13 yr old grounded for life-20 months later~post 258!!

[TLSnell1981]

"When a child turns 13, put them in a barrel and feed them through the knot hole. When they turn 16....plug up the knot hole" Mark Twain

 

[kmp1191]

"When a child turns 13, put them in a barrel and feed them through the knot hole. When they turn 16....plug up the knot hole" Mark Twain

OMG!! That is a GREAT saying!!!
Well, TLSnell already knows this, but DS went to work today! He cleaned a few horse stalls, he scrubbed the water buckets, and the thing that really did him in....he had to load and unload about 100+ bales of hay!! I have a picture on my cell phone, but have no idea how to download from it! He worked harder today than he has in his entire 13 years! He said his hands were hurting...so after he showered he soaked them in epsom salt. Then he went to his room and fell asleep sitting up looking at a magazine!
I told him to lie down for a little bit and relax. He looked at me and said..."Is my entire body supposed to hurt right now?" I didn't laugh, and I told him that he was gonna be sore for a day or two because he used muscles that had never been used before. I also told him that the best way to work out sore muscles is to use them again as soon as possible. He said "I'd rather get run over by a bus!" poor kid....he's in bed now....said his stomach was upset too.


Buckalew....ya know after reading your post it really made me think. DS has had some problems with bullies in the past...He also had some problems on the bus earlier this year, which after I contacted the vice principal, was nipped in the butt pretty quick. I did ask him if his friends turned their work in and he said ~ yeah....most of the time. I'll talk to him a little bit more tomorrow about it.

Thanks again....I think we both might survive this little bump in the road!!
Lisa....thanks again....you and T are the best!!!

Marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

OMG!! That is a GREAT saying!!!
Well, TLSnell already knows this, but DS went to work today! He cleaned a few horse stalls, he scrubbed the water buckets, and the thing that really did him in....he had to load and unload about 100+ bales of hay!! I have a picture on my cell phone, but have no idea how to download from it! He worked harder today than he has in his entire 13 years! He said his hands were hurting...so after he showered he soaked them in epsom salt. Then he went to his room and fell asleep sitting up looking at a magazine!
I told him to lie down for a little bit and relax. He looked at me and said..."Is my entire body supposed to hurt right now?" I didn't laugh, and I told him that he was gonna be sore for a day or two because he used muscles that had never been used before. I also told him that the best way to work out sore muscles is to use them again as soon as possible. He said "I'd rather get run over by a bus!" poor kid....he's in bed now....said his stomach was upset too.




Marie

200!!

....and he volunteered to come back tomorrow!

 

[kmp1191]

200!!

....and he volunteered to come back tommorrow!

No wonder he's hurtin' so bad!! I still can't believe he was able to lift them! Ok...so it was a proud mama moment! I'm a softee!!

 

[TLSnell1981]

No wonder he's hurtin' so bad!! I still can't believe he was able to lift them! Ok...so it was a proud mama moment! I'm a softee!!

DH threw them to him. I showed him how to push them down the hall...when he started to get tired. He wasn't about to let an old lady best him! I can only lift so many myself.

He did a good job....no complaining. I was proud of him. He's a good kid.

 

[Kath2003]

You need someone checking up on him, besides you and your husband.

Does he have a planner to write down his homework assignments? If not, he needs one! He needs you to check it every evening to make sure he's doing what he's supposed to.

He also needs his homeroom teacher or someone at school to make sure he's writing it down! Seriously some kids just will NOT write down their homework; I have some who I regularly check up on.

We put kids who miss more than the occasional assignment on "homework report" where the TEACHER writes down the assignment, the child signs to agree, the home room teacher signs to say that kiddo understands what needs to be done AND you sign to say it's done.

 

[Buckalew11]

Wow! I am so impressed! 200 bales of hay! That is hard work (so is working in tobacco--yuck ) Maybe he needed some ibuprofen for the soreness??

Bless his heart, he is learning a hard lesson but one that'll saty with him forever, I hope.
I'm going to a friend's farm tonight and getting to feed a baby calf whose momma got into some kind of poisoness grass (that paralyzes their stomachs or something). I've never been that close to a calf before. I am so excited!

 

[friendofgusgus]

...advise his Taikwondo sensei about what's happened and ask for their assistance.

This is excellent advice. Taikwondo is not just about physical training - it is about training the entire self. Plus, it will provide the added benefit of showing him that it's not just his parents who think this is a big deal.

For me, this is the kind of thing that merits some boot-camp like punishment - what he did is against the law. What if he decides that it's okay to show another kid how he did it with their parents' card?

As for punishment, I'm a big fan of emptying out the bedroom and taking off the door. That's no privacy! Let him earn back his life, with his iPod being the last thing he gets. In the meantime, he gets a set of sheets, one week's worth of clothes and a table and lamp to use to do his homework in his room. If he needs the computer for school, he can use it in a family space when others are around. Every week that he doesn't act up, he can have more of his life back. But I am harsh about things like this.

The fact remains, that if it wasn't your card, he could be arrested for what he did. He needs to know that it is a very big deal.

For you,

 

[TLSnell1981]

Revision.....I was wrong. It was "only" 160 bales.

 

[kmp1191]

Revision.....I was wrong. It was "only" 160 bales.

Thanks for clarifying that!!
He was feeling much better this morning! Stomach seemed to have calmed down....plus he probably had the best nights sleep ever!! He did say his arms and stomach were both still sore. I just smiled!
Oh....I told him this morning that I needed him to do some stuff for me to get ready for our open house today. He said....and I quote "I think I need to go to work today, I didn't finish Mack's pad." Darn kid....he would rather go shovel horse poop than make his bed and sweep the garage!!
He is working on his second essay that is due tomorrow. He said he didn't want to do it on the events of the past week, and I told him that was fine.
I think he's realized he screwed up pretty good.

Kath2003~ He does have an agenda book for school. After repeatedly telling me he had no homework, and checking his grades...and finding several items not turned in, I contacted all of his teachers. Effective last Wednesday, HE has to write down the assignment and have the teacher sign off on it before he leaves the classroom. So far so good.....now if I can get him to turn the stuff in...I might actually win this battle!!

Also, DH & I are not the only one's checking on him. His Taekwondo instructor is aware of his actions and he is "watching" him. We are not going to keep riding him about what he did....he knows it was wrong, he knows he got busted big time, and he knows not to do anything stupid like this again. He is a good kid....just not the smartest one....YET!!!

Buckalew~have fun feeding the calf!! Watch out for that tounge! They are freakishly long and rough. I was feeding the calves when I was about 7....I always like doing it, but hated the slobber! YUCK!

Thanks guys....If I can figure out how to post this picture from my cell phone, I'll show you how happy he was unloading hay yesterday for TLSnell!! Oh....she & her wonderful hubby are also keeping an eye on him!! Thanks again T&L!!

marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

Tell DS....no worries....Mack's manure will be waiting on him.

You're more than welcome. As I said, he's a good kid. He just made some mistakes. If you don't make mistakes in life....you'll never grow.

 

[kmp1191]

It's a new week....wish me luck!!
Better yet....wish DS luck!!!

 

[RUDisney]

Also, you do know that in some classes it is not really cool to be smart and do your work and be a "good student". Now we both know our kids should rise above this. However, if he is in an agressive class, that may be easier said than done. Some kids get into a class (or group of friends even) where there is some friendly competition for grades and excelling.
Sometimes they do not have that.

Since my DS has been under house arrest, too, his grades have improved significantly. What has he found? His 'friends' are making fun of him getting 100s on his tests.

He doesn't care. He's told him that's what has to happen in order for him to get into the local prep HS.

DS also knows that he'll get rewarded for his good grades by his uncle when he shows him the report card. Financial rewards are crucial to my DS since he has to repay us so much more than your DS.

 

[kmp1191]

Since my DS has been under house arrest, too, his grades have improved significantly. What has he found? His 'friends' are making fun of him getting 100s on his tests.

He doesn't care. He's told him that's what has to happen in order for him to get into the local prep HS.

DS also knows that he'll get rewarded for his good grades by his uncle when he shows him the report card. Financial rewards are crucial to my DS since he has to repay us so much more than your DS.

Good luck RUDis~It sounds like your DS has gotten back on track and knows what's right! Heck, that's half the battle these days!

DH has given him a second chance on the locker situation. I told DH he was getting soft. (Not trying to undermine my son, but I don't think he'll make it through the week without forgetting something!) I just know him...

update more later!
marie

 

[kmp1191]

Well, things are hanging in there.
I still don't know how to get through to the kid to bring ALL of his work home from school. I'm sure there are a couple thousand parents here on the DIS that has this same problem......so I'm not thinking this is anything unusual.
I have e-mailed the teachers, I had him clean out his locker and bring everything home....and I have put BIG notes in his agenda book to remind him.
I'm sure it's just a phase...he'll out grow it after graduation....I just hope I survive that long!

I can't wait for this weekend....he'll be working both Saturday & Sunday....that's lots of poop!! LOL I'm sure they will have PLENTY to keep him busy!!

Like TLSnell said....Mack's manure will be there ready for him!!

later!
marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

Tell DS.....T's picking up 100 bales of hay tonight. You don't have to tell him they'll have help.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I still don't know how to get through to the kid to bring ALL of his work home from school. I'm sure there are a couple thousand parents here on the DIS that has this same problem......so I'm not thinking this is anything unusual.
I have e-mailed the teachers, I had him clean out his locker and bring everything home....and I have put BIG notes in his agenda book to remind him.
I'm sure it's just a phase...he'll out grow it after graduation....I just hope I survive that long!

I can't speak exactly what you can do, only what I did with my dd when she was in 7th grade. She is 17 now and it worked for us.

Before school started we told her that we would ground her from the bus, I would drive and pick her daily from school, go in to her school on pickup and go through her locker, saunter through the school to look at blackboards, (sometimes her teachers were there and I would say HI), and we went over her homework (due dates) BEFORE we left the school.

Once we got home, I would go over every shred of paper AGAIN, look at her homework, go over with a fine tooth comb.

I would get her a snack and she would begin.

If she did not have anything due I would pick out work for her to do from her book.

This was to go on until the next grading period. In addition she was grounded from everything.

Now she was informed PRIOR to school STARTING that this would be the punishment for not turning in her work.
So...what brought this on you ask? She did not turn in a HUGE science project.

This was the worst punishment I ever gave because it was sheer torture on us.
However she learned how to calculate her grade percentage (keep tabs), study, organize, and plan.

As the quarter came to an end she was begging us forgiveness. And promised that she would NEVER do this again.

Well she is a Senior now and she never did it again. But she learned ALOT esp. how a ZERO drops your grade.

Now of course this may not work for you but it can give you something to think about.

Hang in there!

 

[Buckalew11]

Buckalew~have fun feeding the calf!! Watch out for that tounge! They are freakishly long and rough. I was feeding the calves when I was about 7....I always like doing it, but hated the slobber! YUCK!

marie

Well, I did have fun feeding the calf! Note to self: do not wear flip-flops to a barn again. I'm such a farm girl, NOT!
Their son brought me a dozen eggs right from the hens. At 43, I fed my first calf (actually a few weeks old--the mother ate some Dallas grass and died on Sunday) and ate a farm fresh egg! I pet 2 show cattle too. Where's the farmer Brown smilie??

Marie, I am so glad that this week is going better. It'll take time but it is so important. By the time they are freshman, everything COUNTS for college. Something important to learn before freshman year starts.

RUDisney,
I am so happy to hear that your DS is doing so well. That is my nephew's attitude on grades. He does not care what the other kids say, he's getting all the A's he can!
DD made sure she got the A's on the report card and did her work, she'd just wait til after the progressive papers came out to turn all of it in. She has a specific college in mind and has been working toward that single goal since
2nd grade! At this point, nothing will stand in the way of her and that college!

 

[kmp1191]

Tell DS.....T's picking up 100 bales of hay tonight. You don't have to tell him they'll have help.

OMG! You're too funny! I'm going to tell him that, just to see his reaction!
Honestly, if you need his "help" (LMAO), let me know!

Buckalew~You wore FLIP FLOPS??!!! YIKES!!
Oh...and just so you know...the farm fresh eggs will last longer than the one's you buy at the store. You figure the "store bought" ones had to go on quite a little journey to get from the farm, to the store, to your house. The farm fresh ones are straight from the chickens.....well...their EXTREMELY fresh!! LOL Enjoy them! (Every time I go home my dad sends me home with about 3 dozen!)

Mystery Machine~I do believe that will be my plan! I will tell him tonight that I plan on meeting him at his locker at 4:00 every day to help him get his stuff together to bring home. Then if he's not sure, I can ask the teacher before he leaves the school!! I think he would DIE if I did that!!
Thanks for the advice, I'll let you know how it goes!!

Thanks again! Talk later!
marie

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I'm probably way late on this & I didn't read through all of these threads, but seriously you need to sell the ipod. Its great that he enjoyed it, but not only did he break your trust he stole from you, what's gonna stop him from doing it to strangers in the future--- he gets in trouble for a while then everything goes back to normal?


Look at all the expenses he's given you:

credit card bills, itune bills, new keys, new locks, new doors, time taken to do all these things. You should sell the ipod and then should there come another time either make him earn the money to buy it himself or atleast make him earn/save for half.