Sue Klebold (mother of Columbine shooter, Dylan) on 20/20

Snap Crackle Pop · Feb 13, 2016

Turn the Page said:
I saw the movie but I did not realize it was based on a book. It was sad but frustrating also. I remember watching it and thinking the kid acts almost normal with his father but almost demonic with his mother. The father never thought anything was wrong because he didn't see any problems, the kid saved them all for the mother. Which begs the question, if he can turn it on and off like that is he truly mentally ill?

I'd be warry of making statements like that, there were probably subtle signs that something was off, but it just was more obvious with the Mom. One of my friends has Tourette's Syndrome, and is able to hold her tics in pretty well in public, but the moment she got home it would be nonstop tics for quite some time, and she clearly has tourette's syndrome it's just a lot of mental effort to keep things at bay. You could easily say someone doesn't "act" depressed, but they are and those who they are with more often would probably notice it.

LisaR · Feb 13, 2016

gwynne said:
I disagree with this statement. There were uninvolved parents then, and there certainly are now in 2016. There were parents who chose to be proactive and involved then, just as there are now.
I knew some troubled kids 30 years ago. Counselors, therapy, boundaries...all those avenues of assistance were available then, as now. Some parents were all in to get help, some weren't, just like today.
It's not always fun to parent a teen. You don't get to be the "uber cool" parent. Some parents are up for that, some aren't. And that hasn't changed, either.

(And my comments are in general, not at all aimed at your brother or how he was handled. I have no doubt your parents did the best he could, and I'm glad things turned out ok.)

No doubt some parents are up for the job and some aren't. Parents fail everyday. Some do a great job and still have problem kids and some do a horrible job and end up with great kids. I just find that parents are so much more involved now (sometimes to the point of overkill) than they were years ago, especially when it comes to teenagers. But I think anyone can miss some of these red flags or not put two and two together. Even when two and two are put together, it doesn't necessarily add up to, "my son is going to go on a killing rampage." I do think it helps that we talk about these things more freely now.

LisaR · Feb 13, 2016

Turn the Page said:
I disagree. Now, they weren't as common as they are now and, of course, there wasn't the constant media attention given to mass shootings like we have now but they weren't unheard of. Heck, the first school shooting in America was back before the Revolutionary War. Nine kids killed. This isn't a new problem by any means.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

I don't think anyone believes there wasn't ever any violence at schools before Columbine, but it wasn't common for one or two kids to go into their school and shoot up the entire place and kill as many as humanly possible. Those types of shootings were few and far between. There were a lot of school shootings where 0-3 people were killed. Horrible for sure, but I don't think it was on the minds of parents back then as much it is on the mind of parents with kids in school now.

jiminyC_fan · Feb 13, 2016

I live a couple of blocks away from Columbine. My girls were High School Seniors at the time. I always thought it was crazy that my girls went to a different high school when Columbine was walkable but it ended up in our favor. I's just a matter of boundaries that were drawn for the school district. The sounds that I heard that day will never leave me. I knew injured. I knew a couple that were killed. In the beginning I blamed the parents of both boys. Through the years I have softened and this interview only made me realize that it can happen the way she describes. I felt her pain.

monsterkitty · Feb 13, 2016

jiminyC_fan said:
I live a couple of blocks away from Columbine. My girls were in high school eniors at the time. I always thought it was crazy that my girls went to a different high school when Columbine was walkable but it ended up in our favor. I's just a matter of boundaries that were drawn for the school district. The sounds that I heard that day will never leave me. I knew injured. I knew a couple that were killed. In the beginning I blamed the parents of both boys. Through the years I have softened and this interview only made me realize that it can happen the way she describes. I felt her pain.

My late MIL worked with the father of Harris. She said he was a very respected and kind person.

We have a teacher at the school I work at who was in the library that day. She says Klebold and Harris were themselves the bullies. She described once that she got up in class to go sharpen her pencil and they wouldn't let her pass their desks. While that may seem like not a big deal, she said they way they did it was creepy and threatening. Even the teacher felt threatened by their act. It was a few weeks later that they committed the horrible act.

CdnCarrie · Feb 13, 2016

teller80 said:
I've wondered just how far a mothers (or fathers) love can go. If this were your son and he hadn't died, would you still love him? I believe we have a long way to go in treating mental illness.

I think about Susan Smith and wonder about her mom and dad. If my daughter killed my grandchildren, could I still love her?? How could I not? I honestly cannot say, and I hope I am never tested this way.

Very sad.

I remember seeing an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer's dad who said that he visited his son because it was his son and he would always loved him. He didn't like what he did but he still loved his son.

hereyago · Feb 13, 2016

CdnCarrie said:
I remember seeing an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer's dad who said that he visited his son because it was his son and he would always loved him. He didn't like what he did but he still loved his son.

Was that the interview with Stone Phillips, the dad and Jeffrey?

I think his dad also wrote a book.

CdnCarrie · Feb 13, 2016

monsterkitty said:
My late MIL worked with the father of Harris. She said he was a very respected and kind person.

We have a teacher at the school I work at who was in the library that day. She says Klebold and Harris were themselves the bullies. She described once that she got up in class to go sharpen her pencil and they wouldn't let her pass their desks. While that may seem like not a big deal, she said they way they did it was creepy and threatening. Even the teacher felt threatened by their act. It was a few weeks later that they committed the horrible act.

hereyago said:
Was that the interview with Stone Phillips, the dad and Jeffrey?

I think his dad also wrote a book.

I honestly don't recall it was so long ago. I just remember thinking that dad seemed like a nice man.

If you check out the 20/20 FB page in regards to Sue Klebold's interview some of the Columbine survivors are chiming in which is an interesting read.

pigletgirl · Feb 13, 2016

teller80 said:
I've wondered just how far a mothers (or fathers) love can go. If this were your son and he hadn't died, would you still love him? I believe we have a long way to go in treating mental illness.

I think about Susan Smith and wonder about her mom and dad. If my daughter killed my grandchildren, could I still love her?? How could I not? I honestly cannot say, and I hope I am never tested this way.

Very sad.

If you've got unconditional love for your child, that means loving them regardless of any heinous act they may do.

I bawled through the whole interview. I can't even imagine having to be in her shoes. It also was definitely eye opening. Good moral of the story is to always be "in touch"... and when in doubt, seek help!

hereyago · Feb 13, 2016

[QUOTE"CdnCarrie, post: 55166361, member: 248994"]I honestly don't recall it was so long ago. I just remember thinking that dad seemed like a nice man.

If you check out the 20/20 FB page in regards to Sue Klebold's interview some of the Columbine survivors are chiming in which is an interesting read.[/QUOTE]

I had toYouTube the Dahmer interview, so long ago. yes, his dad seemed such a nice man.

I went on 20/20 fb, wow. Yes very interesting from one of the survivors.

SMD · Feb 14, 2016

cijay said:
My friend told me about this. I'm glad she is using the proceeds from the book to do some good, not just use it as a money-op..

She'd probably be sued by the victims if she started profiting. She settled one lawsuit for the limits of her homeowner's policy and the other wasn't disclosed. She may still owe money to victims and they would be able to make a claim against any income from the book. I'm not blindly assuming this is 100% altruistic on her part.

havaneselover · Feb 14, 2016

I watched it and I really felt for her. Based on what I heard, if I had been her I would have thought he was going through somewhat normal teenage stuff.

I'm surprised she's stayed in that area.

I wonder why the girl who bought the guns really got off with no punishment.

PollyannaMom · Feb 14, 2016

I didn't see the interview, but I imagine it's awful for her, going back over that time in her head, picking out things she wishes she had done differently, wondering if something might have prevented it.

cijay · Feb 14, 2016

SMD said:
She'd probably be sued by the victims if she started profiting. She settled one lawsuit for the limits of her homeowner's policy and the other wasn't disclosed. She may still owe money to victims and they would be able to make a claim against any income from the book. I'm not blindly assuming this is 100% altruistic on her part.

I haven't followed it so I didn't know she got sued. Why did SHE get sued?

NewRVLady · Feb 14, 2016

But what about the nutsy adults who do same thing?
WE had a shooter in our city-in a movie theater-2 died-one girl has to live with terrible injuries
I don't blame his relatives-whom he was estranged from
because lots of "signs" were there-when his past was looked into
NOONE can control another person's actions
( we learned this when DH's brother went thru a couple years of nuttiness)

UConnFan · Feb 14, 2016

hereyago said:
I went on 20/20 fb, wow. Yes very interesting from one of the survivors.

Yes, very interesting. One wrote this: "I saw a friend of theirs bring in a propane bomb and I also saw the 3rd gunman outside my classroom talking to Dylan while holding a sawed off shotgun."

sunshinehighway · Feb 14, 2016

UConnFan said:
Yes, very interesting. One wrote this: "I saw a friend of theirs bring in a propane bomb and I also saw the 3rd gunman outside my classroom talking to Dylan while holding a sawed off shotgun."

Its interesting but at the same time, it's random comments on fb so who knows. It doesn't seem very smart to talk about it on facebook and say that you were warned you shouldn't talk about it or something might happen to you.

UConnFan · Feb 14, 2016

sunshinehighway said:
Its interesting but at the same time, it's random comments on fb so who knows. It doesn't seem very smart to talk about it on facebook and say that you were warned you shouldn't talk about it or something might happen to you.

Definitely true, but interesting none the less.

christineann · Feb 14, 2016

cijay said:
I haven't followed it so I didn't know she got sued. Why did SHE get sued?

The parents were sued for failure to supervise Harris and Kleibold and because the weapons were stored and the bombs were made and stored at their homes.

clori · Feb 14, 2016

I've wondered just how far a mothers (or fathers) love can go. If this were your son and he hadn't died, would you still love him? I believe we have a long way to go in treating mental illness.
I think about Susan Smith and wonder about her mom and dad. If my daughter killed my grandchildren, could I still love her?? How could I not? I honestly cannot say, and I hope I am never tested this way.

CdnCarrie said:
I remember seeing an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer's dad who said that he visited his son because it was his son and he would always loved him. He didn't like what he did but he still loved his son.

Several years ago my mother called after hearing me about a story on the news. There was an arrest for a case of a home burglary and rape and the name of the person and age matched someone we knew from the area. My mother wanted to know if I heard more on my news since it was more local to me. She said she didn't want to call the mother of the guy that was named. I said something about it not being a good time because the mother would be upset. My mother said the mother was probably down at the police station. I don't remember the exact words but my mother said something like how the mother would always be there to emotionally support the person (not to bail him out or anything) due to unconditional love. it took a few days but we did learn that though the names were the same it wasn't the same person.

Sue Klebold (mother of Columbine shooter, Dylan) on 20/20

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