Am I Being Reasonable? Breakfast & Lunch... UPDATE!!!

[Wendy31]

Thanks so much for all the replies!!

I am feeling a bit better. DH told me that how I was handling meals was fine, but I guess I needed some affirmation from other moms!

I really do get being picky & understand that everyone has different likes and dislikes.

My goodness - I *hate* mayo, so, if someone offered me a sandwich w/ mayo already on it, I'd have to politely decline. And our 3 kids have likes & dislikes. DD & younger DS like ranch dressing while older DS doesn't, for example. My nephew is allergic to eggs & peanut butter, so, whenever he is over, I always make sure I have things for him to eat.

One reason I do the "sandwich bar" is so everyone can make his/her sandwich to his/her own liking, get whatever chips they want, how many carrots & cucumbers they want, etc. Younger DS likes his sandwich "deconstructed" - so I put a couple of rolled up pieces of ham, a slice of cheese, & a piece of bread on his plate.

But I think DD's friend would prefer that I make her sandwich & have her plate ready for her. And I guess there's a part of me that wonders, since her mom is paying me, should I be fixing her sandwich?

After the 1st day she stayed w/ us, I did ask her mom what kinds of things she likes to eat, & she was about as helpful as her DD. I asked, "What does she like to eat for lunch? I want to make sure we have some of what she likes to eat." And she looked at her DD & said, "I don't know... [daughter's name], what do you like to eat for lunch?" Her DD just kind of shrugged. So her mom continued, "She likes things like sandwiches and pizza... I'm sure what you have is fine."

I do want guests (including my kids' friends) to be comfortable in our house, & I want everyone to be fed & happy. But I also want to be sensible.

I am getting paid $25/day, so $50 for the week. No, I'm not buying an extra $50 worth of groceries, but I am probably buying around $25 extra.

And, yes, the thrown away hot dog because it touched her mac & cheese kinda irritated me. (And it was a Hebrew National! LOL!) But I didn't say anything. I know some people really have a problem w/ their food touching. But still...

One day, after she left, I went into my DD's room & found an empty box of Krispy Kreme donut holes. DD told me that her friend's mother had given the donut holes to her DD to share w/ all of us. Well, my DD & her friend kept the donut holes in her bedroom & ate the whole box themselves!

Regarding snacks, we are buying extra snack-y food - like packaged cookies and Wheat Thins and things like that. And I'm buying probably 2 1/2-gallon ice cream containers/week.

Since someone asked, we usually keep Quaker chewy chocolate chip granola bars in our pantry. I also usually have some animal crackers. For yogurt, we keep Yoplait's "Simply Yogurt" Go-Gurts in the fridge - there's no dye or HFCS. I keep fruit juice popsicles in the freezer. For fruit, we normally have at least 3 different kinds - right now, we have bananas, apples, oranges, & strawberries. She doesn't like apples or oranges. Sometimes, we have grapes, but, I have to admit, I don't have them every week, because they're more expensive than some of the other fruits. Oh, & I forgot - we also usually have some kind of snack cheese. So I'm not starving my kids. Right now, there's also a box of graham crackers in the pantry.

I pop popcorn for afternoon snacks as well. (We don't have microwave popcorn). Once she asked if I could add chocolate chips to the popcorn.

I've also let the girls bake cookies or brownies.

Oh, & we normally don't keep soft drinks in the house. I have some Sprite and Gingerale for whenever someone gets sick, & I have some Cokes for when I have a migraine. Otherwise, we drink water or tea - younger DS drinks OJ. I've let them drink Sprite for lunch a few times, & I've also made lemonade. Well, I forgot to make lemonade last Friday, & we were out of Sprite. I heard her tell my DD, "But I don't like water."

I'll try the stuffed baked potatoes for lunch one day. That's a good idea I hadn't thought of.

And, while the kids are eating all this, I'm drinking a protein shake for breakfast & salad or some other low-carb something for lunch.

I guess I also just wanted to be sure that sandwiches were okay for lunch. In my world, sandwiches are a lunch staple. Maybe it's the wheat bread?

I've asked DD to ask her friend what she likes (thinking maybe she'll tell my DD), but DD hasn't gotten any kind of helpful response either.

I've asked DD what she eats when she goes to her house. For dinner, one night, they had baked enchiladas. Another time, they had beef stroganoff. But I'm just not into making stuff like that for lunch.

Anyway, sorry to be so long again! And thank you for all the responses!

EDITED TO ADD - She gets here at 7:30 am. She leaves anywhere between 3:30 & 5:30 pm.

 

[Kellydelly]

I am getting paid $25/day, so $50 for the week. No, I'm not buying an extra $50 worth of groceries, but I am probably buying around $25 extra.

.

If you are really spending half your pay to feed this girl then you need to have her start packing a lunch .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ha-ha, I live with picky central.

You just need to be more assertive with the girl and tell her she needs to make her own sandwich. I would nix all the sugar snacks though if you are buying extra for her.

She will figure it out. She may be shy about things and it may take time for her to be more independent in your house.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think you are doing more than enough. Some of my kids like/dislike foods that their siblings dislike/like, so I offer more than one option. Four like hot dogs, four like sandwiches, four like mac and cheese - actually, it's rare I find stuff that all five will eat. My kids make their own breakfasts every weekday morning. On weekends, sometimes I make meals, sometimes they make their own.

I buy packaged snacks, mostly to eat out of the house. We always have ice cream, but not to eat during the day (don't know why - just the way it is). We have water, seltzer, milk, and sometimes juice.

It sounds like she has a big appetite (2 hot dogs and mac and cheese?!). Only my boys can eat that much (and ds10 would have to be STARVING). I think you should just keep doing what you are doing, but with less food.

 

[Wendy31]

If you are really spending half your pay to feed this girl then you need to have her start packing a lunch .

Well, I guess I'm thinking that, since I don't really feel like I'm "watching her" or babysitting her, the money should go to her food?

Snack-y type foods are more expensive, so, since I'm buying snack foods & ice cream that I normally wouldn't purchase every week, it's probably adding about $25 to our weekly groceries.

 

[Wendy31]

I think you are doing more than enough. Some of my kids like/dislike foods that their siblings dislike/like, so I offer more than one option. Four like hot dogs, four like sandwiches, four like mac and cheese - actually, it's rare I find stuff that all five will eat. My kids make their own breakfasts every weekday morning. On weekends, sometimes I make meals, sometimes they make their own.

I buy packaged snacks, mostly to eat out of the house. We always have ice cream, but not to eat during the day (don't know why - just the way it is). We have water, seltzer, milk, and sometimes juice.

It sounds like she has a big appetite (2 hot dogs and mac and cheese?!). Only my boys can eat that much (and ds10 would have to be STARVING). I think you should just keep doing what you are doing, but with less food.

Yes, all 3 of my kids have different likes & dislikes! It's hard to find something they all like. DD doesn't like mac & cheese. Older DS doesn't like peanut butter.

And, yes, she does have a big appetite. She's not overweight, she just eats more than my kids do which has also taken me a little bit to get used to.

For example, I fixed biscuits one morning - two per kid. Well, she ate her two (w/ bacon) & wanted another, but I was saving the last 2 for younger DS who wasn't up yet. So I told her, if she was still hungry, she could have some cereal, but she didn't want any cereal. For lunch, one day, DH (who was home) & I fixed BBQ pork sliders using a package of Hawaiian rolls. It was leftovers from a pork roast that we'd had the night before, so we didn't have a ton. She loved them, & ended up eating DH's as well.

 

[Pumbaa_]

That $25 is $12.50 per day. No one needs $12.50 per day in snacks

The hiding of the donut holes would have bugged me. Basically, the other mom sent a treat for the entire group and miss sneaky pants decided she wanted to eat them all (with your daughter). Unacceptable in my book

I would clear that one up right away! (and no wonder she wasn't thrilled with what you had, she had eaten at least half a box of donut holes!)

Whatever you plan for your kids will work for her. If she wants things separate, here are bowls, help yourself kiddo!

She is old enough to learn how to be in another person's home and be able to work it out

good luck!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Any chance this girl has some degree of autism? The picky eating and the blunt way in which she spoke to you make me think of my niece, who has Aspergers. I could totally see her doing that.

Even so, I don't think you need to cater to her. If you don't usually buy snack-y foods, don't buy it. She can live for 2 days without chips, crackers and ice cream. Make a menu and give it to her ahead of time, so she's not blind-sided. If she doesn't like what you're having, she can always bring herself something from home that day.

That's what I'm thinking.

My son, who does not have Autism, but has pretty severe sensory issues (like children with Autism), is a very picky eater and doesn't like his food to touch, too. I would be unhappy if he threw food away, but I would also be unhappy if someone forced him to eat something he didn't want (not saying the OP is doing this).

I think you mentioned the perfect solution; give a menu to the child at the end of the week for next week and she can choose to bring her breakfast and/or lunch.

Kids with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder do not act this way to annoy others or because they think they're special. They may feel aversion to this just like you may feel aversion to eating something that has dropped in a mud puddle. They do often learn to overcome it, but it can take a long, long time.

Since you are being paid, I do think you should fix one of the meals a day, but since they're older, I think they can handle making the other themselves (if provided with the food).

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well, I guess I'm thinking that, since I don't really feel like I'm "watching her" or babysitting her, the money should go to her food?

Snack-y type foods are more expensive, so, since I'm buying snack foods & ice cream that I normally wouldn't purchase every week, it's probably adding about $25 to our weekly groceries.

But you're responsible for her and you're ensuring her safety. As far as the $25 snacks go, your other kids eat them, too, right? If not, I'd quit buying them and tell her she needs to bring one or two snacks a day for herself.

 

[MrsDuck]

Wendy, can I come over? The meals you are fixing sound delicious!

Ditto the PPs who say that you should just make whatever and let her deal. Clearly, you put effort into trying to make meals that please all. Sounds like she is being a little ungrateful (probably not intentionally!) and if she isn't happy, she can bring something.

Don't stress - you're doing an awesome job!

 

[LisaR]

Well, I guess I'm thinking that, since I don't really feel like I'm "watching her" or babysitting her, the money should go to her food?

Snack-y type foods are more expensive, so, since I'm buying snack foods & ice cream that I normally wouldn't purchase every week, it's probably adding about $25 to our weekly groceries.

She's only there for two days! How on earth are you spending $25 on food for her for two days and a total of four meals? No way! You are being WAY too kind! Buy the same loaf of bread, lunch meat, cheeses, and veggies that you normally buy. Set them out, let them eat, and move on. You are really over thinking this. Two snacks while she is there is more than sufficient. Why are you now buying 2 - 1/2 gallons of ice cream?? If she is eating that much ice cream in two days, I see why she isn't hungry for lunch. Honestly, stop bending over backwards for this kid. Put out your normal food and let her eat. If she doesn't, she'll survive until she gets home.

 

[WDSearcher]

She's only there for two days! How on earth are you spending $25 on food for her for two days and a total of four meals? No way! You are being WAY too kind! Buy the same loaf of bread, lunch meat, cheeses, and veggies that you normally buy. Set them out, let them eat, and move on. You are really over thinking this. Two snacks while she is there is more than sufficient. Why are you now buying 2 - 1/2 gallons of ice cream?? If she is eating that much ice cream in two days, I see why she isn't hungry for lunch. Honestly, stop bending over backwards for this kid. Put out your normal food and let her eat. If she doesn't, she'll survive until she gets home.

This!

Just because she might expect you to have her sandwich made and a plate ready doesn't mean you have to do that. That happens at HER house, but this isn't her house. It's YOUR house, and you do things differently. At 13, it's about time she learns to prepare her own meals and make her own sandwich. And to understand that not every place she goes is going to do things the way her mom does. As for things like wanting the extra biscuits -- if she wasn't hungry enough to get cereal or something else, then she wasn't really still hungry. She just wanted more biscuits.

Again ... this is your house, and you're the grown-up. I get that she's a guest in your home and you want her to feel welcome, but you're not running a B&B. You're offering her plenty of options. If she's not happy with them, then she has the option of bringing something from home.

Look at this as part of her home schooling -- it's teaching her to be flexible, to expand her palate, to become a little more self-sufficient, and to share as part of a larger family group.

 

[sk!mom]

If I was being paid to have her over and since there is really little supervision required, I would feel the need to at least plan good meals for those days. We do not do snack foods or ice cream on a regular basis so I wouldn't add unhealthy things. I would stick with our normal snacks- fruit, yogurt, frozen fruit bars. For meals, I would cook but I wouldn't necessarily try to plan to her favorites. I would just have a planned meal. I would then let her serve herself so that she can arrange the food as she chooses.

 

[Jaime4004]

Well, I guess I'm thinking that, since I don't really feel like I'm "watching her" or babysitting her, the money should go to her food?

Snack-y type foods are more expensive, so, since I'm buying snack foods & ice cream that I normally wouldn't purchase every week, it's probably adding about $25 to our weekly groceries.

You are watching her, you're responsible for her while she's there...

You are way more generous than I would be, and definitely not lazy! I would make one meal (we also do quick meals for lunch) and if she doesn't like it, she can make something else. My kids are younger, and picky. I still make one meal and if they don't like it, the other option is peanut butter. I used to have an "eat it or starve" attitude (not totally starve, there's plenty of fruit/veggies) but my 8 yr old decided he didn't want to eat animals anymore. So I couldn't in good conscience make him starve over that. Now he can make himself a sandwich if he doesn't want to eat it. He was my best eater, too.. sigh..

But I would definitely tell mom that her kid doesn't seem to like many of the foods that your family eats and to please send her there with breakfast/lunch, or at least bring some alternatives that she can make herself if she doesn't like what you are having.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I am still agreeing with these latest posts....
I know that the OP is home with several children, and she has to make sure that lunch is served.... But, in reading some of the stuff she is preparing and presenting for breakfasts and lunches, snacks, ice creams, etc... on a regular daily basis... I do feel like she, herself, might be a bit much on the B&B, perfect mother, running a short-order kitchen, thing.

As long as she IS doing this, she doesn't have as much ground to stand on when the kids do expect, ask, etc.....

I, myself, am not always big on plain, cold, sandwiches... And, I really limit the bread I eat... Both for the carbs and for sensitivities... So, as I did mention in an earlier post, because of this, my son was a bit spoiled when it comes to lunches. As an only child, yes, I will openly admit that he might have been a bit spoiled. So, I am not just totally judging here... but also speaking from some personal experience. Hindsight, looking at how my particular preferences and situation played out. BTDT.

It is NOT doing any of these kids any favors to cater to them this way.
And, just energy and money wise... I can just see no way that I could keep up with feeding a house full of kids this way.

And, if she is catering to her own kids... as she knows they like and appreciate what she is preparing... this girl will, naturally, expect the same. Especially since she seems to be really overly catered to by her own mom, at home.

When I read about the leftover pork sliders... I was thinking, hey, when you have a house full of kids, including a guest, is NOT the time to bring out something good like that, when you really don't have enough for everybody to enjoy.

I would want a few of those nice hot sliders myself!

You know, in many situations, a lot of the solution can be found when the person adjusts the angle from which they are approaching it. When they adjust their own expectations... It isn't about 'How do I change this other person', so much as it is about 'This is the way this person is, so how to I approach and handle it'.

I wouldn't expect this girl, with her background and situation, to change overnight and become the easy to please, non-demanding, go with the family, type of person that the OP would like to see.

OP, most of these kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Which they absolutely should.... And, by my own experience with my son... it is not doing them any favors to expect a short-order cook to cater to them, for every meal, every day.

OKAY, off my big soapbox now!

 

[Wishing on a star]

PS: Just to clarify, about my DS, yes, while I am admitting that he was a bit spoiled, I want to leave NO impression that we would be like this teenage girl, and go into somebodies house being picky, throwing out food, expecting anything other than what is offered.... That would NEVER happen!!!!

 

[Wendy31]

Thanks for all the additional responses! Y'all have given me a lot to think about!

That's what I'm thinking.

My son, who does not have Autism, but has pretty severe sensory issues (like children with Autism), is a very picky eater and doesn't like his food to touch, too. I would be unhappy if he threw food away, but I would also be unhappy if someone forced him to eat something he didn't want (not saying the OP is doing this).

I think you mentioned the perfect solution; give a menu to the child at the end of the week for next week and she can choose to bring her breakfast and/or lunch.

Kids with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder do not act this way to annoy others or because they think they're special. They may feel aversion to this just like you may feel aversion to eating something that has dropped in a mud puddle. They do often learn to overcome it, but it can take a long, long time.

Since you are being paid, I do think you should fix one of the meals a day, but since they're older, I think they can handle making the other themselves (if provided with the food).

I don't think she has autism. Now that I know about how she doesn't like food to touch, I'll be more careful. I know everyone has quirks & different likes & dislikes, & I really don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable in our home. I try to provide something that everyone will eat.

The more I think about it, I think it's just a different family dynamic between our 5-person household & her 3-person household. She once told DD that our house was "louder" than hers. Well, of course it is! There are 3 kids (4 when she's here), & one of the those kids is a 4 year old. And I don't like a lot of "noise" myself, so our house is actually quieter than a lot of other houses I know. But, many days, the washer and/or dryer are going, the dishwasher's going, & other normal house stuff is going on. (She also doesn't like that we keep the captioning on our TV turned on, but one reason we do that is so we can keep the volume turned down.)

She's actually a sweet girl. She's shy but not as shy as DD. LOL! I think she's just also used to being served a plated meal maybe?

But you're responsible for her and you're ensuring her safety. As far as the $25 snacks go, your other kids eat them, too, right? If not, I'd quit buying them and tell her she needs to bring one or two snacks a day for herself.

Oh, yes, my kids are eating the extra snacks too! LOL! They're loving it!

Wendy, can I come over? The meals you are fixing sound delicious!

Ditto the PPs who say that you should just make whatever and let her deal. Clearly, you put effort into trying to make meals that please all. Sounds like she is being a little ungrateful (probably not intentionally!) and if she isn't happy, she can bring something.

Don't stress - you're doing an awesome job!

Thank you so much!!!!

I think it kinda hit me the other day. DD & my niece have a "living history" class every other Friday. So, last Friday, I picked up my niece, drove 45 minutes to the class, took the other kids to a park to play, picked up my DD & niece at the end of class, & then went to Sonic & used my last cash of the week to get everyone a milkshake. (I was feeling guilty about the sandwiches from earlier in the day at lunch.)

On our way to Sonic, DD's friend said, "We're not going to Steak & Shake are we? Their milkshakes aren't any good."

No, we weren't going to Steak & Shake, but, really?

So, after I pass back 5 milkshakes, the only 1 who says "thank you" is my 10 year old niece.

That night, after everyone that wasn't my own child had gone home, my kids received a little "manner reminder" lecture.

She's only there for two days! How on earth are you spending $25 on food for her for two days and a total of four meals? No way! You are being WAY too kind! Buy the same loaf of bread, lunch meat, cheeses, and veggies that you normally buy. Set them out, let them eat, and move on. You are really over thinking this. Two snacks while she is there is more than sufficient. Why are you now buying 2 - 1/2 gallons of ice cream?? If she is eating that much ice cream in two days, I see why she isn't hungry for lunch. Honestly, stop bending over backwards for this kid. Put out your normal food and let her eat. If she doesn't, she'll survive until she gets home.

I don't know... the extra snack food, an extra hot lunch, an extra hot breakfast. I usually buy 2 1/2-gallons of ice cream because if all 4 kids eat ice cream on the 1st day, there's usually not enough left for all 4 kids to eat ice cream the next day.

And, yes, I am over thinking this probably! LOL! DH accuses me of over thinking things all the time!

This!

Just because she might expect you to have her sandwich made and a plate ready doesn't mean you have to do that. That happens at HER house, but this isn't her house. It's YOUR house, and you do things differently. At 13, it's about time she learns to prepare her own meals and make her own sandwich. And to understand that not every place she goes is going to do things the way her mom does. As for things like wanting the extra biscuits -- if she wasn't hungry enough to get cereal or something else, then she wasn't really still hungry. She just wanted more biscuits.

Again ... this is your house, and you're the grown-up. I get that she's a guest in your home and you want her to feel welcome, but you're not running a B&B. You're offering her plenty of options. If she's not happy with them, then she has the option of bringing something from home.

Look at this as part of her home schooling -- it's teaching her to be flexible, to expand her palate, to become a little more self-sufficient, and to share as part of a larger family group.

Thank you for that. It really made me think.

And, when I do the "sandwich bar," I'm putting everything on the table for them. I'm not making them scrounge in the fridge & pantry. If I were having a sandwich, I'd actually prefer to make my own.

If I was being paid to have her over and since there is really little supervision required, I would feel the need to at least plan good meals for those days. We do not do snack foods or ice cream on a regular basis so I wouldn't add unhealthy things. I would stick with our normal snacks- fruit, yogurt, frozen fruit bars. For meals, I would cook but I wouldn't necessarily try to plan to her favorites. I would just have a planned meal. I would then let her serve herself so that she can arrange the food as she chooses.

See, this is exactly what I've been wondering. Since I'm being paid, is what I'm feeding her sufficient or do I need to make 2 hot lunches? That is not what I'd be doing if she weren't here.

Since I know she's not a fan of sandwiches, do I need to make something else? It's not that she won't eat a sandwich, but she prefers something else.

You are watching her, you're responsible for her while she's there...

You are way more generous than I would be, and definitely not lazy! I would make one meal (we also do quick meals for lunch) and if she doesn't like it, she can make something else. My kids are younger, and picky. I still make one meal and if they don't like it, the other option is peanut butter. I used to have an "eat it or starve" attitude (not totally starve, there's plenty of fruit/veggies) but my 8 yr old decided he didn't want to eat animals anymore. So I couldn't in good conscience make him starve over that. Now he can make himself a sandwich if he doesn't want to eat it. He was my best eater, too.. sigh..

But I would definitely tell mom that her kid doesn't seem to like many of the foods that your family eats and to please send her there with breakfast/lunch, or at least bring some alternatives that she can make herself if she doesn't like what you are having.

I think I'm going to talk to her mom again & let her know what I'm currently doing w/ meals - on one day, I'm cooking a hot breakfast & then providing sandwich fixings for lunch; on the other day, I'm letting them eat cereal or something like that for breakfast & then preparing a hot lunch.

Yes, I am still agreeing with these latest posts....

I know that the OP is home with several children, and she has to make sure that lunch is served.... But, in reading some of the stuff she is preparing and presenting for breakfasts and lunches, snacks, ice creams, etc... on a regular daily basis... I do feel like she, herself, might be a bit much on the B&B, perfect mother, running a short-order kitchen, thing.

As long as she IS doing this, she doesn't have as much ground to stand on when the kids do expect, ask, etc.....

I, myself, am not always big on plain, cold, sandwiches... And, I really limit the bread I eat... Both for the carbs and for sensitivities... So, as I did mention in an earlier post, because of this, my son was a bit spoiled when it comes to lunches. As an only child, yes, I will openly admit that he might have been a bit spoiled. So, I am not just totally judging here... but also speaking from some personal experience. Hindsight, looking at how my particular preferences and situation played out. BTDT.

It is NOT doing any of these kids any favors to cater to them this way.
And, just energy and money wise... I can just see no way that I could keep up with feeding a house full of kids this way.

And, if she is catering to her own kids... as she knows they like and appreciate what she is preparing... this girl will, naturally, expect the same. Especially since she seems to be really overly catered to by her own mom, at home.

When I read about the leftover pork sliders... I was thinking, hey, when you have a house full of kids, including a guest, is NOT the time to bring out something good like that, when you really don't have enough for everybody to enjoy.

I would want a few of those nice hot sliders myself!

You know, in many situations, a lot of the solution can be found when the person adjusts the angle from which they are approaching it. When they adjust their own expectations... It isn't about 'How do I change this other person', so much as it is about 'This is the way this person is, so how to I approach and handle it'.

I wouldn't expect this girl, with her background and situation, to change overnight and become the easy to please, non-demanding, go with the family, type of person that the OP would like to see.

OP, most of these kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Which they absolutely should.... And, by my own experience with my son... it is not doing them any favors to expect a short-order cook to cater to them, for every meal, every day.

OKAY, off my big soapbox now!

Confession: I'm a recovering people-pleaser! (Well, actually, not so much recovering...) I also want everyone to like me.

Oh, & you gave me pause to think about the bread on sandwiches. But I know she likes bread & eats other bread.

I know sandwiches aren't the most exciting things in the world & are kinda plain & boring. But, to me, sandwiches are a lunch staple. I would love a hot lunch every day too. So would my kids. It's not happening in our family. But then I go back to, since she's paying me, should I provide her w/ hot lunch every day or is sandwiches one day okay?

And, since this DD's best friend, I want her to enjoy coming over here, if that makes sense. I guess there's a part of me that's worried that if I don't make our home "enjoyable" enough for DD's friend, she'll stop being DD's friend. (That is crazy, I know!)

Also, in my defense, the BBQ sliders were DH's idea. W/ his work schedule, he's home during the week sometimes. And, when he's home, he's the chef. Once when DD's friend was here, he made spaghetti for lunch, & he went all out w/ the sauce - whereas I would have just used some jarred sauce.

Oh, & his apple fritters are amazing!!

I wanted to add as well, I hope I haven't given the wrong impression w/ this girl. She really is sweet and funny, & DD & she have fun together.

I think I'm just stressing about adding her into our daily family dynamics & wondering how much I change things for her & how much I leave things the same, if that makes sense. She comes tomorrow, & I'm already worrying.

 

[Aladora]

But I think DD's friend would prefer that I make her sandwich & have her plate ready for her. And I guess there's a part of me that wonders, since her mom is paying me, should I be fixing her sandwich?

Uhh, no, imo you should not. By 13 she is more than able to fix herself a sandwich.

On that train of thought, here's an idea!

Have you thought about including your DD and her friend in the food preparation? Make it part of the homeschooling day and hold a cooking class! Get both of their input on what they want to learn how to make next week and get them into the kitchen cooking. That will help with the pickiness and it is a great life skill for everyone to have.

 

[LisaR]

Confession: I'm a recovering people-pleaser! (Well, actually, not so much recovering...) I also want everyone to like me.

I never would have guessed! Seriously, you sound like the nicest, sweetest person ever, but I think you are putting way too much effort into this. What you feed your own kids should be more than sufficient. You are bending over backwards to please what sounds like an ungrateful 13 y/o. Stop trying so hard. Put the food out and move on. She won't starve. Don't let anyone manipulate you, especially a kid!

 

[tracaline]

just a thought, but what if you had them not only help with planning the next weeks meals, but go to the grocery store with you- help pick out what they liked (give a budget, and parameters for what would be healthier choices- have them start reading labels to see how to make wise choices).