Angelrose's Journey

[chell]

Oh, I forgot to say that the coffee sounds real good even though I don't drink it. How was the gelato? I've never tried it before. No one around here sells it.

 

[Angelrose]

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement ryasnkaysmom. I'm trying.

chell, I've thought about volunteering, but I don't think I can handle that right now. I've never been a joiner. It took me over a year to get up the nerve to post here on the DIS. Ron could strike up conversations with strangers all the time. Standing in line or waiting for the parade at DW he would always start talking to people next to us. I would join in a little, but I was better at listening. I never seem to know what to say to people.

I got the amoretto gelato and it was heavenly. So creamy and much better than ice cream. I'd better not make a habit of going there!

 

[minnie56]

I think Chell had a great idea!! I am sure, absolutely, that there are so many other lovely ladies just like you whose hearts are broken as they struggle to make the next day alone. You could find a wonderful friend that shares and knows exactly what you are going through and might just find someone you can share time with and perhaps enjoy some outings? Even a visit a couple of times a week?

You have us waiting..to see all the time how you are doing. You have touched a lot of hearts here

We want you to have better times again..

 

[chell]

Would you believe I'm not a joiner either? I would much rather stand in the back of a room not saying a word. I'm no where near as shy as I used to be but several years ago I wouldn't talk to a stranger for anything. In the grocery store I wouldn't even talk to the cashiers. Start off by taking baby steps. That's what I had to do. Find a small project to get involved in. I know it may be difficult at first, but I do think it will do you and your heart good. It will help heal you a little bit. Of course nothing will completely heal your heart, but you will start feeling better.

Maybe a group of club would be better for you, something that you love to do. Maybe some sort of a craft club.

What about doing some volunteer work at an animal rescue? Are you allergic to dogs? I think I remember that you are allergic to cats. Is that right? Sorry, my memory isn't too great. It's not that I don't pay attention, I just take some medicine that messes with my memory - but I don't have migraines all the time. It's a good trade off.

If you did volunteer at an animal rescue you could spend some time with animals and not have to worry about dealing with people. That would be more my speed. Sometimes the just need someone to come in and pet them, walk them, brush them, etc.

Sorry I keep throwing so much stuff out here at you. You know I'm just trying to help you though. Like I've told you before if I could come heal your broken heart I'd do it in a heart beat!

 

[lovingthemouse]

Evening Angelrose - know it sounds strange to say but I am glad you are going through all these stages. It is just fine to be angry, lonely, feel the need to be alone, yet miss those around you so much.
Trust me, about this time last year I would never have known that I would experience it too, but God had other ideas!
I was set to retire from teaching last December and enjoy retirement with my husband. Needless to say I am on my way back for my 33rd yr, determined to make this a great year for my students, my family and myself. I am learning that life does go on, that like you and many others, I have many valuable experiences to have, and so much to offer others.
Chell has offered some great ideas to keep your mind occupied -this is truly what you need most, less time to dwell and more activities to keep you moving. You'll come to understand that as I did. Think of all the wonderful things you have to offer others!
Just wanted to stop by and say hello -thinking of you!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you all so much for all the suggestions. You are truly the best of friends.

I have started taking your advice. In a couple of weeks, I'm joining a bead club, learning how to make bead bracelets and earrings right close to home. My cousin is coming with me. My hairdresser lost her husband two years ago and knows what I am going through. So we are going to try and get together for dinner once a week or so or maybe go to a movie. It will get me out of the house at least for a few hours.

chell, I am allergic to all animals except camels. And that is only because I've never been in contact with a camel! LOL Although I would love to volunteer at an animal shelter, that would not be the best thing for my health.

Tomorrow I get to see my DS and DDIL. Jesse will be in daycare by the time I get there though. We are just going to go to the bank and finally get things set up. It will be good to hear all about their trip.

 

[AnnaS]

Glad to hear from you Angelrose and happy to see you have one or two things set up (your first few baby steps).

 

[chell]

The bead club sounds like fun. I bet you will make some beautiful things in there. Going out with your hairdresser on a regular basis sounds like a wonderful idea!

Sorry about all the animals. I remembered you were allergic to something but couldn't remember which ones. My memory isn't too great, especially with one of my migraine medicines.

I really am so glad you are going to be getting out and doing things with other people. Not saying your family isn't great to do stuff with but it is great to spend time with other people too because sometimes there are things you can say to them that you just can't say to family.

How was their trip? I bet they had a great time. I bet Jesse had so much fun!

 

[Angelrose]

I seem to be in a spot where I don't cry unless I look at Ron's picture. Then it all starts. I try not to think about his passing. I guess I still can't accept it. There are times that I relive the whole thing and I can't bear it.

Tonight I talked to an old friend who's DH passed about 5 years ago. She says that she still cries about her dear Jack. She still misses him, but the pain does fade. Not completely because it is always there, but is manageable. My hairdresser's pain is still pretty raw. She still cries whenever she talks about him. I know I am not alone. Somehow talking to them helps me.

The kids had a great time. Chuck rode the roller coasters, Karen took Jesse on the kiddie rides which he LOVED. They spent time at an enclosed water park that is attached to the hotel. Jesse loved the slides. So they all had a good time. Today was Karen's first day back at work. When she was leaving the office, she fell and severely sprained her ankle. She is on crutches now. Poor kid. Not a good way to end a vacation.

 

[hornedfrog]

I seem to be in a spot where I don't cry unless I look at Ron's picture. Then it all starts. I try not to think about his passing. I guess I still can't accept it. There are times that I relive the whole thing and I can't bear it.

I am in love with my partner with all of my heart and soul. I will hug him tighter tonight because of what you have written. I will tell him again that he means the world to me because of what I have read here. I hope it brings you peaceful thoughts to know how inspiring you are in what you share here. I hope that I will know the love that you know.

 

[chell]

You may never really accept it. You'll have to learn to live with your new adjusted life. You don't have to completely accept it. Don't live in a fantasy or anything, which I know you wouldn't do anyway. Your life just went through a huge change and you don't have to be in a hurry to completely adjust. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Your mind is still in shock and processing everything. Your emotions are just now starting to slow down and not completely overwhelm you.

I guess my main point here is that you aren't on a timetable or anyone else's time clock - you do things at your own pace, you do things at the pace that feels right for you. If you feel like you need to take more time than you do it. If you feel like moving on to doing more than you do it. I know we all are trying to get you to get out but that is because we know it is better for you to be around others than sitting home alone. It really does help the healing process to move along. Being with other ladies who have been through it can really help you too.

Sorry, I've gone on so long again. I only do it because I care so much about you.

 

[chell]

Oops, I forgot to say that I'm sorry Karen got hurt today. I hope it heals quickly. But I'm glad they had a great vacation!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you chell. Your posts always help me. ( An idea for you alone..I would suggest hanging her in your bedroom so she can watch over your dreams.)

hornedfrog, I'm glad that you have a love in your life, and you can show him how much he means to you. It does make me feel good to know that my story has touched so many of you.

 

[chell]

Thanks. That what I was thinking, but have to find the perfect place to keep Galaxy away. I may adopt a new kitty this week in your honor.

I'm sorry I go on and on, but I hope you get the point of what I'm trying to say. I do hate that I don't get to meet you in December. It would be great to meet you face to face and give you a big ole hug!

 

[Angelrose]

chell you don't "go on and on". You help me so much and I am sincerely grateful for your words of encouragement and advice.

An new kitten? How wonderful. I do love dogs and cats, so I would love to see a picture of your new one and Galaxy too.

 

[chell]

Thanks. You are so sweet.

We haven't picked out the new one just yet. We don't know if we will get a boy or a girl. You might have to help us name it.

I'm looking for a picture of Galaxy and our baby girl, Auggie now.

 

[chell]

This is Auggie eating her doggie ice cream. It's her favorite treat.

This is Galaxy. He's a big ole fur ball!

On this one we wrapped a toy snake around him like a boa. I keep meaning to upload this on the LOL cat website.

One more. This is Auggie in her recliner. Seriously, it is her chair. We have to spoil them because they are our children.

 

[Angelrose]

Galaxy is a beautiful cat. And all I can say about Auggie (doggie) is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. You have beautiful fur babies.

 

[chell]

Thank you! Sorry the pictures were so big. Auggie is a very special little girl. She really is my baby girl. She was adopted from a shelter on the first day she was available for adoption. All the other dogs in there were making all kinds of noise but not Auggie, she was huddled up in the back of her cage. She was skin and bones. Whoever had her before said she was mean and chewed up everything in the house but even the shelter workers didn't believe them. They abused her and almost starved her to death. She was so, so skinny. At first I was so worried because I couldn't get her to eat, but then I finally found a mixture that worked for her. She likes wet and dry food mixed together. But that's not why she was skinny, they just didn't take care of her. Apparently they yelled at her a lot because she can't stand loud noises. She also has a few bb's stuck under her skin. The vet said it would be more traumatic to remove them at this point. How could anyone do that to a poor doggie?

Anyway, we have a very special bond. When I lived by myself and would oversleep on a work day she would come and nudge me to wake me up. And if I didn't roll over enough in the night she would nudge me to make sure I was okay. My sister thinks I have sleep apnea and thinks that is why Auggie nudges me, to make me breathe. Any time I'm getting sick, even a cold, Auggie sleeps on the floor by my side of the bed. She knows I'm getting sick even before I do. She will start sleeping there about 2 or 3 days before I start feeling sick.

When I was with the ex and he would be yelling at me she would get in between us to make him keep his distance from me and try to protect me from him. But sometimes he would just get too loud and she would have to go hide in the closet. That's when I would get fed up and have to make him back off so I could go tend to her and love on her. Hmm, maybe she did that on purpose because she knew what I would do. It was her way of giving me courage.

Now she is Larry's baby. She still takes very good care of me but she loves Larry. That makes me feel good because she never has really liked men before. I figured it was a man that was so mean to her before. If I come home before him and she is expecting him she gives me this look like "where's Poppy?" Yes, that's what the animals call him.

Galaxy is my big ole fur ball. But he's my baby! I had to get him for Auggie. I took in a stray cat, Kelly, that came into my yard that I thought Auggie was going to eat at first. Well they became very good friends but 6 months later Kelly got very sick and died. When he got sick I took him to the vet and they did everything they could to save him but they couldn't. He actually died in my arms when taking him back to the vet to be put down because his breathing was getting worse and I didn't want him to struggle and suffer. On the way to the vet I was praying so hard. Oh my, I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. His eyes had been cloudy while he was sick. He had the most beautiful blue eyes too. He opened his eyes, looked at me and took his last breath. I lost it! I went walking into the vets office with Kelly in my arms and I was bawling like a little kid! People were staring at me like I was a crazy woman. Yeah, I get attached to animals. I'm an animal person.

After Auggie realized Kelly was gone and wasn't coming back she started mourning him. I had no idea that dogs would do that, especially over a cat. She was getting super depressed. I found a woman who was taking her kittens to the pound to be put down because she couldn't take care of them all and I asked to meet her. When she told me she had a solid black one I told her that was the one I wanted! When I was a little girl I had a solid black cat that I named Godzilla. I was about 2 when I got him. Anyway, Auggie & I got in the car and went to meet the lady and her kitties. I let Auggie and the black kitty meet and hang out in the car for a little bit. They seemed okay so we took him home. A friend helped me pick out the name. I wanted something cool since he was a black cat, but not the usual. And I like for the names to have meaning. The name is from a song of one of my favorite bands - actually the band that saved my life and made me change my life and take the big step to become who I am today!

Anyway, Auggie & Galaxy don't know they aren't really bother & sister. Just the other day there was some loud noise outside and Galaxy was sitting right at Auggie's head while she was laying on the floor and put his head over her exposed ear. How sweet is that? Pretty often he grooms her head too.

He's a momma's boy! He has to crawl up on me at night. I love it when we have snuggle time.

Okay, sorry to be so long. Since I don't have kids to brag on I have to talk about my furbabies.

I hope you had a good day today!

 

[chell]

Oh, Galaxy is spoiled rotten too! Nope, make that beyond rotten!