Feralpeg, that's wonderful. Love that story!
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Short story: keep looking. The first guy I actually agree with, but they shouldnl't sound so combative with your little one already! That to me signals a lack of patience.
Long story.
When DS was 6 months old, first time he sat in a highchair (he wasn't eating, we were at a restaurant and wanted to eat without holding him (selfish moment!), put him in a highchair). We were watching him, and I said "he's getting tired, I'm going to take him out", but just then our food came so I decided to wait (hot food, moving the baby around, just not safe). Food came, he seemed OK, I took a bite...he got sleepy, and before I could act, SLAM his face went into the table.
Knocked out a tooth (lower middle tooth). That's what our focus was on, THAT tooth.
But fast forward a few months, and his upper just-off-of-center teeth started to come in, and they were yellow. Then started to go brown. Grew in more, then turned more brown and started to decay. augh. Turns out that it was either genetic (DH and his dad had crumbling teeth with their primary teeth) or those guys were right there when he slammed his face down, and perhaps he injured them.
We took him to a lovely holistic dentist through 3 very short "get to know you" visits, but ultimately she wasn't sure of how to work with him, and referred us to a pediatric.
Since I didn't want to travel all that way we found a local guy, or so we thought. DS has a very good diet, and is trim. Dh and I are having a bad time with our bodies, and this dentist, before even looking in DS's mouth said that it was because of sugar. I'm not even sure DS had HAD "sugar" yet...we hadn't given him juice at that point, that's for sure! Anyway, he just started blathering about sugar, and diet, and blah blah blah.
From the three appointments with the other dentist, we knew that if I was in the room, he would act more 'babyish', but if it was DH he was brave and more of a 'big boy'. So when he said he would look in DS's mouth, I excused myself from the room, and this dentist acted like I was a chicken! I explained why I was going, as much as I could without really alerting to DS that I was going, but he just gave SUCH attitude, it was nasty.
He looked at the teeth, and lo and behold, it appeared that sugar would have gotten ALL the teeth, but just two teeth NOT touching was caused by, oh I don't know, genetics or trauma.
He absolutely SWORE that DS HAD TO HAVE general anesthesia, IN the office. We would have to coordinate with our medical insurance and dental insurance to pay for this. He would take out those two teeth. There was actually decay behind his front two teeth, right between them. He said he would "try" to save those front two teeth, but he doubted it. And he mentioned all sorts of little spots, and that he would fill each and every one of them.
I left that place ENRAGED. The guy didn't even take an xray. And he had the policy of refusing to let a parent back there.
Let me state that I understand the reasons that some dentists have that policy. And they need to understand that they will not get a PENNY of my, or my insurance company's, money through my family. It's an abusive, rotten, FEAR-based policy and it is one I won't partake in.
Another ped dentist very local to us, he was full. I called 3 months in a row, as they told me to do, to see if I could get DS an appointment (this was before seeing the second dentist). Suddenly, after the silly dentist appointment, someone on a message board let me know that the impossible to get in to dentist had taken on an associate.
The reason I wanted to see the dentist at this office is that he was known for SINGING small children through a filling. Singing! Cool.
I called immediately and got in for later that week.
Went in. They were HAPPY that we had figured out who DS was braver with, and that I wasn't going to be some helicopter mom who stared the dentist down while he worked on my itty baby.
They were more than pleased that we had figured it all out already. Made their jobs easier.
Dh and DS went back, Ben xrayed DS, examined him. Found the problem teeth, found the decay behind the front two teeth. And over the next two visits, it was fixed.
The first working visit, DS had the decay behind the teeth dealt with. With NO medicine at all. No lidocaine (or novocaine, or any 'caine at all), no gas, nothing. They had a big TV in the ceiling and played Finding Nemo, and that was the first time DS saw (part of) that movie, and it was enough to get him through it. They let DS know what they were going to do before they did it, they were wonderful with him. Also, during this visit (and the first), they had DS sit backwards on DH's lap, then lay his head down onto the dentist's lap, so Ben was right over his face, and they did the work that way.
Oh by the way, by the time all this happened DS was 2. We looked for OVER a year for a perfect dentist (it did get desperate at the end b/c the two teeth were disintegrating too much and it was at last causing DS pain, and it was getting nerve-wracking on everyone).
On the second working-visit, they did give him a little lidocaine, and that is ALL. Again, Finding Nemo took his mind off of things. This time he RAN into the back of the office (even after being "traumatized" by a filling without drugs!
) and jumped up onto the table/chair! He was happy to be there, because he knew that the pain that had recently started was going to be taken care of at last.
They gave him the lidocaine, pulled those teeth, and it was good. He came tottering out to me with a mushy lip and gauze where the teeth were, excited about the token they gave him to get a prize from the machine. Later he hated having the lidocaine wear off, but that was his main discomfort.
This dentist notices the "spots" that the other ped dentist saw, but says they are NOT decay, and do not need to be drilled and filled. He watches them, we watch them, it's fine.
General anesthetic is dangerous and should be held back for a TON of work, and IMO should only be done in the hospital. GA is not something to play with. The fact that our first ped DDS could mention it so casually (and it was an absolute requirement, by the way) made me ill, thinking of what could happen under that anesthetic...
Keep looking. Or go back to the first and really question them. With Ben, it's on a continuum. First, watch the movie. Then, lidocaine. Maybe gas before that if the kiddo is freaking out. Then having the parent help to calm the child, and yes, they do mention having the parent help hold the child down if they are almost done, or it's a quick procedure... That did not have to happen with DS. They know that if it DID come to that with our son, we would prefer to come back (and perhaps pay out of pocket) rather than hold him down forcibly (main reason is that it is well near impossible to hold that guy down when he wants UP).
Anyway, keep looking. You can very likely find better.
DD's are strong like DH's; both of our DSs have my teeth, unfortunately. The boys have had to have many fillings, but the only one a pediatric dentist has filled is the only one we've had to have re-done.
