Daughters who have lost their Mother

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Shelly F - Ohio, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. 4 DZNY NUTZ

    4 DZNY NUTZ DIS Veteran

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    love feeling the connection on this thread. Let me start out by saying that I am 44 years old and lost my dad when I was 14 of a massive stroke (he was only 55) and then lost my mom when I was 16 to stomach & lung cancer. I have 2 brothers as well and I am the youngest of the 3 kids. My first brother died when he was a very young 36 and my other brother just passed away last year at a very young 50. Sometimes its just so hard not having any of my family here. Sometimes I miss them so much it can make me physically sick...not to mention emotionally. I have an awesome husband and 2 of the best sons a mom could ask for but its not the same. Every year for our easter vacation, my dad used to drive us to disney. We did that until I turned 13...the next year my dad passed. So, when I brought my boys to disney for their first time, it was bittersweet. I still get a tear in my eye whenever we go. So, my way of thinking after such tragedy in my life is enjoy it while you can....you never know when that moment will come. Make memories for you kids to enjoy for years to come....words & actions I live by
     
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  3. ACDSNY

    ACDSNY I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!

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    Very wise words to live by. Loosing those close to us does change the way you look at life. Hugs to you.:grouphug:
     
  4. Zoiebear

    Zoiebear Mouseketeer

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    Will say if youve lot your mom check out the book motherless daughters by Hope Edelman. It is the best book it really speaks to those of us who have lost our mom regardless how long ago or how recent regardless of your age!!!!
     
  5. bushdianee

    bushdianee <font color=green>I had a water fun day planned<br

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    I just lost my mom 11 days ago. I was with her holding her hand when she passed. Even though I have 7 siblings I was her primary caretaker for several years. We had almost 7 seven "extra" years with her as she had suffered sudden cardiac death almost 7 years ago and we were given no hope for her survival that night. We were also told that if she did survive she would be brain damaged. That was the first time she proved the doctors wrong. They ended up putting a a defibrilator/pacemaker in (which fired 2x) and only had some slight memory loss. We were told at least 3 more times she wouldn't survive pnuemonia. She defied them one last time recently when she was taken off of a ventilator after tests showed she couldn't breathe on her own and lived exactly a month. She was mentally alert for most of the month. She also had COPD, spinal stenosis and severe arthritis. Between one sister and I we were able to keep her home as long as possible. She finally entered a nursing home in January of this year when her lack of mobility became too much of an issue. The others helped, some more than others but it fell primarily to the 2 of us and a sister-in-law who brought her lunch and checked on her every day while I was at work. We had also cared for my dad who died from alzheimer's 8 years ago and our maternal grandmother who also had alzheimer's.

    The extra 7 seven years allowed her to see 2 more of her children and 3 grandchildren get married, 3 more grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren be born, and do some traveling. We took a Disney cruise, went to Las Vegas where I pushed her in a wheelchair up and down the strip in Las Vegas from the MGM Grand to the Mirage! We also made a trip to Arizona and several trips back to our home town to see friends and family. Her favorite place to visit by car was the Precious Moments chapel in Carthege, MO which is about a 7 hour drive from us.

    So here I am at 54, never married, no children and living by myself for pretty much the first time in my life. By the time I was financially able to move out of my parents' home they were needing help so I stayed. I figured they were there when I needed them (I had ovarian cancer at age 21) so I had be be there when they needed help. I do work full time and will be financially okay even though I have my own health issues.
     
  6. MinnieM4

    MinnieM4 daughter of MinnieM3

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    I am missing my mom so much today that it is physically painful. Just needed to tell someone. Called my aunt (moms sister) and asked her to come over and she said she doesn't think she can - I told her she's not as good as my mom. I know, immature. She said "I know". I guess she gets it.

    Hope no one else is feeling like this today.


    <3
     
  7. ACDSNY

    ACDSNY I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!

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    That's wonderful you were blessed with 7 extra years with you Mom and were able to travel too. Just take it one day at a time and you'll be fine.:hug:

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.:hug: You're welcome to vent her anytime. It's probably hard for your Aunt too as she's lost her sister and going through her own grieving process.
     
  8. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    I need a hug in the worst way right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I want to be dead right now.
     
  9. quasar4legs

    quasar4legs DIS Veteran

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    Hi Shelly,

    Sending you a great big hug:grouphug:

    Send me a pm if you feel like talking.

    Hope you ok.

    Hugs
     
  10. Heluvsme

    Heluvsme DIS Veteran

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    Keep looking forward. There were times right after my mom died, and for a long time afterwards, that I honestly didn't think I could make it through another day. But I knew in my heart the last thing my mom would have wanted was for me to lose precious time mourning her to the point of not living my life to the fullest.

    My mom was cured of cancer the day she died. She was cured (died) on my birthday. My birthday potentially has the power to send me over the edge every single year, but I choose--- it's a conscious choice---to look at it like that was the day she was CURED!!! It's a small, semantical thing, but psychologically it holds a lot of positive power for me!!!

    Sending you all love today...
     
  11. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

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    Hugs to you Shelly :grouphug:, please send a message if you want to talk, we are here for you.

    Sunday will mark the 4th Anniversary that my mom passed away, needless to say, I am not looking forward to it. I'm hoping I will have good news that we can go on our WDW trip and be happier, especially knowing it was her favorite place and we had such a great time there together.

    Hugs to everyone missing their moms today :grouphug:
     
  12. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

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    Well today is my birthday and I only cried once even though I told myself I wouldn't!

    My day has been low keyed so far. Other than the near killer headache I woke up with. But it went away with the right meds. And to make the meds work better and faster I decided to eat a small piece of lemon cake for breakfast. Yum. No worse than eating pancakes so I figured why not!

    Ran a few errands and thought that I should go to the cemetry but thought it would make me sad so I postponed it.

    Suzanne I know that it can be hard to go to a place that your Mom liked to go. But she would want you to go. I use to have a hard time going to the mall without thinking of my mom. Now our mall has changed so much it doesn't hurt.
    When you go to Disney do something that your Mom did not do while she was there. This way it won't have any memory linked to your Mom and it should take your mind off of missing her while you are there.
    Renting a bike and biking around Fort Wilderness is a great activity. Visit the the AoA resort and have lunch. I hear there is a build your own pasta and salad area there that sounds great.
     
  13. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

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    Happy Birthday! My husband's birthday was yesterday.

    You sound so much better today.

    I think she may be the reason we go to WDW so much, it is a happy place for all of us. I love reminiscing about things we loved to do together and doing things and thinking she would have loved doing it.
     
  14. Kyprian

    Kyprian Earning My Ears

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    This has been a comforting thread to visit. I recently lost my Momma to cancer, July 9, 2012... She was 46 years old. For the past 7 or 8 months, my mom had not been feeling well, but chose to treat her aches and pains with chiropractic care. It wasn't until 2 weeks before my mother passed, that she decided to get a second opinion and go to the hospital. That's when they discovered that she had cancer and just how sever it was. My mother had lung cancer, but by the time they found it, it had spread to her kidneys, liver, she had developed several "masses" on her brain, in her stomach, on her bottom and even had a cancerous tumor that had grown on her spine and had ate away and caused one of her vertebrae to break off.

    I have struggled so much with all of this--While teenage years with my Momma were rocky, she truly became and was my best friend. She was the first person I would call if anything went wrong or if I just needed to openly and honestly vent. While I have people who I know love me very much, I now feel like I have no one...Or rather, I have people who will listen, but I feel like I don't have anyone that I can just be myself around. I just feel so alone...
     
  15. bushdianee

    bushdianee <font color=green>I had a water fun day planned<br

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    To those who are hurting, if you have siblings get together with them it really helps. One of my mom's biggest fears about dying was that the family would fall apart. We promised her that wouldn't happen.
    It has only been just over a month since Mom passed we hve been together more than ever. Last weekend seven out of the eight siblings and other family memers went to an amusement park 3 hours away for the weekend. We had a caravan of 5 cars and needed 5 hotel rooms. Even though it was the only day it rained all summer we still had a great time. One of my brothers even proposed to his girlfriend while we were there. This weekend 2 of my sisters and I got together to see a movie then back to one of their houses for a cookout with her family. One of my sisters, a brother & his wife are on vacation togther visiting relatives in our hometown. The 4 sisters are planning a trip to Vegas just after the holidays. We are all calling and talking to each other more than we ever have. I just hope it continues.
     
  16. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    So many of you have such strong and beautiful stories. A friend recently told me that when your mum passes away you never stop missing them. I'd be satisfied with being able to go through the day without crying. My mum died over a month ago and left such a hole. I used to talk to her every day and now I feel so sad and alone. We used to talk on the phone every day and now there is so much I wish I could tell her. I can't imagine how hard it will be to not introduce her grandson to her. God, I miss her so much.
    Hugs and prayers to all of you who are hurting right now. :grouphug:
     
  17. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

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    :hug: We have all been where you are right now. Your firend is right, you will never stop missing her, and you shouldn't. My grandfather passed away in 1979, my favorite aunt in 1996, my grandmother in 2001 (just 5 months before I got married) and my mom in 2008 and I still miss them all. We were very, very close. My mom, I miss the most, of course.

    Your loss is still so fresh, allow yourself time to mourn, cry everyday, more thn once if you feel like it. I know that feeling like something is missing, my mom lived with me and I was with her when she collapsed, that is something I will NEVER forget, but it does get easier. I felt guilty, because I got through the anniversary of her death and didn't cry, but I know that it was ok not to cry, she wouldn't want me to cry. I read something on facebook this morning that a friend posted about mising your mom and I cried. I cried almost constantly the first year, but someone stepped into my life and brought me back out of that and it was like I woke up again.

    Tell her what you want to, she can hear you, she probably knows before you can even tell her. She will see her grandson, maybe not in the traditional way, but she will and I am sure she is smiling down on you everyday. She will always be there no matter what. I have had a few times, where I felt my mom there and she saved my life at least once.
     
  18. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    Suzanne, I wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know if you can only help someone if you truly know how it feels but what you wrote was the most comforting I have read since she died. I sent a copy of what you wrote to my sister and I have saved a copy on my desktop as well to read when things get too, too sad. Thank you again.
    :hug:
     
  19. RobinHoodGirl

    RobinHoodGirl Which way to Sherwood Forest?

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    My mom passed in 2010 after a short battle with brain cancer. She was a breast cancer survivor and slightly in part to her I found the Dis in 2008 when we went on a vacation to help us heal after the death of my father to sinus cancer.

    It's nice to know that I now have a place I can go for the though days; it's rather hard to find support groups for adult children who lost parents (I 24 when I lost my dad and was 27 when I lost my mom) so any place I can turn to is helpful
     
  20. SeptemberGirl

    SeptemberGirl More drink, less run since 2008

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    My mom died on Friday. I got through that day, the day after, the wake, the funeral. Today was the first day after all that stuff. I can sleep but wake up crying because when I wake up I realize she's gone and not coming back.

    My mom was 65 and she battled metastatic breast cancer since 2004. She was first diagnosed in 1996. She and my dad were married 43 years.

    My mom was an amazing person, beloved by all my friends. She was my partner in crime. We were so close. I do not know how I will live without her.
     
  21. ACDSNY

    ACDSNY I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!

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    :hug: Hugs to you on the loss of your parents. You've come to the right place as we all understand what you're going through.


    May loving memories of your mother help you through these tough days. Give yourself some time to grieve and take one day at a time. My mom was my partner in crime too.:hug:
     

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