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[C.Ann]

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[anewvance]

I have not been widowed so don't have any REAL advice....

But wanted to say, keep it on until YOU are ready. There is no proper time. I know you lost your husband but don't know many details like how long you were married and all. But that's all I have to say, keep it on if you aren't ready...

 

[lyeag]

Hi C.Ann. I know the feeling. My situation was much different,as we were only married a little over a year, than yours. I kept my wedding rings on my left hand for about six months and then wore them on my right. I stumbled upon my now husband about that time, so I guess it was meant to be. I still wear them on my right hand from time to time (they don't look like a traditional set).

Rings or no, you will always feel married to your husband. When I took my rings off my left, I felt funny and would switch them back and forth. I guess the thing that made it ok finally in my head is that my late husband and I loved each other very much and I was sure he would not have wanted me to spend the rest of my life alone and unhappy. I am sure your husband would not want you to torture yourself over rings. He would want you to be happy. Don't worry about misrepresenting your status. Don't worry about what others think because you can't control that.

I wish I could help more, but I do understand the mixed up feelings and they are so normal.

 

[momsgonwild]

My bestfriend was widowed almost two years ago. She never takes her wedding ring off, and it is still on her left hand. She refuses to consider dating because she still feels the commitment to her vows to her husband.
If you ask her the question, she will tell you she is married, and her husband was killed in an accident. I love and respect her for the strength she has to survive. C. Ann, I think you both have earned the right to feel, react, and do whatever you think is best for you. I don't think there is a right or wrong where being a widow is concerned. I pray you find peace with whatever decisions you make for your future. You know what is in your heart, so you know what is best for you! Lots of hugs and prayers!

 

[C.Ann]

..

 

[sorcerormickey]

MY parents were married in 1974 and my Dad died in 1991. My Mom still wears her wedding rings till this day. You'll know if or when the time is right for you.

 

[C.Ann]

.......

 

[llp479]

My grandmother is 87. She was 50 when my grandfather died. She's still wearing her ring, and wears my grandfather's around her neck most of the time. She has never dated, nor did she want to.

Until recently, she lived in a very small town in So IL, before my mom moved her up north to be by all of us. A man asked her out about 10 years after my grandfather had died, and I asked why she didn't go. She said she didn't like him when she was younger, and nothing had changed now that she was older.

You'll know when the time is right to move/remove your rings.

 

[dvcfamily41801]

I just wanted to send a I have such a lump in my throat thinking what you must be going through.

 

[SRUAlmn]

MY parents were married in 1974 and my Dad died in 1991. My Mom still wears her wedding rings till this day. You'll know if or when the time is right for you.

Almost the exact same here. That's so strange. My parents were married in 1974 and my dad died in 1994. My mom still wears her rings, still goes by Mrs. (gets upset when people say Ms.,) and has never remarried. He had planned to get her a nice new ring for their 25th anniversary, but passed away before it came, so we bought her the ring for him. Some people thought that was really odd. She said that he was her soul mate and that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Hang in there and you do what you feel is right. Hugs to you

 

[Serena]

You do what feels right C.Ann.

 

[Jessie]

Hiya C.Ann
You just keep twisting that ring until you feel ready to do something else with it. A wedding ring symbolises something really special that no-one or his dog could take away. When you feel ready to wear that ring on another finger, you wont need to ask. You'll know

 

[lyeag]

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Maybe that's the problem right there - I'm not really "ready" - just more in the "thinking about it" stage.. Guess I'll just continue to twist it around on my finger until one day I actually take it off and put it on the other hand..

C. Ann, there isn't any reason to feel rushed, or to do it at all for that matter. 29 years is a long time to be married. Dh and I have been married for almost 10 now and I know that I would have a different mindset now at 36 than I did at 23. I guess the big question is why do feel like you "should" switch hands at all? As others have said, it isn't a right or wrong thing. If you don't feel like you are ready to switch hands now, then don't dwell on it. When the time is right, you will do what is best for you.

 

[C.Ann]

..

 

[Mishetta]

I can't believe it's been that long already! Time surely flies, doesn't it? Waiting till you are ready is the best advice you were given.

My Mom & Dad were married in 1958 & my Dad died in 1968 (when I was 8 y/o) & my Mom passed on in 2003 & she went to heaven still wearing her wedding band. I had the funeral director give it to me after the funeral (per Mom's request) & I wear it from time to time. My Mom also never dated, nor wanted too & I do remember being young & these men coming around asking if they could do anything for us or if they could take her to dinner. My Mom was very attractive but she was not interested in any other man. She always said my Dad was the love of her life & she couldn't even think of dating anyone. She was married for life. What a strong woman...

 

[chell]

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I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I feel like I'm pulling off some kind of "scam" - having people think I have this DH at home when I really don't.. What makes it even more ridiculous is that it's not like I have any intentions of dating or anything - I just feel like I'm being dishonest with others, while in my heart I'll always be married to my DH..

Just screwy ramblings from a confused widow I guess..

No, no scam on your part. You have a husband in your heart and that is what counts. The ring is for you and no one else.

My rings came off a while back because I lost too much weight and couldn't keep them on, not even on the next finger. For the past two weeks my finger has been aching to have my rings back on. I'm going to take them to the jeweler soon to have them re-sized and have them made into one ring. Since my situation was so different I doubt I'll ever put it back on my left hand but I want to wear them some way.



You are such an inspiration to me.

 

[C.Ann]

You are such an inspiration to me.

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Well thank you - although I'm not quite sure why you feel that way..

 

[lyeag]

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I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I feel like I'm pulling off some kind of "scam" - having people think I have this DH at home when I really don't.. What makes it even more ridiculous is that it's not like I have any intentions of dating or anything - I just feel like I'm being dishonest with others, while in my heart I'll always be married to my DH..

Just screwy ramblings from a confused widow I guess..

Oh C.Ann, there is no such thing as screwy ramblings when you have lost someone so special in your life. I struggled with so much after I lost my John, even after I met my current husband.
(This is such a timely thread. Our anniversary would have been March 10th, and I stuggle with so many emotions this time of year. He died April 8th, 1993.)

There is no dishonesty in you wearing your rings. Those who know you and your loss will see it for what it is. Love for your husband. Those who don't know, who cares what they think? Something else to think about, keeping those rings on your hand may keep unwanted invitations away. If you switch hands, some may see it as a sign you are ready to move on. If you feel you don't want to deal with that, I would leave those rings right where they are. Don't feel that you should do anything because of the impression you would make on others. Do things because they are what is best for you. You are the only judge of that.

Hang in there. After many years it is the good memories that come forward and outshadow the bad. I can tell my daughter stories of the father she doesn't remember without tears. That is a wonderful thing.

 

[Figment22]

I truly feel that you should wear your rings as long as you're comfortable with it. My mom and dad were married for 37 years when my dad passed away 16 years ago. My mom still wears her wedding band and she still wants to be addressed as Mrs. There's nothing wrong with that.

If at some point in the future you're ready to switch them to your right hand or stop wearing them, you'll know.

 

[DebbieB]

My Mom went through that when my Dad died. A few months after she said she felt like she was "misrepresenting" herself as married. So she did take them off when she was ready. You'll know the time.