3 y.o. DS will NOT poop in the potty

[brymolmom]

It is a microcosm of your child and your parenting..The advice that I've been given, by a number of professionals, including a friend who has a master's from Brown in Psych..is to leave the kid alone. Our Dd 3, will not poop in the potty, and wants nothing to do with it. And its no different than the ds14 who refuses to bring home homework. No amount of talk will ever solve the issue. When theyre ready, they will. The important part is to NOT give them a complex, or esteem issue, over a seemingly minor issue. Eventually, the kids will get as tired of pooping their diaper, as we are of changing them..Ah...the promised land..

Microcosm of the child I would agree with....not so much with the parenting. I know that when I went through this with ds#1 I had no clue how to parent through this - no experience, no anything - and, unless they are a nanny or something, no parent has their 'parenting potty training style' down by the first one.

I will agree that 'when they're ready, they will' IF you wait too long to train. There are two 'schools' 1) Those who want to 'train' the child - which, IMO can only be done at a young age and 2) Those who either accidentally wait too long for #1 or want the child to 'just do it themselves' - which in many cases happens in the late 3 - 4 age. But based on what I've seen kids can be trained (without esteem issues, they actually think it's 'fun' to learn a new thing when they're young enough), and you don't really have to wait until they are old and mature enough to just go in and unzip and sit on the potty and do it.

Interesting analogy to the 14 year old with homework...haven't been there yet - but I would think the HUGE difference is that the 14 year old defying with the homework would more easily be disciplined (no cell phone, no calling friends, no going out with friends, no computer time, no TV time, going to bed early, etc.) - where with potty training in most cases it isn't a 'disciplining' type of situation IMO. There often is fear and it is something new and even if they are trying to control....they don't quite understand and it isn't quite misbehaving. After all - we've told them by default to go in their diaper for 3 years.....now WE'RE the ones changing things up on them!

 

[tzolkin]

my middle DD wouldnt poop on the toilet at first. i could not figure out why until i watched her and noticed that she would hide behind furniture or go into another room to poop and would get really upset if you looked at her. i just let her go to the bathroom by herself and she started pooping on her own. she just had to call me in to help wipe when she was done. she's still shy about pooping and she's 4. if you walk through the bathroom when she's getting ready, she'll hold it and say "excuse me, can you please leave quickly? you can come back in a minute".

i'm still not sure what the issue was. i don't think she was scared, i think she just thought it was disgusting. she cannot turn around to the toilet after she goes because she doesn't want to see it. she backs up with her head turned to flush.

 

[Avonlady1001]

I've read that some kids see poop as part of themselves, and they are afraid to poop in the potty cause you are going to flush that part of them away. Do you put the poop in the potty after he goes in the diaper? Maybe if he sees it's going in the potty anyway, he'll be more willing to skip the diaper.
Don't worry, he'll get it. As they say, when's the last time you saw a high school student in diapers?

 

[polineedyan]

not to start a debate first thing in the morning, but I may have been a little too sweeping in my comment. Obviously, people (the poster in particular) ARE training their kids. But what do you do when that guidance isnt being accepted. Most of us get frustrated and begin to push. I am not advocating hands off parenting. Just offering advice that Ive been given about how do TRAIN kids with a strong will.
As for the homework..After ALL those things are taken away, and the kid still refuses..Now you have a kid who has had all priviledges taken away..has no social life, no hobbies, AND poor hw grades. NOW what have you created. The whole idea of getting kids to submit to the will of the parent is a warped parenting style. Parents provide guidance. Parents parent. But remember, youre also raising a parent. "Do THIS or ELSE!" is kinda simplistic, and not how I want my grandkids raised. Sorry, if I look like Im a cop-out..

 

[chrisw127]

We had the same issue and just ended up waiting it out on the advice of our wonderful pediatrician, whose three boys wouldn't poop in the potty until they were four. But then, I'm incredibly lazy when it comes to potty training, so I just took this advice and ran with it.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

We had the same issue and just ended up waiting it out on the advice of our wonderful pediatrician, whose three boys wouldn't poop in the potty until they were four. But then, I'm incredibly lazy when it comes to potty training, so I just took this advice and ran with it.

I hear you! I've never been big on the whole ordeal of toilet training, mostly because it's such a PITA! (no pun intended ) I have never pushed my kids to train early because I always figured if they weren't ready than I was really just training myself. Most of my kids have been over 3 when they finally were trained, but I found that once they decided to do it they rarely had an accident. My sons that I trained earlier had more accidents.

 

[brymolmom]

not to start a debate first thing in the morning, but I may have been a little too sweeping in my comment. Obviously, people (the poster in particular) ARE training their kids. But what do you do when that guidance isnt being accepted. Most of us get frustrated and begin to push. I am not advocating hands off parenting. Just offering advice that Ive been given about how do TRAIN kids with a strong will.
As for the homework..After ALL those things are taken away, and the kid still refuses..Now you have a kid who has had all priviledges taken away..has no social life, no hobbies, AND poor hw grades. NOW what have you created. The whole idea of getting kids to submit to the will of the parent is a warped parenting style. Parents provide guidance. Parents parent. But remember, youre also raising a parent. "Do THIS or ELSE!" is kinda simplistic, and not how I want my grandkids raised. Sorry, if I look like Im a cop-out..

Interesting perspective. I don't consider it warped, but that's my own opinion. I consider the alternative not really parenting....I mean - letting the kids parent themselves in a way becuase you're letting them do instead of insisting on the right behavior. It doesn't sound like you take it to this extreme, but I'm sure you've seen some who do.

And I definitely want my grandkids raised to be taught that no homework is wrong.

Yes, I am OFTEN told by my kids that I am a 'mean mommy' and I whole heartedly agree. I am not in this to be their friend or be nice or let them think that they can do it even though I don't agree with it. I am in it to ultimately teach them right from wrong.

Now, if you really had taken 'everything' away from a 14 year old (have you really tried it?) and they really had no social life, etc. obviously something else would be 'up' or maybe they just know that they can do it without having everything end up taken away because he/she knows the parent will let them ultimately make that choice and still have all their priviledges. That's why I'm a firm believer in starting and sticking to the discipline early. Then, in many cases (not all, there are kids with other issues not at all related), they will know on day 1 when one priviledge is taken away that the parent means business, and they will adjust their behavior. But if they haven't had that firmness all along...they might not realize it and end up in a more sticky situation for both child and parent.

All I know is that back years ago when this 'warped style' was more the norm....teachers in school saw way fewer disrespectful kids because they had been taught and disciplined when necessary to respect and be mindful to authority instead of having a 'the child's in charge' attitude. I can't believe the behavior that I see in my kids' classrooms today. Not all caused by this, I'm sure, but I'm also sure that some of them are.

 

[miksilver]

To the OP:

I am there with you and I feel your pain. My DD is 3 and she is holding her poop in and refusing to go on the potty. It's a struggle each and every time. She screams every time on the potty, cries and I am hoping she just gets over it and goes! When she finally does go she'll say, "That wasn't bad" and everything is fine. I just want to pull my hair out. My biggest fear is that we'll be out in public and she'll have to poop in a public restroom and we'll have our screaming match right then and there ! It hasn't happened yet because unless it's no. 1, she'll hold it until we're home.

At one point DD told us that "Little girls don't poop". Now combat that. My sister in-law sent her the "Everyone Poops" book for her 3rd Birthday. DD loves to read it, but the end picture is a little boy, not a girl -- it just confirms her theory even more.

I don't have any advise, just sympathy -- there are more of us exasperated parents out there!

 

[MyPeanut&Bug]

Just gotta agree with the "wait it out" camp. I completely understand how frustrating that can be though! My son was completely potty trained, day and night, except for BM's, about 4 months before his 3rd birthday. Pooping though...OMG, I never thought it would happen! We tried it all - privacy, bribes of anything you can imagine, making him help us clean him up after pooping in his pants (it was not just a straight out accident, he would go to the same spot behind the couch and announce, "I'm pooping, leave me alone!" but would kick and scream if we tried to get him to the potty.) Finally I just realized it totally wasn't something I could force to happen, it was him. (Yeah, makes sense, but took me awhile. )

It was a full 8 months after he was otherwise potty trained that he was FINALLY pooping in the potty and it just happened one day - he just ran to the bathroom, got on the potty and said he had to poop.

 

[ilovejack02]

My child had to be potty trained to go to preschool, so this whole lets wait it out deal wasnt going to fly in my house.

My son also was just not getting on board and finally i spent 48 hours in the house with him naked from the waist down. The few times he had accidents he had to stop playing and immediately " help me clean" up his mess.. which grossed him out. He also had to take a bath right away, because it was dirty and nasty to potty on him self. He would get soo annoyed because it took away from playtime that with in two days we were done!!!! Not one accident until I took him to my mothers and she got nervous and put him in a pull up... LORD i LOST MY MIND because of course he immediately used it lol. I then had to train my MOTHER lol, DS was fine as soon as he got back home.

Good luck op!!

PS.. I never once, scolded , yelled or anything.. just matter of fact said .. well ya had an accident thats too darn bad, we have to tun off movie, or put up toys etc.. till the mess is cleaned up and you are cleaned up. LOL it would make him so mad

 

[Whosemom]

I had the same thing going with my guy. Pee trained and 6 mo later still in a pullup because of poop. Then the little stinker came to the realization that he could just as well pee in there too. I was livid. I said "listen, mack. no more pull ups for you. You wear undewear, now. And I bet you get grossed out before I do!" He did. It took three days. After all those months. Yikes.

 

[Cinderumbrella]

DS5 was fuly potty trained at age 2.5, except for the poop part. He insisted on a pullup. We let it go for awhile. Finally by 3.5 Mommy had enough. For him, the issue was going on the "little potty" - he didn't like the sensation of feeling the poop next to his bottom (strange for a child who had no issues going in a pull up ) I took him to Target, let him pick out a "big boy" seat to go on the regular toilet. He picked out a red Dora seat, went home and used it. I truly think he preferred the sensation of it falling away from his body, to feeling it. (SO, SO Sorry for being graphic here!! )

Best of luck!

 

[kaysmommie]

I'm so sorry... I know exactly how you're feeling now. Been there - just got over it recently and my little one will be 4 next month. My DD has been fully potty trained for #1 since she turned 3 but refused to poop on the toilet. Not sure if you've tried this yet: My first step was to move pooping to the bathroom (I let her do it in a diaper - as long as it was IN the bathroom).... I then encouraged her to sit on the little potty (with diaper on) and then the toilet (with diaper on). We were eventually at the point where she would always tell us when she had to go, she put on a pull-up, and then she went. This went on for a long time. I would often "try" to move past this point but nothing ever worked. I swear we tried every incentive we could think of. I searched the internet for a solution... someone swore by having your child blow bubbles while sitting on the toilet (didn't work for me but might be worth a try)... When it got frustrating, I'd back off and give it more time. I didn't want to force the issue because I've heard of some terrible constipation issues that can develop. Then, one day, I gave it another try and it worked! I guess she was finally ready. There was some crying the first time, but the first time is all it took. Now, it's done. It has been such a long road... we started potty training well before 2 years old. She showed signs of readiness early on, but then she got scared and every step of this journey has been extremely difficult. My DD is a very sweet & smart little girl (of course all our children are sweet & smart ) BUT she does not like change and can be stubborn.

Good luck - please know that you're not alone and your DS WILL finally get there!

Your DD sounds exactly like my DS. He will be 4 in just over a month and is still not completely potty trained. We have tried every incentive known to man but he still doesn't want to poop in the potty. If it were up to him he would still wear diapers since he was so attached to them. He is stubborn and pushing him is not working. I might try your teechnique and see if I have any luck.

 

[scootch]

You have to be careful not to push them too much as it can lead to a problem called encopresis. So try to just hang with it for a bit. You can start by saying, you can poop in a pullup, but only in the bathroom kinda thing.. and slowly work up to going into toilet.

 

[tazdev3225]

I agree with the other posts. My DGD is 3 1/2 and has been trained since right after she turned 3. She had a new brother when she was 2 and then the winter hit so we waited. She got the peeing part in 1 day the poop took several months. She also had constipation issues since infancy which didn't help because she was afraid to poop in general. I told my DD to stop forcing the issue nobody ever graduates HS in diapers. She will have an accident every now and then but when we eased up she eased up and now proudly tells everyone when she has to go.

 

[dreamin_disney]

DS has been using the potty on a really good basis for 6 months. Can stay dry all day. But he will NOT poop in the potty no matter what we try. We tried offering a toy that he was begging for as a reward- didn't work. We tried getting him white fruit of the loom underwear like Daddy - didn't work. We told him that if he pooped in the potty he could go to Disneyworld with us - hasn't worked either. We don't know what else to try. He will sit on the potty for an hour if we make him and produce no poop. Then 1 minute afterwards he'll poop in his pants. It doesn't seem to bother him either. Of course he didn't care if his diaper was dirty as a baby either.

Any advice? Do we just have to wait it out? Did anyone else find a solution to this problem? HELP!!!!

When did pooped for the first time , the plop sound of it falling into the toliet scared her. She jumped off so fast. I explained it was just the poop falling into the water. She didnt care. I had a hardtime getting her to go again. I bought a cute video called Prudice goes potty( i think thats what it was called. I let her watch it serveal times. When she felt comofrtable , she wanted to go poo poo like Prudice. Theres also a boy version. This was 7 years ago, so not sure if its still around.

 

[kaysmommie]

When did pooped for the first time , the plop sound of it falling into the toliet scared her. She jumped off so fast. I explained it was just the poop falling into the water. She didnt care. I had a hardtime getting her to go again. I bought a cute video called Prudice goes potty( i think thats what it was called. I let her watch it serveal times. When she felt comofrtable , she wanted to go poo poo like Prudice. Theres also a boy version. This was 7 years ago, so not sure if its still around.

Yes that video is still around. It's called "Once Upon A Potty". I bought the one for DS the boys name is joshua. We have a few different potty videos. The only thing it did for DS was teach him some new songs .