Sue Klebold (mother of Columbine shooter, Dylan) on 20/20

[Tuffcookie]

Did anyone watch it? I feel such sorrow for her. Every day, to live with the knowledge of what her son did. She said that any money raised by her book will go to help fight mental illness. Such a tragedy. Hard to believe it's been 16 years.

TC

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

I watched it. It was really hard for me to watch because I have a 12 year old boy with mental illness. It is a struggle. I feel compassion for her.

 

[hereyago]

I missed it, but plan on buying the book.

 

[LisaR]

I feel like I am an incredibly involved and observant parent, but I can honestly say I am not sure I would have seen the red flags either. While I would have been very concerned about my kid stealing computers from a locked vehicle, I can't imagine my concern would have jumped to, "OMG! He stole some items and has been moody lately....I wonder if he is going to murder his classmates?" School shootings were so rare 17 years ago that I can't imagine anyone would have even thought that was a possibility. Such a sad story for everyone involved.

 

[emer95]

I watched the whole show with tears in my eyes. Such a tragedy for everyone involved. I can't imagine this mom finding happiness or peace ever again. At the end they said something about happiness for her would be a moment without suffering. Just heartbreaking.

 

[christineann]

Such a tragedy on so many levels. Is it true, though, that one or both of the Columbine killers had multiple weapons and explosive devices in their bedrooms? I remember reading that, and it makes me wonder why the families were not aware of that.

 

[LisaR]

Such a tragedy on so many levels. Is it true, though, that one or both of the Columbine killers had multiple weapons and explosive devices in their bedrooms? I remember reading that, and it makes me wonder why the families were not aware of that.

I know I've read that, too. Not sure where the truth lies. She said "they" did not own any guns and when Dylan asked for one, they said no. She also said she regularly checked his room through his junior year of high school, but stopped his senior year. She regrets that knowing what she knows now, of course, but how many of us ransack our teens rooms? I understand if you truly suspect something terrible is going to happen, but they didn't feel there was a huge problem. Hindsight. I have an 18 y/o. We just completely cleaned out his whole room but that's because I was painting and we bought new furniture for in there. I can honestly say I don't go through his stuff and check for guns, drugs, or anything else. I actually stay as far away from his room as possible! He isn't an angel, but I just don't feel like I need to go through his room every week. But again, neither did Sue Klebold. Sad, scary stuff.

 

[teller80]

I've wondered just how far a mothers (or fathers) love can go. If this were your son and he hadn't died, would you still love him? I believe we have a long way to go in treating mental illness.

I think about Susan Smith and wonder about her mom and dad. If my daughter killed my grandchildren, could I still love her?? How could I not? I honestly cannot say, and I hope I am never tested this way.

Very sad.

 

[christineann]

I don't think anyone needs to ransack a teenager's room, but as parents, we need to stay vigilant and be parents, and it is possible to do so and remain respectful of one's privacy - whether it involves something like this with weapons and bombs in kids' bedrooms or drinking and driving. I had no reason to suspect either of mine were doing anything dangerous, but I did not hesitate to ask questions and to go into their rooms and sit and talk with them. We also ate dinner together at a table every night, even with sports and jobs, and talked to each other. FWIW, I became a single parent when they were in elementary school, so I was mother and father.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but it just seems that there were so many signs, both emotional and physical, with Kleibold and Harris that were either overlooked or ignored. Hopefully this has opened the eyes of those involved with kids, inside and outside the home, that being proactive is okay.

 

[LisaR]

I don't think anyone needs to ransack a teenager's room, but as parents, we need to stay vigilant and be parents, and it is possible to do so and remain respectful of one's privacy - whether it involves something like this with weapons and bombs in kids' bedrooms or drinking and driving. I had no reason to suspect either of mine were doing anything dangerous, but I did not hesitate to ask questions and to go into their rooms and sit and talk with them. We also ate dinner together at a table every night, even with sports and jobs, and talked to each other. FWIW, I became a single parent when they were in elementary school, so I was mother and father.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but it just seems that there were so many signs, both emotional and physical, with Kleibold and Harris that were either overlooked or ignored. Hopefully this has opened the eyes of those involved with kids, inside and outside the home, that being proactive is okay.

I think the timing of it has a lot to do with it. It was at a point where these kinds of things were truly rare. I think they said it had been 30 years since the college shooting. Like you, we talk to our kids, have dinner together, look over papers they have written, and get involved. I had a very moody brother growing up. He shut himself off from the family, skipped school, eventually dropped out, did drugs, was kicked out of our home, picked up by the police for a few minor things, etc. My parents did the best they could. The rest of us were fine, but he just had his own winding path, but nobody ever thought his indiscretions would lead him to shoot up his school and they didn't. He eventually grew up and became a great guy.

I think most of us are far more involved in the lives of our kids today so we can hopefully be proactive and get them the help they need before tragedy strikes.

 

[gwynne]

I think the timing of it has a lot to do with it. It was at a point where these kinds of things were truly rare. I think they said it had been 30 years since the college shooting. Like you, we talk to our kids, have dinner together, look over papers they have written, and get involved. I had a very moody brother growing up. He shut himself off from the family, skipped school, eventually dropped out, did drugs, was kicked out of our home, picked up by the police for a few minor things, etc. My parents did the best they could. The rest of us were fine, but he just had his own winding path, but nobody ever thought his indiscretions would lead him to shoot up his school and they didn't. He eventually grew up and became a great guy.

I think most of us are far more involved in the lives of our kids today so we can hopefully be proactive and get them the help they need before tragedy strikes.

I disagree with this statement. There were uninvolved parents then, and there certainly are now in 2016. There were parents who chose to be proactive and involved then, just as there are now.
I knew some troubled kids 30 years ago. Counselors, therapy, boundaries...all those avenues of assistance were available then, as now. Some parents were all in to get help, some weren't, just like today.
It's not always fun to parent a teen. You don't get to be the "uber cool" parent. Some parents are up for that, some aren't. And that hasn't changed, either.


(And my comments are in general, not at all aimed at your brother or how he was handled. I have no doubt your parents did the best he could, and I'm glad things turned out ok.)

 

[Turn the Page]

I was in high school when this happened. I want to say sophomore year but it may have been freshman year. Anyway, I distinctly recall sitting in French class a couple of days after it happened and my teacher was talking about it and said "how in the hell did those boys gather that many guns and hide them in their homes without their parents knowing about it? What the hell were the parents doing that they didn't pick up on that?"

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand you think how could a teenager, or anyone really, have that many mental problems without anyone noticing but then I think when serial killers are caught one of the things people who knew them tend to say is "wow, he is the last person I would have thought would do something like this. He seemed so normal." I just don't quite know what the answer is.

It seems like there are almost competing battles in the mental health world. On the one hand, a mass shooting happens and we lament the lack of accessible mental health services in this country but then in discussions regarding the incidence of ADHD and developmental diagnoses some will say there is too much of an effort to put labels on kids and diagnose things that don't need to be diagnosed, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting mass murderers and kids with ADHD are linked or anything like that. It's just something I have noticed regarding the discussion about mental health services in the country.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Did Dylan Klebold have obvious mental health problems? I didn't watch the interview. From what I've read, I thought he was more of a typical angst ridden teen but Eric Harris was a psychopath and there are many warnings about him that his parents didn't believe.

 

[Turn the Page]

I think the timing of it has a lot to do with it. It was at a point where these kinds of things were truly rare.

I disagree. Now, they weren't as common as they are now and, of course, there wasn't the constant media attention given to mass shootings like we have now but they weren't unheard of. Heck, the first school shooting in America was back before the Revolutionary War. Nine kids killed. This isn't a new problem by any means.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

 

[gwynne]

I disagree. Now, they weren't as common as they are now and, of course, there wasn't the constant media attention given to mass shootings like we have now but they weren't unheard of. Heck, the first school shooting in America was back before the Revolutionary War. Nine kids killed. This isn't a new problem by any means.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

And it wasn't always shootings. When I was in school there was a serious violence problem in our district. There have been violent prone teens around for a long time.
Only upside? I was VERY careful about schools and my kids.

 

[Hibiscus]

Did Dylan Klebold have obvious mental health problems? I didn't watch the interview. From what I've read, I thought he was more of a typical angst ridden teen but Eric Harris was a psychopath and there are many warnings about him that his parents didn't believe.

Obvious, no, but IIRC he was struggling with depression. Harris is the one often deemed to be a psychopath.

Parents will never know everything and to think that you do because you do things "the right way" is sticking your head in the sand. My parents did everything right - we ate dinner together, "TALKED" (don't know why this was in caps, but I'll use caps too), discussed bad choices, they knew my friends, I was an A student accepted to an Ivy that they surely would have bragged about on the Disboards had they been internet users, etc. There were also weekends when I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night to get drunk with these friends they knew & vetted, and on one (stupid) occasion, we went to a party and took ecstasy. To this day, they don't know about any of this and would probably drop dead if I ever told them.

We had a house alarm but I easily figured out how to disable it long enough to get in and out. Teenagers are very resourceful. They are also different people when they're with their families. I remember an episode of What Would You Do where every parent claimed their child would never bully another. Parents out, cameras on, every single kid joined in the bullying.

Yet had anything happened to the idiot teenager that I was on the way home from that party, I'm sure everyone would have wondered about these terrible parents with the drug addict daughter. Didn't they see anything?!?!

 

[missbrooke06]

Did Dylan Klebold have obvious mental health problems? I didn't watch the interview. From what I've read, I thought he was more of a typical angst ridden teen but Eric Harris was a psychopath and there are many warnings about him that his parents didn't believe.

If you read the book "Columbine", it seems likely that Dylan was depressed and much more invested in the suicide aspect. He also didn't do much shooting when the boys were apart and seemed to step it up to please Eric. Eric definitely seems like a psychopath from what they can determine from his writings.

I think this why Susan is such a mental health advocate. Her depressed son go caught up with a psychopath. Dylan is still responsible for his actions but if they had known how to identify that depression, maybe this would have been avoided.

 

[Saimaeve]

If you read the book "Columbine", it seems likely that Dylan was depressed and much more invested in the suicide aspect. He also didn't do much shooting when the boys were apart and seemed to step it up to please Eric. Eric definitely seems like a psychopath from what they can determine from his writings.

I think this why Susan is such a mental health advocate. Her depressed son go caught up with a psychopath. Dylan is still responsible for his actions but if they had known how to identify that depression, maybe this would have been avoided.

This. The book Miss Brooke mentions is a very good read and approaches the events in an analytical way without a huge amount of emotion clouding the author's judgement.

In all of my readings and research into the events leading up to, during and after the attack on Columbine, Dylan was fully culpable for his decisions. However, this was a perfect storm of situations, personalities, events and missed opportunities that resulted in the massacre. I do not believe that had Dylan not met and befriended Eric, he would have staged an attack like this, although I do think he would have chosen suicide. I do believe Eric would have in some manner.


Another book I would suggest reading is a fiction book called "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver.

 

[Turn the Page]

This. The book Miss Brooke mentions is a very good read and approaches the events in an analytical way without a huge amount of emotion clouding the author's judgement.

In all of my readings and research into the events leading up to, during and after the attack on Columbine, Dylan was fully culpable for his decisions. However, this was a perfect storm of situations, personalities, events and missed opportunities that resulted in the massacre. I do not believe that had Dylan not met and befriended Eric, he would have staged an attack like this, although I do think he would have chosen suicide. I do believe Eric would have in some manner.


Another book I would suggest reading is a fiction book called "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver.

I saw the movie but I did not realize it was based on a book. It was sad but frustrating also. I remember watching it and thinking the kid acts almost normal with his father but almost demonic with his mother. The father never thought anything was wrong because he didn't see any problems, the kid saved them all for the mother. Which begs the question, if he can turn it on and off like that is he truly mentally ill?

 

[cijay]

My friend told me about this. I'm glad she is using the proceeds from the book to do some good, not just use it as a money-op..