19yo boys are clueless

[minkydog]

That's my conclusion. DS19 is a freshman in college. DH & I are ready to pull his hair out. DS has failed math twice and has announced that "we need to pay for a tutor" so he can just go take the test and be done with it. Going to class and taking notes seems to not have entered his mind. Its time to register for spring classes; I reminded him again today. He says he's "not sure what he wants to do with his life" so he's put off registering. He quit his part-time job a month ago because he "didn't have enough to do"(he was a seating host at a restaurant.) We've pretty much forced him to make job applications, which he whole-heartedly resents. He has a whole list of places he won't apply because he "wants to work with fun people." DH has already had the man-to-man talk with him about growing up, taking responsibility,getting education or skill training so he can pay his bills and raise a family.

So today he dropped his "bomb-shell"--he and his 19yo GF, who has a PT job as a waitress, are going to rent a place together with DS's friend so he can "move out before ya'll throw me out." Yeah, well, good luck with that...

Lord, give me strength

 

[tevagirl]

19, 39, 59 it makes no difference.

 

[CathrynRose]

You know what? Just drop the *19 y/o* in front of your post-title, and make it just Boys/Men...

And THAT about sums it up!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

so - who was first in line to help him pack, you or DH?



no really, sometimes it is hard to watch them go kersplat on their faces.

 

[minkydog]

so - who was first in line to help him pack, you or DH?



no really, sometimes it is hard to watch them go kersplat on their faces.

Yeah, break my heart. And we were just talking about moving to a 3BR house and setting him up in the garage--"Johnville", like that TV show.

I do have a tent

 

[DawnCt1]

One of my friends swears that 19 is the worst age for boys. She really feels that if you can get passed 19, you are home free. I think that they are still 'searching' and are frustrated that those things that are valuable in life take so much effort to achieve. DS 27 was telling DS 18 the other night, when DS 18 was complaining about how "unreasonable" I was about privileges, curfews, etc. He said' "you know, once you are 18, consider yourself living rent free and anything you get as a gift. If you think it is so awesome being older, once you hit 22 the years flash by and I have to think about how old I am, you tend to forget.". This from a kid who couldn't wait to turn 18 so he could move out. It gets better. Really.

 

[minkydog]

One of my friends swears that 19 is the worst age for boys. She really feels that if you can get passed 19, you are home free. I think that they are still 'searching' and are frustrated that those things that are valuable in life take so much effort to achieve. DS 27 was telling DS 18 the other night, when DS 18 was complaining about how "unreasonable" I was about privileges, curfews, etc. He said' "you know, once you are 18, consider yourself living rent free and anything you get as a gift. If you think it is so awesome being older, once you hit 22 the years flash by and I have to think about how old I am, you tend to forget.". This from a kid who couldn't wait to turn 18 so he could move out. It gets better. Really.

Thank you for leading the way. This kid has given me gray hair. Just today he said he wished he could design web pages. I said,"you could take a class for that." He got all irritated with me and said,"I don't wanna take a class, i wanna do it this weekend." He seems to have no idea that accomplishing things in this life require hard work and sacrifice. I have no idea where he came from. His "daddy" found him under a cabbage leaf

 

[Teacher03]

You have my sympathy! I also have a 19 year old son who is "finding himself." We told him we don't care when he finds himself but the 'where' better be in college!

 

[Sandcass]

I have 2 19yr old boys in my life that are breaking their family's hearts right now.

One was buried today.

The other dropped out of school, has a child that he takes no responsibity for, can't stay out of jail or rehab.

Please, if your 19yr old is around give him a hug for me.

 

[MrsPete]

So today he dropped his "bomb-shell"--he and his 19yo GF, who has a PT job as a waitress, are going to rent a place together with DS's friend so he can "move out before ya'll throw me out." Yeah, well, good luck with that..

Don't try to stop him. Sounds like a dose of reality could help him tremendously. Don't help him though. When he has no money for rent, groceries, whatever, respond with this phrase: "Gee, that's tough. I remember when we were young and poor."

 

[Lynn CC]

I'll be sure to give my almost 19 yo (in May) DS a hug.

You can tell your DS that there is free tutoring for math at his college! My DS tutors in Calculus and English many hours every week for free. There are students in every college that just love to help out their peers that need help. There is also a lot of people he can talk to in student services about finding himself, he should give it a try...I'd go with him if I had to.

 

[minkydog]

I have 2 19yr old boys in my life that are breaking their family's hearts right now.

One was buried today.

The other dropped out of school, has a child that he takes no responsibity for, can't stay out of jail or rehab.

Please, if your 19yr old is around give him a hug for me.

Awww We love him. And we're very glad we aren't dealing with these things. I know I'm whining a little. It is, after all, his life and his choices. I'm not inclined to support my kids once they leave, and in fact, I am actively "putting sticks in the nest" with this one. I think he would happily live in my basement with his PS2 and a case of Code Red until he turns 25. I figure a few weeks living with his GF(that's a whole 'nother thread ) ought to open his eyes.

 

[canwegosoon]

If he can't do math ...how is he going to bill people for making web pages?
I know it is tough...he doesn't sound ready for anything at the moment. It will be ok...he will come around. I like to know how he is going to pay for this apartment(make sure you do not bail him out!)

Good Luck.

 

[minkydog]

If he can't do math ...how is he going to bill people for making web pages?
I know it is tough...he doesn't sound ready for anything at the moment. It will be ok...he will come around. I like to know how he is going to pay for this apartment(make sure you do not bail him out!)

Good Luck.

Yeah, that is the question of the hour No, I will not bail him out. He can do what the rest of us did--work for anyone who will pay us. In my early years, before I finished nursing school(at age 20 ) I: wiped butts, gave enemas, held vomit basins, changed nasty dressings, took dead people to the morgue and cleaned the delivery room . I worked the night shift in a hospital--there were NO "fun people" there.

But I also got to: give hope to a young man who had all the skin on his body scraped off in a motorcycle accident,hold hands with a lonely old lady while she waited to die(her son didn't want to "waste time in the hospital"), rub tired backs aching from invasive cancer, hug adult children while they cried their eyes out over MaDear, and wash the bodies of people's loved ones so they would be presentable for viewing. I considered it an honor to be there.

 

[Stacerita]

19, 39, 59 it makes no difference.

 

[pooksma]

My DS is turning 5 in two weeks. This thread will come back and haunt me, wont it?

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have twin sons who are 181/2. We just had the long talk with one of them last night. He's living at home, going to community college and currently between jobs for 2 months. I found out that he's missed his one class twice.
The talk goes, full time school, part time work of part time school full time work, passing classes or you are going to pay rent and lose all financial help from parents.
He tries to defend himself. He's a good kid who is clueless, has no idea what he wants to do with his life, and could easily slip into a loser life if we give him the chance. And he'd be happy living in our basement with his video games and a case of pelegrino water so I can relate. The other one is the opposite. He's responsible, right now, and thinks that gives him the right to do whatever he wants and that he can do foolish things that I'm not footing the bill for. I can see him telling me he's going to classes and working, why can't his gf live with him in his dorm on our dime.

 

[Sandcass]

My DS is turning 5 in two weeks. This thread will come back and haunt me, wont it?

Just keep it in mind! Remember to enjoy him while he's little. The crazy things they do when they're babies, toddlers, and little kids doesn't compare to what they'll do to us later. Hold him tight now! While he'll let you!

 

[ChubbyHubby]

My DW's nephew decided to drop out of college and live in Lost Wages working in a club as a bus boy. Heaven help us. Of course my 37 year old brother isn't much better.

*sigh*

ChubbyHubby

 

[tiberius]

I seem to remember 19 was a lot of fun--and was a very trying year...I dropped out of college, I met my future wife of almost ...(well never mind how many years now!), and I enlisted in the Marine Corps...2 out of 3 isn't too bad on the good side.

As a long since recovered 19 yo, he probably needs a push out of the nest in some way, good luck with him!

As far as girls go, I really hated the 14-16 year range!