Breastfeeding: Pro or Con? **Update Post #1**

[mrsltg]

When my second brother came along premature, the doctor FORBID her to breastfeed, and she was so terrified of his tiny size that she obeyed. Now we're all in the 40-range, and that youngest brother has diabetes and life-threatening allergies. We're full siblings: We all shared the same genetics and the same diet and upbringing. My mother pushed me hard to nurse my kids (which wasn't really necessary), saying that she really believes he wouldn't have those issues if she'd treated him the way she treated us two older kids.

Likely this is because he was a preemie or had some underlying issues that caused his premature birth. I wish your brother the best, and your mother the peace to let go of the "If only I'd done better."

I did not breastfeed my first. I tried with my second but didn't love it and so I stopped. I was on a medication which prevented nursing with number 3 (not that I would have, anyway.) So much is dependent on each situation. Second DD is allergic to peanuts and shellfish, has excema (sp?) and asthma and had benefit of breast milk. The other two dd's do not have these issues. Oldest dd had frequent ear infections as a baby and toddler, but my dh's ears are so bad he had to have tubes placed at 34. Her ear infections are more likely genetically related than anything else. All three girls are in the 90+ percentile for height and weight and all are very intelligent. As far as baby weight is concerned, with first dd it took me a good 7-8 months to lose the weight. With second and third I lost all of the weight within three weeks. I attribute the difference to doing a better a job of controlling my weight while pregnant and working to lose afterward.

The bottom line is that the mom should do what is right for her. And yes, I mean for HER. If mom is unhappy and stressed to her breaking point she will fail as a mom (at least at first.) Instead, striving for a mom who is comfortable and confident is important. She will be more relaxed with her baby and better able to care for him or her.

 

[Christine]

One of the funniest (subtle) moments in last season's The Office had me snickering. Pam and Jim were in the hospital with their new baby and Pam was struggling with the breastfeeding and complaining the baby wouldn't do what she was supposed to. Of course, the roommate's baby was breastfeeding wonderfully.

Then in the middle of the night, a baby is crying and sleep deprived Pam and Jim think it is their baby but accidentally pick up the roommates baby. Of course, the baby then breastfeeds beautifully and Pam is thrilled with herself. Only to find out later that she fed the wrong baby and now knows that HER baby was the one having the problem and the breastfeeding issue was not with Pam but the baby. I laughed because so many moms (myself included) feel like they are doing something wrong when it is oftentimes the baby.

 

[Hoodie]

Breastfeeding was probably one of the hardest things I've done. I had all sorts of issues, but I'm SO glad I stuck it out. That said, i do think the pressure put on women to breastfeed is ridiculous. I know that "breast is best" but it's not an option for some women for a multitude of reasons. The push was so bad at the hospital that we started referring to the lactation consultants and nurses as the "Nursing Nazis". I had planned on breastfeeding from the start but even I started feeling pressured and harrassed. I can't imagine what a women who DIDN'T state "breastfeeding" on the chart went through.

Actually, a lot of pressure with pregnancy/early motherhood are ridiculous. I know that natural delivery and breastfeeding are the best for babies, but the pressure and resulting stigma for not having a natural delivery or breastfeeding I think is leading to an increase in PPD. I know so many people who felt (and in some cases still feel) like total failures as mothers because they needed a c-section or couldn't breastfeed. It's horrible.

 

[cabanafrau]

I know you didn't mean it, but the bolded statement above is where the guilt comes in for people. When you tell someone, "it was really hard, but I toughed it out and it was great" they hear, "I did it, so why can't you?"

I certainly didn't mean it that way AT ALL and really don't appreciate you putting that spin on my words. I stated it's the mother's choice and I stand by it. I gave my experience to encourage. Believe me, I have BTDT w/ 2 kids for completely different reasons. I came closer to giving up w/ #2 -- talk about guilt??? I was kicking myself senseless to understand how I could work through DD1's issues, successfully breastfeed for over a year and then it wasn't working out w/ DD2?

DD2's issues took much longer to work out, to the point where I thought it never would. I kept getting encouragement that other people had gone through this issue for longer than I had, only to have it resolve and go on to successfully breastfeed. That hope kept me going when I was sleep deprived, what I'll nicely term hormonally challenged & at my wit's end. I'd offer that same hope to any new mom who's struggling w/ breastfeeding, contemplating throwing in the towel but isn't ready to give up the fight yet.

 

[SpecialK]

The guilt is overwhelmimg. I have two children and milk never came in with either one of them. My doctor had no answers. That didn't stop the lactation nazis (that's what my husband and I called them as well) from waking me up every day when I managed a nap to see if I wanted to try again.

Thank God for my sister who talked me out of the guilt and brought formula. I was finally able to relax.

 

[cabanafrau]

Breastfeeding was probably one of the hardest things I've done. I had all sorts of issues, but I'm SO glad I stuck it out. That said, i do think the pressure put on women to breastfeed is ridiculous. I know that "breast is best" but it's not an option for some women for a multitude of reasons. The push was so bad at the hospital that we started referring to the lactation consultants and nurses as the "Nursing Nazis". I had planned on breastfeeding from the start but even I started feeling pressured and harrassed. I can't imagine what a women who DIDN'T state "breastfeeding" on the chart went through.

Actually, a lot of pressure with pregnancy/early motherhood are ridiculous. I know that natural delivery and breastfeeding are the best for babies, but the pressure and resulting stigma for not having a natural delivery or breastfeeding I think is leading to an increase in PPD. I know so many people who felt (and in some cases still feel) like total failures as mothers because they needed a c-section or couldn't breastfeed. It's horrible.

Amen! That kind of garbage is completely uncalled for. I wasn't able to shake the C-section guilt after DD1 until the hormone cloud lifted when she was a couple months old. I knew what was coming w/ DD2 & on that aspect it was quite a relief.

 

[MichelleVW]

I certainly didn't mean it that way AT ALL and really don't appreciate you putting that spin on my words. I stated it's the mother's choice and I stand by it. I gave my experience to encourage. Believe me, I have BTDT w/ 2 kids for completely different reasons. I came closer to giving up w/ #2 -- talk about guilt??? I was kicking myself senseless to understand how I could work through DD1's issues, successfully breastfeed for over a year and then it wasn't working out w/ DD2?

I know you didn't mean it that way at all....but I was showing you how your words can sound to someone who already feels guilty about it. One statement can be taken a million different ways by a million different people and I was just showing you how someone could feel bad about themselves by your statement...I'm sorry if I offended you.

 

[Magpie]

I know you didn't mean it that way at all....but I was showing you how your words can sound to someone who already feels guilty about it. One statement can be taken a million different ways by a million different people and I was just showing you how someone could feel bad about themselves by your statement...I'm sorry if I offended you.

I would suggest, however, that it wouldn't be HER problem if someone felt bad because of what she said - it would be the other person's problem.

The fact of the matter is, I also had a really hard time getting started breastfeeding. I cried, and my nipples got chafed and hurt. No one thought I could do it. But I succeeded in the end, and it WAS worth it. I loved breastfeeding, once I got over the initial hurdles. I'm proud of my accomplishment. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not, just because someone might feel bad hearing about my personal success.

That'd be like saying that if you made a personal lifestyle change, lost 60 lbs and resolved your diabetes, you shouldn't talk about it because it makes people who couldn't manage it feel guilty. Nope, you'd say, "It was hard, but it's worth it! Keep trying, and don't give up!"

That said, I'm completely against badgering anyone about their choices. Everyone does the best they can. But there's nothing wrong with trying to encourage people who are struggling to achieve something. (It would be rude, though, to tell a committed bottlefeeder, "You should breastfeed!")

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

for me, it worked but only with determination! I was determined to make it work and luckily(!) our pediatrician told me before I even had DD that it can be difficult. I think every woman considering BF needs to here that. It was this that kept me going and that let me know there wasn't something wrong with me. The pressure is so bad and so much of the material gives the impression that it is ALL beautiful, peaceful, and easy.

I had a hard time from day one. Had NO help from the hospital lactation consultant. In fact, couldn't even get a hold of her once I was out of the hospital and having a really hard time. (Though while in the hospital had some young nurse or candy striper type act like the be all expert and then stick her fake, bejeweled, and nail polished finger into my DD mouth!!!!!) Thank goodness for my midwifery group!!!!!!!

there were so many times I thought of how much easier it would be to just fill a bottle with formula.

It became a little easier with time and I was able to settle into it. I made it though 11 months and knew we were both ready to move on. I am glad I stuck it out.

no one should have to feel guilty or pressured.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I agree with so many of the PPs who have said it is up to the Mom to decide about whether or not to BF. If, for any reason, a Mom who wants to can't, she should not be made to feel guilty. The guilt is the worst!

I agree that the lactation consultants can often go overboard.

I have two DSs and I BF both and both were completely different stories, as they are in every way, not just feeding.

DS#1 - latched on easily, things went soothly until I needed to get back to work. Pumping was a nightmare! I ended up supplementing and only nursing at bedtime. DS was weaned by 5 months. He is happy, healthy, and incredibly smart. I do not feel that the formula he was given harmed him in any way. I loved the bonding experience but did not love the breast pain, leaking and many of the other things that came with breast feeding.

DS#2 - took longer to figure out the technique. He was a slow and almost constant eater. I hated it because I couldn't do anything or go anywhere because DS was constantly attached to me. I was never comfortable feeding in public. By the time he was born, I was a SAHM so I didn't need to plan for returning to work but did try to pump just to have some time off from nursing. Again, it was a nightmare! I truly think that the BFing added to my PPD. I was nothing but a milking cow. My mom got sick when DS was only a few month old and I had to cart him to the hospital in order to nurse him almost constantly. I almost expected the hospital to put my name on a chair in the corner of the ICU waiting room. For someone who hated feeding in public it was horrible! Things didn't get better for us until I started giving DS#2 cereal and supplementing with formula. He was weaned by 9 months.

My Pros and Cons:

Pros:
Free
Availability
Antibodies

Cons:
Time Consuming
Breast Pain
Leakage
Pumping
DH felt left out
Feeding in public

I know some people have no problem BFing in public but I was never comfortable doing it. For those who say you can even do it in line at the bank, I say no way, but, I also wouldn't bottle feed my baby in line at the bank. There is a time and place for everything and the bank is just not the place to feed anyone anything but that is just my opinion.

OP good luck to all involved. I hope everything works out well.

 

[Magpie]

For those who say you can even do it in line at the bank, I say no way, but, I also wouldn't bottle feed my baby in line at the bank. There is a time and place for everything and the bank is just not the place to feed anyone anything but that is just my opinion.

OP good luck to all involved. I hope everything works out well.

Just for the record - I was kind of joking when I wrote that, but...

I wore a fairly large over-the-shoulder sling with the baby pressed up against my chest. Nursing anywhere was simply a matter of her moving her head, and me adjusting my shirt slightly. No one could see anything, and there was no need for me to sit down (although, all things being equal, it was nicer to sit down on a nearby bench). I appreciated that I could continue my errands without having a juggle a crying baby.

However, it definitely should be a matter of what makes mom most comfortable! There's no wrong answer here.

 

[golfgal]

When DS18 was born he was a little booger when it came to nursing at first. He wouldn't even try to latch on. He would stick his tongue on the roof of his mouth and forget trying to get him to eat. After a day of this in the hospital the dr said that if he doesn't eat at the next opportunity that they were going to have to give him a bottle. Well, they came in with a bottle, stuck it in his mouth and he proceeded to barf up all kinds of goop in his stomach (he was a C-section baby). After that he felt hungry and at least tried to eat. At discharge they run through all kinds of checkpoints and when it came to "nursing ok" the nurse put, mom doing great, baby needs work . That pretty much put it into perspective for me, something that SEEMS so natural and easy is a learning experience for both mom and baby. It took about 3 weeks for him to really get it right.

Even today he is a kids that doesn't eat unless he is hungry. I could never really nurse him off schedule (like if we were going somewhere and I wanted to feed him early).

 

[MichelleVW]

I would suggest, however, that it wouldn't be HER problem if someone felt bad because of what she said - it would be the other person's problem.

The fact of the matter is, I also had a really hard time getting started breastfeeding. I cried, and my nipples got chafed and hurt. No one thought I could do it. But I succeeded in the end, and it WAS worth it. I loved breastfeeding, once I got over the initial hurdles. I'm proud of my accomplishment. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not, just because someone might feel bad hearing about my personal success.

That'd be like saying that if you made a personal lifestyle change, lost 60 lbs and resolved your diabetes, you shouldn't talk about it because it makes people who couldn't manage it feel guilty. Nope, you'd say, "It was hard, but it's worth it! Keep trying, and don't give up!"

That said, I'm completely against badgering anyone about their choices. Everyone does the best they can. But there's nothing wrong with trying to encourage people who are struggling to achieve something. (It would be rude, though, to tell a committed bottlefeeder, "You should breastfeed!")

We'll have to agree to disagree then. I respect your opinion, but it's not the same as mine.

 

[ccgirl]

I breastfed one of my children and used only formula on the other. The one that was formula fed was actually at the doctors less than my breastfed child. Honestly, I really don't feel one is better than the other. That is my personal opinion, I have read the studies and decided to conduct my own study instead. There are medical reasons, and personal reasons a woman chooses not to breastfeed. Bottom line, it is a choice and people should not be chastised for the choice they decide to make. Is it more expensive to formula feed...absolutely. However, that is the route I chose (after speaking to the pediatrician). With my son, I was very lucky. He did not need any type of special formula. I just got him the BJ's brand and it was wonderful. Each child is different, just like each mother is different. I have never warmed the bottles. I pour spring water in the bottles each morning and leave on the counter. With the room temperature water, I added the powdered formula and shook. Baby sucked it right down even though it wasn't warmed.

My SiL called me hysterical from the hospital. She told them she did not want to nurse, she wanted to bottle feed. They harrassed her to no end. She asked if I would come and talk to them. As I walked in; I witnessed the harassment. The nurse and lactation consultant were literally yelling at her telling her she didn't know what she was doing. I promptly told them to stop the harassment and to get a bottle or I would go to the store and get one. They started yelling at me as well at which point I asked for the nurse manager. I had a discussion with her and she brought the bottles. I also told her to make sure the harassment stopped. It did but no mother should have to go thru that, regardless of the choice they make.

Best of luck to your friend. It is not easy.

 

[clori]

My oldest was formula fed which I personally consider a healthy alternative to nursing. There were some health reasons for the choice. DD was under 4.5lbs at full term birth and the neonatologist thought it was better to get nutrients into her asap rather than waiting a day or two for my milk to come fully come in. It was a strugge just for dd to take a bottle for the first two weeks or so since her sucking wasn't the most developed.

My youngest was healthy at birth and nursed almost exclusively though she did have about 6 bottles of formula from birth to 6 weeks until I was comfortable nursing in public. Once a nurse heard I was going to give nursing a try after using formula I think the lactation staff lived in my room. DD did have some initial slowness in learning to effectively nurse. She lost over 10% of her body weight.

Both kids ended up with several weight checks from birth to about 6 weeks. My oldest had her first and only ear infection at age 5. My youngest got 3 ear infections her first year including 1 that took 3 different antibiotics to clear up. Since she has gotten about 1 ear infection a year. Both kids were 16lbs at 1 year and both were under 40lbs at age 6. My oldest taught herself to read at age 3 and read chapter books like Magic Treehouse before starting schoo similiar to two of her cousins. My youngest learned to read in kindergarten and is probably right around grade level in now in first grade similiar to her other two cousins. Both kids say there favorite subject is recess. They both get an occasional cold but not that often. I think genetics probably plays a bigger role than formula vs nursing.

 

[Magpie]

We'll have to agree to disagree then. I respect your opinion, but it's not the same as mine.

That's more than fair!

 

[Sarah_Rose]

I'm pro-breastfeeding and it was the right choice for me and my DS. I would have been very upset if I hadn't have been able to BF, but I got so lucky. DS had a perfect latch from right after birth (we did immediate skin to skin contact and he immediately started rooting and latched on.... a perfect latch from 10 minutes after birth) and I didn't even have any pain in the beginning because he was so good at it.

Having BF my first (and I still am - he's only 3 months old!), I would now be DEVASTATED if I can't BF any other babies I have in the future. I LOVE breastfeeding.... especially at night when I bring him to bed with me and he snuggles up against my tummy under the covers and makes happy humming noises as he eats, looking up at me with his big blue eyes all the time... It's my favorite part of the day, and I can't imagine not having that experience.

That said, I believe that each mom has to do what is right for her and her baby. Breastfeeding has never been stressful for me, but if it's stressing out the mom, than formula might be the right choice.

FWIW (and if it means anything), I was formula fed and had frequent terrible ear infections all through my childhood. I can still distinctly remember the taste of the liquid antibiotics I was on all the time.

 

[kidshop]

Breastfeeding is for babies not for moms. How could anyone think it is a con? It is created to feed human babies to grow their brains and bodies perfectly since the beginning of time. All the stuff that is in there, is there for a reason.
Formula is adequate, but is seen as the norm since so few babies are breastfed. But bf babies are the normal standard for health and growth, not the other way around.

I wish more babies were given breastmilk. It would benefit nearly everyone. in so many ways.

 

[LovableGluttons]

I breastfed both of mine for their first year of life, pumped while working 12 hour night shifts so they never had formula.

The smell of formula was just gross to me.

I just figured that's why I had those things on my chest.....to use.

It was also great for my self esteem as it made me feel like Superwoman!

 

[mhsjax]

I have 3 and none of them were BF. I tried with the first, I thought that it was better, but I was just totally bothered by something. anything attaching itself to me and sucking. (sorry mine are way to sensitive) it was pure torture, plus having to somewhat undress in the middle of the winter, no thanks. I think it is wonderful for moms that do but so not for me, I was miserable and so was DS, he was starving and the minute I gave him a bottle, he slept.

Also, I wasn't BF and neither were any of my kids, only the last one had some ear infections. I never had ear problems either.

On a side note, I have a friend that BF one of her kids, he has more allergies than her other son that she bottle fed. I don't think you can say the BF causes these problems. I see too many people with kids that don't BF and don't have any health problems.

I didn't get any guilt trip form anyone either, including my pediatrician.