Dealing with the guilt... FL to CA

[smchan]

So here's the deal... I had a cruise book for my wife, my 2 boys (4 and 6) and me for the 3/30/05 eastern before the repositioning cruise was announced. My wife and I have been on a 4 day and the 7 day western without the boys and finally decided we'd better take them.

Now we've booked the 14 day westbound, and the boys aren't going due to the length of the cruise and the expense. And boy am I feeling guilty! Doing both the 4/30/05 eastern and the repositioning cruise is not possible.

My choices are: forget about the repositioning cruise, maybe do a short 3 or 4 day cruise in the next 6-8 months and stick with the westbound repositioning cruise, or tell my boys tough luck. They are really excited about going on the "cruiser boat", so I hate to not do something for them, but next year is my 10th wedding anniversary, and I really, really want to do the 14 day cruise with my wife alone.

What would you do?

Sam
PS Here's what I'm thinking... pick up an early December bargain cruise for the boys since my vacation resets on Jan. 1, and stick with my 14 day westbound. They don't know the difference between 3, 4, or 7 days and have never cruised before.

 

[Mickeyhugger]

I'm probably going to get a lot of blasting for this, but 14 days is a LONG time to be away from your children at the young ages they are.

I know 10th anniversaries only come once in a lifetime, but there will be other opportunities to take longer cruises when they're older and can more easily handle that much time away from Mom and Dad.

JMHO.

 

[DMS_cruisers04]

Sam, if the "cruiser boat" is run by Mickey and crew, then you're in for a world of hurt if you tell them they're not going.

My opinion, if you're feeling guilty about not taking them, then you should drop the repo cruise and stick with your original plans. Being a father of a DD(4) myself, I can guarantee you, any memories you might make on the repo cruise will be far over-shadowed by memories you'd make on a cruise with your boys.

MHO.

 

[minnieandmickey]

MY opinion:
Do the December 4 day cruise, you will make some great memories with the ship all decked out for Christmas, and find out if cruising as a family would be right in the future. Then go ahead and do the repo cruise with your wife and make your own memories. Although you didn't say who the kids would be, my kids spend have spent a week or more with their grandparents every summer since they were about your kids' age and have a blast.

 

[smchan]

The boys would be spending time with their grandmothers.

I, too, used to spend several weeks with my grandmother who lived on a several hundred acre farm in the NC mountains. Being a city boy, I learned a lot there and had experiences most city kids don't have. I can still taste the freshly churned butter to this day, and granny let me drink all the Coke I wanted despite my mom's instructions to the contrary.

My boys would have similar experiences now that my mother is retired.

Sam

 

[minnieandmickey]

Then do as you suggested and take the short cruise and then take your wonderful wife on the cruise of a lifetime. There are very few time we as parents get to spend quality time as a couple. Let the boys drink all the coke they can and give Grandma some wonderful memories as well.

 

[CamColt]

While I think parents do need time alone away from their kids, and we did take a 3 day cruise without our kids once(along with 1 day in WDW), if I had told my kids they were going on a cruise that they were very excited about, unless some sort of emergency came up, they would be going. I cant imagine not taking them on that cruise, and then going on one without them.
So yes, my opinion is to stick with the original cruise.

FWIW, I do understand wanting to do something special for your 10th. We had planned to do a 7 day Western on DCL for our 10th. This was planned around the time of our 7th anniversary when we went on the cruise without the kids. We knew we would eventually get back for a 7 day WITH them. However DCL decided to throw a wrench in that plan by going out west during that day. But we did the best we could and moved the cruise up to 10/05. No longer a 10th anniversary celebration, but just a family trip.

 

[wide awake]

My own feeling on this is that you if you can't afford to take your children, you can't afford to go...and I realize that I will be in the minority here. I can't imagine going on a vacation my child would enjoy, and leaving him home. The whole point of going is seeing his face light up when we get on a plane, and watching how much he enjoys sitting in the lounge and watching the ocean. There is plenty of time before and after children for twosome vacations...and as much as your children would enjoy visiting grandma, it isn't really fair to use that as a substitute. You can do that when you can't take children...business trip, surgery, etc...

 

[seaulater]

My goodness...they are 4 and 6. Take your wife on the PC cruise and take the boys in December. The boys will love the ship when it is all decked out for Christmas!!!! They are too young to decipher between May and/or December. All I would say is hype up the Dec. date!!!

 

[Verandah Man]

I agree, if you can take the boys on a 4 day crusie in December, and you and DW can take the 14 day in May, I say go for it. We havd a similar situation this past week, although our DD is 13 and my mom is well, let's say, my mom.

We were thinking of cancelling our April 30, 2005 50th Birthday cruise with our DD and my mom, so that DW and I could do the 14 day CA to FL August 2005 cruise. I know my mom was looking forward to getting back on the Magic since she cruised with us in 2003. We were able to work it out that we are keeping the April 30, 2005 cruise for the four of us, and that DW and I are going on the August 2005 14 day cruise by ourselves and using that as our 30th Wedding Anniversary gift to each other. Our actual anniversary is in October. Our DD is spending 2-3 weeks with my mom in Florida while DW and I are on the cruise. This plan has worked out well for all parties involved. I hope all works out well for you as well.

 

[challada]

I'm not sure I understand how a 4 day cruise for 4 people is going to be any cheaper than adding the kids to your room on the repositioning cruise.

I'm taking mine out of school for an extended time period to do this cruise, but I feel it's important family time for them (and my DS will have just finished the dreaded state testing for 2 weeks before the cruise...he deserved to get away!).

 

[smchan]

Wow! I expected fairly balanced respones but seems the majority of you believe it's best to go with the kids - or not go at all.

I always felt my wife and I were a little overboard on the care of our children. For example, we're homeschoolers, and we're puzzled by the parents on the street who have parties at the beginning of the school year because they're sending kids back to school and are celebrating their 9 months of partial freedom. And then there are those with dual incomes that put their kids in daycare day in and day out.

I'm presuming everyone here that suggests I not travel without the kids are also stay at home parents (at least one of you) and perhaps also homeschool your kids? Consider this, if you put your kids in daycare 8 hours/day for 48 weeks of the year, that's 80 full days per year.

Please don't read this as a flame; just a curious question as the direction of the responses is rather far from my expectations.

The kids *will* get their cruise; it's just a matter of when and how long. I cannot afford (time and money) both a 7 day and 14 day next year. I can afford a short (3 or 4 day) for all of us and a 14 day for both my wife and me.

Sam

 

[smchan]

Originally posted by challada
I'm not sure I understand how a 4 day cruise for 4 people is going to be any cheaper than adding the kids to your room on the repositioning cruise.

The current price delta to add the kids to the 14 day is about $2300 over the fare I've paid for my wife and me. Also, travel back is a problem as I've budgeted around $400 each for airfare, or $3100 for the 2 kids plus airfare.

Offseason 3 and 4 day cruises are in the $1200-$1600 ballpark for the 4 of us, and we can drive to Florida and back for a fixed cost regardless of whether it's 1 or 4 traveling.

Sam

 

[smchan]

Originally posted by Verandah Man
We were thinking of cancelling our April 30, 2005 50th Birthday cruise with our DD and my mom, so that DW and I could do the 14 day CA to FL August 2005 cruise.

Dang, Andy! Now I really hate that I might cancel my 4/30/05 eastern. Would've loved to meet the famous VM!

But for now I am still seriously considering a short December cruise and a the 14 day PC for my wife and me. It just strikes me as win, win. My wife and I get an extra cruise, we get to spend time building our marriage in May, the boys get to go on the "cruiser boat" earlier, and they spend time at moms - which they absolutely love. (Mom lives on a lake and has a boat. Fishing and swimming are probably my boys 2 favorite pasttimes. Enough said there.)

My actual anniversary is in March but I don't mind celebrating it twice.

Sam

 

[CamColt]

I just reread the original post and saw the PS at the end. If thats the case and the kids will be cruising in Dec then I say go for it. I just couldnt see promising the kids a cruise, getting them excited for it, and then saying sorry, we are going on it without you. THAT, I couldnt do.

And to answer your question, yes, I am a SAHM, and while I dont homeschool, my youngest is only in school 6 hours a week for about 30 weeks this year.

 

[mom2tiggers]

Sam,

I think it is wonderful that you love your wife enough to want to be just with her! It doesn't mean that you don't love your kids just as much, just because you want a cruise.

I'm a stay home mom of 2 myself & I dream of time away with me & my husband. Unfortunately, I don't have the type of extended family that would enjoy keeping my kids for more than a few days.

Your experiences as a kid sound wonderful & if your parents are there to offer your kids the same thing you received, then that is great. I know I would have trouble leaving my kids that long, but that is me - have you talked to your wife about it? Is she comfortable with the situation? You 2 know your kids the best.

Have you considered canceling the smaller cruise altogether & taking the kids on the 14 day? Four days is just so short to spend that kind of money (IMO). You could always pay for the nursery to watch your smaller child so you & your wife could still have time alone each day.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Smchan, I'm singing (maybe) a different tune than my orig post.

While I still think ages 4 and 6 are too young to send the children even to grandmas for that many days, I didn't realize your children are homeschooled. (Which, I might add, is awesome.)

I have a problem (and we have several neighbors) who are classic 'dumpers'. Their kids are in school all day, then afterschool care, and then about once (this is no exaggeration) every 4 mos they'll take a vacation 'because we need to get away.' If grandparents aren't available, they'll hire sitter services out of the yellow pages.

My own brother wants to do vacations w/out his kids much of the time, but his wife is more reluctant. However, I do see their point to a degree, because she homeschools their three children also.

So, I can see how parents who spend that much time (please don't quit!) with their children relish some time alone. And I also want to add (again) that you can continue to homeschool your children for as long as possible. We've thought of doing it too!

 

[Dreamer04]

I just had to pipe in here! Sam, IMHO, you and your DW should go on the 14 repositioning cruise, bring the boys on the cruise in December.

But I can't help myself-nyah,nyah! I get to meet the great VM in August '05!! Can't wait!!

 

[Mickeyhugger]

Oops! That next to last sentence should have read 'I hope you can continue to homeschool your children as long as possible!'

 

[maryisme]

Sam,
Grandma's house sounds pretty good to me--fishing, swimming and boating!! Can I go?..lol

It certainly does not sound as if you are 'short changing' them to me. Sure they would have a great time on the cruise but you will be giving them that in December when you pick up a bargain cruise. The only question that would be in my mind is the length of time away. If you are comfortable with that, I say go for it. The quality time spent with Grandma, in my opinion, is priceless.

A bit off topic here, but my Dad passed away one year ago almost to this day, and my DD (9 )and he were very, very close. The memories of the time they spent together is something she will never forget. She frequently gets out her photo albums to reminisce about when her and Papa did this or that. So I say send them to Grandma. You and your wife go and celebrate your love for one another. I think you can be pretty positive that your boys will be enjoying every minute of vacationing with Grandma.


P.S Send along a few disposable cameras and when you return make a memory book of their special time with Grandma.


Mary