Just wanted to share this before I head to bed...I read this many years ago and still get a kick out of reading it
Pet Diary Excerpts
> >
> >
> > The Dog's Diary
> >
> >
> > 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> > 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> > 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing !
> > 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> > 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> > 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> > 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> > 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
> > 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> > 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing ! 11:00
> > pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
> >
> > The Cat's Diary
> >
> > Day 983 of my captivity.
> >
> > My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
> > objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
> > and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
> > contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
> > something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
> > me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I
> > once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and
> > dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would
> > strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
> > capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
> > what a "good little hunter" I am. Bast@rds!!!
> >
> >
> > There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
> > placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
> > However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
> > that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must
> > learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
> >
> >
> > Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> > tormenters by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
> > this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced
> > that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
> > receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to
> > be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********. The bird
> > must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
> > regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
> > have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
> > is safe. For now...