Daughters who have lost their Mother

[Deesknee]

Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.

So sorry for your loss. I hope in time those tears are less often, and the warm memories bring more and more smiles. Bless you.

 

[maxaroni]

Mom is seriously ill. I'm losing her and it hurts so bad I can't stand it. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am 56 yrs old, mom is 76. I still have my dad who is also 76. Dad is moms primary caregiver.

Mom was diagnosed at 69 with a blocked basilar artery to the brain. Surgery would be too risky. She has had many strokes, each one leaving her a bit more disabled. However, she had a bleeding stroke in '08 that took her right side pretty bad. She lost her peripheral vision on her right side and sees double, with the help of special lenses in her glasses (prisms), it has helped her double vision somewhat. She has no feeling in her right leg, knee down. She is chronic pain in her upper right leg (thalamic pain). She needs a new shoulder and hips but surgery is out of the question. She is in severe pain every day.

Mom is also in end stage renal disease but not quite in need of dialysis. She is at 14 - 15% kidney function, they want her at 10-12%. She has restless leg syndrome, muscle cramps, decreasing appetite.

She can barely walk with a walker, mostly in a motorized scooter or wheelchair. She only goes out when she has a doctors appt or church.

She's had breast cancer twice...'89 when she had a lumpectomy and many lymph nodes were taken, cancer in 3. 2001 she was diagnosed with breast cancer again and needed a mastectomy.

Now, she has a nodule on her lung and enlarged lymph nodes in her chest. Found in December. Rescanned last week, still there and the doc thinks it's cancer. Not definitive but that is his thinking. Not sure if they will biopsy or not as she is not a candidate for surgery nor chemo. She has fluid around her heart since December....could be from kidneys or cancer. She had an echocardiogram and back to the cardiologist on Thursday.

My heart is breaking each and every day. I'm losing my mom and why does someone have to go through so much. My heart breaks for her as she was once a vibrant and very active woman. My heart breaks for my dad for what he is going through and how will he be.

Mom and dad have been together since age 15. They married at 19 and had me at 20. We are all only children, as were their parents, so no close family to speak of. We live 2 miles apart, which is a blessing.

I don't know how to cope with any of this and just fall apart at anything. My emotions are right at the surface and even my DS20 going away for the weekend (goes to community college) had me tearing up. He was away at college his freshman year and I handled it but now, everything has me tearing up.

We think our parents will live forever and no matter how old we are, it still is so hard. I have young parents and everyone said to me, it will be years before your dealing with this....nope.

Thanks for listening

 

[RnbwSktles]

This is such a touching thread

I lost my mom to breast cancer almost a year ago, on Mother's Day 5/13/12. She was definitely ill, but her passing was very sudden and unexpected. She was only 59.

I can't believe it's been nearly a year already, but it has been easier than I would've expected. I think I had mentally prepared myself for years so that when the time came, the hardest part was actually having to tell people that my mom had died. Everyone seems to expect me to break down, but I am ok. My mom and I had a good relationship, but we weren't best friends like so many other mothers & daughters. I miss her and still occasionally forget that I can't share a funny store with her.

 

[Marsheliz]

I am so happy I found this thread. My mom was diagnosed January 10, 2012 and died 2 weeks ago on April 10, 2013. We actually took her to Disney with us this past September. I literally watched her die and it's so hard. My 4 year diesnt understand and thinks that she is going to be back sometime if he prays enough... My heart is just broke.

 

[Alysa]

Happy Mother's Day Mum. Miss you.

 

[ACDSNY]

Happy Mother's Day Mum. Miss you.

That says it all right there!

 

[Twende]

I have found a wee bit of peace this Mothers Day. There is finally a headstone at my mothers cemetery plot.

I guess that sounds weird but my siblings fought me in having my mother buried. They literally kept her from me before she passed, refused to allow her to be buried even though it is what she asked for, and then refused to allow any of her money to be used to even get her a headstone.

It has made her passing so much more painful for me.

I ended up buying a headstone for her. It was placed on her father's plot and includes both of their names. It was so important to her and I feel better knowing that I did the best I could.

 

[Alysa]

Hugs to you RnbwSktles, Marsheliz, Twende and ACDSNY.

 

[I Run Long]

This was my second Mother's Day without my mum. I found myself still crying at the drop of a hat - missing my mum. I'm a mum too but I still feel that it isn't really Mother's Day without my own mum. I miss you and I love you mum.

 

[Twende]

This was my second Mother's Day without my mum. I found myself still crying at the drop of a hat - missing my mum. I'm a mum too but I still feel that it isn't really Mother's Day without my own mum. I miss you and I love you mum.

HUGS! I am sorry and I understand. We all need stock in Klenex!

Losing a mom is so very life changing.

 

[Emily11212]

When I was 10, I lost my Mom to breast cancer in June of 1991. I feel like there are days where I barely remember her, and I can't stand that. Two years later however, my dad remarried, my stepmother. She was a Disney fanatic like the rest of us, and as much as we joked about her being our "Wicked Stepmother" (we even got the Snow White and Evil Queen costumes to match), she was anything but. I love that I have always been able to go around saying that I had the amazing honor of having TWO wonderful mothers, not just one. My stepmother and I were very close.... I called her pretty much every day and told her everything. She was my biggest fan and supporter (I'm a performer), and my best friend.

In January of 2012, my stepmom was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a cancer of the blood. My fiance and I were planning a November 2012 wedding in Disney World, and the doctors told us to go ahead with it and she would be fine and walking and dancing and able to travel with us and enjoy the parks, no problem. She was actually doing very well, but in September, she got an infection, and within two weeks, she was gone. It was exactly one month before our wedding. I feel so upset and cheated. I can't believe this happened again.

I was able to be with her when she passed... I sang all of her favorite songs to her and my husband and I even found a hospital chaplain and got married at her bedside with my family there... I held her hand the entire time. I miss my Wicked Stepmother.

 

[I Run Long]

I'm so sorry - your post brought tears to my eyes. It is so good that you were able to there when she passed. Hugs to you.

 

[Alysa]

Oh Emily, I am so sorry. You sweet girl.

 

[lisaviolet]

When I was 10, I lost my Mom to breast cancer in June of 1991. I feel like there are days where I barely remember her, and I can't stand that. Two years later however, my dad remarried, my stepmother. She was a Disney fanatic like the rest of us, and as much as we joked about her being our "Wicked Stepmother" (we even got the Snow White and Evil Queen costumes to match), she was anything but. I love that I have always been able to go around saying that I had the amazing honor of having TWO wonderful mothers, not just one. My stepmother and I were very close.... I called her pretty much every day and told her everything. She was my biggest fan and supporter (I'm a performer), and my best friend.

In January of 2012, my stepmom was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a cancer of the blood. My fiance and I were planning a November 2012 wedding in Disney World, and the doctors told us to go ahead with it and she would be fine and walking and dancing and able to travel with us and enjoy the parks, no problem. She was actually doing very well, but in September, she got an infection, and within two weeks, she was gone. It was exactly one month before our wedding. I feel so upset and cheated. I can't believe this happened again.

I was able to be with her when she passed... I sang all of her favorite songs to her and my husband and I even found a hospital chaplain and got married at her bedside with my family there... I held her hand the entire time. I miss my Wicked Stepmother.

Oh Emily, that's so incredibly beautiful and heartbreaking. Both. Sighing. I'm so very sorry.

 

[lisaviolet]

Love sent to all sharing and missing their mothers.

I have not lost my mother but tonight I am missing her. She's in the later levels of dementia and as much as I am successful at loving my *new* mother - there are days I simply miss my mom.

 

[Twende]

Love sent to all sharing and missing their mothers.

I have not lost my mother but tonight I am missing her. She's in the later levels of dementia and as much as I am successful at loving my *new* mother - there are days I simply miss my mom.

My mother also had dementia. Some family members said she had Altzheimers but she did not follow its progression at all. Brain studies done after her death showed it was vascular dementia. But the mom I loved was gone all the same. As time progressed I found that I even changed the name I called her. She was no longer Mom, she was Mama. Like you I loved her too but I agree that I missed my Mom.

Some days I reach for the phone to call her or think gosh I can't wait to tell her something, and then I realize it is too late now. I cry a lot. But I also smile at all the memories I have.

I know how very hard it is. I am sorry that you have already lost your mom. That is the hard part for us the family and caregivers. Dementia causes you to suffer the loss of your loved one twice! Hugs!

 

[lisaviolet]

My mother also had dementia. Some family members said she had Altzheimers but she did not follow its progression at all. Brain studies done after her death showed it was vascular dementia. But the mom I loved was gone all the same. As time progressed I found that I even changed the name I called her. She was no longer Mom, she was Mama. Like you I loved her too but I agree that I missed my Mom.

Some days I reach for the phone to call her or think gosh I can't wait to tell her something, and then I realize it is too late now. I cry a lot. But I also smile at all the memories I have.

I know how very hard it is. I am sorry that you have already lost your mom. That is the hard part for us the family and caregivers. Dementia causes you to suffer the loss of your loved one twice! Hugs!

Thank you so much Kim. Thank you for sharing and understanding. Love sent to you. . I'm am very lucky to still be able to kiss and love her even though I very much miss *my mom*.

My mom is the same. I know she has vascular dementia because it's playing out so very differently from a loved one with Alzheimer's that I helped look after - but even the professionals are off at times.

 

[aml3679]

It is so hard not having a Mom. I lost my mother on July 11, 2005 from complications of emphysema. She missed both of my daughter's weddings. The birth of two grandchildren. I lost my father 4 years earlier from a pulmonary embolism. They were both 64. My mom was an artist. She loved her children and grandchildren. She loved candy and at her funeral we had all of her artwork and bowls of candy.

 

[henderkm]

I lost my Mom 6 weeks ago. Early May she fell down and broke her femur. After a 3 1/2 hour surgery we knew it was going to be a long road to recovery, but she had recovered before from a hip replacement and 3 leg surgeries.

Mom was a always a fighter when it came to anything medical. She lived 50 years with Addison's disease, had overcome breast cancer in her 50's, and lived through a colon resection in her 30's. We were sure she would make it this time, but 3 weeks later she died of septic shock. The decision to take her off life support was the hardest I have ever made in my life.

I know that our family has many things to be thankful for when it comes to my mom. She was lucky enough to have lived on her own until the end.

We had her for many years, but that doesn't help the emptiness I feel. On my birthday a couple of weeks ago, I played back some of the phone messages from her that I had saved. I really miss her.

 

[wannabee]

Today is the 5th anniversary of my mom's death. It seems so long ago and so recent all at once.

I no longer pick up the phone to call her like I used to do in the early days but some days I still miss her so much it hurts.

I just can't believe it's been 5 years.