17 vs 20 and 21

[SaraJayne]

I wouldn't let my daughter go. Don't care if she's almost college aged, she wouldn't be going. My kid, my responsibility, my decisions. I'd make sure she understood why I wasn't giving her permission to go, but she wouldn't be going.

Same here. And if another parent asked me why DD wasn't going, I'd tell them exactly why.

 

[TacoBaco]

Here is my two cents;

I does take a village to raise a child, I usually appreciate it when other adults, clue me in on what my own 15 year old daughter has been up too... But I also trust my daughter, she has called me in the past, when she's at a party and ready to come home, or if people get out of line, and I always rush out and pick her up, no matter the time. (I don't LET her go to the party, but if she with friends, sometimes they end up there).

However, in this situation they boys could also be seen as guardians. Just imagine the slime they could meet on the beach, or boardwalk and bring back to the apartment... Or do we really trust the locals, what if they get wind of a group of girls staying alone? Not saying this is the case, but I'm trying to look at the coin from the other side...

 

[Goofycampers]

OP you mentioned the people that rented the beach house are pretty good friends of yours. I know that if I was good friends with someone I would want them to clue me in if this was my kid. You could just tell them in a " just wanted to make sure you knew and were cool with it" kind of way. These are not adults, they are teens and I have to wonder what these parents are thinking sending these kids to Myrtle Beach without supervision. The fact that some of them are old enough to attend college at 17? That doesn't seem a reason to put them in a situation where something could happen.

 

[LisaR]

It is tattling, you can try to try to make yourself feel like less of a busy body and justify it by saying its for the good of everybody, but it is tattling, plain and simple.

Do you people really believe these parents are that clueless? I don't, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt that they do know what could happen, and still have decided to let their teens do it. And on the off chance that they are really that clueless, it still wouldn't be my business on what they choose to let their kids do. I'll stick to taking care of my kids, and let everyone else do the same.

For me personally, I am not concerned about tattling. If I feel I have something to say to someone, I'm going to say it and if it meets the definition of tattling, oh well. Having said that, I do believe this is a MYOB type situation. I think parents that rent a house and leave a group of 16-17 y/o teens alone in it for a week are stupid and it isn't my job to fix stupid.

As to the part I put in bold, YES! I truly do think many of these parents are clueless. I am amazed on a daily basis how clueless some people are.

 

[mjkacmom]

A good friend of mine has a dd in the same grade as mine (sophomores - but have never run in the same crowd). All of her dd's friends were going down the shore for MD weekend and staying in hotel rooms (sophomores, juniors, seniors), and she wouldn't let her dd go, and asked me if I'd let my 15 year old go. No, I would not. I did go with my gf's junior and senior year, car packed with alcohol, a blender, and mixers, and although it was fun, it's not something I want my 15 year old a participant in.

Although I'd say know, I wouldn't contact other parents - everyone has their own limits for their kids.

 

[elainesj]

I remember going on a trip like that with my friends when we finished high school at 17. It was only a few days and it was a co-ed group of very close friends. we weren't big partiers though and just chilled together at a beach for a few days.

I would be comfortable with 17. Sixteen is a bit young for an unsupervised trip though.
\]

 

[Goofycampers]

Tattling? I don't get that. Kids tattle on each other. An adult stepping in and informing another parent of a potential harmful situation is not tattling imho. And yes 17 may be old enough to attend college but in the eyes of the law they are still children. How terrible would you feel if you knew, the parents didn't and something bad happened?

 

[luvmy3]

For me personally, I am not concerned about tattling. If I feel I have something to say to someone, I'm going to say it and if it meets the definition of tattling, oh well. Having said that, I do believe this is a MYOB type situation. I think parents that rent a house and leave a group of 16-17 y/o teens alone in it for a week are stupid and it isn't my job to fix stupid.

As to the part I put in bold, YES! I truly do think many of these parents are clueless. I am amazed on a daily basis how clueless some people are.

Clueless in the sense that they aren't aware of all that could happen. Some parents are willing to "risk" things even knowing what the consequences are. I imagine the parents of 16 and 17 year old girls are well aware of what may happen when they are without supervision for a week, and they are OK with it. Its not my job to tell them they shouldn't be.
That doesn't mean I think what they are doing is wise, it just means its not my place to tell them that. Its my place to tell my own dd that.

 

[luvmy3]

Tattling? I don't get that. Kids tattle on each other. An adult stepping in and informing another parent of a potential harmful situation is not tattling imho. And yes 17 may be old enough to attend college but in the eyes of the law they are still children. How terrible would you feel if you knew, the parents didn't and something bad happened?

Exactly

 

[sPaRkLeSpAz]

I'm not sure that I would tell unless someone asked me. I would want someone to tell me though. And I wouldn't let my daughter go out with some guys for a week if she was still in high school.

 

[Buckalew11]

No, I would not allow my daughter to go.

I've been to MB and seen groups of unsupervised kids.

I'd be concerned about those adult young men too. There putting themselves in a dangerous situation also.

 

[Styx Fan]

I don't agree with the reasoning of they are either of college age or already college age so that makes the trip OK. Everyone matures at different rates and just because you happened to hit either 18 or college age doesn't mean you automatically are ready to accept the responsibilities that go with it. Add in the heady freedom of vacation and it's a recipe for trouble.

I remember what college freshman dorms were like....and I remember what some of my friends did while away freshman year. In some cases it was a huge waste of money and the kids were lucky nothing serious occurred.

So no way would I let my kid go away in the situation OP described.

 

[luvsJack]

A lot of parents tend to think that their kids will always do the right thing and these parents may actually be envisioning a great girl bonding fun time on the beach for these girls.

I would call the mom and just say, "we have been having a conversation with dd about this trip the girls are wanting to go on. She really wants to go but we have some reservations about it. What's the deal about these older guys that are going?"

That way you aren't actually "tattling" and but you are voicing your concerns. Doesn't mean you have to let your dd go regardless of what the answers are.

 

[ChristmasElf]

No, I would not allow dd to go and yes, if the parents asked why, I would tell them. Would I seek them out to tell them, no, I wouldn't.
As a parent, I would never envision myself renting a beach house for a group of teens, same sex or otherwise. You would be kidding yourself if you think you won't be taking a risk in some fashion. Do your friends live in Orlando with you? If so Myrtle Beach is 8 hours way or so. I would be worried about highway driving with 16 and 17 yo who just got their license! Then emergancies with no legal adult around.

I can think of many reasons why my dd wouldn't go.

Kelly

No the parents of the just turned 17 yr old girl live in North Carolina. This girl will be a Senior in high school this fall. Turns out, NONE of the girls are finished with high school yet.
My dd would have driven up with my husbands sister who was here at WDW with her family. The "plan" for dd originally was she would have gone to the beach with the girls, then gone and spent a couple weeks with dh's sister and then we would have had her fly back to Florida. (we have been friends since college with the one girls parents)

OP you mentioned the people that rented the beach house are pretty good friends of yours. I know that if I was good friends with someone I would want them to clue me in if this was my kid. You could just tell them in a " just wanted to make sure you knew and were cool with it" kind of way. These are not adults, they are teens and I have to wonder what these parents are thinking sending these kids to Myrtle Beach without supervision. The fact that some of them are old enough to attend college at 17? That doesn't seem a reason to put them in a situation where something could happen.

I worry that if we were to keep quiet on this and later it slips out why our dd didn't end up going, it will cause a rift.

Clueless in the sense that they aren't aware of all that could happen. Some parents are willing to "risk" things even knowing what the consequences are. I imagine the parents of 16 and 17 year old girls are well aware of what may happen when they are without supervision for a week, and they are OK with it. Its not my job to tell them they shouldn't be.
That doesn't mean I think what they are doing is wise, it just means its not my place to tell them that. Its my place to tell my own dd that.

DD has been reading her twitter and it appears so far that no one but the girls are having a good time. Some tweeted they were looking forward to going home.
It does look like the girls were drinking though, as one posted about wrecking a blender while trying to make margheritas.
DD also thinks a fight may have broken out sometime yesterday and says she will fill me in when she gets more details!
I get the feeling she is secretly happy we didn't let her go.

 

[krcit]

16-year-old girls are not college age any more than 14-year-olds are driving age. Teenage girls are more likely to become sexually active with older guys and, in general, what the average 16-year-old girl is looking for from a member of the opposite sex she has just met and what the average 21-year-old male is looking for from a member of the opposite sex he has just met are very different and in terms of a power differential, the older male has the advantage.

I absolutely stand by my statement that this is an unsafe situation. Because sexual assault is so under reported most people are not in the position to know how common it is (particularly by "friends" and acquaintances). As someone who asks individuals about their history of sexual assault as part of my job, I am.

It is parents job to protect their kids and in this case the parents do not have the information they need to do that (or even to make their own call as to whether they're okay with this situation).

Honestly, I don't understand treating teenagers as if they are grown or nearly grown. Head scans of teengers resemble the brain scans of people who are brain injured. The areas of the brain governing insight and judgment are still half-baked until someone is 22 or so. The adolescent years are when kids have the opportunity to make decisions that have serious and long-reaching consequences. Leaving kids to their own devices at that point makes absolutely no sense to me.

I would say I can't believe that parents would be stupid enough to rent a house for a bunch of 16-17 year old girls but seeing some of my dd's classmate's parents, I can believe it. These threads always turn into '17 year olds will be off to college soon, they are almost adults...yada yada. I was a smart kid with good parents and I made some really really stupid decisions from the ages of 16-22. I was lucky I didn't end up like Natalee Hollaway on more than one occasion.

That being said, I wouldn't say anything to the parents I don't think. What do they think is going to go on with a bunch of 17 year old girls left to their own devices for a week?

 

[RitaZ.]

I worry that if we were to keep quiet on this and later it slips out why our dd didn't end up going, it will cause a rift.

DD has been reading her twitter and it appears so far that no one but the girls are having a good time. Some tweeted they were looking forward to going home.
It does look like the girls were drinking though, as one posted about wrecking a blender while trying to make margheritas.
DD also thinks a fight may have broken out sometime yesterday and says she will fill me in when she gets more details!
I get the feeling she is secretly happy we didn't let her go.

Sounds like it's too late to say anything to the parents, since the vacation is currently underway.

 

[FayeW]

If the event was coming up, I would have called my friend and thanked her for the invite and said "Thanks for thinking of DD, but we aren't allowing her to go because we are uncomfortable with the older boys being there" as if you assumed she knew all along.

Now that the girls are actually on the trip, it gets a little trickier. Since you are very good friends, I would probably call to see if they have checked on the girls at the house, and mention at that time the reason why you weren't comfortable to let your daughter go.

You can't unring the bell; you know what you know. The litmus test for whether or not you make the call has to be "how will I feel if...".

 

[Feralpeg]

I would call the parents who rented the house and tell them that since you heard there will be older boys staying at the house, you've decided your daughter will not be attending. Then, let the chips fall where they may.

Maybe the parents who rented the house have no problem with this. Perhaps, the parents of the other girls would if they knew. As a parent of a daughter, I'd be very upset if this happened and no one told me.

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't say anything at this point because there's nothing they can do now except punish afterwards.

I would not allow my 17 year old to go to the beach for a week without an adult present, boys or not. I went to college at 17 and IMO that doesn't have anything to do with it. There were adults there for emergencies.

When I went to college there were at least a minimum of rules I was required to follow if I wanted to stay enrolled and I also knew I was creating a reputation that might stick with me for the next 4 years. I was not in a total vacation mentality.

Kids of that age gradually gain independence. No need to throw them into the ocean to see if they swim a full year before they go to college. I would definitely have asked about the boys prior to the trip though.

Adults who send their kids on these kind of trips and then claim afterwards they had no idea that their kids might party are nuts.

I have a 17 year old and a 19 year old. There's a big difference. The 17 year old still has to answer to me at a different level.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I wouldn't of let my 17 year old dd go either I think you made the right choice.

I saw the one boy who was 21 and my thought immediately went to he is the alcohol buyer. I remember camping at 17 with friends who were both sexes and old enough to buy beer and guess what we were doing....nothing I want my kids to be doing.
At 17 yes I do trust them to make decisions for them selves but they are not legal adults and my job isn't to put them in situations like that
If they are above 18 and out of high school and no longer living in my home they can make those choices themselves.
AND if it isn't a big deal to those who said 17 is adult enough then you should of called her parents it isn't a BIG deal to fill her parents in on the details I am sure the won't care much either