Nick@ VB+OKW
Registered
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2003
Dealing with the guilt... FL to CA
- Thread starter smchan
- Start date
challada
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2001
Sam-
Back to my question on the misunderstanding of 4 people for 4 days being cheaper than the 14 day adding the kids...in my book, it IS still cheaper to take the kids on the 14 day...
If they are $2300 over your current fare, that means for each kid, each day it's $82
If the whole cruise is $1600 for 4 of you for 4 days, that $100 per person per day.
FYI...there are LOTS of us that are home w/kids...and I can't think of taking a vacation AWAY from my kids...maybe you SHOULD look at school for your kids. (and there is no such thing as homeschooling a 4 year old....no state recognizes that...it's called staying at home w/mom).
Back to my question on the misunderstanding of 4 people for 4 days being cheaper than the 14 day adding the kids...in my book, it IS still cheaper to take the kids on the 14 day...
If they are $2300 over your current fare, that means for each kid, each day it's $82
If the whole cruise is $1600 for 4 of you for 4 days, that $100 per person per day.
FYI...there are LOTS of us that are home w/kids...and I can't think of taking a vacation AWAY from my kids...maybe you SHOULD look at school for your kids. (and there is no such thing as homeschooling a 4 year old....no state recognizes that...it's called staying at home w/mom).
I say take the kids on the Disney cruise as planned and then take a shorter vacation with your wife.
There is a reason why you are feeling guilty. Once you have told your kids that you are going to do something--as in take them on the disney ship--you can not renege on that.
14 days is just too long to be away from your kids. Loving grandma or not.
There is a reason why you are feeling guilty. Once you have told your kids that you are going to do something--as in take them on the disney ship--you can not renege on that.
14 days is just too long to be away from your kids. Loving grandma or not.
Mjasp
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2002
We first came upon cruising, because it was our 25th wedding anniversary and although we were married 25 years our children were only 6 and 10 years old. We wanted to spend time alone and didn't want to leave our kids home. So lo and behold our friend went on the Disney cruise and told us it was the best of both worlds. And right she was, they didn't mind staying in the clubs at night while we went to Palo's or did something else and in the day we spent time with them. I would definitely ask your wife before you book a 14 day cruise as your children are still young and may want mommy or daddy for whatever reason within those 14 days and they can't just come home to comfort them.
I agree with Mjsap We did same thing for our anniversary. We actually enjoyed it so much we have 3 more times since that once and a lifetime trip.
I think the OP has to do what is right for him(whether or not he homeschools in my opinion is irrevelant). We all love our children the same(mine go to traditional school yet I still am a SAHM).
I don't think I would want to be away form my children and unaccessible for 14 days but the OP may be Ok with that. One piece of advice thugh. GET TRAVEL INSURANCE.
I wish you luck in your decision. I hope you enjoy your cruise whichever you decide.
I think the OP has to do what is right for him(whether or not he homeschools in my opinion is irrevelant). We all love our children the same(mine go to traditional school yet I still am a SAHM).
I don't think I would want to be away form my children and unaccessible for 14 days but the OP may be Ok with that. One piece of advice thugh. GET TRAVEL INSURANCE.
I wish you luck in your decision. I hope you enjoy your cruise whichever you decide.
Hi Sam,
We are also homeschoolers who will be on the FL-CA cruise with our twin boys, age 9. Grandma & Grandpa are joining us so we have no care options available; but we never considered otherwise. They travel with us pretty much everywhere we go, and I never regret it. Travel is a huge part of their education. But our situation may not be the same as yours.
When we do travel without our kids, it is for shorter trips, long weekends, 4-day things, or overnight. I am definitely an "attachment parenting" parent. Our kids do not have separation issues when we are away and I attribute that solely to the fact that they've never felt abandoned in their early life. If your kids spend a significant amount of time with their grandparents other than trips, I would bet that they would be ok if you were away on a trip. There are lots of ways to keep in touch while you are gone. I think getting pictures, emails and postcards from Mom & Dad would be a lot of fun for them. They could also use a map to follow your trip with you.
That said, I know we couldn't be gone for 2-weeks from our kids. My DH, who loves to get away from his DS's every once in awhile never even considered it. At the ages of 4 & 5 kids are just starting to wrestle with the ideas of mortality and death and having their parents away for that long can have a huge negative impact on them. My only experience with this is my BIL's trip to Europe for 10-days. His kids were 5 & 7. Following some very bad advice, they had no contact with their children while they were gone and had their "see once a year" Grandparents take care of them. The kids were a wreck for an extremely long time afterwards and have never been secure enough for their parents to be gone since then. They are now 8 & 11. 3 years is a long time to not be able to even go away on a weekend trip.
Now, you did ask us what we thought you should do. I don't know your kids, I don't know you, so all I can say is what we do. That doesn't necessarily apply to you or your situation.
Much more selfishly, I was hoping we would meet other homeschooling families on the cruise. I was so happy to see your post saying you HS'd. I was hoping we'd meet you and your kids on the trip. We won't have VM in a suitcase, so can't compete with your other options!
Juli
P.S. To quote this months issue of Home Education Magazine, "There are important differences between homeschooling and schooling under the authority of a government-funded institution." "Homeschooling is more than just an educational option; it's a completely different way of being with children, and it's about much more than an academic definition of learning." If it makes you feel better, many states are legislating compulsory pre-school. I wish I had discovered homeschooling before my kids entered an institutional preschool. It truly is much more than "being at home with the kids". You most certainly can homeschool your preschooler and kindergarten children.
We are also homeschoolers who will be on the FL-CA cruise with our twin boys, age 9. Grandma & Grandpa are joining us so we have no care options available; but we never considered otherwise. They travel with us pretty much everywhere we go, and I never regret it. Travel is a huge part of their education. But our situation may not be the same as yours.
When we do travel without our kids, it is for shorter trips, long weekends, 4-day things, or overnight. I am definitely an "attachment parenting" parent. Our kids do not have separation issues when we are away and I attribute that solely to the fact that they've never felt abandoned in their early life. If your kids spend a significant amount of time with their grandparents other than trips, I would bet that they would be ok if you were away on a trip. There are lots of ways to keep in touch while you are gone. I think getting pictures, emails and postcards from Mom & Dad would be a lot of fun for them. They could also use a map to follow your trip with you.
That said, I know we couldn't be gone for 2-weeks from our kids. My DH, who loves to get away from his DS's every once in awhile never even considered it. At the ages of 4 & 5 kids are just starting to wrestle with the ideas of mortality and death and having their parents away for that long can have a huge negative impact on them. My only experience with this is my BIL's trip to Europe for 10-days. His kids were 5 & 7. Following some very bad advice, they had no contact with their children while they were gone and had their "see once a year" Grandparents take care of them. The kids were a wreck for an extremely long time afterwards and have never been secure enough for their parents to be gone since then. They are now 8 & 11. 3 years is a long time to not be able to even go away on a weekend trip.
Now, you did ask us what we thought you should do. I don't know your kids, I don't know you, so all I can say is what we do. That doesn't necessarily apply to you or your situation.
Much more selfishly, I was hoping we would meet other homeschooling families on the cruise. I was so happy to see your post saying you HS'd. I was hoping we'd meet you and your kids on the trip. We won't have VM in a suitcase, so can't compete with your other options!
Juli
P.S. To quote this months issue of Home Education Magazine, "There are important differences between homeschooling and schooling under the authority of a government-funded institution." "Homeschooling is more than just an educational option; it's a completely different way of being with children, and it's about much more than an academic definition of learning." If it makes you feel better, many states are legislating compulsory pre-school. I wish I had discovered homeschooling before my kids entered an institutional preschool. It truly is much more than "being at home with the kids". You most certainly can homeschool your preschooler and kindergarten children.
The crew and I went out to eat tonight and had a little family conference. The boys, my wife, and I agreed that we would go on a 4 day cruise in December or January in lieu of Christmas gifts. After that, we'll re-evaluate whether we go on the April cruise as a family or whether my wife and I go on the repositioning cruise alone. We've applied deposits to both, so we have some time to make a decision.
To be clear, my guilt was around possibly breaking a promise I made - to take my boys on a cruise. Eventually, I would've taken them, but upon reflection, I don't think I can go on the PC cruise without first fulfilling my promise.
I have no guilt over going on a 2 week vacation with my wife while the children stay with extended family. As I mentioned, my wife is a stay at home mom, and she homeschools. Also, we both teach various childrens' activities at church (AWANA, Mission Friends, VBS, and sometimes Sunday school) in which our kids are involved. I'm rather peculiar over who watches the kids; we won't go out alone unless they're with someone in our real family or church family. My wife has an MBA, so we've "sacrificed" for this privelege. (Frankly, I view my wife staying at home not as a sacrifice but rather a blessing.)
I firmly believe a strong marriage leads to a strong family and that a strong marriage is readily supported by spouses taking the time to focus on one another from time to time. We also believe in leaning on our church family as individuals, as a couple, and as a family for accountability and support.
Coming full circle, the decision, I think, is fully compatible with an issue we're trying to address in our family - materialism. Last Christmas, both our boys developed an unhealthy desire for things. Though a cruise is a luxury, it is not a thing that will be broken, forgotten, or outgrown. Rather I think it will be remembered for a long time to come.
After our short cruise in December, I may decide to never cruise without the boys again. Regardless, I will always plan and look forward to 1 week away per year with my wife.
This has been a good discussion. Thanks, everyone, for your tupence.
Sam
To be clear, my guilt was around possibly breaking a promise I made - to take my boys on a cruise. Eventually, I would've taken them, but upon reflection, I don't think I can go on the PC cruise without first fulfilling my promise.
I have no guilt over going on a 2 week vacation with my wife while the children stay with extended family. As I mentioned, my wife is a stay at home mom, and she homeschools. Also, we both teach various childrens' activities at church (AWANA, Mission Friends, VBS, and sometimes Sunday school) in which our kids are involved. I'm rather peculiar over who watches the kids; we won't go out alone unless they're with someone in our real family or church family. My wife has an MBA, so we've "sacrificed" for this privelege. (Frankly, I view my wife staying at home not as a sacrifice but rather a blessing.)
I firmly believe a strong marriage leads to a strong family and that a strong marriage is readily supported by spouses taking the time to focus on one another from time to time. We also believe in leaning on our church family as individuals, as a couple, and as a family for accountability and support.
Coming full circle, the decision, I think, is fully compatible with an issue we're trying to address in our family - materialism. Last Christmas, both our boys developed an unhealthy desire for things. Though a cruise is a luxury, it is not a thing that will be broken, forgotten, or outgrown. Rather I think it will be remembered for a long time to come.
After our short cruise in December, I may decide to never cruise without the boys again. Regardless, I will always plan and look forward to 1 week away per year with my wife.
This has been a good discussion. Thanks, everyone, for your tupence.
Sam
By the way, I am going to call my travel agent and inquire on the difference to add my boys just to be sure. If it's less than $1500-$2000, I'll reconsider.
Traveling is definitely an ongoing educational experience for my kids. I think we have annual, family members at every zoo, museum, and acquarium within a several hundred mile radius from here! It's too funny when I manage to get out with them to their favorite museums; they run me from exhibit to exhibit telling me all about it!
Some homeschool activities on the ship with other families is a great idea and part of the reason I'm going to double check my figures.
Sam
Traveling is definitely an ongoing educational experience for my kids. I think we have annual, family members at every zoo, museum, and acquarium within a several hundred mile radius from here! It's too funny when I manage to get out with them to their favorite museums; they run me from exhibit to exhibit telling me all about it!
Some homeschool activities on the ship with other families is a great idea and part of the reason I'm going to double check my figures.
Sam
I'm sure you will do what works best for your family Sam, and it will work out great!
This is probably very OT, but we are looking into a HS cruise with Carnival next February. I am not crazy about Carnival, nor does the itinerary thrill me, but many of our friends are going and they have a handful of great speakers on board. We haven't booked yet, but here's the link:
www.homeschooladventures.com
It is a 5-day out of New Orleans from 2/7-2/12/04.
It's good to have options.
Juli
This is probably very OT, but we are looking into a HS cruise with Carnival next February. I am not crazy about Carnival, nor does the itinerary thrill me, but many of our friends are going and they have a handful of great speakers on board. We haven't booked yet, but here's the link:
www.homeschooladventures.com
It is a 5-day out of New Orleans from 2/7-2/12/04.
It's good to have options.
Juli
Juli, thanks for the lead on the HSA cruise. I never knew such a thing existed.
My wife and I try to attend the NCHEA homeschool conference in Winston-Salem every May, and I'm always amazed at the topics and what I can learn. My favorite is a story teller named Little Bear Wheeler.
Sam
My wife and I try to attend the NCHEA homeschool conference in Winston-Salem every May, and I'm always amazed at the topics and what I can learn. My favorite is a story teller named Little Bear Wheeler.
Sam
Good Luck in your decision. I love cruises, I love vacations with just my husband and no kids. We have 4 with only the baby left and she is turning 12 next month. The three boys are (were) in college. The oldest just graduated Friday.
For me, 14 days would be great but my husband can only take being away 8 days --we always fly in one day early for cruises. With young ones, I too would probably do bad after 7 days but hey, we are not you two. My two sons remember going to Grandma and Grandpa's when their dad and I took our week vacations to Colorado. They were little because they were 7 & 4 at the time of the divorce. Obviously the mom and dad alone time didn't do any good for us, lol!
My husband, 13 years and going strong, have taken a one week vacation once a year without children and the last three years we have taken two separate one week long vacations. Our daughter is doing wonderful but then she has Grandma and Grandpa.
I think you already know what you want to do. I was concerned when I first read your post because I thought you had told your children they were going then "sorry" you aren't but we still are. I am glad I reread all the threads. The kiddies will have a great time with Grandma, and when you finally take them on the "Mickey boat" as we love to call it, they will have a great time.
One note, my husband can't bear the guilt of cruising on Disney without the daughter. He has no problem with other lines but on Disney he would see all the other families and really would be beating himself up for not bringing her. Others can do this with no guilt.
Have a great cruise. Kathy
For me, 14 days would be great but my husband can only take being away 8 days --we always fly in one day early for cruises. With young ones, I too would probably do bad after 7 days but hey, we are not you two. My two sons remember going to Grandma and Grandpa's when their dad and I took our week vacations to Colorado. They were little because they were 7 & 4 at the time of the divorce. Obviously the mom and dad alone time didn't do any good for us, lol!
My husband, 13 years and going strong, have taken a one week vacation once a year without children and the last three years we have taken two separate one week long vacations. Our daughter is doing wonderful but then she has Grandma and Grandpa.
I think you already know what you want to do. I was concerned when I first read your post because I thought you had told your children they were going then "sorry" you aren't but we still are. I am glad I reread all the threads. The kiddies will have a great time with Grandma, and when you finally take them on the "Mickey boat" as we love to call it, they will have a great time.
One note, my husband can't bear the guilt of cruising on Disney without the daughter. He has no problem with other lines but on Disney he would see all the other families and really would be beating himself up for not bringing her. Others can do this with no guilt.
Have a great cruise. Kathy
Here's a variation on Sam's guilt at our home.
We also have a 21 yr old. He was a bit upset when I told him we were going on a 14-day cruise and never even mentioned it to him. Well, he certainly can't afford it, won't be able to take time off of school if he's going summer semester, can't take that much time off work....you get the picture. I felt a small pang of guilt that we'd exculded him and asked if he'd like to go if I could find a reasonable price for him. I checked the additional cost and showed him what it would be; even told him I'd dig around to see if a lower Cat. 11 came up. He looked at the cost and said, "No way am I spending that much. I could go to Alaska twice for that!" Good to know my child has priorities.
Juli
We also have a 21 yr old. He was a bit upset when I told him we were going on a 14-day cruise and never even mentioned it to him. Well, he certainly can't afford it, won't be able to take time off of school if he's going summer semester, can't take that much time off work....you get the picture. I felt a small pang of guilt that we'd exculded him and asked if he'd like to go if I could find a reasonable price for him. I checked the additional cost and showed him what it would be; even told him I'd dig around to see if a lower Cat. 11 came up. He looked at the cost and said, "No way am I spending that much. I could go to Alaska twice for that!" Good to know my child has priorities.
Juli
The decision to do a short cruise in December is a wise one, as you can see if your 2 kids are"seaworthy" and enjoy it as much as you do. Then you can base your decision on which cruise to take in the future & whether they will accompany you.
Just cover all your bases & deposit them as if they are going- especially the 14 day, as capacity rules will be an issue- Iif you decide you want to take the kids on the long one, space won't be an issue. You can always cancel the ressie before the 60 day mark if you & your DW decide to go alone.
The beauty of a Disney Cruise is you can enjoy time together alone as a couple, and with your family too. We celebrated our 25th anniversary on the Magic last November. We never thought twice about bringing our 13 yr. old daughter. We had the best of both worlds- our celebration would not have been complete without her! We have always found our travels together to be a bonding experience not only as a couple, but as a family too!
Good Luck! You will make the right decision for your family!
Just cover all your bases & deposit them as if they are going- especially the 14 day, as capacity rules will be an issue- Iif you decide you want to take the kids on the long one, space won't be an issue. You can always cancel the ressie before the 60 day mark if you & your DW decide to go alone.
The beauty of a Disney Cruise is you can enjoy time together alone as a couple, and with your family too. We celebrated our 25th anniversary on the Magic last November. We never thought twice about bringing our 13 yr. old daughter. We had the best of both worlds- our celebration would not have been complete without her! We have always found our travels together to be a bonding experience not only as a couple, but as a family too!
Good Luck! You will make the right decision for your family!
Originally posted by Juli
Here's a variation on Sam's guilt at our home.
We also have a 21 yr old. He was a bit upset when I told him we were going on a 14-day cruise and never even mentioned it to him. Well, he certainly can't afford it, won't be able to take time off of school if he's going summer semester, can't take that much time off work....you get the picture. I felt a small pang of guilt that we'd exculded him and asked if he'd like to go if I could find a reasonable price for him. I checked the additional cost and showed him what it would be; even told him I'd dig around to see if a lower Cat. 11 came up. He looked at the cost and said, "No way am I spending that much. I could go to Alaska twice for that!" Good to know my child has priorities.
Juli
Juli, I think there are a LOT of people scrambling to make this work. My (extended) family has 2 high school graduations next year. This year is the first and EVERYONE is planning on being there, HUGE deal for my family. Now, next year, we won't even be in town for the next 2. If a person can just drop out of their family for 2 weeks without ANY guilt, they must not have much of a life anyway. (And if they can and do have a hectic life, tell me how you do it!!!) ;-) Kelli
calypso*a*go-go
<a href="http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/" targ
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2003
I'm another S.A.H.M. that would never even entertain the thought of leaving my kids for two weeks. I'd be worried to death about them most of the time and feeling guilty during the times I wasn't worrying.
This would be especially true during a Disney Cruise where there would be families everywhere (as posted previously).
This would be especially true during a Disney Cruise where there would be families everywhere (as posted previously).
snelsonbrown
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this wo
- Joined
- May 23, 2001
Hello Sam,
I know only too well the heavy guilt I have felt when my children were young, but I will tell you this, the memories that will be made while they are with their grandparents will follow them the rest of their lives - grandparents need their grandchildren also - I had to leave my children for 6 weeks - it wasn't to take a cruise, but I had 2 children very critical in the hospital 150 miles away from them - my parents handled it so wonderful and my children today thank me for letting them have so many memories of their grandparents and especially now since they are gone - it won't scar them honest unless they were abusive grandparents, but you should be able to judge that yourself by now. I was one to yell the loudest, I will never leave my kids with anyone, and it was taken out of my hands - the worse part back then, it was hard to call home everyday and make sure the kids and everyone was well - go sweetie and you and your wife have a good time - in all honestly - it will be ok and you have allowed memories to be made for all of those involved.
Always
Shirley
I know only too well the heavy guilt I have felt when my children were young, but I will tell you this, the memories that will be made while they are with their grandparents will follow them the rest of their lives - grandparents need their grandchildren also - I had to leave my children for 6 weeks - it wasn't to take a cruise, but I had 2 children very critical in the hospital 150 miles away from them - my parents handled it so wonderful and my children today thank me for letting them have so many memories of their grandparents and especially now since they are gone - it won't scar them honest unless they were abusive grandparents, but you should be able to judge that yourself by now. I was one to yell the loudest, I will never leave my kids with anyone, and it was taken out of my hands - the worse part back then, it was hard to call home everyday and make sure the kids and everyone was well - go sweetie and you and your wife have a good time - in all honestly - it will be ok and you have allowed memories to be made for all of those involved.
Always
Shirley
wide awake
<font color=darkgreen>Nuts are good<br><font color
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2003
Just read the recent posts on this...I'll stand by my original. I wouldn't leave my DS(13) with grandma while DH and I took a 14 day cruise. For one thing I would be so worried about DS that I wouldn't enjoy the cruise, and for another I adore my DS's company...why would I want to be without him for 14 days ? This isn't guilt speaking...I stayed home (cut our income in half) until DS began school , and then worked as a police dispatcher (a job I hated), because the work hours meant either my DH or I were home at all times. Now I teach for a home based charter, and I am home every day by 2, well before DS arrives. I would love to homeschool DS, but he is autistic and that is not the best choice for him.
Mickeyhugger
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2003
Those of you who continue to suggest that kids will make memories w/their grandparents..please consider the AGES of these kids.
I had the most wonderful loving grandparents in the world, but I still remember a traumatic feeling whenever my parents went on 'small vacations' (2-3 days.) I'd cry each day and ask when 'mommy and daddy' were coming home? I know not every child is like this, but 14 days is an ETERNITY to a very young child. I've babysat my brother's kids for a weekend, we'd have fun, but they'd cry at bedtime, or whenever there was slow time in the evening. Kids can handle this type of separation better when they're older. That's when they're able to make wonderful memories w/grandparents. My parents went to Europe for 17 days when I was 8 years old. Remembering that, I never would have left my DD when she was that age. I didn't even tell them how much I hated it, but my parents even told me 20 years later, that they'd wished they'd waited until my siblings and I were older.
These boys are 4 and 6 years old.
I had the most wonderful loving grandparents in the world, but I still remember a traumatic feeling whenever my parents went on 'small vacations' (2-3 days.) I'd cry each day and ask when 'mommy and daddy' were coming home? I know not every child is like this, but 14 days is an ETERNITY to a very young child. I've babysat my brother's kids for a weekend, we'd have fun, but they'd cry at bedtime, or whenever there was slow time in the evening. Kids can handle this type of separation better when they're older. That's when they're able to make wonderful memories w/grandparents. My parents went to Europe for 17 days when I was 8 years old. Remembering that, I never would have left my DD when she was that age. I didn't even tell them how much I hated it, but my parents even told me 20 years later, that they'd wished they'd waited until my siblings and I were older.
These boys are 4 and 6 years old.
Do a quickie 3 or 4 day with the kids and keep the repositioning cruise for you and wife. The repo is a great opportunity for a unique experience on a disney ship. No way I am giving up our reservation..we are too excited..and we booked the fl to ca with the mexican right behind it. 21 days of cruising..yippee!
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