Angelrose's Journey

[Angelrose]

Thank you AnnaS, kacaju, minnie56, reelmom and C.Ann. I appreciate your support. It's hard to think that I making progress. But I hope I am. DHRick, I'm so glad you tell your hubby how much you love him every day. Ron and I did that and that gives me comfort to know that we had those happy memories every day. I remember the huggies and kisses and the tickles (when he was bad). That keeps me going. Especially when he was bad. LOL He would tease me or say something that he knew would get my goat. Then I would have to chase him and tickle him into submission. I always won. Being that he was 6'2" and I was 5', I would sometimes get the impression that he let me win. He had such a wonderful laugh. And we did laugh often. You all must remember to do that. Laugh with each other every day! Don't waste precious time together being mad at trivial things. Or if you do get mad, just do what I did. Tickle him into submission.

 

[AnnaS]

Thank "YOU" for the laugh Angelrose. I love how you would tickle each other. So instead of us wanting to hit our spouse over the head, when mad, turn it around and tickle him. I like that.

Now you are making me smile

 

[disney1990]

Not a good day today. The weather is so hot and humid, it's unbearable. I had a few crying times today. I can't get past that he SHOULD be here with me and he isn't. I try and get through the day but it's not easy. I keep busy, but something will remind me that he isn't here and I cry again. Even when I'm with the kids or Joan, I have times when I can't keep the tears back. It seems so long since he was alive. So many happy memories that now make me cry.

I'm sorry for whining again. It was just a bad day today.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Take it one hour at a time -- not one day at a time. Try to keep busy.

 

[luvmyboys]

I am so saddened by the turn of events that caused you to lose your beloved Ron! I moved right in the middle of your ordeal, and I thought he was getting better. My heart is breaking for you.

 

[chell]

The dream will come when you least expect it. I'm sure he is with you now, you just don't know it. The sadness is so strong that you can't feel him, but he is there. As strong as the love between the two of you has always been and it still is he will always be with you.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Tonight I found this thread.

There are no words to say............I am so very very sorry for the loss of your dear husband Ron!
What a wonderful love you had and shared with us all.
What an amazing son and daughter in law you have for support.

You are in my prayers! Take care of yourself and do what feels right to you, whether that be crying or smiling........time will pass and you will get stronger.
God Bless, Angelrose!

 

[Angelrose]

I've had a couple of good days. Friday I went to my cousins and we went shopping and then we had lunch at Red Robin. We were celebrating her birthday. Then we went back to her house and swam the rest of the afternoon. I left about 5pm because it was getting cloudy. I came home and looked at my flowers that really needed watering but I needed a shower first. I had just gotten out of the shower when Joan called. She wanted to make sure I got home before the storm hit. I looked out the window and OMG it was pouring so hard I couldn't see across the street. I didn't have to water! It was a good day.

Saturday I got my hair cut and dyed. It was getting so long and I like my hair SHORT. After that I met the kids at the mall and Chuck stayed at the mall to get a hair cut and Karen, Jesse and I went to her bank to get some paper work done. Well, they couldn't do it at her bank because I didn't have an account there, so we went to my bank. Oh yes we can do that, but you have to go to the main branch and there isn't anyone there to help you today. sighhhhhhhhhhhh So we will have to go on Tuesday. Jesse was being so good. Except he HAD to close the door to the office. I had given him a new Hot Wheels car shaped like a shark so he was happy. We went home to wait for Chuck (he had my car) and we had lunch. Then I got to play with Jesse. He is learning so many new words. Chuck came home and Jesse was so happy. He is a daddy's boy for sure. Daddy HAS to tuck him in at nap time and bed time. We all chatted for a while after Jesse went to bed and talked about our Disney trip. I went home happy and tired.

Today I went grocery shopping. My cousin Butch sent me a dvd of our family from the 50's to the 70's. Oh my what happy memories. I especially liked one part where I was THIN! It was so good to see all my relatives alive and happy. The last thing on the dvd was Chuck's baptism. There was my dear Ron holding Chuck so tenderly. The blue blanket that he had in his coach, he still has and Jesse uses it. This afternoon we had such a thunderstorm come through. Luckily no damage, and I don't have to water again tonight.

chell, I know in my heart that Ron is with me. But it's so hard to KNOW it in my head. I kiss his picture every day and hold it close to my heart. It still brings me to tears. I guess I am starting to accept things. I went two days without crying a lot.

Just once more to see his smiling face. I know I'm not going to see that until we meet again in heaven. That is such a long time to wait.

 

[chell]

Glad to hear you have had a good time lately. Was your cousin's birthday actually on Friday? That was my birthday. We went out of town with my sisters and nephews for the weekend. I thought about you a few times and were hoping you were having a good time and were doing well.

Hmmm, I need to think of a way to get your heart and your brain to connect. I know it is difficult to get them to connect. Boy do I know this. Okay, so maybe I am the last person to try to help you with this part. Or maybe I can try to help you and I can find a way to help my own. Do you think that might help? Maybe that could hep me to stop having my nightmares. Did I tell you that I'm having those? I think I told you that I sometimes have a difficult time believing my ex is really dead. So sometimes I think he is still going to come after me. I know that is nothing like your situation but my heart and my head aren't on the same page.

Honestly I really do wish I could help you and heal all of your pain. But I know you have to go through all of this. I know it is the process but I want to zip you through it quickly. I always tell Larry that if I could have one super power like one of the super heroes I would want to have the power to heal people emotionally and physically. You would be at the top of my list!

 

[Angelrose]

My cousin's birthday was on June 13th just 3 days before Ron passed. But we never celebrate her birthday on her birthday. LOL She is still teaching at that time, so we celebrate our birthdays in the summer. Joan was born when I was 10 years old and lived next door to me, so we are more like sisters than cousins.

I'm so sorry you are still having those nightmares about your ex. That is a psychic pain and will fade in time. Just like I'm sure my pain will fade in time. The head and heart have to get together eventually. Just a suggestion that I have no idea if it will help, but if you could try and forgive him for all the damage he did to you. Maybe that will bring you peace of mind. I know that is easier said than done.

 

[chell]

Oh, I thought it would be interesting if her birthday was the same as mine. It's so hard to find people who share my birthday!

I've tried to forgive him. I know he was sick. Thank you for helping me. This is about YOU though. We've got to connect your heart and your head so you don't hurt so much.

You are such a sweet and wonderful Lady!

 

[chell]

Just wanted to drop by and say that I hope you are having a good week. We've been so busy this week that I haven't had a chance to log in until tonight and I was looking for an update.

 

[java]

Just popping in to send some more hugs to you Anglerose. One day at a time. I'm am so very sorry.

 

[Angelrose]

I had a busy day on Monday with Karen. We went to the bank to get some things signed and settled. I always enjoy my time with her. We laugh a lot. The kids are going to be away for a few days to go to Cedar Point in Ohio, I think. They are leaving early tomorrow and will be back on Sunday. It's some amusement park with lots of coasters. Chuck will have a ball with those and Karen and Jesse will have fun at the water park. I will see them on Monday.

I didn't do much today other than one load of wash. It's so hot and humid out I didn't even want to go out to water the flowers. I couldn't get motivated to do anything else. I sat in front of the tv all day.

I haven't had any temper tantrums lately. I just cry a bit now and then. I just feel sad that he isn't here when he should be. I could never understand the term "broken heart" until Ron passed. It's a real pain in the heart. I don't think even time will heal that. I will just have to learn to live with it.

 

[tileman]

Just started reading this post today and I am so sorry to hear about ron.

I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mother when I was 22 and to this day I am 43 and still think about them ever day.

Take care and be strong.

Ron.

 

[minniecarousel]

Angelrose, I hope you have more good days than bad.

Hang in there.

 

[4nana]

Hi Angelrose,

Just wantd to let you know I still think of your often and keep you in my prayers even tho I don't reply often. Sweetie, I don't think there is a time limit to heal a broken heart, but want you to know I am so proud at how far you've come. As you already know, there are bound to be good days and bad, as it's not easy to get over sharing 44 yrs with a loving soul mate. I think you are wise in the days you feel good, do something fun, the days you don't, it's ok. Altho I've never walked a mile in your shoes,
I can imagine it takes much courage, faith and heart to simply keep going. You are so blessed to have your loving family to lean on and your Jessie is as cute as can be and I know brings Gma much love and joy!

My dear friend lost his wife 2 weeks ago. She'd been ill a long time but he was so sure she'd pull thru like so many other times. He is devastated and it's difficult to know what to say or do, but just be there for him. Low and behold, later during the week he got the awful news his mother had passed. He is beside himself, as he was hoping to spend more time with his Mom, now that his wife is no longer here. What are the chances you lose two of the people you loved most in the world in the same week?! Sad as it is, I guess it's all written in the plan and we all must keep the faith and carry forward one step at a time as your partners are watching and smiling upon you from above.

Take care and know many hearts and prayers are still with you during these difficult days. Godspeed

 

[chell]

I hope you are having a good weekend even though Chuck, Karen & Jesse are out of town.

So you have had that terrible heat this week too. We went out of town to visit some family today and the heat was terrible. I couldn't be outside more than 5 minutes or so. Sounds like it is just as bad where you live.

It is a pain in your heart and that hole that is there will never go away; nothing can ever fill that void. But at the same time nothing can ever compare to all the joy and happiness that you two shared either.

 

[Angelrose]

Hi chell. I had a good day yesterday. I went to my cousins pool for the afternoon. Then we went to Salad Works for dinner. Then we went to a coffee bar that just opened up. I went because they had gelato and I had never tried it. OH YUMMMMMMM! My cousin talked me into trying a cup of hazelnut truffle coffee. I have never tried coffee before and this was really good. But I was awake all night. LOL I rested though. This morning I went to Walmart and Target and I could feel the humidity starting to get bad. I was so glad to get home. Tomorrow we start in the 90's for several days and high humidity. Not looking forward to that.

I will be glad when the kids get back. I will see them on Monday. I can't get used to the silence in the house. While I had fun with Joan, in the back of my mind, I was thinking there is no one waiting for me at home. I try to remember all the wonderful times we had together but right now it only makes me sad and miss him. It's hard realizing that I will spend the rest of my life alone. Oh I have the kids and right now I have Joan, but in the fall she goes back to teaching and I probably won't see her until the holidays. I can't see the kids every day. They have their own lives. I will probably see them once a week or so. I can go for walks and see my friends in the fall and that will help. But still, there is no one waiting for me at home. Ever.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I just found this thread today...read the first post and was saddened and shocked... skipped ahead to see what todays posts held...and I just want to give you a big hug

Take care of you!!

 

[chell]

In a way I know what you mean about no one being at home for you. Eventually you will find your way. I know you will always have that lonely piece of you, but you are a very strong woman and you will survive.

Have you thought about finding a club or group to join that would help keep you occupied this fall and beyond? You may even meet other women who feel just like you that need friends and support through the same heart break.

Or maybe you could volunteer a few hours a day or a few hours a week at a day care, assisted living facility, nursing home, women's shelter, hospital, etc. That would give you something productive to do that would get you out of the house. I know that would make you face the pain of coming home to an empty house more often but it would also help you work through the pain of it quicker too. But that would also help you to get out and socialize as well. And maybe by helping others you would heal. You are such a kind, loving woman that I honestly think it would do your heart good to do something like this. You wouldn't feel so lonely.

Too bad you don't live near us!