12/09/06 Cruise Continued ~ Pirating Bananas DIS Geekorama Part 2 Part 10

[MrsMork]

Brandi, thoughts and prayers are with you today.

 

[MrsMork]

I had my first cruise nightmare last night. We were getting ready to leave the resort for the cruise and I realized I had forgotten to pack our lime green shirts AND Aaron and Dennis' suits for formal night. OY! Must mean I need to get packing!

 

[becka]

Vanessa – I read the things you posted last night but at the time I didn’t have any time to write to you about them. I don’t know if it will make you feel any better but if you consider yourself the worst Mom ever then you will at least have to share the title with me. I know exactly how you feel and I know the guilt and frustration that goes with it. I really never imagined that parenting would be this hard. I would never in a gazillion years give up my kids because I love them more than anything but I still have days where I wish I could just run away and reclaim my old pre-kid self. Of course then I realize that even if I ran away I can never really be my old pre-kid self because being a Mom for almost 5 years has completely changed me.

There are times when this really worries me. I feel like I have lost so much of my identity to my kids and I am coming to the conclusion that will always be the case. I look forward to and at the same time worry about the days as they get older and won’t need me or want me around as much. Since I have changed so much in 5 years I wonder how much more I will change in the next 5 or 10 years. It is scary and it makes me feel like I can’t really prepare. I think I love planning trips because it is something I feel like I have some control over….it is something I can really prepare for while life leaves me feel unsettled and unprepared all of the time. I definitely have control issues and parenting does not mesh well with them.

I worry a lot about my kids’ behavior and at times I just feel at such a loss. I am alternately too tough and too lenient with them. I get mortified at those teacher meetings when they tell you basically that your kid is being a brat in nicer words. I know he can be a brat and I wish he would behave better at school but at the same time it is very hard to hear it from someone else. I feel like I am constantly being judged as a parent by others. I never feel like I am really doing a good enough job myself and knowing others think the same is a very bad feeling.

I keep hanging on to the thoughts that God wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle and that what does not kill me will make me stronger. I do have to say that occasionally I get glimpses that maybe perhaps in some tiny way things might get a little better as my kids get a few years older. We still have so many things to worry about but at least some of the physical chores or parenting will be lessened.

If nothing else we can commiserate together over a drink or two at dinner in only 37 days!

 

[pyramid2000]

I was looking at our local paper tonight, which is published twice a week whether there is news or not...and oh my goodness! I cannot believe this is happening in our small town!! Headline (although it was on page 8) "MATH NIGHT: PROMOTING FAMILY FUN" FAMILY MATH NIGHT SET FOR NOV 13 AT MOUNTAIN VIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL. Family fun??? They call this family fun??

And it's designed for people just like you Angie!

 

[pyramid2000]

I must get my children ready for the day. I have to drop Eliza off at my DMom's house then drop Jake at Preschool. I then have an appointment with a surgeon. I have been having issues ever since Eliza was born. I am terrified...but I know this is only a consultation. Then I have to go to the school and drop off some paperwork and turn in my notice that I will indeed be starting back on Jan 2. Fun stuff. Wish me luck...I may need it!

hope everything is ok.

I was thinking you were off until the start of next year! Wow, time is going fast huh?

 

[lillygator]

There are times when this really worries me. I feel like I have lost so much of my identity to my kids and I am coming to the conclusion that will always be the case. I look forward to and at the same time worry about the days as they get older and won’t need me or want me around as much. Since I have changed so much in 5 years I wonder how much more I will change in the next 5 or 10 years. It is scary and it makes me feel like I can’t really prepare. I think I love planning trips because it is something I feel like I have some control over….it is something I can really prepare for while life leaves me feel unsettled and unprepared all of the time. I definitely have control issues and parenting does not mesh well with them.

Thanks Becka and everyone as well. I think this is a HUGE issue for me. I'm not me, I am not comfortable with who I am at this point in my life. I really feel I am working at a thankless job which is not providing any great service to society and it is something I really have no passion to do.

I feel extremely guilty, I am very very lucky. We have a roof over our head, a great husband, two princesses, a somewhat dysfunctional extended family - and great internet friends! But something is missing from me....

I really appreciate the kind words. Lately I just feel so out of my skin if that makes sense.

Ok back to DIS'ing.....back to DIS'ing....

 

[pyramid2000]

Our experience has been that the girls do more chasing than the boys do. You just have to watch those boys when the chase is over!

 

[lillygator]

Brandi ---sending pixie dust your way. Hope all is well.

 

[becka]

Thanks Becka and everyone as well. I think this is a HUGE issue for me. I'm not me, I am not comfortable with who I am at this point in my life. I really feel I am working at a thankless job which is not providing any great service to society and it is something I really have no passion to do.

I feel extremely guilty, I am very very lucky. We have a roof over our head, a great husband, two princesses, a somewhat dysfunctional extended family - and great internet friends! But something is missing from me....

I really appreciate the kind words. Lately I just feel so out of my skin if that makes sense.

Ok back to DIS'ing.....back to DIS'ing....

Believe me it make total sense..... I think the guilt of feeling this way sometimes it worse than just feeling that way in the first place.

 

[Jhalkias]

Our experience has been that the girls do more chasing than the boys do. You just have to watch those boys when the chase is over!

Now that I think about it Angie - you are ABSOLUTELY right.

I guess I was just relaying what is the old saw, but I DO believe the girls like the chase better, and the boys like the capture!

John1

 

[becka]

Joy - to you too. A few years ago a tough decision had to be made for the dog my parents had since I was a teenager. Indy It was a terrible thing to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Brandi - Good thoughts for you as well. I hope your consult goes well.

 

[lillygator]

this morning I was LATE....and I asked Samantha if she could pick own outfit and get Haley's shoes "to help mommy because we were late"...she asked what we were late for and I said school. She says, "that's fine, we don't need to go to school today, I'm 4 now"

Hmmm 4 and knows everything already. Lovely.

 

[MommyMinnie]

I must get my children ready for the day. I have to drop Eliza off at my DMom's house then drop Jake at Preschool. I then have an appointment with a surgeon. I have been having issues ever since Eliza was born. I am terrified...but I know this is only a consultation. Then I have to go to the school and drop off some paperwork and turn in my notice that I will indeed be starting back on Jan 2. Fun stuff. Wish me luck...I may need it!

Hang in there Brandi. DH and I have consulted with Surgeons over this and that several times and the percentage of cut to not cut is very low. In fact, there are some things I almost wish they would just dig into one or the other of us and pull out!
We'll be with you in spirit.

 

[MommyMinnie]

this morning I was LATE....and I asked Samantha if she could pick own outfit and get Haley's shoes "to help mommy because we were late"...she asked what we were late for and I said school. She says, "that's fine, we don't need to go to school today, I'm 4 now"

Hmmm 4 and knows everything already. Lovely.

See, you are a good parent. You taught her everything she needs to know by age 4.

BTW. On that job issue. You are so going to enjoy a week off and away. It's gonna give you perspective and hope. Whatever happened to that Disney job?

You sound like you have an accounting based job, surely you could easily move on.

 

[MommyMinnie]

Now that I think about it Angie - you are ABSOLUTELY right.

I guess I was just relaying what is the old saw, but I DO believe the girls like the chase better, and the boys like the capture!

John1

Wait, what am I laughing at? I have a girl!

Special announcement: All preteen boys are invited to a manditory program in the lifeboats behind the ship.
Special exception for Dis Geek boys naturally!

 

[MrsMork]

this morning I was LATE....and I asked Samantha if she could pick own outfit and get Haley's shoes "to help mommy because we were late"...she asked what we were late for and I said school. She says, "that's fine, we don't need to go to school today, I'm 4 now"

Hmmm 4 and knows everything already. Lovely.

Cute, cute!

 

[goofyforlife]

I think this is a HUGE issue for me. I'm not me, I am not comfortable with who I am at this point in my life. I really feel I am working at a thankless job which is not providing any great service to society and it is something I really have no passion to do.
Ok back to DIS'ing.....back to DIS'ing....

Wow...I hit that wall at 29.... It took a few months of meds and a move to another state to get me through that time period...

We lived in a rural area where no jobs in my career field existed so i was just doing whatever with my existing skills to pay the bills. Nothing exciting. Nothing satisfying. It took my DH 8 yrs to see how this was affecting me.

He didn't want to move to the city, I had to. Even though our lives are busy now with all the changes we've made. I feel much better knowing that i am using my college education. (It's not glamorous but i do make a difference..sometimes ..)

Ahh gone are the days of June Cleaver. .... When all a women had to think about was getting kids to school and having dinner on the table when DH came home....

 

[becka]

Sometimes I think the days of June Cleaver might have been easier. At least then you did not have guilt about if you were making the right choices....they were made for you.

I understand not feeling passion for what you do. One of the things I lament the most is that in my normal day I don't really help anyone. I don't make any difference except to a bottom line. I know I should probably do more volunteer work to try to balance it out but as a full-time working Mom I feel like I don't spend enough time with my kids as it is. Adding a lot more volunteer time just cuts into that. Hopefully someday my kids will be able to volunteer with me some.

 

[GoofyforGoofy]

Wow...I hit that wall at 29.... It took a few months of meds and a move to another state to get me through that time period...

We lived in a rural area where no jobs in my career field existed so i was just doing whatever with my existing skills to pay the bills. Nothing exciting. Nothing satisfying. It took my DH 8 yrs to see how this was affecting me.

He didn't want to move to the city, I had to. Even though our lives are busy now with all the changes we've made. I feel much better knowing that i am using my college education. (It's not glamorous but i do make a difference..sometimes ..)

Ahh gone are the days of June Cleaver. .... When all a women had to think about was getting kids to school and having dinner on the table when DH came home....

OK, for the record...it did not take me 8 yrs to notice an issue. I was so buried in what I was doing with my job and could not see how I could possibly do anything else. With her not having the best job, I was trying to go as far as I could doing what I was doing...I couldn't even fathom trying survive in a city atmosphere when I had grown up on a mountain and lived so rurally until that point. (Think John Boy Walton). She grew up in Philadelphia so you can see the obvious differences....it had Green Acres written all over it. Plus, the reason we moved into that rural area to begin with was for me to finish school. Staying there was the problem...

Given that it was two conflicting needs and we were already in place there..I didn't see a choice. We were at a bad place financially and moving was not an option. An opportunity came along that would help (more her then me) and we grabbed it. I moved up very little (same job, more responsibility); she dropped right in line with her career path...it worked out.

Now, its more like JOHN Cleaver..with all of the activities going on, I am the one who needs to have dinner on the table when DW gets home.

 

[MommyMinnie]

Oh for Pete's sake! June Cleaver is a myth!

You are all contributing well adjusted, loved and well brought up young people to society, whether you work or not. You are showing your children how a family is supposed to work together to make the family unit work in all kinds of situations.

This period of their/your lives is very short compared to your whole lives. When they grow up, you can volunteer and do charity work. (I just don't know how Amy finds the time to do it right now. It must be because John does all the wash and she never has time to DIS.)

Your kids are going to be fine. I'll bet if you turn to your favorite person at work, the very nicest and best turned out, you'll find out they did not have a parent at home most of the time themselves.

I'll also bet if you really really think about your jobs you'll find a way to make it uplifting and a contribution to society.

I'll start:
My company imports cash registers and wholesales them. I'm the Office Manager/Bookkeeper - Boooooring.
But....
Many of these Cash Register Systems go straight to CiCi's Pizza and Smoothie King stores where people start their own businesses and can be their own bosses. A great family business (Right Caroline?)

I can even do this with my old pre Katie job
I used to book loans for Peterbilt and Kenworth trucks
Double boooring
But...
When a man took out a loan and bought a Kenworth he was going into business for himself driving a truck. Life on the road, seeing the country.

OK Your turn.