Hello all. I just need a place to get some perspective. Ive been married to DH for 25 years and my MIL and one BIL just will not back off the front porch regarding how I treat him. They seem to think I tie him up in the basement or somethingthat hes mistreated, maligned, abusedwhatever. I dont know why or how they come to that conclusion being that were happily married. Its time for them to move on but they just wont. I get the sweet treatment to my face, then they snipe behind my back. My DH refuses to confront anyone (especially his family) and it has been a bone of contention since we married. They have said some pretty nasty things to me over the years, yet, out of respect for him, I have kept my mouth shut and have always participated in family gatherings, cooking, doing dishes, being respectful to her. Never rocking the boat. Im very close to my SIL (married to the BIL) and MIL resents it for some reason. Point of the story is I have given up trying to please them and have restricted going to visit in the last year or so. They live quite a distance and my husband cant go more than 3 mos. without visiting them. Ive chosen not to go to save my sanity and perhaps lessen the stress for them (though it just gets them wound up that Im not there as well). Im danged if I do, danged if I dont. Im tired of it. We are leaving tonight to go there and I had tried to get out of it but my husband insists that I go. He doesnt want to have to explain why Im not there. I am pretty upset that I have to go but am going because its the right thing. I just found out from my SIL that MIL is asking what has she done to upset me? She doesnt understand why I dont seem to want to visit (apparently seeing the pattern). My SIL just threw me under the bus by saying, You have to ask her, dont put me in the middle of it. Everyone is saying if it comes up, I should just have it out and let her know how much shes hurt me over the years. I am not afraid to say something but 1.) I dont feel it will do any good as she seems to not have a clue she has done anything to upset me, and 2.) my bigger issue is my husband. His mother asks, and he wont say anything in my defense, hanging me out to dry (AGAIN). It will kill me psychologically if thats what happens. He knows he should stand up to her for me but he never has and this will just be the final feather for me. If he says nothing, my feelings for him may never be the same. Im terrified of the outcome. My question is: should I tell him this may hit the fan or do I just see how it plays and give him no heads up (maybe the element of surprise would induce him to speak up for once)? I would never make a scene there (as that would not solve anything) but I am not afraid of saying what I have bottled up for so long. Im just not looking forward to what may come. Thanks for listening.