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[omghidanielle]

no more to say about this

 

[kittychatalot]

I wish I had advice! Maybe talk with a pastor or someone at your church if you have one.

 

[PinkRhombus]

Call a local mental health facility and talk with them.

Your father is endangering many many people with his actions. He's not going to be happy now...but after he gets stabilized, he may come around.

Good luck.

 

[PinballFamily]

First:

Second: not sure if he is in TX (as your sig notes), but here's some info on involuntary commitment. Without knowing more, this sounds like a possible option for you, but it is kind of a flamethrower one...

http://www.texasbar.com/Template.cf...EMPLATE=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm

If he's not in TX, other states do have similar provisions. I think our state has a "three day" involuntary commitment where folks get sent to and checked out in a mental health facility during that time, then decisions get made based upon those tests and evaluations.

Good luck - this sounds scary for your entire family.

(Sorry - don't know where I got Texas! But that link is still interesting reading... I'll try to find a similar link for PA!) Here's one - but from a law office, rather than the state bar association - but maybe it will help point you in the right direction(s):
http://www.barrasselaw.com/Publications/FamilyLawNewsletter.aspx?NewsItemid=1

 

[LKHomemail]

i do not agree that you will be able to have him involuntarily committed for long enough time to do any good. huge can of worms. i would get all of the family together and start documenting all the things that are going wrong / your concerns and then confront him in a group setting. point out all the negative consequences to the drinking, etc. and ask him to get some help. not sure if he will be ready or not. there is little you can do about the house. the house is your parents and your mom will have to work that out with him. she might want to get some legal counsel and ask how to protect both of their interests best.

 

[jfoofj]

I'm really sorry your family is going through this. I am by no means any kind of legal expert, but your mom really needs to protect herself financially (and your dad from himself). Aside from getting him evaluated medically/psychologically your mom might want to consult with an attorney. I know in some states if you are married and open a line of credit even without your spouse on that line of credit, your spouse can be liable for the debt. You don't want to see your mom saddled with the debt he is creating.

I wish you good luck with this.

 

[Lisa_M]

Pretty much if he hasn't made a threat to harm self or others, you probably won't be able to get him involuntarily committed or deemed mentally incapacitated. Here's the PA code on this topic: http://www.pacode.com/secure/data/055/chapter5100/s5100.84.html

I don't know if you are right in philadelphia or not, but if you click on your county on this map, it will give you the contact info for your local office for the aging. http://www.aging.state.pa.us/aging/cwp/view.asp?a=552&q=254012&agingNav=|6641| They will be able to give you more advice on how to proceed.

Good luck to you. It sounds like your dad really needs some help. I hope things work out for you and your family.

 

[stella27]

i do not agree that you will be able to have him involuntarily committed for long enough time to do any good. huge can of worms. i would get all of the family together and start documenting all the things that are going wrong / your concerns and then confront him in a group setting. point out all the negative consequences to the drinking, etc. and ask him to get some help. not sure if he will be ready or not. there is little you can do about the house. the house is your parents and your mom will have to work that out with him. she might want to get some legal counsel and ask how to protect both of their interests best.

She may not be able to have him committed for long enough (3 days in Texas), but it would be a good idea to have him committed because then he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist. I don't know enough about alcoholism to know whether this breakdown is strictly alcohol or is a bipolar mania-type situation as well. I have a friend who is going through something similar and her husband is also at a loss as to how to handle the situation.

To protect herself and to be able to sell the house, your mom may need to seek a divorce or to ask your dad for power of attorney. She should cancel all the credit cards that are in her name and she should try to cancel the ones in his name (not going to be easy, but she neds to stem the flow of $$ as much as possible).

The first step I took would be to speak with a lawyer who knows about family law, elder law/guardianship, and mental health and competency issues -

And you, as the oldest child should go with your mom to the lawyer's office so that she doesn't get confused. This is very hard on all of you, I know. Good luck.

 

[omghidanielle]

n/t

 

[natashag76]

I've worked in hospitals in the mental health unit and have seen the behavior you have been describing in the patients there. There are a few diagnoses that come to mind, but I won't speculate since I'm not there to witness it myself. However, I would encourage you or your sister to meet with the staff at the hospital to give a behavioral history on your dad. From what you have said, Mom may not be the most reliable source of info since she is pushing to keep Dad at home (I believe that's what I read).
As for the drinking, that may also be a symptom rather than the cause. See if you can meet with a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist who will be involved in Dad's evaluation. It is helpful to get an eye-witness's point of view when attempting to make a diagnosis.
Good Luck. Please keep us posted!
P.S. Dementia can set in at almost any age - you don't have to be "elderly." But like I said, the behavior you described points to a few different possibilities.

 

[greens_in_WA]

Social services in your area may be able to help. where I am - its the division of aging and long term care - its DSHS stuff, which doesn't have a good rep, but many social workers are great and can help navigate this stuff.

Best to you as you try to help your family.

 

[dyna]

OP Please keep us updated. HUGS!!! I don't have any advice but I do care. The little experince I do have with the mental health profession they are usually willing to work for HOURS to talk a person into staying the 3 days an sometimes able to make the person see they have a problem in that lenght of time so that the person is usually willing to stay longer.

 

[shortbun]

We kind of went through similar with my Dad but much later in his life. We removed all ammo from the house and took lots of the weapons. We had Mom move a lot of the money gradually into an account with only her name on it. We set up a code for her to call one of us in case there was a real emergency. Luckily, our Dad got reclusive almost immediately after he began his bizarre activity. He stayed locked in his bedroom for days at a time. Mom or one of us took him meals which he ate little of. It ended up that he had lung cancer that the doctors felt had gone into his brain and he died after a two year roller coaster for all involved. Do what you can to protect your Mother financially, emotionally and physically. She should not have to take care of him alone. My Mom tried to do that because she wanted to honor her marriage vows. I believe the stress gave her the cancer that killed her. When alcoholics get so bad as to be delusional, I'm not sure any kind of intervention will help. The brain damage of alcoholism is horrible. I wish I had insisted that my mother leave my father. Good luck.

 

[pink_fins]

I don't post often, but lurk a lot.
This sounds like my brother in law. He too is/was an alcoholic.
He has a disease that comes from drinking. He makes up things. Like he just came back from Florida and never went.
My sister had to put him in assisted care and he will never be cured.
His brain is permently damaged from all the liquor.

Get him checked out by a doctor
I can't remember the name.. something like Korsakoff ?

Best wished and hang in there.

gail