7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by TRK0011, Sep 27, 2012.

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  1. *pixie*dust*

    *pixie*dust* DIS Veteran

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    Make an appointment with an attorney--ASAP. Find out what your rights are and what your baby's rights are. Husband sounds immature and selfish-- not the person that you or your baby deserve. As hard as it is to consider, you need to start making plans for life as a single mom. It is hard--I am not gonna lie, but you can do this. You but you need to be strong for you and your sweet little boy. Lean on your family, they love you and will give you support.
     
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  3. Ilivetogo

    Ilivetogo I really DO want to live there!

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    First let me just say I'm so very sorry you have to endure this horrible situation.

    Next, am I the only one who is a little afraid of what this wacky girl is potentially capable of? Honestly, I'd get quite far away from HER if possible. I don't like the tone of her messages and I wouldn't put it past someone in that mental state to attempt to hurt you or whatever. She does sound quite unstable!! I would do whatever I could at this point to make sure you and your precious little boy are safe.

    Go to your parents. Just because you're with them, doesn't mean they wouldn't be able to go anywhere ever again and have a life. They will. But they're family and they'll take care of you.

    I wish you the best of luck going forward. Like others have said, get your ducks in a row on this one.

    .
     
  4. geauxvacation1

    geauxvacation1 Earning My Ears

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    I just wanna comment and say no one noticed calling to God. He will give you the answer you need. It may not be what you would of chose but he won't steer you in the wrong direction. All you have to do is pray and the answer will shock you but trust God. Your situation is in my prayers.
     
  5. jp24

    jp24 Panic Ruminator

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    Before I did this, I'd visit an attorney. He'll give you answers faster.
     
  6. geauxvacation1

    geauxvacation1 Earning My Ears

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    Are you willing to leave him if he doesn't wanna work it out? Do y'all go to church anywhere ?
     
  7. Desnik

    Desnik <font color=teal>I actually love packing and plann

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    I am so sorry this happened to you! Please tell your parents, I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms. And for goodness sake please don't think there is anything wrong with you! This is his doing. If he was unhappy with you he should've been upfront with you before getting you pregnant. If he really didn't want kids he could've protected himself, he didn't. I'm sending a big :hug: to you. Good luck.
     
  8. jp24

    jp24 Panic Ruminator

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    Um, the guy HAD SEX with an 18 year old while HIS WIFE was preggo. Pretty sure the only thing to work out is how much money this dolt will have to pay her each month for his kid and/or alimony.
     
  9. TRK0011

    TRK0011 Earning My Ears

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    Thank you for such fast responses. I wanted to touch on what a few people have said.

    As far as finances go, I'm just assuming from my shaky legal knowledge that I will be entitled to half of everything we purchased as a married couple, which is basically everything we own. I would have to rely on him to some extent to get things moving on selling the house, cars, etc.

    We both have good jobs, I make slightly more than he does and he already made a comment about not wanting to pay child support because I have the higher income and "that's not fair." So that might be a battle. I actually don't know if a court can make him pay child support if I move to a different country. One reason I'm nervous to leave is my job - without going into detail, it's a job I'd have a hard time replacing in the area of Canada my parents live, and if I just up and leave, they won't hold it open for me here. Being unemployed at this point in my pregnancy was not on the cards - we have savings but a lot of them are tied up and it will take time to get them split up. As I said, my parents could finance things for a while, but gosh I hate to do that to them.

    This sounds absolutely absurd, but I just never thought this would happen to me. No one in my family has ever gotten divorced, no single parents or anything. My parents are the sweetest, kindest people, and they love DH (they'll love him a lot less after this) - they're going to be so shocked. I just get short of breath even thinking about actually picking up the phone and calling them to tell them this.

    I assumed custody would not be an issue - he said he wants nothing to do with this baby and I can take him with me. He did make some comment about me moving back to Canada and him never getting to see him, but I don't understand how he can say such opposite things at the same time. One problem will be his parents. They are sweet, generous people who have done SO much for this baby already - they bought everything for the nursery, a stroller and car seat, put a huge amount of money aside to start a college fund - and they're so excited to finally have a grandchild living nearby (their other four grandkids are on the east coast). I know they'll be devastated, and I actually wonder if my mother in law would legally try to stop me leaving.

    I called my phone company and had the texts from this girl blocked because they were so horrible. She started forwarding me on messages from him - there was even one he sent her this afternoon while I'm sat here going through hell saying something like "in such a good mood today, miss you loads, can't wait to talk to you later." I have kept them, so I have them if necessary. There is no WAY this baby will be going near her.

    I have definitely considered a therapist - I'm going to check out that Psychology Today website and look for someone that will take my insurance, even just for a week or two while I try to think things out.

    Despite all the anger and disgust and generally wondering what the heck happened in the last two days...I still love him. It's pathetic. A huge part of me doesn't want the two of them together because she'll end up hurting him. Seriously, that can't be normal, I'm supposed to hate him, I wish I did, it would make this a lot cleaner.
     
  10. Imzadi

    Imzadi Saved by an angel in a trenchcoat

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    ::yes:: There is a famous saying, "Trust in God but tie up your horses." Also known in different regions as, "Trust in Allah but tie up your camels." :thumbsup2


    I had a friend whose husband flaked on her and this is exactly what she did. She went home to her family in Canada and her daughter was brought up well, safe and under the healthcare provided by Canada. :thumbsup2
     
  11. Gigi22

    Gigi22 DIS Veteran

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    Also, talk to your ob-gyn and arrange to be tested for STDs a.s.a.p. You have to consider your health and that of your child.
    See a lawyer for advice.
    Talk to your parents and decide what is in your best interests. I would suggest returning to Canada because that is where your support system is, you should be able to access healthcare. Leave the U.S. before you deliver.
     
  12. honeylove

    honeylove Mouseketeer

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    :hug:

    I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. Like many have said, think things through, do everything based on what's best for your child and yourself. Look into getting the support you need from your parents; I am sure their daughter and future grandson take precedence in their lives!

    Single parenting may not be the most easiest route, but you can do it, and it is worth it. As cliche as it may sound, your husband doesn't deserve you or your son. Lastly, you, don't deserve an ounce of crazy from the psychopath.

    Hang in there....
     
  13. Grumpylady

    Grumpylady Earning My Ears

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    I agree with this, He may not have to sign anything but he could prevent you from leaving if he filed custody papers in a court. I would leave and have my baby in Canada and let him sort out the rest!
     
  14. Mokat76

    Mokat76 DisKat

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    I am so sorry you and your baby have to go through this

    Regardless of what you end up doing, find the most ruthless divorce lawyer NOW! Protect your joint assets NOW! Your husband is an immature, cruel jerk and I would put nothing past him. A good attorney can help you navigate this mess so you come out OK.

    Be kind to yourself and gather the courage to tell your parents as soon as you can. You'll need their support all the more as it comes closer to the time to have your precious baby.

    Your husband deserves the psycho chick and you deserve a better, happier life. I hope you both get what you deserve. ((((hugs))))
     
  15. PRINCESS VIJA

    PRINCESS VIJA Viva Latvia!

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    GO NOW!!! while you can... I am so incredibly sorry you are going through all of this. Just plain stinks. He has said he resents you and the pregnancy, I can't imagine that it would get better once baby is born.

    The inlaws may be sweet as pie now, but you already alluded to you are worried they might try to stop you from leaving. Someone whe really cares for YOU would not do that. They should support you and your happiness. This may sound harsh, but blood is thicker than water... would they side on his side? I don't know them, but I would be very careful.

    Get the lawyer, get things in order, and take care of yourself and your baby boy.
     
  16. padams

    padams <font color=darkorchid>Hey, I've never posted on a

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    Call a divorce lawyer or even a local legal aid office immediately. You need to know what your options are. I want to tell you to go home to Canada and have the baby there but I don't want you to do anything that would jeopardize your situation legally. You don't want to find yourself in an international custody battle where the jerk claims you fled the country so he keeps the kid. You need good, solid legal advice NOW!
     
  17. padams

    padams <font color=darkorchid>Hey, I've never posted on a

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    :thumbsup2:thumbsup2
     
  18. sandramaac

    sandramaac <font color=blue>Needs to look harder...<br><font

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    Lots of great advice from folks here. This man is a pig (sorry). But get things in order here"

    #1 Make dr. appt ASAP like tomorrow and get checked. Make dr. aware of stress you are under

    #2 Let your parents AND his parents know what is going on. Let them know and if they can handle it, read them the text from this girl.

    #3 I would take the block off her text. Just don't respond. HOWEVER you need to make a visit to the police with the threatening and disturbing text and file a report. Also lock those messages on your phone so they are not lost. A software update on your phone can cause them to all disappear. Better yet also make a scan of your whole phone and the messages.

    #4 Before you go anywhere get $$ in order, like tonight, Print out bank and financial statements, cause this guy is gonna take you for a wild ride. Change ALL your log on's for your acounts. He most likely knows some of them. Even FB and DIS accounts cause this guy is shewed. Place all your private materials in your car or a hidden place.

    #5 Do not leave your home unless it is so totally stressful for you and baby. Can you have rotating family or friends stay until the baby gets here.

    #6 If you can try to record anything awful he says to you. Never know when it may come in handy

    #7 Ask him take take temp residence somewhere else. Don't ask him to leave, but to take temp residence some place. Don't get over confrontational.

    #8 Give belly hugs to that sweet little bundle in there, and tell him how much you love him. My heart goes out to you. Don't take crap fom this guy, but until this little one gets here watch your stress level. That is why dr. appt. fo tomorrow VERY important.

    #9 Get a great attorney and don't make any major changes until baby is here. Make sure you have family or friends here for baby's birth. That is very important, and I would not include him in the birth if at all possible.
     
  19. The Mystery Machine

    The Mystery Machine Sunrise at my house. :+)

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    I would hire an attorney tomorrow and start divorce proceedings. Include in there that you are moving back to Canada.

    Not sure how you do that but if since he is so adamant on being miserable and not wanting this child you are at an advantage. As much as I HATE to say this, I would use this now.

    I would NOT wait. Your dh is clear this is over.

    I know you say you need his health insurance however what he has done to you is not worth staying there. Hire an attorney & pack your bags and go. I would not be able to look my dh in the face ever again if he did something like that to me.

    So sorry. Many hugs. :hug::hug: I cannot even imagine the shock you are in.:sad:
     
  20. canadianjovigirl

    canadianjovigirl DIS Veteran

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    I dealt with similar, but not different countries - different provinces. I am sure a lawyer will tell you similar advice as i was told. Do NOT start legal procedings regarding custody or child support in one place and plan to move as you can and most likely will be tied there until the procedings are over so to start the procedings where you wish to reside while dealing with it.

    What ever you decide to do, please please talk to your family as you will need them more than ever during this no matter what you decide.

    I to would plan to head back to Canada, but you have to make the choice that is right for you!!

    So sorry you are going thru this and just remember he did not choose this other girl over you - thought he could have his cake and eat it to as he never left, he just played you both which makes him even more of a loser.

    Just know you will be okay and take care of yourself as your little guy is depending on you and upon laying eyes on him you will be filled with incredible love that knows no bounds.
     
  21. Casperina

    Casperina Mouseketeer

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    :thumbsup2

    Dear wonderful OP,
    This thread is *really* getting the pregnancy hormones rushing.
    You need to do what you can to keep you and your son happy and healthy. Let your parents know of the situation, and they will surely offer help and advice, no parent wants their child to go through this. Ever. Getting yourself out of the situation, out of the house, and away from evil husband as soon as possible seems to be the best option. Make sure that everything that you do follows the law, you have documentation of events and messages, and you are keeping yourself in good shape for you and baby.
    Do not waste the precious time left between now and B-day, each moment spent doing anything other than trying to get yourself out of this situation and staying healthy is lost and could really change how this all works out. Mentioning anything about this to either of them could makes them use their resources against you.
    I really do wish you the best and am so sorry you have gotten into this situation.
     
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