If you've had a spouse in Grad School...

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by SaraJayne, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. NewmanFamily6

    NewmanFamily6 DIS Veteran

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    My DH completed his undergraduate degree in chemistry and immediately started pharmacy school when DD #1 was 2 years old. DD #2 was born year 2. DS twins were born 1 month before he graduated. We both worked full time the whole time. Was it difficult? Absolutely but worth it:thumbsup2 Now I am in a doctoral program and he is opening his own pharmacy during the end of my 1st year in. I guess it is just how we roll. If you want it badly enough you just make things work & happen:) Good luck!
     
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  3. SpecialK

    SpecialK DIS Veteran

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    My husband and I both finished our masters (he finished two)after we had children. In fact, the last year was the first time in twenty years of marriage when DH was not pursuing a degree or taking professional development classes.

    You adjust. You study after the kids are in bed or out, when they're older. Whoever is home picks up the slack. Sometimes one of us missed dinner to be at the library or meeting, but we never missed anything important. We never found it to be that big a deal.
     
  4. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    We don't have any close family, so it would be all me.

    We've "discussed" it in snippets here and there, but we really need to take a chunk of time, sit down and hash stuff out.

    Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. :)
     
  5. RabbitFood

    RabbitFood Mouseketeer

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    I don't understand what there is to discuss, especially since you say the timing is right. My husband has gotten 4 advanced degrees and I've earned one since we've been married. The most discussion we had was maybe "honey, I will have class Wednesday nights." :confused3
     
  6. badblackpug

    badblackpug <font color=blue>If you knew her you would be shoc

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    I am presently in grad school. I have kids on both ends of the spectrum. I have a 15 & 12 year old and a 3 & 4 year old.

    It's hard. It's. A lot of running around and trying to find quiet time (which is hard to do with pre-schoolers) I do admit that some days it is overwhelming and my little kids don't understand much about needing to do school work at home. BTW, I work and my husband also works. I really find that my older kids are very understanding, and my 15 year old is, actually, very helpful. I will admit I am not at every single event, but I am at the "big" ones.

    I really think that since your kids arenolder they will be very understanding. Not to mention, it will set a great example for your soon to be college freshman.
     
  7. pixiechick

    pixiechick <font color=teal>will work for disney dollars<br><

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    Dh got a master's degree. I did too.

    It's no different than figuring out who's going to Sally's soccer practice and who's taking Johnny to violin lessons.

    Set up a schedule. And be prepared to be flexible.
     
  8. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    For us, it's a serious commitment on both our parts that merits discussion about the details.
     
  9. kpm76

    kpm76 DIS Veteran<br><font color=purple>Charlie Brown is

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    Exactly, and especially if you have kids. It also sounds like your DH is a very involved dad and husband so you are wise to make a well thought out decision :)

    DH is in an MBA program right now and we have have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. DH has a demanding job, travels a few days/month and is taking 3 classes this semester! In total, it will take him 30 months (he's more than half-way done) with both summer sessions.

    It's hard for me, but I am home so it makes life a whole lot easier. Not sure we could swig the craziness of his schedule if I was working 40 hrs/week. DH has a gift and he "gets" things easily, so while he spends time preparing and studying for classes, it's not overwhelming for him.....and for that I am grateful :)

    Honestly, despite the madness, he doesn't miss any milestone events and rarely misses family things on weekends. Weeknights are different because he's gone at least 2 nights/week until 10pm. It's a long haul and a sacrifice on both parts, but will be so worth it in the end.
     
  10. Sonya Lee

    Sonya Lee Earning My Ears

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    If it's going to help him in his career, you suck it up and make due. It's not forever, he's not moving away to do it. The kids sound old enough to understand. Geeze, my kids go in two different directions for things and we each take one so it's rare to have both of us at the same and I don't foresee therapy bills in the near future
     
  11. Southernmiss

    Southernmiss <font color=green>I am hazed everyday<br><font col

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    Yes, I agree with this.

    DH got his MBA when we had 3 under 6 and 1 on the way! However, because of their activities as they got older and the fact that DH began to referee High School Soccer in the evenings, it was much easier for the family as a whole for him to get his MBA while the kids were young.

    He worked full time, went to school 2 nights a week and then stayed up late to do homework/papers the other nights. But he's a night owl anyway and often stays up late to watch sports.

    Now, because of his refereeing and the fact that soccer is my kid's sport of choice, too, I do all of the shuttling to practices and games anyway while DH is refereeing.
     
  12. IUTBAM

    IUTBAM DIS Veteran

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    My DH was a teacher and I was an executive assistant when we got married in the summer. That upcoming school year turned out to be his last year teaching, as he decided to go back to grad school. We up and moved to College Station (we're Aggies) for him to go to school. He took out student loans, got a TA position, and I got a full time job (no kids). It was a very stressful 2 years for him to get his Master's (he was tired of teaching and wanted to go back to a science based career). But it was worth. He graduated in 1990 with his Master's, and has moved up the corporate ladder quite nicely. I've been a stay at home mom since 1993 when our first child was born, and I still like to tease him about the two years that I was the major breadwinner. But my gosh it was stressful...we were still essentially newlyweds, and he was a very serious student, and I was working for an employer I hated, but knew I had to have a job to support us (his meager TA salary didn't go far). I can't even fathom what it would have been like if we'd had children. My hat is off to anyone who goes to school full time with kids...wow...you rock.

    But, him going back to grad school is what secured our future, and while it was stressful, it has definitely paid off 100 times over.
     
  13. shortbun

    shortbun <font color=green>Peacenik<br><font color=purple><

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    My husband got a Masters when our son was little. He was able to do his school work in the evening after DS and I were in bed. He also had one night class and a 5/6 hour class on Saturdays through most of it. We were stuck at home-no big vacationing while he was taking classes. He didn't find the work particularly hard although it was time consuming. I don't remember feeling bad about his schedule other than to worry about him working, going to school and having a family life. He's a very active dad and husband; it was harder on him than me.
     
  14. mhsjax

    mhsjax DIS Veteran

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    I totally agree. Family time is HUGE as well as both of your commitments to this. It is something that both of you have to decide on. Good luck.
     
  15. mhsjax

    mhsjax DIS Veteran

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    Wow. Who mentioned therapy bills? And as I understand it, the OP's kids are fairly old. There are certain activities in high school that maybe dad doesn't want to miss?
     
  16. chiefmickeymouse

    chiefmickeymouse Sarcastic, silly and socially awkward

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    DH just finished his master's degree about a year ago. Our kids are 13 and 15.
    DH's degree was very time consuming and he was working full time. There was a graduate project that he worked on for months. I never thought that thing was going to get finished.

    He recently retired from the military and I think his degree helped him get a job quickly. I think it was worth the trouble now, but it was a struggle at the time.
     
  17. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    DH is about as high as he can go with his current degree (he can go one or 2 levels higher as is), and he's looking ahead 5-7 years when there are going to be a lot of retirements and open positions at the company.

    In his case, it would strictly be to advance his already successful career. :)
     
  18. mjkacmom

    mjkacmom DIS Veteran

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    DH got his MBA 3 weeks before our twins were born. Luckily, he's very bright, so it didn't impact our household too much. He was also working full time (work paid for his graduate school - NYU - pretty pricey!). His feeling were, once you are in graduate school, you can be the top of the class with an A, or the bottom of the class with a B, and no employer cares which one you get. :lmao: That theory, coupled with a photgraphic memory, made graduate school pretty easy for him.
     
  19. firecracker725

    firecracker725 Somethin' Clever

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    DH just finished his PhD in mathematics. During the 6 years it took, we had two daughters. I taught elementary school during that time, and while money was tight, we did okay. He did have quite a nice fellowship though, so that helped tremendously.

    The last year was the roughest, by far. He was applying for jobs, traveling to give talks to promote himself, and in the throes of his dissertation. I actually stayed home that year because I had a newborn and he was just traveling so often. It was HARD, but I'm so glad I took that time to be with my family. They needed me much more than a paycheck.
     
  20. luvmy3jewels

    luvmy3jewels DIS Veteran

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    My dh is currently working on his doctorate and works full time. Our three kids are in upper elementary school. It would have been much more difficult if he had started his program while the kids were still babies and required more attention, but they are old enough now that they entertain themselves a good bit of the time.

    There are definitely sacrifices that have to be made, particularly in regards to family time. We also have to plan vacations around dh's school schedule. Luckily, his program has mainly consisted of on-line classes which makes it a lot more flexible. In addition, his doctorate is job related so a lot of his research can be done at work (and they are paying for half of his tuition which helps tremendously).

    I work full time and since dh is so busy with school I try to do whatever I can to make things easier for him. I do most of the house related work and running around to pay bills or take kids to their activities to give him more time to focus on homework (or to give him some down time). I'm a little nervous about how much time he's going to have to devote to working on his dissertation next year, but it will all work out in the end.
     
  21. EmJay2001

    EmJay2001 Mouseketeer

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    My DH went back to school full time to get his MBA. We had two young kids at the time. The school was in a different city so there was about 5 months or so when we were separated (I did not want to pull the kids out of school mid year so did not move to be with him until the summer). He also was getting his CFA at the same time (before and after the MBA, CFA has three levels). So all in all he was in school pretty much for 5 years straight (and we had another kid in there somewhere :P). It was very hard at the time but totally worth it. He now has his MBA and just got his CFA designation (you also need 4 years of work experience in the field) and has his dream job working with some of the best in Canada. It is all due to him doing a career reset and going back to get his MBA (he already had a MSci in Physics).

    Good luck with the decision, in our case it worked out excellent. I just quit a very good paying job in IT (weblogic admin) to stay home with my kids. Because of his new career, working became a choice for us.
     

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