.....................

[wvjules]

If you were to put your foot down and say "enough is enough" you wouldn't have to give daily "what will she do next" posts. You are allowing this to happen, plain and simple.

 

[phorsenuf]

Let's just hope that at some point this goes back to a "fun" thread.. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here mulling over my options - and waiting for the "Drama Train" to leave the station..

And we all love a good "drama train", don't we.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I'm trying to read between the lines and I'm coming up with 2 things. Either you believe G has a mental illness or she has an addiction. IF that's the case, she can control neither of them. Seems to me it would be better to be open and honest with a friend about their spouse if you believed one of these things was affecting their lives than to stay mum about it because especially with the former there may be something the spouse can do to help. (But I might be totally off base about what you're alluding to.)

 

[TwinsinCA]

If this was your friend's daughter I could see treading carefully but this is her NEICE (and not even by blood at that). If she is seriously ready to throw away your friendship because you don't like her relative, then I am sorry to say that she is NOT the 'dear friend" you think she is.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm trying to read between the lines and I'm coming up with 2 things. Either you believe G has a mental illness or she has an addiction. IF that's the case, she can control neither of them. Seems to me it would be better to be open and honest with a friend about their spouse if you believed one of these things was affecting their lives than to stay mum about it because especially with the former there may be something the spouse can do to help. (But I might be totally off base about what you're alluding to.)

I know you aren't asking what you should do, but I agree with this. Personally, if a close friend knew something like this about my family member and didn't tell me, that would hurt our relationship far more than her telling me would.

In light of your newest post, for heaven's sake disregard my previous advice. If she isn't entirely in control of her actions then you don't need to be getting into a confrontation with her. My method only works on rational yet rude and selfish people, not those with serious problems. Avoid her! Good luck, whatever you do.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

I'm trying to read between the lines and I'm coming up with 2 things. Either you believe G has a mental illness or she has an addiction. IF that's the case, she can control neither of them. Seems to me it would be better to be open and honest with a friend about their spouse if you believed one of these things was affecting their lives than to stay mum about it because especially with the former there may be something the spouse can do to help. (But I might be totally off base about what you're alluding to.)

I got the same impression.

One thing additonal, though- Ann mentioned early on the neice is just like her uncle.

I *think*, if I am 'reading' correctly, that's the real crux of the issue here. Forcing the friend to confront "said person's" behavior may be forcing her to recognize the similarities to her husband. If C.Ann says "look, your neice is a whack job and I think she's bi-polar", when her friend's DH goes off on C.Ann in response, its putting her friend in a position of either recognizing her Dh's own issues or totally acting like the whole thing is figment of C.Ann's imagination. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

If my take on that is correct, I don't know what I would do. Its easy to say stuff like "if you don't lay down, you can't be a doormat", but the reality of asking a family to come out of denial and deal with mental illness is far more complex.

Good luck Ann. You can't win with this one either way.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I will continue to mull them over in my mind - until I decide the action I will take that will put an end to this obnoxious behavior

I think what i hear from posters over and over in this thread is true: you will likely not put an end to the behavior. All you can do is change your reaction to it, or remove yourself from having to endure it.

Good luck!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this all go away for you. I would if I could.

I don't envy your situation but know we are here for you.

 

[Wishing on a star]

CAnn, You know we all love you!!!!

However, it has to be said that you (and others around you) have been enabling this person.... And, very simply put..... This must STOP. I would take the advice of a couple of posters here who have said that 'enough is enough'.... You, and your DD (who admittedly just took G to the store TWICE).. and anybody else involved should simply cease to 'engage' with this person. And, while that may be difficult at first, remember that there are no ifs ands or buts. The buck stops here, with YOU.

In all seriousness, I am amazed that you think YOUR friends crazy relative is now YOUR DD's responsibility to 'run interference', 'take to strore', etc...
That does not sound fair to your DD at all....

No, I am not so sure that you should 'confront' or even 'confide in' your friend.... Your friend is NOT this person's keeper. This friend is not in control of this person's outrageous actions.

I know that this must be a very dear friend...
And, if this friend happens to pull away because you refuse to engage and take abuse from 'G'.... That will be very sad...

These kinds of mental issues (yes, it does sound like mental instability and issues....) can have far reaching effects...

But, you cannot control your friend...
She should not be a friend ONLY if you entertain her relative's outrageous demands and behaviors.

I suggest that you take the one recent poster's sage advice, and simply cease and desist with any engagement with this person whatsoever.

It would be better and easier to walk away from a few campfires, etc... while G happens to be there than to wage world war three...

Do not think of this as a war.... unloading on your friend.... seeing who is on which side or the other concerning 'G'... etc....

Sorry this is happening!!

 

[englishteacha]

Hi C.Ann! Sorry your sanctuary has been infiltrated by unpleasantness! Wanna come up to Maine and visit? We'll be gone a few days soon and you can keep my kitty (who has food and a litter box) company!

I'm imagining your lake house situation much like where my mom's camp is. Everyone has a 50' wide parcel of land, so your camp/home is pretty darn close to your neighbors. Am I correct in assuming that your dear friend owns the property next door and is allowing G, her niece, to use the camp? May I suggest a fence for the future? It doesn't have to be big or fancy. Just a barrier that makes wandering over inconvenient. The neighbors on one side of my parents' camp kept wandering over to our yard. We had a sandy beach (they didn't), we had a nice fire place outdoors (they didn't), we had good toys (they didn't) so they kept coming over uninvited and would use our stuff when we weren't around. My dad built a very simple fence, just a 1x6 on some posts, and that stopped the wandering. Properties are so close that boundaries aren't really recognized by some neighbors unless there's a visible barrier. Even now, though, some other neighbors think they are always welcome and don't recognize that sometimes we want family time. It's sad when you can't call to someone in the yard and ask if they want pie without the neighbors trotting over expecting a piece!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry G is causing so much stress and havoc. It appears it's gotten worse because she isn't getting what she wants. This MO must work for her quite well. After awhile people don't want to deal with her behavior and they will give in. That's why she doesn't come prepared. She acts horribly and makes everyone else "help" her. Or she'll act like a witch until they do. Ugh.

It sounds like your friendship of 20 years has seen a lot of changes. I can understand wanting to preserve it. What I'm surprised about is your friend can't see through any of G's antics. That's overlooking a heck of a lot. Your friend's love for her niece shouldn't keep her from seeing the niece's warts (so to speak).

From the outside looking in, it looks like G is holding you guys hostage. She holds the cards with the tight knit friendships at the lake and she's working it. She is probably empowered by the apology last year and thinks she can do no wrong. At this point, to me it's not about anything but this woman. I'd have a heart to heart with her. She could go all kinds of crazy, but I'd tell her the truth. Any friend (20 years or not) should appreciate your honesty and what you have been through thus far. If she didn't it wouldn't be worth it another minute for me.

Good luck with whatever you decide, C.Ann.

 

[EthansMom]

The only advice that I can give is what I would do in this situation:

I wouldn't complain to your friend. It hasn't worked in the past. And, honestly, your friend isn't responsible for the actions of her niece.

I would set some boundaries regarding the niece and I would stick to them. First, you don't like the woman and you aren't related to her so you need to realize that you (and your granddaughter) don't have any other "responsibility" to cater to her. So, while I wouldn't be outright rude to G, I wouldn't drive her anywhere (unless it's an absolute emergency... say, one of the kids needs to go to the ER); I wouldn't watch the kids (ever); I wouldn't lend her anything; etc.... And I would respond to all requests very curtly: "No, I am NOT going to watch your grandchildren,"; "No, I am NOT a taxi service!"; etc..

When you're around your friend and G at the same time, be pleasant but don't allow G to walk all over you.

Honestly, being pleasant but firm about my boundaries has worked really well in my dealings with people who are needy/dramatic/etc... It takes a little while to establish the boundaries, but once someone figures out that you aren't going to run their errands, watch their children, or let them walk all over you, they usually quit trying.

The best thing you can say to G... is "No". Be consistent no matter how whiny or annoying. Eventually, she'll stop asking.

Good Luck!

 

[C.Ann]

[/B][/COLOR]

ETA: Back to the silliness..

 

[Darsa]

Getting back to the real reason for this thread, how much ex-lax can be put in brownies without it being detected upon the first bite???

Enough to do the job, darlin'! Just make sure to use the chocolate flavored ones and you should be good to go Just make sure you "mark" the special ones with sprinkles or something!!

Maybe I'm exceedingly clueless (well, not much maybe about it, heh) but I can't figure out what the "word" is in question! It's killing me...

 

[C.Ann]

Enough to do the job, darlin'! Just make sure to use the chocolate flavored ones and you should be good to go Just make sure you "mark" the special ones with sprinkles or something!!

Hmmm..but I don't want any of the kids to get them.. How about coffee? I could tell her it's "chocolate" flavored?

 

[Disney Doll]

C.Ann's posts are a bit vague for whatever reason, but if I am reading corrcetly, this person is an addict of some sort. The "word"...have no idea??? A profanity or perhaps the name of her "substance of choice"????

In any event, a manipulative personality whose behavior will continue until someone decides not to give in to the manipulation.

My experience in delaing with manipulators is to make my decision about what I ma going to do and then continue to stick with it and repeat it no matter what. I can tell you that in caring for a detoxing drug or alcohol addict, I can say "No, I'm sorry but your medicine is not due until "X" o'clock, so I will be in to give it to you then" approxiamately 65000 times in an hour.

I agree with the "pleasant but breezy" statement "Oh, I'm sorry but that won't be possible" as a response to any request.

 

[disneynikon]

sounds like G is bi polar and off her meds. I am sure her husband dumped her there so he could have some quit for a few days.

If G owns the property she is on, I would deal with her and not the "good friend". I would tell G that she was not welcome on my property and to stop be an ***. Plain and simple. If it ment my grandkids lost a friend so be it.

If I was paying taxes and the reason I was there was to relax and have a good time. I would not let G into my space.

I have been at camp grounds and had the same kind of friends and when they got in my face I told them to back off and go away.

You can still be nice, but let her know you are done and don't want her on your property.

 

[BelleWDW]

sounds like G is bi polar and off her meds. I am sure her husband dumped her there so he could have some quit for a few days.

If G owns the property she is on, I would deal with her and not the "good friend". I would tell G that she was not welcome on my property and to stop be an ***. Plain and simple. .

I agree. I would not involve your friend-her Aunt. Nothing the Aunt can do to change this person-nothing at all.

I have a difficult neighbor-I ignore her. Don't wave, dont talk to her. She is coo-koo.

 

[bumbershoot]

I tried this last summer and it was awful.. The friendship was nearly destroyed.. You see, "G" is the niece of my dear friends DH - and he is exactly like she is (minus the "alluded" to part): arrogant; condescending; pompous; loud-mouthed; etc.. He refuses to believe she is anything short of "an angel sent from Heaven" and in "ruling the roost", pretty much controls what my friend is allowed to think or believe..=

That's awful.

So many friendships have been negatively affected by the husbands they choose. Sometimes people marry the strangest people! And those husbands sometimes think their spouse chose weird friends. Two friends were once hanging out, eating chips and guacamole. Friend B has a weight problem that bugs her husband, Friend C has no weight problem at all...they were both eating...B's husband came by and put away the chips and guac with absolutely nothing said....oh man that made C so angry! Sorry it seems your friend's husband is much much worse than B's weight-monitoring husband.

... but when all is said and done, the final choice (in terms of our continuing friendship) will be hers - and hers alone..

Very true. Good luck!

 

[C.Ann]