18 month old DS is a hitter. Any suggestions?

[Gabe's Mom]

I guess the thread title says it all. He is our second boy, but very different from our older son. Much more "spirited." I'm sure this is a fairly normal phase, but it is an issue with our babysitter because he keeps hitting the other baby she watches. He is an absolutely fabulous little guy. We are of course crazy about him, but if anyone has any suggestions of how to get him back on the straight and norrow, I would love it!
TIA,
Michelle

Thought I would add a picture, he is an angel, but I think has just a little devil in him

 

[seashoreCM]

First order of business is to separate him from the other child(ren).

Your sitter might place him in a playpen for restraining purposes.

Back at home, does he feel you are not giving him enough attention?

 

[Tricia's mom]

We jst went thru this with our DD( 2this week) I think it is just something they go thru..They may not like people being so close in there face they are learning boundries...They are fustrated that they know what they want but have a difficult time communicating. It will pass but in the mean time. Let him know its not nice and seperate him when he does hit.

 

[Gabe's Mom]

Thanks guys. Things are fine at home. He does try to hit at us when he is mad, so not just at the sitter. He has a "bad boy spot" that I make him sit in. I know he is only 18 mos, but it does seem like he knows what he is doing, he'll hit and then say bad boy and go sit down in his time out spot. Honestly it's hard not to laugh (but we don't)
She says he doesn't seem to be mad when he is hitting, just more out of the blue. I know it's probably just a phase, but it's so hard, and honestly embarrasing. I think I will suggest she put him in his playpen for a time out.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

You need to call him on it every single time it happens. You or the babysitter need to respond with a firm No and then he should be placed in the playpen for a minute or two. He will eventually start to equate the hitting with the timeout. He's young, but he can respond to behavior modification. The key is that you have to call him on it every time and immediately. Otherwise he won't connect doing the crime with doing the time! The behavior may escalate after you start trying to correct it. He will start testing you to see if you're serious. But, he'll get the idea that hitting is not OK and that it gets him a timeout from whatever else he'd rather be doing. And don't be embarassed. As long as you're working to correct the behavior, you're doing fine. Good luck!

 

[WantToGoNow]

The baby that I babysit (15 mos) started this a few months ago. First, you and the babysitter have to be consistent - he can't get away with it at either place and be punished at the other or be punished one time and not the other. As soon as I see her raise her hand, I say in a very firm voice "we do not hit" and then she sits on the couch for a couple of minutes. She only did it a few times.

As for him hitting you, you need to stop that right now - no child should ever be allowed to strike a parent - angry or not.

 

[DISNEYNV]

This is a tough age! My DS is 17 months and is not a hitter, but a climber! I agree that you and his caregiver NEED to comunicate and be consistent with his time outs. When he hits gently grab his hands and get down at his level, look him in the eyes and say "no hitting, hitting hurts". Then promptly
put him on time out for one minute (it's one minute per age of child). Be firm and consistent, but understand that he may be frustrated that he can not speak words for yet. Perhaps your sitter could look for clues before this happens? Is he tired or hungry when the hitting occurs? Does he do it when play time is over? Maybe she needs to transition him better between activities throughout the day. Let him know ahead of time that it's time to clean up toys for lunch, etc. Keep a daily schedule so he knows what to expect throughout the day. Have your caregiver keep a log when and why he hits so you can see a pattern if there is one and adjust to it when he is with you.

I know that hitting is a negative behavior that needs attention so hopefully these suggestions should help. I worked with infants and toddlers for 7 years and have two spirited kids of my own. Best of luck with your little guy!

 

[liznboys]

Been there... I say "We don't hit" and they go in time out. At that age time out for my youngest was his highchair, he hated being in it so it became his time out place. That was the only place I could restrain him. I go by the 1 minute per age thing... so for a 1 yr old timeout lasts 1 minute. Then before letting him out I would say again, "We don't hit" to remind him of why he was punished. Consistency is definitely key! Hang in there, it is normal.

Your little guy is a cutie!

 

[my2redheads]

I think you've already gotten a lot of good advice. My dd went through a very short (thank God!) phase around 2yo. We bought her the book Hands are Not for Hitting and she really enjoyed it. It really just helped reinforce the discipline in a fun way!

 

[CLEO Z]

I feel for you and how embarrassed you are. I had a biter who turned into a hitter. *SIGH* The well intentioned and highly educated women at our boutique daycare did their best with all of the psychological stuff and we followed up at home. Nothing worked. They kicked him out at about 22 months.

There is a horrible stigma to being a mom of a biter. The other parents and even teachers look at you like your a horrible mom and you do nothing to control your child and in fact sit there with him teaching him nasty things. We tried it all and it was a bad time for us.

Time was what worked. I should say time and a great new daycare. Our new daycare was in a church with teachers and staff who were experienced moms. No psychobable, just experience. My son continued to have issues at school until about age 3.5, but the biting ended by 2.5 and the hitting had tapered down. The staff at the school did not look at me like a "bad mom" and instead told me that some boys are just like this and he would grow out of it. They punished him appropriately for actions and did not blow it up.

My suggestion is to try all of the reccomendations of the "pro's", but if they do not work just stay steady and time will do the trick. For the protection of the baby, you might want to change his daycare situation to one where he is only with kids of the same age. If I'd have listened to all of the "smart" people, they'd have him on drugs. Now he is a normal almost 5 yr old -but I will admit he has mommy's temper! LOL