3 weeks out and I don't want to go now.

[4redheads]

Those little eyes who are watching are learning a lot from all this. Does the it's not fair card work for them too?

 

[EPCOTatNight]

Those little eyes who are watching are learning a lot from all this. Does the it's not fair card work for them too?

If the situation is the same, then yes.

 

[braysmommy]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all if this! Reading through this thread though has made me realize I must be one of just a few with an AWESOME Mom!! I cant fathom having a mother that I didnt get along with! We sail on the Fantasy a week from tomorrow, myself DH, DD, DS and my DM!! Can't wait!!!

Was thinking the same thing myself....guess I need to give my mom an extra hug she will be with us on our upcoming cruise and can't wait to share the excitement....now if my brother was coming along that would be another story

 

[violetmonarch]

I feel ya. I really do. There's a reason I'm estranged from much of my family. I'm way too laidback but finally ran out of cheeks to turn.

I agree with the previous sentiments that this is about making memories with your kids. Hubs and I have this conversation all the time: what would we rather do? Buy a new car/computer/blah blah this year, or take the kids somewhere really neat? 80% of the time, we go for the trip.

Here's what I suggest you tell your mother: "Mom, I don't want to have any regrets. When we get home, I don't want to be sad about what I could have done and didn't. Tell me what you want to do, and we'll see if we can do it together."

From there, it's her choice to be miserable. Don't let her guilt you into feeling miserable, too. I know that's easier said than done, but it's totally doable as long as you compartmentalize things a bit. Just keep telling yourself, "It's not personal. That's her problem, not mine."

Be as accommodating as you can. Be gracious. Be communicative, but just keep reinforcing to her that this isn't just a vacation, but an experience. You're doing it so you and your kids can experience things and have memories.

Toss the guilt back at her and ask "Do you want them to miss out on that?" See what happens.

Thank you. I agree that when I think of times when I have the means to buy something, I opt for taking my kids to the coast, or to a concert, or to Sea World (we live next door to it) over going out to dinner. My kids love when I cook and we take pleasure in small things. I guess I am so frustrated because as much as I know I am not adopted...her and I are from different sides of the universe. Today was like the straw that broke my back already. I am going to go regardless because this is what I have been dreaming of forever. Sorry that you are estranged, and I totally understand.

You could give her a couple of days to calm down.....or pay the extra and enjoy YOUR vacation! The Lord may have helped you already and saved your sanity!

Thank you. TA said that either I get another person to take her place and pay $50 or she can just not show up at port and this way I might not get charged for my other kid (voiding the KSF), which I cannot afford.

I am so sorry for all you're going through. My question, I guess, is what does your mother expect from this cruise? What does SHE plan to do? What interests her? If her intent is to spend time with you she should be thrilled to tag along as an observer on your excursions or participate, if able to do so. I'm not able to do strenuous activities, but I love being an observer and taking pictures.

At this point I would go over your expectations re: the cruise and get her reaction. Lay the groundwork now. If she's displeased with the agenda, she may opt out.

Or she might just make some friends if she plays Bingo or gets acquainted with table mates during dinner.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. I understand that she has limitations, and that is why I told her that since we were planning on doing the Rays and Dolphins, that there are other things she can do alone. She refused and said that she could do the activities...I know full well though that she cannot. It's like she has to follow me around all of the time, and when I mentioned her going alone to other things, she got furious with me and gave me the cold shoulder, yet again. when I lay down the law...she only gets offended. I give up.

I am so sorry. Mom's can be hard to deal with. (An understatement, perhaps). That being said, I don't think you should cancel. I do think you should call your TA like you said in your previous post and try to get two separate rooms. That is really your best solution at this point. Just do it and deal with her later. If she complains, she complains. Also, try to book the excursions you want. If she makes a big deal out of it, so what. Just do what YOU want to do on YOUR vacation. My mom used to control everything I did and I was miserable. We always fought, I hated her intervening with my life and my children. I finally realized that I was letting her do that to me. It was hard, but I did what I thought was right and I ignored her protests. It took a long time, but now we are good. Are we perfect, no. But she doesn't interfere anymore. She gives her opinion still, but she does so more politely now. I think she used to come at me out of love and a " mother knows best attitude" but I also think she liked being controlling. She is dramatic and likes to be the center of attention. After making it clear that I wasn't going to do that anymore she has slowly come around. I am hoping the same will be true for you. But maybe you need to make a first step towards that by booking your own rooms and telling mom that you planned this before she got involved and you are going to do it your way. If she doesn't like that, so what. Its your vacation. Hugs.

Thank you. I asked TA about separate rooms, and DCL told her that that would be considered a cancellation and that I would lose 75% and then have to pay the higher price for the same room since the other inside rooms are all taken. Other option is to let her just not show up at port, and then I would have to repay her portion to her (cannot afford that). Part of me thinks I shouldn't have tried to go on this trip....

If SHE doesn't want to go, let HER cancel her place. She can call the TA and do it. Don't do anything else on her behalf. If it comes up to cruise day and she doesn't go, she is out whatever she paid--her choice. If she waits longer to make the call and is out more than 75%, again, her issue not yours.

Just tell the TA that if mother calls and wants to back out, that the TA needs to call you so that you can adjust the reservation (you and kids don't want to cancel.) You won't lose your KSF--you'll just have to pay for the second person in the room. One kid will still be free. If she stalls till 14 days before the cruise, there is no point in cancelling her at all as she'll get no refund. You can board with the kids if she doesn't show up. In this case, both kids will still be free.

Reality--based on what you have said, I don't believe she will pick up the phone to call the TA. She is manipulating you AGAIN. Your mistake was in telling her that you were thinking of cancelling rather than doing the "we need to establish the ground rules" talk.

At this point, you both need to act like adults. If she wants to cancel her spot, she can do so. But don't let her manipulate you into doing it for her. You should think seriously before doing anything specifically directed to her--anything you do will not be "right" in her eyes and will become something else to be fodder for manipulation.

YOU do not want to cancel the cruise, right? You want to go with your kids? If so, do it....if mother comes, fine (she is booked). If not, too bad, so sad.

Thank you. I am kind of hoping that she will come to be civil at least, and then I will just stay out of her sight for 95% of the trip. I paid out a lot to go....she will not fathom repaying me if the shoe was on the other foot.

Goodness! So sorry something so exciting is marred by such drama! If you need another cheerleader, I agree with what everyone has been saying. While no where near as bad as what you're experiencing, my mother is dealing with her elderly father wanting to join us on our Dream cruise in 22 days. She is stressing over all the potential issues that may arise: his health deteriorating, him being needy on the ship, transporting him around, etc etc. I keep telling her she needs to relax and instead anticipate the positive versus the negative. It's our first real vacation with him, he has never expressed such strong interest in being on a cruise with us before, and it's all paid-in-full so he can't back out at the last minute like he did to us last time due to nerves.

Seems to me, you just need to do what others have said: lay down your law. This is what I'm doing with my children. You are welcome to join us, but here is what you need to understand. She is an adult and can take care of herself. If at all possible, do whatever it takes to get her into her own room. I would re-book your appointments and excursions, and then come up with some compromises that could include her. If she throws a fit and quits, the way I look at it, as long as she has paid for her fare, let her stay home and don't change anything. If she didn't pay for herself, I'd see it as you just paying the price for sanity.

Thank you. Yes I am slowly loosing sanity with this. I have gone out of my way to make it so all of us can enjoy something together and apart...but that only works when you have others that are willing to at least cooperate. When did I become the mature one? lol

To all you wonderful, supportive, smart DISboarders- after having replied to this thread is was really on my mind. Sure enough, my closest friend just called me-COMPLETELY exasperated-and told me jokingly that "they are releasing a new movie-"throw mama from the boat" ( please forgive the image). She cruises with HER mom next week and her mom is driving her crazy already! Lol! I would say its clear that a lot of people struggle with those mother/daughter relationships!

OMG! Thant's hilarious! What timing! Gotta see more!

I'm bummed that you canceled the dolphins. As another poster pointed out, you can do it elsewhere, but puhleeze make sure you do it. It's an amazing experience, and very educational -- the kids will have so much fun they won't even realize how much they're learning. Yes, it's expensive but so worth it, and your mom had no right to deprive her grand kids of that opportunity. Just as she has no right to mess up your whole vacation.

Please keep us updated on your saga. I refer to our family's drama as "another thrill-packed episode in the amazing adventures of "As the Stomach Churns."

Thank you. I kept the Stingray excursion, though since that seems better for my son. I think that I will use that money for my next cruise/wdw combo in a year and book on board (sans mommy dearest). I appreciate everyone taking time to talk to me here and give advice because I hate to ever complain, but this was just too much for me and I needed to vent. You all are great peeps!

hi we have 39 Disney and 19 other cruises, have cruised with many people
here is our RULE it is your cruise we do not care how you enjoy it.
almost anything goes. we wish you the best Don & Gail

Thanks so much! I cannot wait to have your words come true!

I have no advice. I'm sorry. if I had to cruise with my mother one of us would go overboard... I'm 38 and I know my limits.

Lol, I am glad that you do! Maybe that movie mentioned above is based on a true story?

I have been thinking about this all day, and have not read all of the responses that have been posted so this may have already been said, but your mother makes her own choice on whether she will enjoy herself or not. I am a grandmother myself and if I could not go in the water for the dolphin experience I would still have a wonderful time. I would get to see my grand kids with the dolphins, take pictures, and hear all about it from them. I can think of no better memories than seeing my grandchildren enjoying something.

This trip is for your children. You should let the take the lead on what they want to do, and your mother can choose to enjoy the activities, or not. Do not let her bring you down and ruin this experience for you and your kids. I hope you have enjoy your trip and make lots of wonderful memories with your kids!

Thank you. I agree with you there about making memories and taking pictures and making sure that everyone is just having a great time together. That is why some friends of mine don't understand why my mother does what she does to her only child (me). I could say it is a lot of things, but I figure that if she really wanted to be happy, she would just let down her pride, or pain, or stubbornness, or whatever, and focus on the bigger picture. Then again...that's just my opinion.

violetmonarch,

Sorry you're having this stress so close to departure date. I'll meet you at the first martini tasting!!

Thanks! Can't wait!! You're buying, right? jk

I am so sorry that you are dealing with all if this! Reading through this thread though has made me realize I must be one of just a few with an AWESOME Mom!! I cant fathom having a mother that I didnt get along with! We sail on the Fantasy a week from tomorrow, myself DH, DD, DS and my DM!! Can't wait!!!

Thank you. That's great that you have that Fantasy cruise to look forward too. That is the feeling I thought I was going to have until today happened. I want to be able to count on my mom, not as a child but just as a contributor to the happiness.
Thru this thread, though, you all have helped me to simmer down myself, talk me off the ledge and gave me encouragement. What a treasure some kind people are to others in need.

 

[kasajacar]

If your mother is like MY mother, then she's going to be pissed/upset/disappointed regardless of what you do.

This trip isn't about making HER happy.... It's for the kids. Rebook your excursions, and give her the option of joining you, or not!

While its easy to say what you *should* do, and *should* say..... Sometimes it isn't quite that easy. All you have control of, is your own attitude, and your own happiness. You can't change her, and you most likely can't make her happy either. Go into this with the attitude that you and your kids WILL have a great time! And whatever attitude your mother wants to have, is her choice too.

Only YOU can choose how YOU react to her.

 

[sayhello]

Thank you. I understand that she has limitations, and that is why I told her that since we were planning on doing the Rays and Dolphins, that there are other things she can do alone. She refused and said that she could do the activities...I know full well though that she cannot. It's like she has to follow me around all of the time, and when I mentioned her going alone to other things, she got furious with me and gave me the cold shoulder, yet again. when I lay down the law...she only gets offended. I give up.

Did you lay down the law and stick to it, or did you lay down the law and then cave in to her manipulation? It doesn't count as laying down the law unless you stick to it and follow through on it.

Sayhello

 

[kcashner]

And since there appears to be financial issues too--make sure HER account is tied to HER credit card. That way, none of her tips, charges, excursions, etc. will show up on your account.

You know she has no intention of not calling the TA to cancel. If you get to 14 days, she can just not show up. At that point, DCL will not adjust your "deal" to eliminate the KSF. They will just keep the booking the same and have her as a "no show." She's not going to do that either. I think she is just jerking your chain!

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Thank you. I asked TA about separate rooms, and DCL told her that that would be considered a cancellation and that I would lose 75% and then have to pay the higher price for the same room since the other inside rooms are all taken. Other option is to let her just not show up at port, and then I would have to repay her portion to her (cannot afford that). Part of me thinks I shouldn't have tried to go on this trip....



When did I become the mature one? lol

I'm sorry, if she just doesn't show up at the port, why should you have to repay her? She's the one chosing to be childish about this.

If 2 people book a room together because it's cheaper to do so, and then one of them gets their knickers in a knot and decides not to go by just not showing up, the other person doesn't have to repay them. It was their choice to give up the payment by not showing up.

As I have recently found out, at a certain point our parents become our children (and in the opposite view - we become the parents).

 

[violetmonarch]

If your mother is like MY mother, then she's going to be pissed/upset/disappointed regardless of what you do.

This trip isn't about making HER happy.... It's for the kids. Rebook your excursions, and give her the option of joining you, or not!

While its easy to say what you *should* do, and *should* say..... Sometimes it isn't quite that easy. All you have control of, is your own attitude, and your own happiness. You can't change her, and you most likely can't make her happy either. Go into this with the attitude that you and your kids WILL have a great time! And whatever attitude your mother wants to have, is her choice too.

Only YOU can choose how YOU react to her.

Thank you. Indeed, I cannot change her, I am not sure I can even appease her to consider just listening to me at all. When I talk, she interjects and says that I do not allow her to talk....yeah right, I never even finish a statement before she says all she wants to. Head, meet brick wall!

Did you lay down the law and stick to it, or did you lay down the law and then cave in to her manipulation? It doesn't count as laying down the law unless you stick to it and follow through on it.

Sayhello

Thanks. Yes, I stick to what I say I am going to do, as mentioned above tho....she doesn't listen to me EVER.

And since there appears to be financial issues too--make sure HER account is tied to HER credit card. That way, none of her tips, charges, excursions, etc. will show up on your account.

You know she has no intention of not calling the TA to cancel. If you get to 14 days, she can just not show up. At that point, DCL will not adjust your "deal" to eliminate the KSF. They will just keep the booking the same and have her as a "no show." She's not going to do that either. I think she is just jerking your chain!

Thanks. Yes jerking my chain seems to be her enjoyment. It's ehen she jerks my kids around that is making me most upset.

I'm sorry, if she just doesn't show up at the port, why should you have to repay her? She's the one chosing to be childish about this.

If 2 people book a room together because it's cheaper to do so, and then one of them gets their knickers in a knot and decides not to go by just not showing up, the other person doesn't have to repay them. It was their choice to give up the payment by not showing up.

As I have recently found out, at a certain point our parents become our children (and in the opposite view - we become the parents).

Thank you. OH NO, not my mother!! She will want repayment of her half of the hotel, the parking, the gas...all of which I actually have gotten free except the parking. Who booked it all? Me. Who researched what to do? Me. Who spent her free Hotel.com Reward night on the hotel? Me. Who managed to get an on board credit? Me. If I were the one that was going to stay behind, I would be out considerably more than her, and I never thought to ask to be repaid. My mother, however wants all of that repaid plus interest. Her rationale is that since this is all my fault, I am obligated to recoup her.

 

[violetmonarch]

And since there appears to be financial issues too--make sure HER account is tied to HER credit card. That way, none of her tips, charges, excursions, etc. will show up on your account.

You know she has no intention of not calling the TA to cancel. If you get to 14 days, she can just not show up. At that point, DCL will not adjust your "deal" to eliminate the KSF. They will just keep the booking the same and have her as a "no show." She's not going to do that either. I think she is just jerking your chain!

And yes I made absolutely sure to get her own account tied to her card....I know that there would be some charges there that mysteriously would appear.

 

[auntie]

Maybe I missed it, but did you take/or get travel insurance?...
If so...maybe something to seriously think about right now.

I'm sorry, and don't want to rub salt in the wound here, but certainly her behavior can't be a suprise to you at this point in your life? What made you think travel with her would be a pleasant experience?

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Thank you. OH NO, not my mother!! She will want repayment of her half of the hotel, the parking, the gas...all of which I actually have gotten free except the parking. Who booked it all? Me. Who researched what to do? Me. Who spent her free Hotel.com Reward night on the hotel? Me. Who managed to get an on board credit? Me. If I were the one that was going to stay behind, I would be out considerably more than her, and I never thought to ask to be repaid. My mother, however wants all of that repaid plus interest. Her rationale is that since this is all my fault, I am obligated to recoup her.

If it helps any, I think she's wrong about the whole thing. She's the one who "invited herself" on your already planned trip, and then started making demands on how that trip should operate. At least that's the picture I'm getting here.

I wouldn't think that her part would actually be half. If I had the time, and it were me, I would price the whole thing out without her, and then price it with her and the difference between the two would be what she would get back, maximum.

Even in the best of circumstances, if you cancel trips, they don't include interest to be paid back, you only get back what you paid. That's figuring that you cancel prior to any pentaly periods. If you cancel once the penalty periods start, you get even less back. And, yes, if it were my mother, I'd point that out to her. But I'm like that.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It's ehen she jerks my kids around that is making me most upset.

This would give me the strength to stand up to a mob. Don't mess with my kids.

 

[sayhello]

Maybe I missed it, but did you take/or get travel insurance?...
If so...maybe something to seriously think about right now.

I'm sorry, and don't want to rub salt in the wound here, but certainly her behavior can't be a suprise to you at this point in your life? What made you think travel with her would be a pleasant experience?

I'm sorry, but what good is travel insurance going to do her at this point? "My mother decided to be a jerk and not come on the cruise" would only be covered if you had "Cancel for any Reason" coverage, and I really don't think she can get that 3 weeks before the cruise. Most insurance won't pay out just because someone doesn't want to go on a cruise.

Sayhello

 

[kcashner]

If SHE doesn't show up at the port, you don't owe her anything. If she gets to 14 days and hasn't cancelled, she gets nothing back from DCL. That's HER loss as SHE is the one who made the decision to not show. DCL already has their money--hopefully they got it from her and you didn't pay it.

Again, don't let her guilt you into anything. SHE is the one making these decisions and SHE needs to suffer the consequences.

I don't know what your plans are for getting to the port, but my guess is that at some point they involve a stop at her home to pick her up...either on the way to the airport or to drive to the cruise. I'd tell her that you'll be there at X o'clock. Show up ON TIME...as in to the minute. No scenes, no arguments. She is either ready and gets into the car with her suitcase or you drive off. You can't argue and you can't be late for your flight/cruise. If she is not ready to lock the door and get in the car, it's HER problem. She can call a cab and make it to the airport or not--her choice.

You have got to quit buckling under when this woman bullies you. She only pushes because she knows you always give in. And you can't allow her to bully your children. It is your job to protect them!

 

[sandrakit]

DO NOT TELL HER IF YOU REBOOK ON BOARD OR BOOK AGAIN ..... Let us know how you make out on your cruise !

 

[kcashner]

When you check in, you will each have to present your own credit card to put on your account (even though you did this in advance). Be sure she has that and all needed documents before you leave for the airport or you will have drama beyond belief!

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

I have a very similar mother and have made this mistake many times before...turned out disastrous each time. I have now told my mom (we are on decent terms) that we will never travel together again. I don't say it in a mean way, but just "we do not travel well together." I know this does not help you now. I did want to suggest that you request table mates for dinner. My mom was always behaved around strangers and having "buffers" has always helped. Plus, she may make a friend! Good luck. You and I both know she is going to come!

 

[dvcersfromva]

I didn't read each and every post, but, boy do I feel for you! Nothing can spoil your fun more than a mom that is manipulative and wants to call the shots. I hope you and your kids can find a way to have a good time........you do know about DCL's liberal "bring your own alcohol" policy, right?

 

[pdwimmer]

Sharing a room.

Ouch. My mom went with us last year. She was an obnoxious drunk the entire time, but at least she had her own room so we could kind of get away from her. Just try to make the best of it and set some ground rules with her.