7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[mrsklamc]

With that said do not leave. He can say you abandoned him and you would potentionally be entitled to nothing. File for legal separation right away, this gives you time to think but freezes all current assets. Regardless of what he wants, in the end you make sure he pays child support.

Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.

 

[Albort]

Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.

This got me wondering... if he doesnt even want to have this child, wouldnt he give up his right anyways? but still have to be responsible for the child aka pay child support?

Im no expert at this...

 

[OurMinnieFamily]

Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.

I'm basing my advice on personal experience. She needs to follow all proper legal steps. Just working off emotions is going to get her into a very tight spot. Instead of going through courts for months/years to split all assets and work out child support/custody, she should ensure he cant walk into a bank tomorrow and clear out the account or close it. He is saying he doesnt want the baby NOW, but things can change. Or he (or the mistress) could simply become vindictive and want to hurt her by fighting her on custody.

File a motion first thing monday morning, freeze all joint accounts and assets. Divorce is messy by itself, but when there is a 3rd, immature/young/mean party involved it can get much worse.

You should ask him to leave, call your mom and dad and ask them to come visit and help you work through this. Your family knows you best and will give you much better advise (or better suited to your life) than a bunch of people you never met.


Best of luck to you regardless of what you decide to do.....I do agree with what I did go back and read, however.... you should not be with him, he showed no remorse for what he's doing and continued to disrespect you even while you were breaking in front of him.


Oh and (sorry so long).... the b*tchy/vindictive part of me is saying call the parents of the girls hes seeing, I'm going to go out on a limb and say if they are friends with your husband they wouldn't be all that happy he is dating their 19 year old daughter, especially since he's married with a child.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I only read the original post.

My heart aches for you and the precious baby you are carrying,
Please take care of yourself, reach out to your family and get the support that you need to get thru this....
At some point, you will feel and be stronger...you Have to, for your baby!!! You can Do it!!!!
my prayers are with you.............please let us know how you are doing...hugs your way

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm basing my advice on personal experience. She needs to follow all proper legal steps. Just working off emotions is going to get her into a very tight spot.

No one's suggesting she doesn't follow all proper legal steps. She's meeting with a lawyer. What's being suggested is that she take 50% of everything out of their accounts, take what is sentimental to her, and get herself to Canada so she can have good medical coverage when the child is born. Whether it's your personal experience or not, the fact is that in California, where she lives, abandonment is not an issue-whereas getting herself to CA ASAP absolutely is.

 

[OurMinnieFamily]

No one's suggesting she doesn't follow all proper legal steps. She's meeting with a lawyer. What's being suggested is that she take 50% of everything out of their accounts, take what is sentimental to her, and get herself to Canada so she can have good medical coverage when the child is born. Whether it's your personal experience or not, the fact is that in California, where she lives, abandonment is not an issue-whereas getting herself to CA ASAP absolutely is.

We will have to agree to disagree.... regardless of abandonment, she still needs to stop and think with a clear mind, not with an emotional one.

 

[mrsklamc]

We will have to agree to disagree.... regardless of abandonment, she still needs to stop and think with a clear mind, not with an emotional one.

Nothing emotional about it. It's where the best support system and medical care availability are, as well as the best chance of keeping her child away from her DH.If you read the thread, the very logical, non-emotional reasons are all right there.

 

[mrsklamc]

This got me wondering... if he doesnt even want to have this child, wouldnt he give up his right anyways? but still have to be responsible for the child aka pay child support?

Im no expert at this...

He might, or he might not. He might decide that if he's going to have to pay, he, or at least his parents, deserve custody or visitation. Another reason to get to Canada ASAP- if she gets away before they actually SEE the kid, there's less chance of him forming an emotional bond.

 

[RNMOM]

That said, why would you want to subject your child to this situation? Your husband has shown his true self and even if all returns to before is that what you want for yourself and the baby?

I bet your parents would be so happy to have you come home and start a new life there. Having your son surrounded by people who want and love him is a great gift and you can take the time to heal.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Please keep us posted.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

If you were my daughter, I would be grieved and hurt if I thought that you believed I valued my freedom to travel over you and my unborn grandchild! I would want to know so I could be there to support you and love on you.

As so many PP have noted CALL YOUR PARENTS NOW!

 

[PizzieDuster]

Take care of your health and that baby! I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sure you won't stay single for long and find a loving affectionate man in your future and just think, it's a bonus dad for your son. I will stop at that.

Praying for you and hope you get to see your parents soon!

 

[TRK0011]

I just wanted to update quickly, although at this point not much has happened.

I called the attorney I know yesterday and he made an appointment for me to go in and see him on Monday. He asked me to bring any financial information I have, so I have to spend this weekend looking around for copies of bank accounts, savings, etc.

I called my parents yesterday morning, but they're on vacation until tomorrow for their anniversary. My mom did ask if something was wrong, and I told her I needed to talk to her about something, and she said she'd call back first thing Monday morning so we could talk. I've actually written down what I want to say so I think I'm starting to get ready for the conversation. For those who mentioned it, I am both a Canadian citizen and a US citizen, I have dual citizenship. Tonight I'm planning on searching the internet to find out the information on where my parents live and how long I'd have to be there to qualify for healthcare.

DH called from work Thursday night and asked me to pack a bag for him so he could move out for a couple of days. I packed him a bag, he came home to get it - and moved it all the way into one of the guest rooms. Not what I had in mind, but he said he pays half the mortgage too and he doesn't think he should have to leave. We were both at work yesterday, then last night he was out with friends so we haven't had to see to much of each other. I'm trying to remain cordial when I do see him, and he's doing the same. There are so many things I want to say to him, but I don't think now is the time.

I took the block off the texts from this girl and I've saved the messages I've gotten since then. They haven't gotten any nicer, they're actually getting nastier but I'm dealing with in case they start to get threatening and I need proof in the future. As I said, we're in California and she's in Seattle, so I'm not physically worried about my safety right now. For those who brought up the fact that she was the daughter of a friend of the family and said I should tell her parents - I've considered it. But DH is really good friends with her mom - I mean, she adores him. She texts him every day to chat about stuff, including parenting advice (which is the so creepy - he's giving this woman advice on her daughter while he's having an affair with her!) and she's said in the past he's like the son she never had. I honestly wonder if she might be happy if she thought the two of them were together. Her father is a different story, I think he'd be livid. I just don't know if I want to get in the middle of all that to be honest.

 

[Rylee]

DH called from work Thursday night and asked me to pack a bag for him so he could move out for a couple of days. I packed him a bag, he came home to get it - and moved it all the way into one of the guest rooms. Not what I had in mind, but he said he pays half the mortgage too and he doesn't think he should have to leave.

This is where it starts... and eventually, the imaginary line that is drawn to represent "half" is pushed farther and farther until one side is way larger that the other.

Getting those copies together is a good idea. Protect yourself.


I would not tell the girl's parents. You don't need the extra drama.

 

[megveg]

Sending you all the positive vibes I can muster. Im so sorry for all this happening to you.

 

[dfchelbay]

I'd go open a bank account in your name only and make sure your direct deposit paycheck goes there and not into the joint account. You'd be amazed at how nasty people get in times like this.

About your parents, they can still do all the traveling they desire whether or not you're there in their home. You're not dropping the baby in their lap to just take care of. You will take care of the baby and they can still travel and spend time with you and the baby.

Also, I'd keep the girl's parents on the back burner for now. Figure out your custody arrangement first and property settlement. When you get everything signed, sealed and delivered...then, if you choose to tell them, you can. Doing it now, may create anger and revenge in your husband and he may fight you every step of the way. If it were me, I would get all my ducks in a row, then I'd tell the parents what their daughter and my ex-husband had done. I think I would tell the father in lieu of the mother too.

 

[Goofierunner]

TRK, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You've got 11 pages worth of advice and I'm sure it's making your head spin. I'm very glad you are seeing a lawyer and absolutely, get your own bank account now. And regardless of how this turns out, keep only your name on it.

I'm having a hard time with him telling you to pack a bag for him. That's some f'ed up stuff right there. And then comes home and moves...into the guest room? What the what?

Please, please, please stay strong and think with your head and not with your heart. And if you find yourself waivering, enlist a friend to be the one to keep you straight. I'm not saying you have to be a b-word, but protect yourself first.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

All I can say is wow. I would most certainly get your ducks in a row legally. Not a good start for things to come.

I hate to say it but the minute you move out, I would imagine she is going to be moving in your house.

Just keep that in mind when you go talk with the lawyer about visitation, custody, etc.. (Plan for the worst, hope for civilized.)

I would certainly dangle the give up parent rights to the child vs not paying child support when it comes down to it. I would not want my baby around a 19yo girl with mental issues.

I would also not breathe a word to the parents of the girl. That is not your battle to fight. Plus it will just muck up the "now". You need to be stealthy & ninja-like with your plans.

Many hugs!!!

 

[mrsklamc]

She's in college in Seattle, so I imagine if she moves in the game is up with her parents.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She's in college in Seattle, so I imagine if she moves in the game is up with her parents.

You know it is what they are talking about & planning. It makes me shudder.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I would be really worried about the girlfriend. I would document and stop by your local police station for advice!