IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO TEACH YOUR KID HOW TO BEHAVE IN A RESTAURANT?

[diznygirl]

I don't have kids so I don't know how hard it is but is it so hard to stay home UNTIL they can sit well at a table? And the ones who let them run around...one time there was a kid running around slapping people. (OOooooh so tempting!!) The ones I feel bad for are the parents who are on date night to get away from the kids for some "them" time.

One time - it was just a food court but I'm surre it happens at restaurants with tthis kid, she was screaming for something and the mother was eating saying "I'm not listening until you ask nicely...I'm not listening til you ask nicely." Good plan but how about "we're not going out until you can ask nicely".

When you have kids you can't all of a sudden not go ANYWHERE for years. That's not how it works. You take them out and tell them how they are to behave and remove them from a situation if they are not behaving. They WILL learn. But only if you say what you mean and do what you say.

 

[cijay]

When you have kids you can't all of a sudden not go ANYWHERE for years. That's not how it works. You take them out and tell them how they are to behave and remove them from a situation if they are not behaving. They WILL learn. But only if you say what you mean and do what you say.

Totally agree. The sooner they can learn to sit and behave, the sooner they can go out to nice places. Like you said, mean what you say. You can't just say "we're going to go home if you don't behave" then not follow through. I know I only tested that once as a child and didn't like the fact that we were on a bus going the opposite direction pretty quickly.

 

[littleblackegg]

Some people like to taunt you with their kids' terrible public behavior, as if to dare you to say something about it. It's these type of parents that I really want to lock in the broom closet for a day or so. Most recent encounter was a lady and two little girls, maybe four and six. They were playing some sort of shrieking game which involved screaming like they were being torn apart by bears. Inside. For about five minutes. I finally put my hands over my ears and playfully said, "Ahhhhhh! You ladies are hurting my ears! Can we use inside voices, please? Thanks!" This lady came tearing around the corner as if I had approached them to shoot some kiddie porn or something. "Excuse me MA'AM, but I prefer to discipline my OWN children!!" I told her that I didn't discipline them, I politely asked that they stop screaming. Which they did. She continued on with some crazy wackadoodle rant about how everybody thinks they know everything. What? She finally took herself and her homeschooled, cosleeping, still breastfeeding little angels out of there.

 

[HerbivoreMom]

The OP in this thread has unrealistic expectations IMO. Age 3 is simply too young to expect big kid behavior.
And if the parents put a screen in front of the kid to distract him from banging silverware, well then everyone would chastise the parents for too much screen time.

There are age/developmentally appropriate expectations and limit-setting. And then there's treating a child like you're training a dog. Or worse, abuse. If you're bothered by children's normal and natural behaviors then avoid children. It is not reasonable to expect children to behave like adults. They literally require ALL of childhood in order to learn how to behave like adults.

 

[worm761]

The OP in this thread has unrealistic expectations IMO. Age 3 is simply too young to expect big kid behavior.
And if the parents put a screen in front of the kid to distract him from banging silverware, well then everyone would chastise the parents for too much screen time.

There are age/developmentally appropriate expectations and limit-setting. And then there's treating a child like you're training a dog. Or worse, abuse. If you're bothered by children's normal and natural behaviors then avoid children. It is not reasonable to expect children to behave like adults. They literally require ALL of childhood in order to learn how to behave like adults.

I disagree. My DD is 5 years old. At 3 she could sit in a restaurant without playing the drums or screaming. She colored. She talked with us. She drew as best a 3 year old can. She knew better than to misbehave. She knew that if she did that she'd get in trouble. And at 2 and a half on her first Disney trip she knew not to get up from the table and run off to see the characters. Heck, even at 5 she was very confused about why she was allowed to do the parade thing at Tusker House since she isn't allowed to roam restaurants.

A 3 year old is capable of sitting and behaving in a restaurant.

*I also have a 19 year old that also knew not to misbehave in a restaurant.

 

[Hrhpd]

I disagree. My DD is 5 years old. At 3 she could sit in a restaurant without playing the drums or screaming. She colored. She talked with us. She drew as best a 3 year old can. She knew better than to misbehave. She knew that if she did that she'd get in trouble. And at 2 and a half on her first Disney trip she knew not to get up from the table and run off to see the characters. Heck, even at 5 she was very confused about why she was allowed to do the parade thing at Tusker House since she isn't allowed to roam restaurants.

A 3 year old is capable of sitting and behaving in a restaurant.

*I also have a 19 year old that also knew not to misbehave in a restaurant.

I absolutely agree. Saying that 3 year olds are not capable of good behavior in a restaurant is not giving the child credit.

Parents who make excuses for their children's behavior, saying they are just children, are the parents that have the ones that make everybody else cringe. There is a reason the term "snowflakes" came into such popularity for this generation.

 

[NJlauren]

I think it is a combination of acceptable behavior and appropriate restaurant.

I won't take my 15 month old to a date night type place at 8pm on Saturday, but I will take her to the local diner or family restaurant at 5pm. I don't let her scream but if she is babbling or cries for a minute or two I don't feel bad at an appropriate place.

 

[Anchored]

banging silverware and shouting is not allowed at home at our dinner table either!
we love to eat out, so our kids learned very young how to behave, and we are happy to bring an iPod touch, portable video game, book, or small toy to keep them occupied in case of a long wait. My husband and I will also quickly take one outside in case of a meltdown.
On separate occasions we have had a patron, and a manager pay for our meal, commending us for how well behaved our children were. (well, the manager said how polite my son was when ordering and asking for things at 7 years old)
I truly believe children will strive to meet high set goals, and we often underestimate what they are capable of. So I don't think the OP is out of line to expect a 3 year old not to disturb the whole restaurant.

 

[DisneyOma]

The OP in this thread has unrealistic expectations IMO. Age 3 is simply too young to expect big kid behavior.
And if the parents put a screen in front of the kid to distract him from banging silverware, well then everyone would chastise the parents for too much screen time.

There are age/developmentally appropriate expectations and limit-setting. And then there's treating a child like you're training a dog. Or worse, abuse. If you're bothered by children's normal and natural behaviors then avoid children. It is not reasonable to expect children to behave like adults. They literally require ALL of childhood in order to learn how to behave like adults.

When do they miraculously learn 'big kid behavior' if they don't get corrected and disciplined when they are younger? At age 3 my daughters could behave appropriately in restaurants because we expected them to behave. Normal/natural behavior is a judgement call - banging silverware loudly is not normal or natural behavior anywhere but in a play setting, IMO. Dinner is not playtime. It is socializing time, and a great time to teach a kid appropriate table manners. Talk to the kids, ask them questions, etc.

 

[EveDallas]

I disagree. My DD is 5 years old. At 3 she could sit in a restaurant without playing the drums or screaming. She colored. She talked with us. She drew as best a 3 year old can. She knew better than to misbehave. She knew that if she did that she'd get in trouble. And at 2 and a half on her first Disney trip she knew not to get up from the table and run off to see the characters. Heck, even at 5 she was very confused about why she was allowed to do the parade thing at Tusker House since she isn't allowed to roam restaurants.

A 3 year old is capable of sitting and behaving in a restaurant.

*I also have a 19 year old that also knew not to misbehave in a restaurant.

Totally agree. A 3 year old is perfectly capable of proper restaurant behavior. At 3, my son colored, ate crackers, and talked with me until we were served. If he did get antsy or start misbehaving (which sometimes happened), I took him aside and had a discussion about behavior. We rarely had to leave because he loved eating out and would usually correct whatever he was doing.

 

[jrmasm]

The OP in this thread has unrealistic expectations IMO. Age 3 is simply too young to expect big kid behavior.
And if the parents put a screen in front of the kid to distract him from banging silverware, well then everyone would chastise the parents for too much screen time.

There are age/developmentally appropriate expectations and limit-setting. And then there's treating a child like you're training a dog. Or worse, abuse. If you're bothered by children's normal and natural behaviors then avoid children. It is not reasonable to expect children to behave like adults. They literally require ALL of childhood in order to learn how to behave like adults.

I disagree with you 100%.

But let's just say for the sake of argument that you're correct, it is then the responsibility of parents not to subject strangers to their child's age appropriate behavior.

 

[Hrhpd]

The OP in this thread has unrealistic expectations IMO. Age 3 is simply too young to expect big kid behavior.
And if the parents put a screen in front of the kid to distract him from banging silverware, well then everyone would chastise the parents for too much screen time.

There are age/developmentally appropriate expectations and limit-setting. And then there's treating a child like you're training a dog. Or worse, abuse. If you're bothered by children's normal and natural behaviors then avoid children. It is not reasonable to expect children to behave like adults. They literally require ALL of childhood in order to learn how to behave like adults.

What kind of discipline do you equate to treating a child like training a dog.

If a mere dog can learn good behavior, think how much a 3 year can learn as they are human

 

[Lynne M]

I thought of this thread today. Casual family place, two boys who looked like they were about 3 and 5 just running wild, all over the place. Jumping in empty booths, screaming, running the length of the restaurant and back, crawling under other people's tables and refusing to come out. For about an hour. No parental intervention at all for awhile, then I think the grandparents must have prodded the parents to do something about it, because the parents would amble over to them occasionally and stand and watch them. Sort of bewildered-looking, as if they weren't sure what they were expected to do. Once in awhile, the mother would walk up to one of them and say "don't do that" in a meek voice. The kids didn't even look at her.

It was kind of amazing. It clearly hadn't occurred to either of them that they could pick the kids up and bring them back to their table.

 

[littleblackegg]

There are six year olds all over the world that are already tending the family farm and livestock. A three year old can sit at a dinner table with age appropriate distractions and not scream and kick and bang the plates and cutlery. Learning to take behavioral cues from others in the surroundings is a huge developmental task that gets more and more complex. Children love success. They love to copy the behaviors of older children and adults. Mastery is its own reward.

 

[Starshine]

If your kid is causing a commotion in a restaurant, take them outside (tucked under an arm kicking and screaming the whole way if need be). Shouldn't that be common sense?

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I routinely see terrible adult behavior but there is no excuse for it. They should have and probably did learn better but still do it anyways. Loud cell phone conversations...poor manners...poor treatment of servers... Not saying please or thank you ever... Entitlement syndrome... All these posts about parents of children and yet some adults are so rude that they shouldn't be allowed in public.

 

[mom2rtk]

I routinely see terrible adult behavior but there is no excuse for it. They should have and probably did learn better but still do it anyways. Loud cell phone conversations...poor manners...poor treatment of servers... Not saying please or thank you ever... Entitlement syndrome... All these posts about parents of children and yet some adults are so rude that they shouldn't be allowed in public.

Well, those kids who misbehave in restaurants as children (without proper correction by their parents) eventually grow up to be adults, don't they?

 

[Dentam]

Our local news station posted an article about a similar event on their facebook page and I was totally amazed at the number of people who responded saying that people needed to stay home if they didn't want to eat in a restaurant with loud children. The whole "kids will be kids" argument. It just always amazes me the number of people out there who don't even think to consider others.

 

[mom2rtk]

Our local news station posted an article about a similar event on their facebook page and I was totally amazed at the number of people who responded saying that people needed to stay home if they didn't want to eat in a restaurant with loud children. The whole "kids will be kids" argument. It just always amazes me the number of people out there who don't even think to consider others.

I agree that the solution to the problem is someone staying home. I just have the feeling I might disagree with who should be staying home.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Just to drag this whole thing up again.


http://pix11.com/2015/11/06/mexican...s-to-parents-for-controlling-unruly-children/

OUSTON — A Mexican restaurant in Montros, Texas, is receiving some backlash after the owners started handing out “children’s rule” cards to parents when they come in.

Restaurant owners Ana Beaven and Charlie McDaniel were fed up with customers’ children running around the restaurant and destroying the furniture and art, according to KTRK. The couple said they spent three years building their restaurant, Cuchara, and it has been like their second home. They let multiple incidents pass, until one day, a child took it too far.

“A child took a coin, a quarter and began marking [the wall] and drew tick tac toe,” McDaniel told KTRK.

The child made $1,500 worth of damage, prompting McDaniel and Beaven to print rule cards for unruly children. The cards, with a cartoon drawing of a family, says:

Children at Cuchara don’t run or wander around the restaurant. They stay seated and ask their parents to take them to the restroom. They don’t scream, throw tantrums or touch the walls, murals, windows or anything of the other patrons. They are respectful!

Cuchara has authentic art from Mexico and many other items the owners said that are almost impossible to replace.

“The main goal is for parent to understand how fragile our items are,” Beaven said.

The owners said they have received some negative feedback from parents on the rules cards, who said they didn’t like being told their children were unruly.

Beaven and McDaniel continue to hand out the children’s rule cards with the menus when customers enter Cuchara.