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[AlleyKat]

I already wrote the translator that we would no longer accept nor pay for any correspondence from the birth mother or her family. He seemed somewhat dissappointed at our reaction. He agrued that an operation such as the one she needs could save her life.

Of course he's disappointed, he'll be losing hundreds of dollars in correspondence fees!

I personally don't understand why the translator seems to have such a personal stake in this woman's life(other than she's his means of bread and butter).

I'm not a fool, I can smell a scam, but don't sniff everything with the same nose (did I just coin a phrase?)At least this way I will feel I tried. I can't turn my back on her if its indeed true.

You "owe" this woman NOTHING.

Be at peace in the fact your daughter is living a lifestyle far beyond anything she could have imagined.

Keep referring to your original thought...emotional blackmail!

 

[Colinsmom]

I already wrote the translator that we would no longer accept nor pay for any correspondence from the birth mother or her family. He seemed somewhat dissappointed at our reaction. He agrued that an operation such as the one she needs could save her life.

This makes me wonder if the translator is behind the scam, and the money would go to him, not to the family...

 

[wrldpossibility]

You're doing the right thing. It would weigh very heavily on my heart too. Even thinking it's a scam, it weighs heavily...because you know that these are "normal" people who have resorted to desperate measures because of their very real needs (meaning that they need food, $$, shelter, etc, not necessarily that they need medical care). But you can't give in to it, or it will NEVER stop. It's hard to imagine why the birth family would want to suck the resources dry from the family who is giving their birth DD a fresh start on life, but that's what they're doing. Protect your DD. Tell yourself that any resources you'd give the family will instead (in some way or another) go to better the life of your DD. That's how you're making a difference and giving in a constructive, loving manner, that will be felt for generations in your DD's family. Where would HER children be, if you hadn't adopted her out of that life? Her grandchildren? You are making an impact for good in the world.

 

[disnutt]

Tell yourself that any resources you'd give the family will instead (in some way or another) go to better the life of your DD. That's how you're making a difference and giving in a constructive, loving manner, that will be felt for generations in your DD's family. Where would HER children be, if you hadn't adopted her out of that life? Her grandchildren? You are making an impact for good in the world.

I agree that you've already done the best thing you could have done for this woman if she is truly this ill. I know I would want to know that my children were taken care of by someone who loved them if I thought that I were going to leave this Earth. I wouldn't expect you to give additional resources that could be used to keep my children safe and healthy.

 

[vhoffman]

 

[Honeymooner04]

I just wanted to add that I too think that you are doing the right thing. Enjoy your family and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

 

[IDoBelieveinFairies!]

I imagine you have agnozied! So sorry for the heartache.

So glad for your adoption, we had relatives adopt too. The whole thing for them was draining, paid a lot of bribes apparently. My daughters friends family went to Russia to adopt one and ended up adopting 4, all siblings!

Be careful on the money, are they truly relatives or some one who is pulling scam? what a question. Your first instinct is probally right, and I would go with that one. I will say a little prayer tonight for you, that you find peace over this situation. Wish I had more to offer.

 

[vhoffman]

I

 

[MELSMICE]

I might send the "brother" a brief email telling him we are forwarding his correspondence to a humanatarian organization. But if it a scam I don't want to be involved in scamming a respected and reputable organization. I am afraid of being mixed up in something I don't really understand.....maybe I'll just forget it for the rest of the holiday weekend, I can't make any attempts to contact anyone over the long weekend, anyways. I'll see how I feel Monday.

I'm sure the Susan Komen organization has been hit with many scams before so they are probably more "equipped" to investigate things like this. I'm sure they will figure out whether it's legit or not before providing any kind of support.

Also, if you send the "brother" the note as indicated above he will either back off or thank you for help. If he backs off then it's most likely a scam.

 

[MELSMICE]

I've decided not to pursue this matter any further. I've agonized over it all through the Thanksgiving holiday, which is obvious from my posts.

However, I've decided that its either a scam or not, either way I can't get involved. If it is a scam it will go on forever--once we start helping the requests will never end. If its true, well, no amount of money can save someone from advanced cancer, or at least someone in such dire straits.

My concern is my dd. what if its a scam that somehow backfires? Right now our identity is unknown to the birth family, its all done via email through a translator and he doesn't even have our address. But once we'd start sending money, well..........its chilling to even think of the scams that could haunt dd even years later. I will leave it alone. I thought of contacting some humanatarian organizations on her behalf, but if its a scam it could blow up in my face.

Its sad if its a true story, but I can't risk my dd's future for an unknown. I'll stop thinking about it now and let it be. LIfe can be cruel, we must protect our own.

I believe you made the right decision.

 

[phorsenuf]

Check this site out. It will translate everything for you. You can write the letter in english and it will translate it to russian and vice-versa.
Good luck!
http://translation2.paralink.com/

 

[vhoffman]

Phorsenuf,
Thanks for the translation site! It might just be useful!

 

[vhoffman]

 

[HappyLawyer]

Well, perhaps the Disney board isn't the best board to discuss this, however, here goes!

We adopted a little girl from Russia several years ago. About a year ago I established contact with her birth mother. I initiated the contact through a translator. I received one letter from the birth mother telling me she was very happy to know her daughter is alive and well and much loved. Although I sent subsequent letters, I never received another reply.

Then, just yesterday, I received a letter from someone claiming to be her brother (all correspondence goe via email and through a translator, she has no direct access to our address or any personal information). The email was quite pathetic. According to her brother, she is extremely ill and dying of cancer. The family is living in abject poverty (which I do believe, unfortunately, is true). They have appealed to me for assistance with medical bills. They did not specify an amount, he just said "any amount would be appreciated". He said she will die in 6 months without proper medical care.

Of course, I'm not a fool, my first thought was that its some sort of scam. It sounded like those phony Nigerian emails going around asking for assistance. But I'm not heartless, either. I've been in agony over this letter and how to respond to it. What if its really true? I certainly want to think this through before responding. If I start sending money, where does it end? That's where it would become a form of emotional blackmail.

I understand that medical care in Russia is free for its citizens, however, its of substandard quality. Russians of any means utilize private medical care (which is acceptable quality), or travel to other countries for medical care. I certainly can't pay for cancer treatment via their private health care system. surely she's entitled to whatever free medical care is available? However, probably she need money for transportation, food, other expenses that medical insurance wouldn't cover. But how could I be sure the money was being used for the intended purpose, and not just to feed someone's drug or alcohol habit?

My head tells me I'm being scammed, but my heart wants to help. Perhaps I should ask for medical records? I'm also trying to locate humantarian organizations that could provide her with aid.

I received this email just before Thanksgiving and it has weighed on my mind the entire holiday. Does anyone have any thoughts as to how I could verify this story and how I could find some sort of aid for her? Any thoughts appreciated!

Ok i am just going to be blunt and direct, This is not your problem, if they did not know you, then who would they go to. why even consider an investigator and spend your money,
I am an adoptive parent and i would never, ever. And i am sorry but if her son or brother can take time to contact you then he can take time to find her some assistance.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[horseshowmom]

Well, guess what? It was a scam! At least that's my conclusion.

I emailed the translator and explained that we can't afford to pay for her medical care, but I have located some humanatarian organizations that might be able to help. We can't afford translation services. I asked if he could provide translation services between the organization and the family. He flat refused. Well, if he was so concerned about this poor woman, why couldn't help out some? Its not like I'm being asked to do nothing!

This fish didn't bite!

The emotional toll it took on me over the holiday was considerable. I still fell $hitty after receiving the translator's reply. I'll go on with my life and try to forget this ever happened.

I think you're right, you got your answer. As you said, as concerned as he was before when he thought you should help, he would have been willing to help out too - IF this had been legitimate.

You know, you almost wonder whether you should go to the media with your story to alert others who might also be in your circumstances.

Glad you didn't get hooked!

 

[vhoffman]

..........

 

[minkydog]

You have a good heart, it's too bad when other people try stuff like this.

We did some short-term mission work for a church in Jamaica. I know what you're thinking--Jamaica! Well, this was the Jamaica that tourists don't see. Very impoverished, poor medical & dental care, lots of drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. We helped refurbish their church which had been damaged in a hurricane and provided them with glasses, medicine and dental work. We made a lot of wonderful friends there, but some were just looking for a handout. We were advised by some more experienced missionaries to only give out our church address, rather than our own. Sure enough, within a month here came the emotional letters--since we had been gone this one has cancer, that one has a sick mother, the other one has no home and wanted to be "sponsored" into the U.S. I'm not heartless, I know these people have almost nothing. But as soon as I wrote back telling them I would be in contact with their pastor to see about getting them help, I lost all my Jamaican "friends" Go figure.

 

[horseshowmom]

Also, when I suggested the translator work with humanatarian organizations on her behalf, he balked. Perhaps he didn't want to be involved with them because he was doing something shaddy? Its chilling when you consider the possibilities................

Yep, I think that's it...

 

[vhoffman]

 

[pilgrimage]

The translator's fees have been exhorbitant. Typical (in our region)
fees for a brief letter (under 500 words) is about $35.