13th birthday, another milestone

[minkydog]

Christian turned 13 today. Interesting that I had a vivid dream last night in which I had decided to give him up. I drove him to a relative's house with all his stuff and dropped him off. In the dream I knew that the relative was clueless about how to care for him, and I felt very guilty, but I walked away and left him there.

I have been sad all day. I guess while I was sleeping, I was experiencing all those emotions so when I woke up my body was dealing with the aftermath. Right before I fell asleep I had the thought that Christian would be celebrating his Bar Mitzvah this year...if we were Jewish I guess this milestone has affected me more than I thought.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Raising a kid with special needs is hard- really hard- and it wouldn't be human to never ever want it to stop, to "get rid of" the disabilty and get the kid you thought you were signing up for. What makes us moms is that A. we don't actually leave the kids wherever and B. We usually don't admit it-even to ourselves, and that is why a dream is sometimes necessary. Remember, dreams are abstract representations, don't take it completely literally. If you have a counselor or a trusted friend, maybe talk to them about your feelings- this is a time in his life where it makes sense to have some ambilvilant feelings, but your dreams may be trying to help you become aware of and deal with them. Try not to feel guilty about the dream. It's not something you can control, and not something you're planning to do...maybe try to take it as your subconsious really trying to get your attention.
Blessings
Nicole

 

[debbi801]

Christian turned 13 today. Interesting that I had a vivid dream last night in which I had decided to give him up. I drove him to a relative's house with all his stuff and dropped him off. In the dream I knew that the relative was clueless about how to care for him, and I felt very guilty, but I walked away and left him there.

I have been sad all day. I guess while I was sleeping, I was experiencing all those emotions so when I woke up my body was dealing with the aftermath. Right before I fell asleep I had the thought that Christian would be celebrating his Bar Mitzvah this year...if we were Jewish I guess this milestone has affected me more than I thought.

It's tough being a mom sometimes. Even harder when you have to spend so much of the time fighting for your child.

Your comment about the Bar Mitzvah is especially touching for me. We are Jewish. My DD's Bat Mitzvah was in March. And I was just informed that our synogogue is really not equipped to have a kid with Asperger's in the religious school. So, unless I change synogogues, it doesn't look like my 6 yr old will become a Bar Mitzvah.

Happy birthday to Christian. Thirteen is such a special age.

 

[ireland_nicole]

It's tough being a mom sometimes. Even harder when you have to spend so much of the time fighting for your child.

Your comment about the Bar Mitzvah is especially touching for me. We are Jewish. My DD's Bat Mitzvah was in March. And I was just informed that our synogogue is really not equipped to have a kid with Asperger's in the religious school. So, unless I change synogogues, it doesn't look like my 6 yr old will become a Bar Mitzvah.

Happy birthday to Christian. Thirteen is such a special age.

I am absolutely appalled by the attitude at your synygogue. First of all, I would think that they would want him to participate in an event of such significange. Secondly, who are they to say that your son can't take religious instruction? He goes to school, he learns, he probably goes to synygogue with you. Fight for him! Ask around and see what other synygogues do- you may be able to be a voice for more boys than just yours. I'm sorry to get angry, but I just cannot fathom how they can say that to you. I guess you could call it righteous indignation...
Shalom
Nicole

 

[Forevryoung]

Debbi, I don't know where you are located but I agree that religious instruction should not be denied based on a disability- I have witnessed some super special teens become Bar Mitzvah'd.

See what the classroom set up is like- I know that some of the students in my class of 12 (yep, small) had learning disabilities. I only know looking back. They were given individual extra help when it came to learning to read Hebrew.

Instead of giving up, I suggest making a list of things that your child will need to be successful (smaller class size, a tutor...) and approach the Rabbi about it with enough time for everyone to get used to the idea that bringing your child into the classroom won't be impossible or even that hard (relatively from what they are imagining I'm sure).

 

[KirstenB]

Hey Minky, I know you guys have been through a lot. I have no words, just know that if I saw you in person, I'd hug you. You're a cool chick who has a lot on her plate. I hope Christian's swimming is still coming along.

 

[LuvsTinker]

Happy Birthday!

I know the feeling having an older son that was soooo social and my younger son who is barely social at all.

Always tough being a mom but more so dealing with milestones in a "different" way.

(((Hugs)))

 

[debbi801]

Thanks, guys. I know the school there is not equipped for Duncan. The classes are all run by parents or young adults. Not a one has any education experience. Odds are, I'll need to go the tutor route and then see how Duncan takes to it.