Is this party favor just going to cause hurt feelings?

[sam_gordon]

Okay, what the heck... I will put in my two cents worth.

I think it is funny that some of the things posted by those on one side of the fence, could actually be used to argue for those on the other side!

While I can not say that I know enough about this one situation to make a good judgement call... I have to say that, YES, as one poster said above, kids at this age are brutal. They just are... So that def. supports the argument that this was def. something to promote a 'clique'. I really do not see how that aspect of this could be overlooked, when it comes to a big birthday party, at these girls particular age. And, unfortunately, too many mothers are still emotionally/psychologically like middle-school aged girls, instead of middle-aged grown women. I just can't ignore that huge probability. I could never imagine even doing such a thing myself... EVER... Making a photo scapbook of the memories and comradary, certainly!!!! But, a T-shirt to be worn.... ummmmmm. NO.

I don't think anyone has disagreed than pre-teen girls can be brutal. But just because that is possible, does NOT prove the shirt was worn with malicious intent. I think even those who said it's ok to wear the shirt would agree if the intent was to make others feel excluded, that's not good. But we don't know what the intent was. Just because YOU (and a handful of others) are willing to ASSUME the "party girl" had malicious intent, doesn't mean it's true.

One poster mentioned, like, 'ohhh it 's no different than sharing vacation pictures.' I have to laugh!!!!! Do they not realize how indulgent and narcissistic and presumptuous it is to place others in the position of spending time acting like they care about YOUR photos/slideshow, etc... Can they not see the negative reaction, and the hidden eye-rolls????

I must have missed the post about vacation pictures. Can you link it please? A couple of us HAVE mentioned wearing Disney T-shirts. Do you think a child wearing a Disney (or concert/show/whatever) shirt is "indulgent, narcissistic, and presumptuous"?

If one person makes a team, or is accepted into an organization... that is the one person.. They not only have the right to wear the official shirt, t-shirt, etc... But, it is often a required part of their responsibility.

Def. completely apples to oranges....

And, an official organization or sports team is just not the same as a birthday party clique. And, often it is limited as to where the person can display these things. It is NOT okay for my son to wear his scout shirt unless it is at an event sanctioned by, and encouraged by, the scout organization.

But someone who DIDN'T make the team or organization might feel "left out" when they see others wearing the apparel. Often this team apparel might be worn OUTSIDE of team activities. My younger kids sometimes wear soccer jerseys to school, or they wear camp shirts. I guess everyone needs to wear plain colored shirts.

While I am taking a middle ground here in the OP's situation, as we just do not know. For the reasons just described, I am leaning way, way, towards the 'tasteless', 'exclusive', 'clique', 'immature', 'narcissitiic', with negative undertones, type of behavior. I really do not see how it could be anything but.

You're taking a "middle ground", but don't "see how it could be anything but"? THAT'S a middle ground?

Here's a hint for you... not every action is done to make someone feel bad. Sometimes a shirt is just a shirt.

 

[meggiebeth]

I don't think it is bad at all unless the girls with the shirts were rubbing it in others' faces. Not only is it silly to invite people to a party you don't like, (because as a teenage girl there are other girls you don't like) but it is silly to think they'd definitely be offended when not invited. Parties tend to be held with friends invited and if you aren't invited to a party held by someone who isn't even your friend- you shouldn't be offended in most circumstances.

Funny- this all applies well to what some people are saying here. That races should not be held at elementary school because 'it could hurt children's feelings' (those who have lost)

How are you meant to prepare kids for the adult world by cushioning them from everything?

 

[sam_gordon]

But when you start posting those pictures and wearing them - that is when it can start to hurt other people. Sure, you can say "grow up", but if you are considerate in the first place, you would never want to put the other person in that situation. That is what manners are all about.

I hope you don't post pictures on FB of your kids birthday party or your trip to Disney (or wherever you go). After all, someone might feel "hurt" they didn't get to enjoy the activity.

 

[sam_gordon]

I agree with you. Obviously, not everyone is going to be at every party, but wearing a shirt in front of everyone like that can be very hurtful and mean. No reason to be so in your face about it. 6th grade is a horrible time of life for many girl-it's usually when they really experience the mean girls and exclusionary behavior.
Hopefully, the mother just didn't think it all the way through, and the effect it would have on those left out.
I also would not let my daughter wear it in front of all the girls who weren't invited.

Do you let your daughter wear souvenir clothing (ie: a WDW T-shirt)?

 

[TanyaS]

"On Wednesdays, we wear pink."

 

[happygirl]

I hope you don't post pictures on FB of your kids birthday party or your trip to Disney (or wherever you go). After all, someone might feel "hurt" they didn't get to enjoy the activity.

I think there a difference and you know that

 

[handinpocket]

I think there a difference and you know that

No there isn't.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Exactly...
And, we all know about how middle school, mean-girls, handle 'etiquette'.
That is why I lean way over towards the 'cliquesh', 'immature', 'exclusionary', 'negative', side of this thing.

This mom REALLY should have known better.

How could anyone NOT...

I don't consider the mere wearing of a shirt by one girl to be a breach of etiquette, nor do I consider it mean or cliquish.

 

[Sabeking]

Okay, what the heck... I will put in my two cents worth.

I think it is funny that some of the things posted by those on one side of the fence, could actually be used to argue for those on the other side!

While I can not say that I know enough about this one situation to make a good judgement call... I have to say that, YES, as one poster said above, kids at this age are brutal. They just are... So that def. supports the argument that this was def. something to promote a 'clique'. I really do not see how that aspect of this could be overlooked, when it comes to a big birthday party, at these girls particular age. And, unfortunately, too many mothers are still emotionally/psychologically like middle-school aged girls, instead of middle-aged grown women. I just can't ignore that huge probability. I could never imagine even doing such a thing myself... EVER... Making a photo scapbook of the memories and comradary, certainly!!!! But, a T-shirt to be worn.... ummmmmm. NO.

One poster mentioned, like, 'ohhh it 's no different than sharing vacation pictures.' I have to laugh!!!!! Do they not realize how indulgent and narcissistic and presumptuous it is to place others in the position of spending time acting like they care about YOUR photos/slideshow, etc... Can they not see the negative reaction, and the hidden eye-rolls????

If one person makes a team, or is accepted into an organization... that is the one person.. They not only have the right to wear the official shirt, t-shirt, etc... But, it is often a required part of their responsibility.

Def. completely apples to oranges....

And, an official organization or sports team is just not the same as a birthday party clique. And, often it is limited as to where the person can display these things. It is NOT okay for my son to wear his scout shirt unless it is at an event sanctioned by, and encouraged by, the scout organization.

While I am taking a middle ground here in the OP's situation, as we just do not know. For the reasons just described, I am leaning way, way, towards the 'tasteless', 'exclusive', 'clique', 'immature', 'narcissitiic', with negative undertones, type of behavior. I really do not see how it could be anything but.

Agree!
A little off topic but why is it neccessary to give party favors anyway. How about thanks for coming and I hope you enjoyed all the fun we had while you were here!

 

[disykat]

Sure, someone MIGHT feel bad, but now we have to judge our actions based on how someone MIGHT feel? It doesn't matter whether they're justified in their feelings or not, we should take that into account?

Yes, I try to live that way. I don't always succeed but a big goal of mine is to take the feelings of others into account. I've tried to instill that in my children as well.

 

[sam_gordon]

Yes, I try to live that way. I don't always succeed but a big goal of mine is to take the feelings of others into account. I've tried to instill that in my children as well.

Do you let your kids wear WDW (or concert/show) clothing to school/out to play?

 

[sam_gordon]

I think there a difference and you know that

I know you think there is a difference?

Please explain the difference between wearing a shirt with a group picture on it and posting pictures of an activity. IMO, both say "look what I did".

 

[happygirl]

No there isn't.

Yes there is

 

[N&B'smom]

I didn't read all the responses BUT I don't see the big deal. I wouldn't expect people to invite the ENTIRE class/group.

It reminds me of how it is around here with bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs. If you go then you typically get some sort of sweatshirt or tshirt as a favor with the information about the event. It has the kid's name and the date and all. You're either invited or you're not and it's pretty obvious the Monday after who was included because they all wear the favor to school. I think my DS13 went to about 8 this past year. But there were several he was not invited to as well.

 

[sam_gordon]

Yes there is

And that would be...?

 

[disykat]

Do you let your kids wear WDW (or concert/show) clothing to school/out to play?

I see a huge difference between wearing something that advertises who was at an invitation only party including half your classmates in front of the other half that weren't invited than wearing something that advertises where your family went on vacation, that you are on a team, etc.

But actually, yes, while I don't go out of my way to pretend I never go anywhere, I base my willingness to advertise the activity on the audience. If I think it might be hurtful, I don't mention it. The last time I went to WDW was over Christmas break while I was working at a school with a high poverty level. I didn't mention it to my students.

 

[sam_gordon]

I see a huge difference between wearing something that advertises who was at an invitation only party including half your classmates in front of the other half that weren't invited than wearing something that advertises where your family went on vacation, that you are on a team, etc.

But not everyone gets to go to WDW (or wherever). Someone might feel bad that you got to go and they didn't. I thought that was the point, you shouldn't wear something that MIGHT make someone feel bad.

Plus, my kids are not 11, they can wear whatever they want.

Even if it might make someone feel bad?

 

[Hrhpd]

I think there a difference and you know that

How is posting pictures on facebook where the uninvited can see them any different than wearing a shirt with a picture on it?

I was also going to post the whole facebook thing. I see my teen's facebook page often and always see people posting pictures of different parties, different outings, etc. There will undoubtedly be people who were not invited seeing those pictures.

I suppose that a 6th grader should invite all 300 of his/her facebook friends because they may feel bad about not getting invited.

My niece has over 1,000 friends - pretty much the whole school friends each other. Guess she should invite the whole school to her party.

It's pretty hurtful. You cannot deny that. If you're at school and you invite only the "cool" kids and none of the rest, it really puts a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

Just like with everyone else, send invites to all (doesn't mean they'll come) and deal with whats been dealt.

Girls are horrible sometimes.

Yes I can deny it. And I do.

What if the not so cool kids have a party and don't invite the cool kids? Is it ok then?

The idea to invite all 26 of the kids in 6th grade just because is preposterous. If my budget only allows for the 12 children, there is no way I am going to more than double my budget just to be PC.

 

[disykat]

But not everyone gets to go to WDW (or wherever). Someone might feel bad that you got to go and they didn't. I thought that was the point, you shouldn't wear something that MIGHT make someone feel bad.


Even if it might make someone feel bad?

Do you really want to keep fighting with me about my opinion? Do you think it's going to change? Or do you just think your opinion is so much better than mine that I don't deserve to have one? Really?

 

[handinpocket]

Yes there is

Please explain how.