28 months and lying??

[KelleyD]

So my son will be 28 months next week. He has a very good vocabulary and can have conversations with you.

He recently started lying? fibbing...whatever. Nothing real serious, but I am not sure how to handle it because I of course still look at him as a baby...who speaks...

Ex. See him opening the freezer (on bottom) to get an ice pop. I say no you cannot have one now. He whines he wants one, I repeat then he says "dada said I could" - me knowing dada didn't say he could, in fact he said it to me once when dada wasn't home.

Yesterday he did it to me when i was getting him from daycare. He wanted to bring home a plastic cup from a cabinet. we did the song and dance twice then he says amy said i could - amy being his teacher. So i went outside his door and she came in and i repeated what was taking place. She said no i didn't say you could take it...

So he seemed put off, but I am wondering if I should be concerned. Do I just keep doing what i am doing, by having that person address it?

I guess he is just testing the waters, but i don't want it to get to far

 

[bumbershoot]

At that age it's not considered lying. It's considered to be making the world the way he wants it, and it's normal normal normal. I believe that Dr Sears has some good info on "lying" and storytelling, and appropriate things for kids at certain ages, and appropriate ways to respond as the parent.

He WANTS dad to have said yes, so he's trying to make the world happen that way.

Very different than when a 5 year old plays you that way.

 

[Bones1389]

He's just testing you. My daughter is the same way, not as much with lying but with trying to get away with things she KNOWS we don't allow, and then when we catch her she laughs as if to say "oh, you got me." It's kind of a game to them. They will push you to see what they can get away with. My wife and I don't allow her to get away with it even when it's funny or cute (we turn around so she can't see us chuckle) because we don't want to set the precedent. We want to set the precedent of behaving herself in public so we insist she behave herself at home as well.

 

[deva]

I think 28 months is too young to be "testing" you and agree with the second poster that to your child, this is reality. 28 months is too young to be knowingly lying.

 

[Aliceacc]

Toddlers sometimes have a problem differentiating between "lying" and "pretending." They sometimes think that wishing something will make it so (not unlike a lot of adults.)

But I wouldn't have someone else step in... that's giving your authority away. And there will be times when that other person isn't available. This isn't a court of law. You're the mom. If you say he's not allowed to have an ice pop, then that's the rule. "sorry, honey, mommy says no until after dinner" is sufficient.

 

[A&E'sMom]

I think that a lot of people don't give children, especially small ones, enough credit. Yep, it's lying! Sure, he's testing you! I don't think it's something to be worried about though. It sounds like you are handling it the right way, and not overreacting. Hang in there, Mama!

 

[KelleyD]

Thanks everyone. Pretty much went the 2 ways i thought...too young and knows what he is doing.

I am not going to make a huge deal out of it...let him know that its not right. But I can tell there is more to come...he's got spirit!

 

[mommyof2princesses]

My dd was about the same age when she started "fibbing". She had pushed a little boy at a play group. I asked her if she did and she told me no. I asked her if she was "lying "and, well, she never heard that word before and assumed I said "lion" and started to roar. Hard to keep a straight face on that one.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I 100% believe a two year old can test you. DS was one when he would go up to something he was not suppose to mess with and put his hand inches from it and look at us. DGS did almost the same thing at that age. HOWEVER, I do not think a two year old has the ability to fomulate a true lie. The tell it as they wish it was. They wish daddy had said yes to the treat or they wish they were not getting in trouble for hurting a freind. I agree to keep a very low response, "daddy did not say yes or yes you did push your friend." Also do not give small children the choice to lie. If you see them push a child, do not ask them if the did it, simply tell them that you saw it and then deal with it as a misbehavior.

 

[PixiePlanner]

My dd was about the same age when she started "fibbing". She had pushed a little boy at a play group. I asked her if she did and she told me no. I asked her if she was "lying "and, well, she never heard that word before and assumed I said "lion" and started to roar. Hard to keep a straight face on that one.

This just made me LOL!

 

[ktlm]

This behavior sounds VERY familiar. When you say "very good vocabulary" and "can have conversations", do you mean verbally extremely advanced from a very young age- such as over 100 words by age 1 and speaking in full practically grammatical correct sentences by age 2, and I'm talking sentences less like "Mama-ball-there" and more like "Actually, I would prefer mashed potatoes to spaghettios today" (true sentence that came out of DDs mouth right about the time she turned 2 and I almost fell out of my chair). The type of kid that has been so verbal from a young age that strangers stop you to talk? The type of kid that is so verbal at that age that even though you fast forwarded the 1st part of Nemo still completely freaked out because he understands the entire thing and realizes that Nemo is lost and his Dad can't find him and it isn't just about fish swimming around, to the point where he had nightmares about it? If so, he is exactly like my DD (now almost 3 1/2), and believe me he knows exactly what he is doing and is testing you. He is completely trying to see what he can get away with, which part of is testing ways to see how he can make things the way he wants them. It is completely normal for a kid like that. At that age when she pulled one of those, I would ask DD, "Are you telling the truth?" and she would look at me and say "No" and usually giggle. If she said "yes" which was unusual I would say "I'm going to ask(or call) Daddy, are you sure you are telling the truth?" and then she would say "No". He is too young to punish. If he is as verbal as she is, then just tell him he needs to tell the truth; it is not nice to lie; stick to he can't have whatever it was he was trying to get; and make him say I'm sorry to you or to whoever he lied about if they are around, such as the teacher. That's what seemed to work for us at that age. Of course, if he is like DD, once he figures out that the lying doesn't work, he will start trying new things to get the ice pop etc, such as coming up to you and hugging you and telling you how much he loves you and then saying "Can I have an ice pop- PLLEEAASE?" with another hug.

 

[Chereya]

If the topic of lying hasn't ever come up before, kids don't know that it's "bad" behavior. He's trying to use his language skills to get what he wants and doesn't associate saying something untrue as behavior that You (the parent) doesn't appreciate. My older son, I think around 4 years old, used to drive me nuts with his "jokes" because he hadn't gotten the hang of what was supposed to be humorous with what was just plain lying.

In any case, just find a good time to have a face to face chat about what lying is and why you would prefer if he not do it. Keep it age approprate for what he's capable of understanding. "When you say something that's not true, mommy does not like that. Please don't do that again because I always know when you're lying or telling the truth." I agree with the above poster who said to keep the power to yourself and don't turn to someone else to "disprove" what your child lied about. They have to believe we're all knowing, all seeing with eyes in the back of our heads, right??

 

[Aliceacc]

" Top 7 Things to Know About Lying in Toddlers and Young Children
By Ann Logsdon, About.com


Just beyond those "terrible two's," your child will learn the word "no" can be useful for more than refusal. The day will come when you ask her if she ate some of the chocolate cake you were saving for dinner. Though covered in icing, she will politely smile and say, "No." Is she lying? Maybe, and maybe not. It depends on her approximate age and level of language development. Learn when lying behavior can appear, why it happens, and what you can do about it.

1. Lying Behavior - Don't Worry Mom and Dad, Lying is Normal in Early Childhood
While some children do not go through a lying stage, most do. When it happens, parents may naturally feel a range of emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, and other feelings may emerge. These too, are normal. Realizing why lying occurs and that it is normal can help you cope with it more effectively..

2. Lying Behavior Before Age Three - Children May Not Be Aware They Are Lying
Before age three, your child is still acquiring very basic speech. She can understand much more than she can accurately express. She is only beginning to learn how to use her speech to cause events and to describe her thoughts and behaviors. Consequently, she may not fully understand that she is lying by answering, "No!" to the chocolate cake question. Instead of answering your question, she may be responding to the tone of your voice and body language that is communicating that something is wrong..
3. Lying Behavior Begins Early - Children May Lie as Early as Age Three
Around age three and a half, your child may begin to understand that he can purposely use language to tell you something that isn't true. Children with speech, communication, and learning disabilities may begin this behavior much later. Children with severe learning disabilities can demonstrate this behavior as many as two or more years later than children without disabilities..... "

the rest of the article describes lying in older kids.

I realize the author isn't exactly a nationally reknown child psychologist. But I think she makes some valid point.