:)

[My sister's princess]

It was okay for you but it isn't okay for the majority of society? Odd.

I don't understand why people are calling her immature. And I think it's entirely possible to love two people at the same time. Was it a mistake to get married? I can't answer that. Hopefully the groom already knows that this guy was in her life previously and when he finds out what happened, they'll be able to talk it through and work it out.

What's done is done. I hope it works out for all of them.

I said at least twice I don't think most people in their 20s are ready for marriage, and explained my thoughts behind that. Not sure why you are asking me something I made my feeling clear about.

My husband and I sat down and filled out a work book about what I was to do if he died, while we were at it, we did the same for me. That isn't something that alot of 22 year olds tend to think about.
I came to the realization that if something happens to him over seas it is very likely I will never marry again or have children. This was after a conversation where we discussed that should something happen to either of us, we would want the other to feel free to find love again. Again, not something most 22 year olds have thought out. These were both things that were discussed before we got married.

Show me two people who have discussions like this, explore their feelings, and understand and support each other at 16 and I will say they are ready to get married. The sad thing about the world we live in today is that most people don't think about these things until they are in their late 20's or early 30s. They don't like to think that love will ever end, what will happens if it does, and what they should to to keep that love from ending This young woman shouldn't be having these kinds of feelings and melt downs about someone she couldn't be bothered enough to write a letter to.

 

[surfergirl602]

Yes, this could be a book......any takers.........

I've been looking to write a good modern day romance - I might change it up a bit, but seems like a good plot to me! Look for it on amazon in about a year. lol

 

[surfergirl602]

I said at least twice I don't think most people in their 20s are ready for marriage, and explained my thoughts behind that. Not sure why you are asking me something I made my feeling clear about.

My husband and I sat down and filled out a work book about what I was to do if he died, while we were at it, we did the same for me. That isn't something that alot of 22 year olds tend to think about.
I came to the realization that if something happens to him over seas it is very likely I will never marry again or have children. This was after a conversation where we discussed that should something happen to either of us, we would want the other to feel free to find love again. Again, not something most 22 year olds have thought out. These were both things that were discussed before we got married.

Show me two people who have discussions like this, explore their feelings, and understand and support each other at 16 and I will say they are ready to get married. The sad thing about the world we live in today is that most people don't think about these things until they are in their late 20's or early 30s. They don't like to think that love will ever end, what will happens if it does, and what they should to to keep that love from ending This young woman shouldn't be having these kinds of feelings and melt downs about someone she couldn't be bothered enough to write a letter to.

I hear ya sistah. Most people don't sit down together every year and talk about their deaths, what ifs, etc. like we do. That's stuff most don't even think about. We pray every day that our husbands come home smiling, and not in a box. We got married at 20. Most of my friends at that time were still partying and eating ramen noodles. I agree that *most* people in their 20s aren't ready for marriage, but some of us are. We were looking at mortgages in our 20s. At this point, we have 4 children, and we've been married for a long time. I don't know if I could ever get married again.

 

[Colleen27]

I wouldn't have planned a 27K wedding, so I wouldn't have been worrying about the costs of cancelling!

I don't know that this really spells doom for the young couple, though. Having someone who was once so special come back into your life unexpectedly is bound to be emotional, and even more so at a time as stressful and emotional as the days before getting married. Once the shock wears off and she's seeing clearly, perhaps she'll remember how much she loves her groom and why they decided to get married in the first place, and that wistful what-if about the ex will fade or morph into anger at him for ruining her wedding day. I know if "the one that got away" from my past had walked back into my life a week before my wedding I'd have cried and worried over it, but in the end it wouldn't have changed any of what I feel for my husband or any of the reasons I chose to marry him. It would have been an upsetting surprise from a selfish man at an emotionally charged time, not a life changing moment.

 

[Robindianne]

You don't need to explain yourself. I had a child when I was young (22) and still think most aren't ready to have a child that young. Just because you do something doesn't mean you think everyone else is ready to. BTW I don't know that many people in their 30s who do that kind of "what if" work that you did. good for you two.

I said at least twice I don't think most people in their 20s are ready for marriage, and explained my thoughts behind that. Not sure why you are asking me something I made my feeling clear about.

My husband and I sat down and filled out a work book about what I was to do if he died, while we were at it, we did the same for me. That isn't something that alot of 22 year olds tend to think about.
I came to the realization that if something happens to him over seas it is very likely I will never marry again or have children. This was after a conversation where we discussed that should something happen to either of us, we would want the other to feel free to find love again. Again, not something most 22 year olds have thought out. These were both things that were discussed before we got married.

Show me two people who have discussions like this, explore their feelings, and understand and support each other at 16 and I will say they are ready to get married. The sad thing about the world we live in today is that most people don't think about these things until they are in their late 20's or early 30s. They don't like to think that love will ever end, what will happens if it does, and what they should to to keep that love from ending This young woman shouldn't be having these kinds of feelings and melt downs about someone she couldn't be bothered enough to write a letter to.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I just find it condescending and rather judgemental to say "this is what I did and it worked for me, but I don't think most of society should do the same thing."

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

Well the deal is she did go through with the wedding and now she has a marriage to deal with. If you know either bride or groom well at all I would suggest marriage counseling as soon as they get back. Best wishes to them!

 

[My sister's princess]

You don't need to explain yourself. I had a child when I was young (22) and still think most aren't ready to have a child that young. Just because you do something doesn't mean you think everyone else is ready to. BTW I don't know that many people in their 30s who do that kind of "what if" work that you did. good for you two.

Thank you. We have taken everything God has given us in this last year and made the best we could of it. If this is what he has given us to face, we are going to face to together and to the best of our abilities.

I just find it condescending and rather judgemental to say "this is what I did and it worked for me, but I don't think most of society should do the same thing."

I truly hope that you never face something in your life that hits you before you are ready, forcing you to face things that others around you are not, and can not understand.
I am away from the man I love, waiting, and worrying, all the while making sure that not only are my responsibilities taken care of, but so are his. My friends (who are 20-30) are at the bar, dating several men, and spending daddy's money. I would not trade the life I have for anything, but I also wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[luvsJack]

Thank you. We have taken everything God has given us in this last year and made the best we could of it. If this is what he has given us to face, we are going to face to together and to the best of our abilities.




I truly hope that you never face something in your life that hits you before you are ready, forcing you to face things that others around you are not, and can not understand.
I am away from the man I love, waiting, and worrying, all the while making sure that not only are my responsibilities taken care of, but so are his. My friends (who are 20-30) are at the bar, dating several men, and spending daddy's money. I would not trade the life I have for anything, but I also wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You are where you are and your friends are where they are because of the choices you each made. That doesn't make either choice right or wrong. Although I must say you sound a bit resentful of your friends.

It is commendable that you and your husband sat down and had the talk you had. Don't you think being in the military might have had a little bearing on that? I know of several couples who have had that discussion when one spouse was being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan. Its not really fair to say that a young couple that doesn't think of doing this is not ready for marriage, because they are not in the same situation as you . Most people do not have to deal with thinking about "what if" in the same way a soilder does.

Many people get married at 19-20 years old and do fine. Its not a choice I want my kids to make but its not 100% that the marriage is doomed for divorse either.


Back to the OP. Could it be that the bride is just got all caught up in the romantic idea of someone coming back from years ago and proclaiming his undying love? A little of the "grass looks greener" syndrome, maybe? For the groom's sake, I hope she wises up and comes to grips with what she really wants. It would be awful to drag this out and everyone involve getting hurt worse than may already happen.

 

[My sister's princess]

You are where you are and your friends are where they are because of the choices you each made. That doesn't make either choice right or wrong. Although I must say you sound a bit resentful of your friends.

It is commendable that you and your husband sat down and had the talk you had. Don't you think being in the military might have had a little bearing on that? I know of several couples who have had that discussion when one spouse was being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan. Its not really fair to say that a young couple that doesn't think of doing this is not ready for marriage, because they are not in the same situation as you . Most people do not have to deal with thinking about "what if" in the same way a soilder does.

Many people get married at 19-20 years old and do fine. Its not a choice I want my kids to make but its not 100% that the marriage is doomed for divorse either.


Back to the OP. Could it be that the bride is just got all caught up in the romantic idea of someone coming back from years ago and proclaiming his undying love? A little of the "grass looks greener" syndrome, maybe? For the groom's sake, I hope she wises up and comes to grips with what she really wants. It would be awful to drag this out and everyone involve getting hurt worse than may already happen.

That is exactly why we did it, why on earth would be think about death, and those other things that don't happen to people who are young, if he wasn't going somewhere where people are dying. We are facing things that we wouldn't even have considered if he hadn't been called up. Because of these experiences, experiences we are in a different place than many people our age. As far as being resentful, I would 100% agree. However I don't resent my friends, I resent that I can't understand their lives, and they can't understand mine. I hate that the people that I was closest to a year ago think I am boring and a party pooper! I am sad that we have different lives, and different priorities, however like I said, I wouldn't trade my life, or the decisions that I have made for anything.



I don't think a young marriage means divorce, but I do think that people who make decisions that they don't think all the way through can end up sad situations. I wonder how people are treating other man, now that he made bride cry?
The poor groom, your grass is greener comment is so true! I hope he never feels like he is being compared and doesn't measure up.

 

[Buckalew11]

Lots of brides cry on their wedding day. I mean, some really cry (as the OP said this girl was). I'm sure the groom was thinking WTH, but then again, maybe he was just thinking she was extremely emotional or something.

Even if they had contact during the last 4 yrs., this could have still went down much the same way. No communication surely changed things but may not have clarified things as much as people think it would have.

And I'm thinking I may write the book.

 

[My sister's princess]

Lots of brides cry on their wedding day. I mean, some really cry (as the OP said this girl was). I'm sure the groom was thinking WTH, but then again, maybe he was just thinking she was extremely emotional or something.

Even if they had contact during the last 4 yrs., this could have still went down much the same way. No communication surely changed things but may not have clarified things as much as people think it would have.

And I'm thinking I may write the book.

What will you name it?

 

[PebblesMK]

About the bride and groom, it does seem as though the bride wanted to be loved and eventually got over her old guy and fell in love with the man that she did eventually marry. And I don't necessarily know that the marriage will be a bad thing...if she truly does love him. But if she was/is in love with the idea of a storybook "Happily ever after" and thinks that the other guy was it, it will be insanely difficult. 4 years tends to change people and if there was such a spark and connection, they would have found a way to stay in touch and continue to grow that love.

To the above posters: Statistically speaking, people who marry young don't last forever. It's so easy to have an idea of how life will be perfect once there is marriage. Nobody ever considers the bumps in the road, the small things that could tear a couple apart. Unfortunately, a lot of military wives/husbands are forced to think about those things. I can understand My Sister's Princess completely when she said she is resentful of not being able to understand her friends and them not understanding her. She isn't resentful of what they have, but there is a longing to be a part of them still, especially when there is so much on her plate. I can relate because I was a teen mom and also a single parent. My daughter is going to be 10 and none of my friends could relate to my life and not understand that I couldn't go out all the time because I had bigger responsibilities. The majority of people aren't ready for that. If you've ever seen 16 and pregnant, you will see those girls leaving their children with parents while they go out and party. It's the same thing with marriage for the most part. Yes, there can be good times, but there are a lot of people who aren't willing to work through the really hard parts and that's why things fail. To those who are capable of being married young and have a long lasting relationship, I think it's positively amazing. Actually, in this day and age...any couple who work through the good and bad and continue to have a happy marriage give me a glimmer of hope.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm not sure that I would have done anything other than go through with my wedding.

I had considered saying I might not have been mature enough...but then I thought further. That would be taking a gamble. Stopping a wedding when an ex comes along after no contact for many years professor his love seems foolish especially if one hadn't had cold feet prior to that.

To me it seems the bride is grieving a "what if" scenario. In a Hollywood romantic comedy, the happy ending occurs. But in real life, why throw something away that was fine until an indecisive ex came back at the 11th hour to protest. Sure, Mcdreamy got the girl in that one movie by repeatedly professing his love to the bride. (the movie where is is best friends with her...).

While it may not be the wisest decision--it seems like a stupid idea to do otherwise unless one was confident they were making a HUGE mistake.

It is a tough predicament for sure--and unless truly in that position.
it would be difficult to determine a right or wrong answer.

The runaway bride chick wasn't exactly behaving with maturity when she bailed on her wedding and fabricated a kidnapping.

 

[ZachnElli]

I've known 2 brides who were having serious second thoughts on their wedding days and they are both divorced now. One was immediately back with her high school sweetheart and the father of her stillborn baby. I don't think she ever got over him, but losing the baby tore them apart. Sure doesn't make what she did to her now ex-husband right. And that was a $60,000 wedding (2008) and in small town Nebraska that's a heck of a wedding!

BTW, I'm 38 and have been married now for 18 years. Getting married young doesn't mean you won't make it AND if I hadn't had my kids when I was young, I would not have had them. By the time I was 28 years old, kids were no longer possible. Infertility clinics are everywhere now for a reason.

 

[N&B'smom]

I wouldn't have gone through with the wedding. If I couldn't say without a doubt that the man I was marrying was the one and only man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I wouldn't have gone through with it. It wouldn't have been easy but that's just the way I am.

I have an old friend who has confided in me recently that on his wedding day he not only had doubts but actually knew he shouldn't be getting married. He still went through with it. Now, 14 years in, he still regrets it.

 

[Silent1CB]

During my first engagement, it took me 4 mths to finally get up the nerve to call it off. I called it off less than 2 mths before the wedding. All the details were done. Invitations had already been printed & were being addressed. The closer we got, the harder it got. I feel her pain.

I cannot imagine having to make that decision in one day or even in one week.

 

[Silent1CB]

Ok, wait a minute. The guests knew all about this, but the groom didn't? Groom just thought it was stress?
How did the guests know about this & he didn't?

Am I reading this right?

 

[krcit]

I'm not sure that I would have done anything other than go through with my wedding.

I had considered saying I might not have been mature enough...but then I thought further. That would be taking a gamble. Stopping a wedding when an ex comes along after no contact for many years professor his love seems foolish especially if one hadn't had cold feet prior to that.

To me it seems the bride is grieving a "what if" scenario. In a Hollywood romantic comedy, the happy ending occurs. But in real life, why throw something away that was fine until an indecisive ex came back at the 11th hour to protest. Sure, Mcdreamy got the girl in that one movie by repeatedly professing his love to the bride. (the movie where is is best friends with her...).

While it may not be the wisest decision--it seems like a stupid idea to do otherwise unless one was confident they were making a HUGE mistake.

It is a tough predicament for sure--and unless truly in that position.
it would be difficult to determine a right or wrong answer.

The runaway bride chick wasn't exactly behaving with maturity when she bailed on her wedding and fabricated a kidnapping.

I agree with you.Ii don't think I would have been brave enough to call off my wedding the day or week of. I hope the bride just got caught up in the 'what if's?' and has a happy life with her new hubby.

 

[Imzadi]

Drama, drama, drama..this is what the dis is here for...lol.

I want to go on a cruise!!!!!

We need to send someone on that cruise to report in what is going on. How can we write the movie/book without the details of what happens on the cruise?

My sister's princess, are you volunteering? You're about the bride's age. You'd fit in perfectly as her new BFF. She's going to need one on the cruise to confide in.