Puffy2
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2000
- Messages
- 3,248
I guess I'm seeking input from other divorced moms (or dads).
My two adult children really don't want to have much to do with their father. When they were young, he was a decent dad, but as they have aged and become more independent, they have made decisions that have disappointed him (even angered him) and that has made him a distant parent .
I'm talking about decisions like he didn't like their college major, or the fact that one chose to go to counseling and get tested for autism (surprise dad...she is, in fact, autistic! He really hated that one). They are great children, but he is constantly disappointed by them and they know this.
He rarely calls, he sometimes does come and take them to lunch, but they say he doesn't share anything about himself or ask questions about their lives. The last time I asked how was lunch, one responded "quiet". When the younger one graduated from college, he took her to dinner but he didn't come to the graduation and he didn't so much as give her a card or a flower. She called him last week and it took him 5 days to return her call.
I have always encouraged the kids to "call their dad", or "see him for lunch" but they are starting to resent me asking. They respond with "he doesn't call me" (not entirely true...he might once every three or four weeks, maybe). Or "why? I don't want to talk to him." To which I respond, "He's your father."
Yes, I want him to be a better father. and I suppose that is never going to happen. But it also saddens me to think that their relationship with him is so damaged. He's not evil...he's just a self absorbed jack ***. Isn't it important for them to maintain some sort of relationship even if it is occasional?
So what do other parents do ? How do I let this go? Or how do I deal with this? It really does upset me, apparently more than it upsets any of them.
My two adult children really don't want to have much to do with their father. When they were young, he was a decent dad, but as they have aged and become more independent, they have made decisions that have disappointed him (even angered him) and that has made him a distant parent .
I'm talking about decisions like he didn't like their college major, or the fact that one chose to go to counseling and get tested for autism (surprise dad...she is, in fact, autistic! He really hated that one). They are great children, but he is constantly disappointed by them and they know this.
He rarely calls, he sometimes does come and take them to lunch, but they say he doesn't share anything about himself or ask questions about their lives. The last time I asked how was lunch, one responded "quiet". When the younger one graduated from college, he took her to dinner but he didn't come to the graduation and he didn't so much as give her a card or a flower. She called him last week and it took him 5 days to return her call.
I have always encouraged the kids to "call their dad", or "see him for lunch" but they are starting to resent me asking. They respond with "he doesn't call me" (not entirely true...he might once every three or four weeks, maybe). Or "why? I don't want to talk to him." To which I respond, "He's your father."
Yes, I want him to be a better father. and I suppose that is never going to happen. But it also saddens me to think that their relationship with him is so damaged. He's not evil...he's just a self absorbed jack ***. Isn't it important for them to maintain some sort of relationship even if it is occasional?
So what do other parents do ? How do I let this go? Or how do I deal with this? It really does upset me, apparently more than it upsets any of them.