Turning 40???

[Jennasis]

DH turns 40 this year and I'm on the south-side of my 30's...okay fine. I'm turning 37...whatever! I don't feel old. Except I creak in places I didn't used to. And I forget things ALL THE TIME. I am constantly asking people to repeat themselves because they're mumbling (i.e I can't hear them). But it will be a cold day in hell before I step foot in a Chico's, Coldwater Creek, Ann Taylor or even a JC Penny. Don't get me wrong...I'm not shopping in Forever 21 or anything.

Oh, and I found a gray hair last month. Not happy about that. Okay FINE...maybe it was more than 1.

 

[StephMK]

I never thought I'd be one who resisted getting older but I'm about to turn 43 this month and not really enjoying it! There are aspects that I like but I have trouble embracing my age. It doesn't help that I never know where to shop. I tend to stick to more classic pieces for that reason with some trends thrown in. I don't want to look too young or too old!

The best part I have found is that my kids are old enough to stay home alone so DH & I can go out more often by ourselves.

My oldest is 19 and I get told all the time that people can't believe I have a kid that old. So mentally, I still pretend I'm in my late 30s.

I do agree with the others that say it's just a number. I have a friend who's in her late 50s but looks & acts closer to my age. I know another woman about the same age who dresses like a "grandma" and seems so much older than my friend. Both nice women but totally different styles and mindsets.

I plan to be one of the younger acting "older" women!

 

[mom2rtk]

I remember turning 30. After years of infertility, I had a 2 week old baby in my sleep deprived arms.

I turned 50 this week, so tried for the life of me to remember what it was like to turn 40. I don't even remember it. (I guess that's not a good sign!)

I had a little more trouble with the 50 landmark, but I'm hoping to be over it soon. It doesn't help that 2 people on our block died in the past week, then Tuesday night my BIL died.

I think most of these transitions just have a lot to do with where you are in life and with your family. Because it took so long to get our family started, we are still at a very high need time with our kids, complete with our middle one gearing up to be the first to leave home for college soon. (I think that part will be harder than the birthday.) When my mom and dad turned 50, they were on the down side of life's responsibilities. The kids were all gone or about to go. I'm still running kids to piano, play practice, softball practice, etc.

 

[Ginny Favers]

I turned 40 last month!

It really doesn't bother me at all. When I was in my 20's and the first half of my 30's, I was so hung up on looking perfect. I looked amazing, but never thought it.

Now I know I look just fine, and I don't care so much. I don't spend forever worrying about superficial things. I can finally concentrate on things that will have a real, positive impact, like my family and my career, instead of caring about dumb things like grey hairs. I do not think that 50 years from now, people are going to remember the grey hairs I had when I was 40... but there are other things about me that they WILL remember... and that's what I'm concentrating on.

 

[scoutie]

Apparently women are no longer attractive, should pretty much cut off their hair, buy mom jeans and be done with it when they are 40? You read as much on this board

That's interesting, because I don't feel that sentiment is expressed at all, lol!

I'll be forty in July. I still get ID'd, I'm still a size four, I still take good care of myself, and I have more money to keep myself up now than I did when I was in my 20s (Keratin treatments for my hair, good quality highlights, a quality gym, better clothes, etc.) I'm not as insecure as I was in my early 20s, I have a stable relationship, great friends, a beautiful familyi and a rewarding careers. I've accomplished what I had hoped to accomplish by forty.

I agree with some of the others who say that age is just a number. I see many people decades younger than myself who are in worse shape, have miserable attitudes, etc.

 

[Lisaren]

I turn 45 this month. 40 was my absolute best adult birthday ever. That was the year I figured out who I was, what I wanted, and finally accepted myself and my life. (I had a very early and long mid-life crisis - it ended at 40) Since then every birthday has not gotten better, but it is just as good. As far as cut hair, mom jeans, etc. That is your own decision. I have dyed my hair purple in the last year. I loved it. I have a new job now and can not go back to the purple, so I am dying it burgundy this weekend. I have always dressed conservatively and that has not changed much with my age. I just try to find clothes that flatter my figure and go from there.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I'm 45, and no stunner but I feel okay about my looks and myself. I wish I could go back to my teenage years with the attitude I have now and tell some people off. I dress how I want, listen to what music I want, and since I don't have kids...love 'em but never wanted one...I can pretty much do as I please.

I have a sense of self that I just didn't have in my 20s. I would trade in the morning aches and pains and the silver hairs and the pre-menopausal stuff in a heartbeat, but I wouldn't trade my life experience for the world.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I turn 45 next month and socially I don't feel it. I guess my "gang" are all young at heart. We don't dress like 20 year olds, but we do keep up with trends to some extent. I have never been one to spend a lot of money on clothes, so I tend to keep my shoes and pants classic and the most flattering for my body (which, incientally, is slightly low rise but not too much) and buy cheap up-to-date tops and accessories. It keeps me a little bit current without looking ridiculous. I also pick and choose carefully - whatever I buy must flatter me and not be excessively bright or crazy-patterned. I think of the middle years as a good time to blend classic and trendy so that you wear what looks good on you but you keep it current too.

Physically, I have a few grey hairs that I hide, my eyesight has worsened and I am a bit stiff in the morning. But my vitals are great and I am on no medications or special regimens. I do still eat like I am 20 sometimes, which I have to stop (or at least cut down). I have gained too much weight in recent years, thanks to a slowing metabolism and not changing habits to suit. This is one of the hardest things about turning 40 IMO.

 

[John VN]

I hope the responses keep on coming because DW and I will be 40 next month. I know we both feel like kids but the reflection in the mirror gives subtle hints to the contrary. We're keeping young by partaking in 5Ks, half and full marathons and I'm even now into triathlons.

Just remember, it's not the exterior looking back at you in the mirror but what's below the surface that matters.

OH, BTW, it's not 40yo rather 40 years of marriage and we are really enjoy being 62 with 63 approaching very quickly. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday and keep on grabbing for the rings as you go around the carousel of life.

 

[Ginny Favers]

I hope the responses keep on coming because DW and I will be 40 next month. I know we both feel like kids but the reflection in the mirror gives subtle hints to the contrary. We're keeping young by partaking in 5Ks, half and full marathons and I'm even now into triathlons.

Just remember, it's not the exterior looking back at you in the mirror but what's below the surface that matters.

OH, BTW, it's not 40yo rather 40 years of marriage and we are really enjoy being 62 with 63 approaching very quickly. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday and keep on grabbing for the rings as you go around the carousel of life.

Awwww!

Happy anniversary!

 

[KristaTX]

Did anyone happen to see this article? This will depress you, but make you like Tom Hanks even more. http://www.vulture.com/2013/04/leading-men-age-but-their-love-interests-dont.html

For people who don't shop at Chico's and Coldwater Creek type places, where do you shop? I don't shop there either (my MIL shops at Coldwater Creek!), but I also don't shop at Aberstinky and Stench, Forever 21, or really anywhere in the mall besides Dillards on occasion.

I don't work in an office setting, so most of my clothes these days tend to come from Kohl's, Target, and Lands End's more sporty stuff. I also will buy lots of colors of the same shirt if I find something I really like, or several pairs of the same jeans if I find some that fit great.

I used to get a lot of clothes at Eddie Bauer because I've always been more into preppy and outdoors/sporty clothing (I'm kind of a tom-boy), but I don't like their clothes very much anymore. Either I got old, or they, like everyone else, started gearing their stuff to people in their late 20s/early 30s.

I'm 42, married for 22 years, and have no children. I am way more comfortable now with my age than I was when I turned 37. 37 was the hard year for me for some reason. But that article I mentioned above really was depressing. It makes me want to start boycotting movies where the leading lady should be playing the daughter of the leading man instead of his love interest.

 

[ten6mom]

I also turn 40 in July and I am dreading it. I am a single mom with two young (8 and 6) kids and this next birthday is just not something I am looking forward to. I know I look younger than I am but still. Yuck.

 

[design_mom]

I turned 40 last June, and it's not so bad. (I turned 40 on our family vacation -- our first Disney cruise -- nobody can be miserable on Castaway Cay! That definitely took the sting out of it a little.)

I have never been a fashion plate but I don't think I look worse now than I did in my 30 -- and maybe a little better. I've lost a bit of weight and have been exercising more. I work from home so I mainly live in t-shirts/shorts/jeans. However, a lot of my "nice clothes" come from Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft.

 

[princesspiglet]

I will be 40 in a month and I am looking forward to it! Age is just a number to me. I have a wonderful 10 year old daughter, an amazing older (45) husband and have some great friends and a decent job- what's to be afraid of? I love my life.

I still feel like a college student and pretty much dress like one too! I still wear my birkenstocks, my levi jeans and a sweatshirt and hardly ever style my hair or wear makeup. I shop at Target and JCP and still love Disney as much as I did when I was a kid. I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was when I was in college, but I'm comfortable where I am. I acutally feel better about myself then I did in my 20's.

 

[PigletsPal2]

I hope the responses keep on coming because DW and I will be 40 next month. I know we both feel like kids but the reflection in the mirror gives subtle hints to the contrary. We're keeping young by partaking in 5Ks, half and full marathons and I'm even now into triathlons.

Just remember, it's not the exterior looking back at you in the mirror but what's below the surface that matters.

OH, BTW, it's not 40yo rather 40 years of marriage and we are really enjoy being 62 with 63 approaching very quickly. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday and keep on grabbing for the rings as you go around the carousel of life.

Happy Anniversary John VN! DH and I will celebrate 47 years this month and I swear it doesn't feel like it's been that long! Our BABY turned 40 last month, and we have another daughter who will be 46 in September. All three of we women must have inherited good genes because we each look 10 years younger than our actual ages and we dress and live that way too.

To the OP, turning 40 isn't a bad thing. By then we've established who we are and what we stand for and won't stand for, and live our lives accordingly. I think I felt a little relief when I turned 40 - the hard part was over! To me personally, the hardest thing was that my body started to slowly deteriorate; at first it was little things (magnified by a difficult menopause!) but has now developed into a full-fledged neurological problem, but I'm dealing with it and my doctor says my attitude is major factor in the success of my treatment.

Embrace and enjoy your birthday - it's the beginning of an exciting new phase of your life! Many good wishes for 40 more great years!

Queen Colleen

 

[ZachnElli]

I'm 41 and I admit I'm struggling in the clothing area. I pick stuff out and then rethink it, thinking its too young. Like right now I have 2 graduations this month, one is my DS's HS graduation, so I go look at dresses and then think I'm looking at ones that are too young then I look at say Ann Taylor and they are too old, I'm stuck! I have longer hair too, the only one who gives me crap about it is my dad. I told him I'll cut it when Brooke Shields cuts hers!

 

[branv]

I turn 40 in June, and you think you have it bad -- I'm going to be a first time mom 3 months after that. Talk about feeling old compared to all the moms in my neighborhood. But on the flip side, had two toddlers here this weekend, and yes...it was tiring, but I also had about 100 times more patience for them than I did with my nieces and nephews when I was 20-30.

I'm not sure, however, where people are getting this idea of what you can and can't do now that you're 40. I think it's pretty widely accepted now that you don't have to go for the helmet cut and sport cullotes. What I DO think is that people can pretty quickly spot the "desperate" 40 year old -- who dresses like they're 20 b/c they're desperate to BE 20, desperately seeks validation from the opposite sex b/c they're terrified their looks are going, parties perpetually like they're at a frat function, etc. I've especially seen the latter a few times and it is painful how they need to prove what great fun they're having (and usually acting like obnoxious jerks in the process). Seriously, if a person's life and relationships at 40 are in as much chaos as a confused 20 year old, then why wouldn't they want to grow up?

On the flip side, I don't think people give much of a glance at people who seem comfortable in their own skin. Whether you're dressing in so-called "young" fashion or just comfort, going out or staying in, if it's what you are happy with and you could give a rats about anyone else's opinion...well...to me, that's where 40+ kicks butt and people respect that. But if you run around trying hard to hide your real age, then it tends to just highlight your real age. In all things, grace, dignity and self-respect are ageless

Just last summer when my insanely hip 16 year old niece was visiting, I made some joke about remembering fondly the days when I wasn't double the size she is now. And she said to me, "Maybe you aren't, but you know what...you OWN it. You always look good." I am overweight, don't dress in top fashion (let alone the same shops as her), I wear comfy clothes and shoes, and half the time my hair is pulled up. So seriously, if a 16 year old can say that to me with a straight face, then I must be putting the right vibe out there. So there you go...do what you want. But OWN it

 

[anorviel]

I'm not sure, however, where people are getting this idea of what you can and can't do now that you're 40. I think it's pretty widely accepted now that you don't have to go for the helmet cut and sport cullotes. What I DO think is that people can pretty quickly spot the "desperate" 40 year old -- who dresses like they're 20 b/c they're desperate to BE 20, desperately seeks validation from the opposite sex b/c they're terrified their looks are going, parties perpetually like they're at a frat function, etc. I've especially seen the latter a few times and it is painful how they need to prove what great fun they're having (and usually acting like obnoxious jerks in the process). Seriously, if a person's life and relationships at 40 are in as much chaos as a confused 20 year old, then why wouldn't they want to grow up?

On the flip side, I don't think people give much of a glance at people who seem comfortable in their own skin. Whether you're dressing in so-called "young" fashion or just comfort, going out or staying in, if it's what you are happy with and you could give a rats about anyone else's opinion...well...to me, that's where 40+ kicks butt and people respect that. But if you run around trying hard to hide your real age, then it tends to just highlight your real age. In all things, grace, dignity and self-respect are ageless

Just last summer when my insanely hip 16 year old niece was visiting, I made some joke about remembering fondly the days when I wasn't double the size she is now. And she said to me, "Maybe you aren't, but you know what...you OWN it. You always look good." I am overweight, don't dress in top fashion (let alone the same shops as her), I wear comfy clothes and shoes, and half the time my hair is pulled up. So seriously, if a 16 year old can say that to me with a straight face, then I must be putting the right vibe about there. So there you go...do what you want. But OWN it

I turned 40 in September and I was gonna write this wordy, poorly articulated post, but branv said it better than I can. Own it. You can't stop it, so you might as well make the best of it. I will say that while I wish I felt as centered in my 20's as I do now, I have to accept that I wouldn't feel as centered now if I hadn't been exploring where my center is in my 20's and 30's.

I also find that I just don't give a s**t about a lot of the things that seemed so important in my 20's and 30's. I'm not as interested in censoring myself, putting up with BS, or playing games. I don't feel the need to really cater to anyone else's agenda. I don't know that I'm ready to go all "I am woman hear me roar" or sit in a drum circle about it...I just don't care to do it anymore. And that's really nice. (although I admit it could be a slippery slope into "get off my lawn" territory)

As for what we're supposed to look like in our 40's? Confident is always sexy. While I think the tide is turning a bit, young and hot still sells and that's what we see. It's tough to be surrounded with images and marketing of 20's beauty when you aren't ever going to see 20 again. You already know what you don't want to look like, so don't do that.

Okay...I got all wordy anyway. 40 will be okay - you can't stop it. Mourn your 30's if you need to, do what you've gotta do to feel okay about it, but just know that for most people things only get better as they age.

Ann

 

[disney1990]

Age is just a number. We are in our 60's and you would never know it. We haven't slowed down at all. I am in better shape now than I was 10-15 years ago. People are shocked to learn how old we are.

 

[amg35]

As for what we're supposed to look like in our 40's? Confident is always sexy. While I think the tide is turning a bit, young and hot still sells and that's what we see. It's tough to be surrounded with images and marketing of 20's beauty when you aren't ever going to see 20 again. You already know what you don't want to look like, so don't do that.

First, wow, lots of us in the same boat! Misery loves company!

I guess what I quoted is what bugs me....that to me sounds like "so you're 40, accept that you are no longer attractive" I'm sure that's not what the post meant, but that's what I mean. I don't feel all of a sudden not pretty anymore, I don't feel like my body is falling apart, and I know I could get away saying I'm in my early 30's if I chose to.
I do like that I'm not interested in staying out all night anymore, I will like a band now even if they aren't "cool", I have no desire to go to the coolest bar anymore and I'm happy to stay in more, but still love to hang out in my dive bars when I feel like it. Things like silver strands in my hair don't bother me at all. Today I wore a dress with my Vans (gym shoes). It's an outfit I would have worn when I was young, but I still dress like that now.

I got carded the other day for wine, then the checkout lady said "time is treating you very well" and it should have been a compliment to me, but all I heard was "wow, you're old, thank god you don't look it" or something like that.

I can't put into words what's bothering me really, it's just that stupid number.

I'm just being vain and silly, I realize that. I'm not one to freak out about anything much (other than my pets), so I'm allowing myself to wallow for a while. And I think it's great there's a bunch of you who never felt like this and I know there's nothing I can do, it's better than the alternative, age is just a number, but still....ugh!

This too shall pass...I have no choice!

Thanks all!