Dealing with the guilt... FL to CA

[epjenk]

Just to beat a dead horse some more.... thought I'd add my 2 cents. I agree that it is VERY important for you to spend some alone time as a couple. As a Christian SAHM myself, one of the things I see alot of couples struggle with is remembering that if the marriage portion of the family foundation is not strong, the children will suffer from that too. That said, I'd still reconsider doing the 14 day w/out the kids. I have cruised DCL before, and, I think it would be hard to be on such a family oriented cruise without the kids and not find yourself thinking five times every day that you wished one of the kids could see this or that. Personally, I would find a more adults only type vacation that you can't do with the kids for your anniversary trip and save your disney dollars for trips with the kids. For the money, you could easily do an incredibly romantic week in Paris without the kids on your actual tenth anniversary. Strolling through the Louvre looking at historical masterpieces is not a great time with 4 and 6 year old boys!

 

[CACruiser]

I think the best think a Father can do for his children is love their Mother!

Yet, if you have already taken a few Disney cruises without them and they are anticipating going this time.....really consider taking them!

There are SO many opportunities for them on board AND for you to have plenty of alone time with your wife.

My kids are 6 and 10 on this next trip. We still get in all our alone time, romance, etc.
I would have a hard time being away from my kids for 2 weeks.

My two cents is to take the kids on a shorter cruise and then have a nice 7 day with your wife.

Have you considered doing another cruise line that caters mainly to adults? If my husband was taking me away, I would prefer that.

LisaCA

 

[herrbeeb]

smchan, 2 thoughts. one, the boys are two young for a 14 day cruise. actually, i would hesitate to take children that age anywhere for 14 days. a 3 or 4 day is perfect.

two, why not consider, as others have suggested, a less expensive alternative to the repo cruise. there is a fantastic resort in the fla keys, you could cruise the greek islands or go to london, paris, whatever. why go on a family oriented vacation without family. i'm a huge dcl and cruise fan but i would not take a dcl cruise w/o kids.

 

[snelsonbrown]

I am so very very sorry - I did not mean to hurt anyone by what I said on the children being with their grandparents - I guess being a grandmother and having the times I did have to spend with them has made wonderful times for me and for them for they are old enough now to remember and enjoyed those times - again I am sincerely sorry for causing an uproar.
Always
Shirley

 

[ClarabelleCow]

we just came home from a 2 week vacation with our kids, they loved it and we loved being with them. I couldn't imagine leaving them home for that amount of time, whether they are with nana and poppy or aunts and uncles. BUT, we do go away 3-4 nights a year just the two of us, and maybe 1 or 2 long weekends, we try to have a DATE once a month, just the two of us. I have a 4 and 11 year old, I couldn't leave my 4 year old for 2 weeks, even the older, it would be hard and probably wouldn't do it. I left my daughter once when she was 3-4 for a cruise, my mother said NEVER AGAIN!!! she was sad alot of the time, only because she missed us!

PS - how do you explain to a 4 and 6 year old sorry, we are doing a cruise in dec or jan, and no christmas?

 

[callisa]

While I personally could not imagine taking a Disney Cruise without my daughters I can definately understand your desire to do so.

I think it's great to celebrate ten years together and since you have grandparents willing and able to take care of the kids I say go for it. The fact that you home school your kids has given them so much time and attention, I can't imagine that they would feel abandoned and you two could certainly use the time alone.

That being said, I have to say that I, as a working mother, resent the term "dumper" or parents who have to work and leave their children in daycare. Sure, I'll admit there are mothers who work not out of necessity, and are more concerned about "their time" but I doubt they are in the majority. I am surprised that this prejudice exists today, when over 50% of mothers do work outside the home. Maybe in an ideal world, moms get to stay at home and care for their children but as we all know, this is not an ideal world.

Believe me, I have enough guilt about not being able to spend more time with my kids, comments like these are not necessary and can be hurtful

Lisa

 

[PattiPB]

DH and I travel without our 3 kids several times a year, from overnight to a week, and NEVER have guilt for "feeding our marriage".

I can tell you that our family includes 14-year married professionals who CHOSE split work schedules so my kids have NO daycare, and both of us are certified teachers (DH teaches K; I won't go back to teaching HS until my youngest is in at least 1st grade). I can also tell you these details have no bearing on our travel decisions!

My biggest concern with leaving the kids for a fourteen day cruise (not including a probable travel day on each end), is being on a cruise ship! DH and I did a cruise (out of San Pedro-DH's home town!) while my parents kept my kids at my house. My main concern was being at sea if something went wrong. If I was anywhere on land, I could be home in less than a day, but that option is not readily available on a cruise ship.

We've been to WDW without the kids, because they've been there and DL many times. The DCL is another story entirely. I can't imagine going without the kids at this point.

Make all the deposits, and keep thinking. I'm sure you'll do what's best for your family.

 

[princessdaisy]

I was 5 when my parents took a week long trip and left me with grandparents. I loved my grandparents and they too had a farm and lots to do but boy, did I cry my eyes out after the 3rd night....I missed my parents soooo much!!! and to this day...I still recall my sad feelings of missing them and I am 35 years old! If I was a little older it might have been a better experience but at such a young age...all kinds of things run through their little minds.

Just my thoughts...no flames here...just something to think about

 

[smchan]

Wow! Lots of input here... Though my decision, for now, is made, here are a few more data points:

- My kids have been to their grandmothers for up to 12 days without my wife and I around. No separation anxiety other than one minor incedent when the older one got a small scrape and asked for his mom.

- My kids *love* going to their grandmothers and the grandmothers love having them visit. My mother and mother-in-law are both in their 50's and very able bodied, so I have no concern over my kids' safety and well-being.

- A point was made about having time later, after the kids are grown, to enjoy my wife. I, personally, never make assumptions about tomorrow, next week, or next year beyond reasonable, responsible planning. In fact, my father-in-law passed away while his youngest was still in college without ever taking a nice vacation with just his wife. All vacations were family oriented to Disney World. My mother in law was very focused on her kids; church, scouts, and all that. She regrets not having more balance. (I think this is one reason my wife and I take an annual vacation alone - we are strongly encouraged by our mothers to do so!)

- I realize being a stay at home parent isn't for everyone. (We've got one or two on this street, frankly, that would better serve their kids by going back to work.) I feel blessed to have that option.

- My kids will not be denied CHRISTmas unless Christmas is defined as receiving a bunch of stuff. Our family gift will be a cruise, they'll still get stuff from other family members, but our focus is not on the gifts. Once our kids are older and better able to understand, we are going to show them out to spend Christmas serving others; not developing a case of the "gimmes".

I'm looking forward to our December cruise.

Sam

 

[Verandah Man]

Sam,

I applaud you!!!

 

[ClarabelleCow]

"My kids will not be denied CHRISTmas unless Christmas is defined as receiving a bunch of stuff. Our family gift will be a cruise, they'll still get stuff from other family members, but our focus is not on the gifts. Once our kids are older and better able to understand, we are going to show them out to spend Christmas serving others; not developing a case of the "gimmes"."

Sam - sorry if I offended you with my question, I fully understand what you are saying and doing, and as I re-read I came off wrong, I don't want to get into it on a chat board, as there may be youngsters reading, so I won't go into what I was questioning. But I do realize the current state of the "gimmes", and find it rather disgusting, I saw something on tv today that had me shocked, $3,000.00 spent on 1 child!!! Enjoy your trip!! Oh, and as I got older, I loved going to Grandmas for the weekends!!! What a blast!

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Callisa, the term 'dumper' was taken out of context. (I think you're referring to one of my posts about the parents who were classic 'dumpers.')

I stand firm. They voluntarily worked so they could have 'things', a pool, 3 cars, etc, vacations. Their 5 year-old daughter was running a fever on a weekend and they didn't want to miss their chance to go waterskiing so that asked if I would keep her!

This comment was not intended to be 'hurtful' towards you, or any parent who has to work.

 

[smchan]

Clarabelle, no offense taken.

Heard back from my TA. The price delta for my kids on the 14 day is +$2,300 and I would lose my assigned cabin b/c they need to change to GTY status which adds the possibility of being stuck under Rockin' Bar D for 2 weeks. So I didn't apply the deposit.

I still have December and the possibility of the 4/30/05 Eastern with the infamous VM.

Sam

 

[smchan]

Originally posted by Mickeyhugger
They voluntarily worked so they could have 'things', a pool, 3 cars, etc, vacations. Their 5 year-old daughter was running a fever on a weekend and they didn't want to miss their chance to go waterskiing so that asked if I would keep her.

*Ouch* That's sad.

Sam

 

[kajohn]

smchan:

I applaud you for putting an emphasis on your marriage. My husband and I go away for a week at least once a year. (this year we are fortunate enough to do it twice. ). I can't tell you what it does for our marriage, and I can see it positively reflect on our children.

I am a stay at home mom with two boys 6 & 8 who each play baseball in the spring (different teams never on the same feild), wrestling in the winter and the 8 year old plays football in the fall. We spend most of our time rushing around with their schedules, putting our children first. Once or twice a year, we spend a week with each other while my kids get to go get spoiled with their grandparents in St. Louis. They can't wait to go every year, and are building life long memories.

As for those trying to make you feel bad about the kids having a hard time, that is not always the case. My youngest was turning 2 when we left them for a week the first time. He had no problems at all! We then left them for 11 days when they were 4 & 6, and the oldest said when we got back to go for longer next time!

As for those that say to wait till they are older, I have a different view on that. When they are young, they worship their grandparents, but I can already see as they are getting older, they are not quite as excited to see them when they come visit, they would rather play with their friends than play a game with grandma. I can see how much that hurts my parents, and they are so happy that they have had so much time with their grandchildren while they are little.

 

[staylor]

Sam,
My DH and I have been married for 11.5 years now. We have two sons 4 & 8. He and I take time to ourselves at least once a year but sometimes more. We firmly believe that taking time for your marriage is a great thing.
Have you thought about going on another cruise line through the panama canal? Many of the other lines are 10-14 days and you get a better room for less money. This way maybe you won't feel guilty being on DCL. DH and I have cruised, by ourselves, with RCCL, Celebrity, Costa, and Princess. Celebrity and Princess are fantastic, relaxing, romantic, pampering, etc. the list could go on and on. We love DCL, don't get me wrong. But the one thing we like about DCL is taking our kids. We don't feel half as bad when we go on other cruise lines.
Whatever you do, have a wonderful time!
Staci

 

[Memaw2Wm]

Originally posted by Mickeyhugger
Those of you who continue to suggest that kids will make memories w/their grandparents..please consider the AGES of these kids.

I had the most wonderful loving grandparents in the world, but I still remember a traumatic feeling whenever my parents went on 'small vacations' (2-3 days.) I'd cry each day and ask when 'mommy and daddy' were coming home? I know not every child is like this, but 14 days is an ETERNITY to a very young child. I've babysat my brother's kids for a weekend, we'd have fun, but they'd cry at bedtime, or whenever there was slow time in the evening. Kids can handle this type of separation better when they're older. That's when they're able to make wonderful memories w/grandparents. My parents went to Europe for 17 days when I was 8 years old. Remembering that, I never would have left my DD when she was that age. I didn't even tell them how much I hated it, but my parents even told me 20 years later, that they'd wished they'd waited until my siblings and I were older.

These boys are 4 and 6 years old.

I have wonderful memories of times spent with my grandparents and my great-aunt and uncle, BUT I knew Mom and Dad were at home if I needed them.

My "live-in" grandkids are 7½ and 9 and really dislike it when I go away for the weekend (2-4 times a year) and they are staying home with their mom, LOL.

I can understand wanting to go on an adult-only getaway vacation, but only for a few days ... I still think 14 days are way too many days! And my kids and grandkids would KILL me if I took a Disney cruise w/o them.

 

[markey]

I am not in your situation with kids, but we have taken our grandkids on the Magic every year since 2000, including august 04 coming up. I have booked the California/Florida for just my husband and myself, and I am having a hard time dealing with this. I know they will be very unhappy when they find out we are going, but they would have to miss the first week of school, and while it is ok for parents to make that decision, it is not up to grandparents. So right now I am not too happy about my decision to go on this cruise, even though I really want to. So I can feel for your choice to cruise alone and really would not care what anyone else thinks or would do. We have been married for 37 years and this really would be our first cruise alone, so maybe we deserve it.

 

[KAMLEM]

Originally posted by kajohn

As for those trying to make you feel bad about the kids having a hard time, that is not always the case.

I don't think that people here were intentionally trying to make the OP feel bad, I think they were just voicing their opinions.

I have to agree with PattiPB. I would be very concerned about being so inaccessible. There are many times on a cruise where you just cannot be reached. Personally, I would not be able to enjoy a vacation with this hanging over me.

For our 10th anniversary we went to Disney World for two weeks WITH the kids. We brought my sister and her family and use DVC points to get them a room with the deal being that they watch our kids if we wanted to go to dinner or out at night. In the end we didn't end up doing that because we were having so much fun together.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I believe the OP knows HIS children best, don't you? His original post had nothing to do with going away with his wife for 14 days, but rather a change of plans.

I applaud the OP for putting his marriage first. If you don't have a happy and healthy marriage, you WILL NOT have a happy and healthy family. Once the kids are grown and on their own, would you want to feel like you are living with a stranger? You need to constantly "feed" your marriage. Anyway, I should step off my soap box now. This is just a subject I feel strongly about.