Sue Klebold (mother of Columbine shooter, Dylan) on 20/20

[ConnecticutNonna]

I believe the friends and family members of the murdered received "life sentences" of unimaginable grief and loss. Murder (and in this case, mass murder) is a terrible thing. It leaves numerous victims in it wake.

I agree wholeheartedly...
But I honestly belive when there is a murder and then the killer is also dead that people point fingers at the family of the killer (killers) and forget that they too have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child, who they loved dearly. They cannot mourn openly and are made pariahs by our society. Understandable that the victims families want someone to blame, but shattering nonetheless...

 

[gwynne]

I agree wholeheartedly...
But I honestly belive when there is a murder and then the killer is also dead that people point fingers at the family of the killer (killers) and forget that they too have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child, who they loved dearly. They cannot mourn openly and are made pariahs by our society. Understandable that the victims families want someone to blame, but shattering nonetheless...

I see what you are saying, but I absolutely will not judge the families of the murdered for how they grieve then, now and in the future.

 

[luvsJack]

I truly think that most any parent thinks they know every detail about their child's life and sadly some are blindsided by a tragedy that makes them learn they really didn't.

In so many cases its easy to look back and see red flags everywhere but they were missed or dismissed at the time. The paper that Klebold turned in was a huge red flag but obviously dismissed by the school's counselor. That's not to blame the counselor but it just wasn't seen in the same way before the tragedy. People make decisions based on the information they have at the time. So we can't really look back with different information and judge what someone should or shouldn't have done.

Sue Klebold looked through her sons room up until that year. At what point do we give our almost adult kids some privacy? At what point do we start treating them like adults? She believes if she had continued looking maybe she could have stopped the tragedy but I wonder if she could have. Teens are resourceful. He would have just hid things better.

She did know Eric and his parents but she didn't know the boy was a sociopath. How could she?

She is as much a victim in this tragedy as the familes of the children her son killed. She has gone through all the same emotions and questions and has the added weight of guilt. That doesn't mean the victim's families do not have a right to their feelings, they do. But as outsiders, people should understand that her
grief is just as real and painful as their's. And forgiveness of this woman would go a long way in their own healing. (although I don't think you ever truly heal fron the loss of a child)

As for unconditional love, I think most parents have that from the moment they first look into that child's eyes. Its what keeps you from giving up on them in those normal, frustrating teen situations. Its what makes a parent continue to seek help for a child who is depressed, on drugs or on some self destructive path and its also what keeps a mother like Ms Klebold mourning for the son she knew before the tragedy.

 

[gwynne]

I truly think that most any parent thinks they know every detail about their child's life and sadly some are blindsided by a tragedy that makes them learn they really didn't.

In so many cases its easy to look back and see red flags everywhere but they were missed or dismissed at the time. The paper that Klebold turned in was a huge red flag but obviously dismissed by the school's counselor. That's not to blame the counselor but it just wasn't seen in the same way before the tragedy. People make decisions based on the information they have at the time. So we can't really look back with different information and judge what someone should or shouldn't have done.

Sue Klebold looked through her sons room up until that year. At what point do we give our almost adult kids some privacy? At what point do we start treating them like adults? She believes if she had continued looking maybe she could have stopped the tragedy but I wonder if she could have. Teens are resourceful. He would have just hid things better.

She did know Eric and his parents but she didn't know the boy was a sociopath. How could she?

She is as much a victim in this tragedy as the familes of the children her son killed. She has gone through all the same emotions and questions and has the added weight of guilt.

As for unconditional love, I think most parents have that from the moment they first look into that child's eyes. Its what keeps you from giving up on them in those normal, frustrating teen situations. Its what makes a parent continue to seek help for a child who is depressed, on drugs or on some self destructive path and its also what keeps a mother like Ms Klebold mourning for the son she knew before the tragedy.

I have no idea if she looked or how thoroughly earlier. If adult kids reside in a home, it's probably not smart to give the kid a guaranteed hands off area. If they want something like that, they need be adults and rent it and pay for it.

I'm not for extremes either way. Not daily looking, not permanent hands off. There is a balance.
Edited to add: I see this kind of thing as just a part of homeowner's general due diligence.

 

[luvsJack]

Double post

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I wasn't a helicopter parent (and neither were my parents), but I would have noticed if my kid had an arsenal and more than 100 bombs in his bedroom. We're not talking about something that could be stuck under the bed or in the closet.....even Harris was quoted as being surprised in one of his videos.

There are so many things that were missed with these two killers. It's too late for their victims, but hopefully this has been and will continue to be a learning experience.

I have to agree.

Not only did these kids have guns and bombs hidden in their rooms, but they also had to get them into the house. How many times did they have to smuggle stuff in? Day after day after day? And no one noticed.

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

I see what you are saying, but I absolutely will not judge the families of the murdered for how they grieve then, now and in the future.

No, absolutely no judgement.

 

[Hibiscus]

I seriously don't believe in unconditional love and if it were my kid, I doubt I could love/forgive him again.

I think this is a statement you can't make unless & until you have children of your own.

 

[SC Minnie]

I saw the interview. In the piece, Sue Klebold said that during the time Dylan was going through what she thought was teen angst they were having troubles with their other son. I don't remember her going into details about what those troubles were. It appeared they were serious and where they would have been more attentive to what was going on with Dylan these other forces in the household pulling their attention to the other son.

She also said that Eric was always very polite and unassuming around their family. She said she never had any reason to think he was a psychopath.

 

[luvsJack]

I have no idea if she looked or how thoroughly earlier. If adult kids reside in a home, it's probably not smart to give the kid a guaranteed hands off area. If they want something like that, they need be adults and rent it and pay for it.

I'm not for extremes either way. Not daily looking, not permanent hands off. There is a balance.

She said in the interview that she looked through his room up until that year of school.

I don't agree that parents should continue snooping until the kid moves out. Dylan wasn't an adult but he was almost an adult. If things had turned out differently, he could have been going off to college in another year. Should parents continue searching dorm rooms?

And honestly, if kids know you are searching their room, reading their texts and checking their social media--they find another way to hide something they want to hide.

Maybe if she had continued looking, she would have found something but would she have really looked at it and said, "my son is going to walk into his school and shoot people"? Chances are she would not. Chances are he would have just made sure she didn't find anything.

Not saying a parent shouldn't go in their kids room, I go in dd's all the time. Just saying that at some point snooping has to cease.

ETA: trying this post again. First it posted twice then went away. Or thats how I am seeing it on my phone.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I believe the friends and family members of the murdered received "life sentences" of unimaginable grief and loss. Murder (and in this case, mass murder) is a terrible thing. It leaves numerous victims in it wake.

She lost her child too - but if anything, it has to be harder because she not only lost all that he could become, she lost all that he had been.

 

[robinb]

I just wanted the episode online. So very sad.

 

[Allison]

It happens a lot. It's a way to make sense of a tragedy and be able to say it won't happen to me or mine.

I agree.

 

[christineann]

No, parents don't search dorm rooms, nor are they legally responsible (in most cases) for what their kids do in college, but the preparations for the crime including the storage of the weapons and making and storing the bombs were by their children/dependents in their houses and transported to the scene of the crime in vehicles that might have been owned by the parents. As a homeowner (and also as a parent), you are (at least legally) responsible for the activities of the residents/your dependents living there. Harris even said on video that he was surprised his parents didn't look in his room or ask him questions.

Mrs. Klebold is a victim of her son's crimes, too, and I can't imagine the pain she feels, but when a horrendous crime occurs, it is only natural to wonder if it could have been prevented.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I think it was disgusting of the parents of the victims to go after the shooter's parents.
They are victims too.
The idea (at that time) that a teen would go on a killing spree was practically unfathomable. How could you prevent what you can't even imagine would happen?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I completely understand and I agree with you. Like I said, I'm probably talking in circles because I just can't make sense of it all. It does sound like Sue Klebold would have described herself as a very similar mother until her son committed those horrible murders. Now she lives with the guilt of not doing more. Can't imagine what you went through with it hitting so close to home.

I love how you and I could talk about this without getting in an argument. I'll take that hug and give one back.

You know guys, all of our opinions are strictly speculation. He said, she said, I would have, she should have. None of us lived in their households. We shouldn't judge unless we know all the facts. Believe me, this isn't what I thought when it happened. I guess I've grown.

 

[North of Mouse]

I've wondered just how far a mothers (or fathers) love can go. If this were your son and he hadn't died, would you still love him? I believe we have a long way to go in treating mental illness.

I think about Susan Smith and wonder about her mom and dad. If my daughter killed my grandchildren, could I still love her?? How could I not? I honestly cannot say, and I hope I am never tested this way.

Very sad.

My love for my children (now grown) has no bounds. It would be a terrible thing to have to face and no one (except this poor mother and some that have faced similar experiences) really knows how they would feel or deal with it. You would always remember the sweet innocent child and always 'love' the child/person, and 'not' the sins committed.
So, so sad for 'all' involved. None of us ever really know what terrible things we may have to face in life.

 

[kamik86]

Honestly thinking about my own teen years it would depend on what this "arsenal" was.

My bedroom didn't even have a door (parents didn't take it off, the house was built that way and the way the room and hallway were laid out you wouldn't put a door on without it being in the way of something else all the time) but it was shaped so that you couldn't see in the majority of the room from the hall.

My parents walked in on occasion. They would knock then head in unless I quickly said a reason not to (like I was changing). Then would wait until I said ok. Mom dropped off my clothes in a laundry basket that I was then responsible for emptying and putting back. So if I left it laying around yeah she would see, but I assume they weren't that out in the open.

However given the mess and what I had in there I could have hidden a few guns without them noticing, even full size rifles. My parents didn't look under the bed, through the dresser drawers etc.

I would have had to have ALOT of weapons before my parents would have had a clue. As for getting them in my room I got home before either parent did every day. Plenty of time then.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

However given the mess and what I had in there I could have hidden a few guns without them noticing, even full size rifles. My parents didn't look under the bed, through the dresser drawers etc.

I would have had to have ALOT of weapons before my parents would have had a clue. As for getting them in my room I got home before either parent did every day. Plenty of time then.

Could you have hidden 50 - 100 bombs? Plus guns and ammo?

I rarely go into my son's room. He is 20. But there is no way that he could hide 50 - 100 bombs. Plus guns? And ammo?

Oh, and plus as a school aged teen, set up a web site about hate? Sorry. Someone wasn't paying attention.

 

[kamik86]

Could you have hidden 50 - 100 bombs? Plus guns and ammo?

I rarely go into my son's room. He is 20. But there is no way that he could hide 50 - 100 bombs. Plus guns? And ammo?

Oh, and plus as a school aged teen, set up a web site about hate? Sorry. Someone wasn't paying attention.

No but that is why I said it depends on the size of the arsenal. I could still have hidden enough to do alot of damage. So could everyone I knew that had the slightest trusting relationship with their parents.

As for the website... I had a few websites in high school since I was doing computer science type stuff. My parents knew absolutely nothing about what was on any of them unless I specifically showed them. My teachers knew what was on many of them (as they were school assignements) but not all of them. The website would have been the easiest one on your list.