Am I an awful person?

[SamandWill1921]

Here's the deal:

My DH and I want to do a vow renewal on DCL for our 5 year anniversary. Even though it's still a few years away I can't get it out of my mind. We are going to invite family but we don't really want to eat dinner with them every night that week. My in-laws are the kind of people that will find anything to complain about. They don't really like the idea of a Disney Cruise but would come begrudgingly for a vow renewal. I don't want my dining room experience tainted by their constant need to find fault in anything and everything.

Is it wrong and selfish of us to request that we don't sit with them for dinner after they paid so much to come on a cruise for us? How would I even handle that? I can't exactly say "we don't want to sit with you because you're negative, pessimistic jerks" even though that's what it comes down to. I was thinking telling them that who we sit with is just a request and when we aren't with them have a "whoops, oh well" attitude.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or how would you if you were in this situation?

 

[padlock]

Book Palo every night!

 

[SamandWill1921]

Book Palo every night!

haha that would work. Although I happen to LOVE the Main Dining Rooms.

 

[Luv2Diz]

Wow! If the in-laws don't like the idea of a Disney cruise and are going to come only "begrudgingly", you won't have a good time at dinner or otherwise.

I would do the DCL vow renewal with those family members who are excited to come. Maybe have a get-together at home for the family members who can't/don't want to do the DCL cruise.

 

[DisSarahK]

I think it would be rude to avoid them EVERY night. I think you could get out of it one night by doing a romantic celebratory dinner with your husband in Palo...but other than that, your family (including your grumpy inlaws) are coming on the cruise to celebrate with you.

edited to add: Are you sure you want to celebrate with grumpy people? Why not just do a private vow renewal with the two of you?

 

[Gigi22]

I wouldn't worry about it if you have years to go before the cruise. After all, you might even have children by then--which would seriously change the dynamics of every meal! Also, your ILs may prefer to have a couple of 'date nights' by themselves while on the cruise.

 

[kcashner]

Since it is a few years off, your relationship with them may change although it isn't likely that their personality will.

Realistically, one Palo and one Remy on your own is about all you can fairly get without being somewhat rude. It sounds like a horrible cruise--going with grumpy people that you don't really like and feeling like you need to spend the cruise avoiding them....this while they are paying their own expenses to be with you. IF you opt to invite them, you need to respect the effort they are making on your behalf.

 

[SamandWill1921]

If we are doing the vow renewal they will show up. When we got married we didn't have anyone there so it's kind of a big deal. My only concern is dinner. We can take separate flights, the ship is big enough that we wouldn't see them during the day much unless we planned it. Especially because we are the activity going type and they aren't.

It's not like I don't want to be around them at all, I do want some quality family time. And they are fine in small doses. I just don't want to hear about how stupid they think AP is when I'm trying to enjoy the magic. Or how they couldn't get 4 lounge chairs together by Quiet Cove so it threw off their plans for the whole day, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at dinner. We plan on doing a family Palo dinner and will probably end up doing several lunches and excursions together.

 

[riley2008]

Here's the deal:

My DH and I want to do a vow renewal on DCL for our 5 year anniversary. Even though it's still a few years away I can't get it out of my mind. We are going to invite family but we don't really want to eat dinner with them every night that week. My in-laws are the kind of people that will find anything to complain about. They don't really like the idea of a Disney Cruise but would come begrudgingly for a vow renewal. I don't want my dining room experience tainted by their constant need to find fault in anything and everything.

Is it wrong and selfish of us to request that we don't sit with them for dinner after they paid so much to come on a cruise for us? How would I even handle that? I can't exactly say "we don't want to sit with you because you're negative, pessimistic jerks" even though that's what it comes down to. I was thinking telling them that who we sit with is just a request and when we aren't with them have a "whoops, oh well" attitude.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or how would you if you were in this situation?

IMHO - For a five year renewal of vows, just schedule it for the two of you, especially if you think your guests would only be there begrudgingly. Although five years may be a long time to be married and worth honoring for some; may not be for others.

Also, gotta say, I've never been invited, nor heard of anyone doing a 5 year vow renewal (with guests invited). Maybe just different parts of the country...

ETA: Just read your previous post. Can you do a vow renewal and then take a second honeymoon without the inlaws?

 

[TheHippie524]

Honestly, just don't link the reservations nnd then request a 2 top table.
Or just NOT link their reservation with everyone else in the party, and claim something might have happened, and secretly request a 2 top for them. =)

Always feign ignorance though. Lol.

 

[SamandWill1921]

IMHO - For a five year renewal of vows, just schedule it for the two of you, especially if you think your guests would only be there begrudgingly. Although five years may be a long time to be married and worth honoring for some; may not be for others.

Also, gotta say, I've never been invited, nor heard of anyone doing a 5 year vow renewal (with guests invited). Maybe just different parts of the country...

The only reason we are doing it so soon is that our wedding was private, no one was invited, for these exact reasons. They have been wondering if we would do a vow renewal, they think it would be fun if we did a destination VR. But every suggestion we have made they hate but then have no ideas or input of their own. So we have decided to do what we want - DCL. If they don't show up that's okay with us, but we can't just not invite them. They have the money, it would be no hardship for them what so ever. So the odds of them not showing up to their son's "wedding" that they ARE invited to, is highly unlikely even if they don't care for the destination.

 

[SamandWill1921]

Can you do a vow renewal and then take a second honeymoon without the inlaws?

We talked about that, but DH and I really have our hearts set on a DCL ceremony. We have however decided we would do the VR cruise with them and save up the money to do a B2B and stay onboard another week after they get off as kind of a second honeymoon.

 

[SamandWill1921]

I suppose I could also be "seasick" on the nights I just can't take anymore and I just don't want to deal with it and hit cabanas or room service for dinner. I bet I could even get a MDR meal delivered to my room.

 

[sambycat]

While I wouldn't do any kind of "group" vacation, then actively and overtly avoid the people in the group, I certainly would plan alone time (could be other dining experiences). Typically the only time we were entirely with family was at dinner? So I would plan all my other activities "on our own" and suck it up at dinner- minus a trip for two to remy and palo along the way! Or else I wouldn't invite them. Just my 0.02! Good luck!

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Here's the deal:

My DH and I want to do a vow renewal on DCL for our 5 year anniversary. Even though it's still a few years away I can't get it out of my mind. We are going to invite family but we don't really want to eat dinner with them every night that week. My in-laws are the kind of people that will find anything to complain about. They don't really like the idea of a Disney Cruise but would come begrudgingly for a vow renewal. I don't want my dining room experience tainted by their constant need to find fault in anything and everything.

Is it wrong and selfish of us to request that we don't sit with them for dinner after they paid so much to come on a cruise for us? How would I even handle that? I can't exactly say "we don't want to sit with you because you're negative, pessimistic jerks" even though that's what it comes down to. I was thinking telling them that who we sit with is just a request and when we aren't with them have a "whoops, oh well" attitude.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or how would you if you were in this situation?

How about doing the vow renewal landside (at WDW, or DL, whereever you're cruising from), and then have everyone send you off on your cruise? That way they're partaking in your happiness, but you get the privacy you want.

 

[cgolf]

Here's the deal:

My DH and I want to do a vow renewal on DCL for our 5 year anniversary. Even though it's still a few years away I can't get it out of my mind. We are going to invite family but we don't really want to eat dinner with them every night that week. My in-laws are the kind of people that will find anything to complain about. They don't really like the idea of a Disney Cruise but would come begrudgingly for a vow renewal. I don't want my dining room experience tainted by their constant need to find fault in anything and everything.

Is it wrong and selfish of us to request that we don't sit with them for dinner after they paid so much to come on a cruise for us? How would I even handle that? I can't exactly say "we don't want to sit with you because you're negative, pessimistic jerks" even though that's what it comes down to. I was thinking telling them that who we sit with is just a request and when we aren't with them have a "whoops, oh well" attitude.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or how would you if you were in this situation?

Although from your post it doesn't sound like this would be true, but before we went on our first cruise, I made the family miserable telling them how much it would suck. The DW almost banned me from going. That was 5 years ago, now I am the one lobbying for two cruises a year and we will be completing our DCL slam (cruise #7) in January.

I was so blown away by the fun I had and the service that I loved it and didn't complain once, there may be hope for them too.

cgolf

 

[weHEARTmickey]

If you book PALO & Remy for yourselves, that's 2 nights alone. If you book Palo or Remy for THEM (on separate nights) that's 4 potential nights without dining together. (Sorry, I didn't notice your exact itinerary, so I don't know how many nights you're sailing.) Surely you can suffer through a couple of grumpy dinners. If it's that miserable, I'd be willing to pay for my in-laws extra dining. Since they are coming to celebrate with you, it seems you may be forced to eating with them, simply out of respect.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)

I've found that most of the time, the grumpy people are really grumpy because they want the attention that complaining brings. If you cut that off at the knees, then they tend to quit because it's not getting them the attention they want.

 

[bumbershoot]

There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)

I like it.


Sounds like you have good reasons to do a renewal so soon, and to invite them, and to have them go on the cruise with you!

You can request the opposite seating for dinner that they do, you can request that you sit just the two of you. You can encourage them to have a lovely romantic time at their own table for two! Weddings and renewals are romantic, so why not let them have romance, too?




Obviously I don't know your situation, but if there's ANY reason for them to have an expectation of grandchildren, I would NOT use the seasick excuse to get away from them...seriously, don't do that. If there's any expectation, that will set their alarms going.

 

[SamandWill1921]

There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)

I've found that most of the time, the grumpy people are really grumpy because they want the attention that complaining brings. If you cut that off at the knees, then they tend to quit because it's not getting them the attention they want.

I also like this! When DH or I have used this tactic before during our weekly Sunday dinners it pretty much shuts my FIL up for the rest of the meal which is just fine with me.