have another question for you. It seems like a lot of people are saying she might just need less sleep, but is it that after the crying/vomiting that she then stays up much later in her bed, or does she basically go to sleep soon after? If she's staying up just laying in the bed then I agree with everyone else that maybe she just needs less sleep, but if she's just going to sleep after all this, then it just seems like a stall tactic to me and that she does need the sleep after all.

Justthat, you are exactly right. I KNOW my dd needs sleep. She does pass out right after the final straw of vomiting. She also still asks to take a nap during the day (her doing, not mine!!).

Yesterday was a bit better, and yet worse at the same time. She wanted to go to sleep at naptime, but then she kept crying for me. When I would go in, she would stall or joke around like she does at bedtime. So, I told her that if she didn't want to sleep, she didn't have to, and she'd just go to bed earlier. Well, then she threw another tantrum yelling "No, I wanna take a nap!!" It was so conflicting. The battle lasted about an hour, of her wanting to be in her bed, but still crying for me. I asked her what was wrong, if she was scared, etc. and she said no.

My problem is I have tried so hard to not sleep w/ her because I don't want it to become a bad habit. She was such a good sleeper up until about 6 months ago!

Last night, we also tried a few different things. I gave her a countdown of when she would be going to bed. She had also had a tantrum right before dinner, so we took her CInderella DVD away that she wanted to watch, and said if she was a good girl for the rest of the night (including going to bed), then she could watch Cinderella in the morning. She seemed to agree with that. DH read her a story, and we told her around every turn that she would be going to bed (after the story, etc.). She pulled a few stall tactics, but then we reminded her about the DVD. It seemed to work. We had to go in one other time, but other than that, she went to sleep.

The times that we have to go back into her room is because when it's time to go to bed, we try to give her a hug and kiss goodnight, and she will hide jokingly under the covers, to stall. When we tell her we are leaving the room, she pulls her head out, yells "NO!" and wants us to come back and give her a kiss. When we do, she pulls the covers over her head again. So, we started telling her, forget it, no kiss, and leaving and shutting the door. This is when the crying tantrum starts. (And sometimes the puking) There are even a few times she will do it AGAIN, even after we come in there after she has started her tantrum. It's so frustrating.

It drives DH and I crazy, because we feel we are great parents in every other aspect, except this, and it's nerve racking that a 2 year old can have us so buffaloed.

 

[Sandcass]

I really think this a power struggle. She's at that age. She wants to have power over the situation.

If it was me, I would really talk to her during the day. Kinda lay down EXACTLY how bedtime is going to be.

"Every night we are going to read you 1 story, we will give you 1 drink of water, you can pick 3 stuffed animals to sleep with, then we are going to give you a kiss and hug and walk out of the room. If you hide from us then we can't kiss you and we'll all be sad. If you throw a fit then you will watch NO videos the next day."

Give her SOME of the power, she can pick how many stuffed animals, which book. Have her pick out which DVD she wants to watch in the morning and get it set up in the player, so she knows it's out there waiting for her. But if she throws a fit you're going to take it away. Maybe if she goes a whole week w/o fits she gets to go to the store and pick out a new DVD.

And do the bucket thing, because that's just nasty having to clean up puke every day!

 

[slo]

Hi Melissa!!

Sorry to hear that your DD is giving you problems at night

This is what I do with my 2yr old DD.
I have a bunch of CD's of her favorite characters (Barney, childrens songs, Cinderella Soundtrack, Bear in the Big Blue House, Jo Jo (she'd like that one) )that I let her listen to at naptime and bedtime. I let her choose the CD and I will only start it when she is laying down and calm. If she starts complaining the CD will get turned off briefly. This way, she has a little company while she is in her quiet room. I hope this helps!!!

P.S. Please stop by the Chicago Thread, I miss you there!!!