Daughters who have lost their Mother

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Shelly F - Ohio, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. SeptemberGirl

    SeptemberGirl More drink, less run since 2008

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    I am so sorry about the loss of both your parents. Did you mom get the brain cancer from the original breast or was it separate? Cancer sucks.

    I have gone alone to find some support groups in NJ - I see you are in PA. Are there any there? I have this crazy idea that it might help.

    We're so lucky to have moms like that, right? I feel really lucky to have such great memories of her. And super sad not to have her around to do those things with me.
     
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  3. ACDSNY

    ACDSNY I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!

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    Yes we were very lucky to be blessed with such special moms.::yes::
     
  4. RobinHoodGirl

    RobinHoodGirl Which way to Sherwood Forest?

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    The two cancers were separate (was the first question I asked since my dad's cancer had metastasized to his brain) so it was quite a shock.

    I had tried to look for support groups but none seemed to fit right for me... I did have one session with a grief councilor who made a great point; since I was visiting my mom 4-5 times a week and saw how the disease was effect every aspect of her that I may had already said good bye slowly to her over the weeks leading up to her death.

    I do know when big events come to pass though (Weddings, children, ect...) that's when things are really going to take a toll on me.
     
  5. Eventer98

    Eventer98 DIS Veteran

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    Just found this thread while looking for one on suicide (lost a dear friend when he took his life this past Sun) I lost my mom in 04 after a 3 month battle with cancer. She never met my kids, my husband..nothing. My sister and my dad are battling their own demons so I feel like I am on my own. I miss her everyday but what I miss the most are the memories we never made. We didn't start going to Disney until 06 so she never shared that with me and my family. Sometimes I get so jealous of my friends who still have their moms. It hurts. I don't think the pain ever goes away..you just learn to live with it. Hugs to everyone else on here. :guilty:
     
  6. eeyora68

    eeyora68 Earning My Ears

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    My Mom was diagnosed with metastatic bc in 06 she has fought but the Dr. told us Friday that she can't figure out what is wrong with her liver the tests keep showing no cancer but she was hospitalized for 3 weeks with fever and jaundice after receiving a new chemo. She is getting a mri to find out if it is cancer or if her liver is cirrhotic if it is cancer they can start chemo again but Dr, said that could kill her and if it is cirrhotic then they can only keep her comfortable and said without chemo they give her 3-6 months. I can't stop crying I have children so I will go on for them but I don't know how I will be able to live without her.I feel bad because I feel selfish that I'm feeling bad for myself when she is the who is dying.
     
  7. bushdianee

    bushdianee <font color=green>I had a water fun day planned<br

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    This has been a rough week. My mom has been gone 3 months this past Friday- the 26th. The first 2 months I had thoughts at exactly the time she died. (I was with her when she passed) This month I was busy at the time taking my young nieces and nephews trick or treating at the mall with my sisters. We all said how much Mom loved seeing the kids dressed up for Halloween but nobody mentioned the date. It hit me later that evening when I was alone. Today with it actually being Halloween hit me hard. I've had more tears today than I've had in a while. My younger nieces and nephews and all of the great nieces and nephews stopped by tonight for their treats and I could picture my Mom sitting in her chair enjoying them. Sunday will be our first family gathering to celebrate the Fall birthdays in the family (15 of them!) without her. I always have Halloween inflatables in the yard and the windows decorated but didn't get around to it this year. Halloween used to have a special meaning for me since it is the anniversary of my being in remission fom ovarian cancer -33 years today. All I feel right now is alone. the siblings I've talked with today all feel the same way.
     
  8. MinnieM4

    MinnieM4 daughter of MinnieM3

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    I lost my Aunt a few days after Thanksgiving. She was my mom after my mom died in 2006. It is still too confusing to deal with. I was busy with exams, and only really got one good cry out after my last exam, then I was sick with the flu for a week and then headed to Disney for a week, and now I suppose it's time to deal with it all.

    I am the last woman standing in my family. My other aunt is sort of... absent. And my grandmother is 92 and sort of on the way out, if you know what I mean.

    I really really want those women back. I am only 27.
     
  9. Mickeyfollowers

    Mickeyfollowers DVC MEMBER SINCE 2004

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    I lost my Mom October 29, 2010. She had Non Hopkins Lymphoma stage 4. She had a cord blood stem cell transfusion that depleted her immune system. She passed away from respiratory failure and a blood infection. I was there through the night and day before she passed. I fell apart there in her hospital room and lost a peice of myself. Till this day my heart aches to just hear her voice and just to see her smile.
     
  10. dznygurl

    dznygurl Mouseketeer

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    Wow! I wish I would have found this thread a long time ago. I often feel so alone with no one to relate to. My mom died Jan. 3, 2009 at the age of 58 from esophagus/stomach cancer. She was diagnosed May 2007. She was my best friend. She was such a special and loving lady with a huge heart. My kids meant the world to her. We spoke every day. She was their "second mama". They spent countless days and nights with her. They loved their Granny. I would often call her just to tell her when one of my kids did or said something cute. She listened and loved hearing those cute stories. She had told me once how sad she was that she would never see my youngest DS play a sport. I was able to enroll him into teeball a year early just so she could watch him play ball. My DH had to coach so he could play, but just to see her smile at him in his baseball uniform was priceless. I now have no one to share the cute moments with. My husband is an amazing man, but it just isn't the same. She whole-heartedly enjoyed every single thing I had to say. I have one brother (always in some sort of trouble so we don't speak) and no sisters. Some days I feel so alone and empty.

    I feel angry when my friends talk about going places and doing things with their moms. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and it has gotten better in time. But I truly want to scream when I hear how they went somewheres with their mom or how their mom will be joining them on vacation.

    There is a great comfort in knowing that I am not alone now. Thank you all for sharing your stories.
     
  11. Pumpkingirl7

    Pumpkingirl7 Mouseketeer

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    My mom died in June of 2009-- I know your pain. I have one brother also and a dad that is now remarried... its hard to relate with them... so I know how you feel.
     
  12. DonaldDuck80

    DonaldDuck80 Earning My Ears

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    I still have mine but my wife is in this group. She lost her mother to breast cancer when she was only 4 years old. Due to her youth she doesn't have many memories of her. Her dad never remarried and his way of coping with it is not to talk about her, so it's been a frustration for my wife because she wants details of who her mom was. She wants to know what she liked, what holiday traditions she did, etc but her dad shuts her down when she asks. Then we struggled for seven years with infertility so Mothers Day was massively depressing for my wife. We finally welcomed an adorable little boy into our lives a little over a year ago but my wife still has pains about her mom not being here to assist her in learning how to become an effective mother herself.
     
  13. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    OMG Girls I need a hug in the worst way :worried:

    Last July a 15 yr old boy who lives on our small street attempted to break into our neighbors house as soon as they left for Disney. He also tryed to get into our garage service door. All he did was turn the handle and that was it. Thankfully it was locked. We were up while this was happening and watching it on our video survellence system! We called the police 3 times that night because this kid who is on house arrest was outside of his property. The police ended up arresting him the next day. He was sentence to jail till Feb 2. he is now out and I am scared. :( The neighbors car was stolen and the kid admitted he was in the car but not the driver. He had also stole a garage door opener which the neighbor did not know was missing and the kid robbed them while they were at work. My husband came to bed late one night and found their van sitting in the middle of our cul de sack at 2:00 a.m because when they broke into the house the took a set of keys but the neighbor had the locks changed and he was not able to start the car but was able to get it out of gear and it rolled into the street.

    We are suppose to go to Disney for a semi - solo trip. DH is leaving and spending 2 days on his own at Disney. Then I will join him for 2 1/2 days and he will then come home and I will spend 2 days by myself at Disney.

    I am afraid to be gone from home for fear of this kid. I have smartphone and I can video our security system at anytime which brings me comfort.

    I NEED A HUG and I need to feel that it will be okay to go to Disney.
     
  14. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    Poor you - how awful. Can you go by your neighbourhood police station and talk to someone there and maybe get a policeman to drive by while you are gone? Can a friend stop by and check on things for you?
    Sending best wishes, prayers and pixie dust that all will be okay!
    :hug:
     
  15. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    You are not alone. :hug: I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mum every day too and her grandkids adored her. Every day I feel so much sadness that my youngest never got to meet her. I think of her all the time when I have all those cute kid stories and I try to tell her in my heart but it's not the same. I worry about my daughter not having a sister because mine is one of the reasons I've survived this ordeal. And you know what I hate (just between you and me?) Trip reports where people talk about how annoying their mothers are being on their trip. "Are you kidding me? She is there with you!!!!"

    Hi Eeyora, What is happening with your mum? Any updates? I don't know what it is about the liver because they told my mum for over a year they were certain she did not have liver cancer. :rolleyes2
     
  16. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    I have a police detective who lives across the street from us. I plan to tell him today about our trip and to also inquire about what home security system he has. He told me several months ago but I have forgotten. What I have to keep telling myself is that he has to be fearful of us since we have the video security system and caught him red handed.
    In the spring he was arrested and placed on house arrest which he violated by trying to break into our house. So the arrested him again. Unknown to us they had let him out just 30 days after he was arrested. While he was out we did go to Disney again for 4 days and nothing happened and it was about a week after we returned that we found out he had been out on house arrest.
    So the fact we were gone for 4 days and nothing happen plus the video monitoring we can do, plus most of his break ins are on the weekend and we will be gone during the week, I feel a bit safer.
    With everthing this kid has done I am surprised he has not gone to jail for a long time. He broke into the house owned by a relative of one of our Judges!!! The house if vacant and owner by the Judge's Uncle in Florida and they only come back to Ohio 2 times a year.

    THey were just here in Dec and said the house as a complete wreck. A video store has him on tape try to exchange a video he stole from that house. He took valuable antique's.

    This kids boast on this FB page phares like "I did the crime but I won't do the time". talks about being high all the time. Which we (the whole neighborhood) knows this family smokes pot. The dad has a criminal record the house is in foreclosure but they filed an appeal. The sheriff sale was all set till the filed the appeal. UGH. WHAT A MESS.
     
  17. Heluvsme

    Heluvsme DIS Veteran

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    OH Shelley, what a scary time! One thing I know for sure, just when you think you have their MO figured out, they'll go and change it! If he needs cash, if he's desperate, and if he gets cocky enough, he will throw out all the "reasons" he can't rob you at such and such time. It will happen when it strikes him!!
    Praying for your safety! This really is frightening!

    ~Dawn
     
  18. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    Does she have an aunt or uncle or someone for her mom side that could help answer these questions?
     
  19. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    I don't work so I am home to watch the house most of the time. One thing we did was put my car in the garage -It use to sit outside. Now he won't know if I am home or not. Which is nice when we go to the airport he won't miss our car being gone.
    And the other good thing is that the detective who lives across the street will retire in 3 months. So I will feel a bit safer:cool1:
     
  20. eeyora68

    eeyora68 Earning My Ears

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    Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.
     
  21. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    Oh my dear, I'm so dreadfully sorry. :guilty:
     

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