September/October 2013 check in

[Andona]

I have a DS2 who is 20, neck high in debt from previous accidents being uninsured plus speeding fines(aprox $20K+ ) who changes jobs every month, who I have just registered/insured($700) his car against his fathers wishes ,to allow him to get himself to work, and find out last night he doesn't have a valid license...and hasn't since may.

I now am at home today because I just cant face the world..its ongoing...and now I had a tradesman rock up asking for DS2 who also owes him money...it just doesn't stop. His dad now blames me for allowing him to move back home and bringing all this drama and stress back into the house.So DH is still in bed totally drained and upset, and it takes a lot to get DH flustered let alone depressed.

We built a flat for him and his GF so they could get back on their feet finacially and be in a safe place, but its just getting worse...and with the DS1 now being at home going thru a divorce, and the 3 GK's here every weekend I feel so overwhelmed. My mother is also being difficult and causing drama, trying to play the boys against each other and us..its just too much.

Sorry for the offload but I just cant do this anymore.

Oh Karen, I'm just so sorry that you have to deal with this. It's so crappy being a parent sometimes , and it doesn't get any easier when the little dears "grow up" either, I know Also know how hard it is being the "sandwich generation" between elderly parents and adult kids.

You and your DH are doing an amazing job of providing support to your kids and GK and you don't deserve the stress. You also looked to me like a great, supportive, caring-of-each-other couple so I'm sure that you'll work it through together.. let loose here as much as you want - Venting is very therapeutic I think.

..and if you need a drinking buddy or two to help drown the sorrows we could have a Sydney Dis meet sooner rather than later!

Andona

 

[Caroline NZ]

Aww Karen that is alot to deal with. I hope your son sorts himself out and things improve for you soon.

 

[cola]

I have a DS2 who is 20, neck high in debt .......
Sorry for the offload but I just cant do this anymore.

Has your mother always played the boys against each other? If it's new-ish, might be early stages of dementia. If she's always been <insert appropriate name calling here>, it's probably nothing to do with dementia. One of the earliest indicators of my mother's dementia was when my father became 'that lovely man' after 30years of '<insert appropriate name calling here>'.

You know you will get through it, it just won't be fun.

A friend in Arizona had a horrible time with her son around the same age, except they had a 3 strikes rule, 3 DUI and it was prison. He got the 3 strikes, everyone was horrified by how he could go to prison for such a small infringement (the last DUI was well below legal limit, a fraction over his probationary limit) and he got a 5 year sentence. Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him, he kept his head down, pulled his socks up, got his HSC equivalent, started a uni course. He's not out yet, but it looks like he went in a silly boy of 22 and he's coming out a man with a future in front of him, admittedly a future with a whole lot of limits due to his record, but that future is a lot better than where it looked like he was headed.

You'll look back at this time of your life and remember your 6 suitcases rather than the other muck

 

[shushh]

Oh Karen, that's a lot of awful things to deal with. Its never easy being a parent at the best of times, we all just try our best to deal with what we're presented using what've we got at the time. Hugs to both you and DH. Hoping that things will start to turn around for everyone involved. Hang in there.

 

[australiankaren]

So, DH has dragged his butt finally out of bed to go to soccer training, I spent the Arvo helping DDIL apply for jobs, as my ds2 needs. All the financial help he can get. The Minnie moo knows something's up so won't leave my side, whilst bringing me her toys as gifts for me to trip over, and my DS1 will be home soon to add to the carnage....as for my mother, she has always wanted to be in the middle of things, loves drama and just won't quit......
So back to work for me tomorrow as long as nothing sends me over the top and I will then be posting from a facility of my choosing.....

Thanks for the encouragement, no one told us being parents would be this hard, and would take us to the brink.

 

[PrincessInOz]

Hi everyone, new to this site. Wish I knew about it 6 months ago. We have just returned from a 2 week holiday at Boardwalk WDW and las Vegas. As we were leaving Boardwalk for the airport DH was requesting we come back. (this is the same man it took me 15 years to convince to get on a plane and travel overseas LOL). So the planning starts again. Nothing booked yet as waiting on flight deals as a family of six we need the bargains, but the plan is for the month of September with 14+ days at WDW, depending on money other places will be added.
Any advice on flight deals would be helpful, for 2012 we booked our flights in Feb with a deal from Air NewZealand, would like to book sooner but have not found any cheap deals, so please let me know if anyone knows of any.
Its going to make it more exciting to have other ppl planning similar holidays at the same time.
Natasha

Welcome to the DisBoards!

Feeling REALLY excited about our trip this week for some reason. I love feeling the Disney magic!! At the moment we are in save Save SAVE mode as we are booking our flights and accomodation in Feb. I rung the travel agent and we only have to put down $100 deposit on our flights, and our accomodation doesn't have to be payed until 6 weeks before our trip. I'd still like to pay as much of it as possible, if not all, when we book. Then I can start saving for the fun stuff Just a quick question, has anyone had experiance booking their flights and accomodation staying onsite through a travel agent deal. We are planning on staying at the PPH, but will have annual passes and I am still wanting to get our discount if possible. The 'sample' deal that the travel agent sent was return flights including 5?? nights accomodation. We would have to pay the difference to upgrade those 5 nights to the PPH, but are we able to use our AP discount to the extra 10 or so nights we would need to add?

Are you using a local TA or an American TA?

 

[Franrose]

Hugs Karen, was just thinking about you today and noticing you'd been a bit quiet. I really hope things look on the up and up very soon for you!

 

[PrincessInOz]

I have a DS2 who is 20, neck high in debt from previous accidents being uninsured plus speeding fines(aprox $20K+ ) who changes jobs every month, who I have just registered/insured($700) his car against his fathers wishes ,to allow him to get himself to work, and find out last night he doesn't have a valid license...and hasn't since may.

I now am at home today because I just cant face the world..its ongoing...and now I had a tradesman rock up asking for DS2 who also owes him money...it just doesn't stop. His dad now blames me for allowing him to move back home and bringing all this drama and stress back into the house.So DH is still in bed totally drained and upset, and it takes a lot to get DH flustered let alone depressed.

We built a flat for him and his GF so they could get back on their feet finacially and be in a safe place, but its just getting worse...and with the DS1 now being at home going thru a divorce, and the 3 GK's here every weekend I feel so overwhelmed. My mother is also being difficult and causing drama, trying to play the boys against each other and us..its just too much.

Sorry for the offload but I just cant do this anymore.

Karen.


So sorry that you have to deal with this; especially coming back with a post-holiday glow. One thing I've learnt from watching my parents is that they never stop being parents no matter how old me and my brothers are. And I know my parents have always been there in the background as a safety net should I or my siblings hit any sort of strife. Like you, my parents have always been there as a backstop for the babysitting when our kids were younger and I do wonder if they ever had a limit for the off-loading my siblings did when their kids were younger (I, of course, was the model child and NEVER really offloaded my son....much....ever.....never.....much...).

I guess it is harder as you do expect that once your kids are a certain age that they should be responsible for their actions and financial circumstance.

We are here should you need to offload and vent. Hang in there. This too shall pass....and you'll be back in your happy place soon.
Enjoy your work day tomorrow.

 

[WAMUMOF4]

I have a DS2 who is 20, neck high in debt from previous accidents being uninsured plus speeding fines(aprox $20K+ ) who changes jobs every month, who I have just registered/insured($700) his car against his fathers wishes ,to allow him to get himself to work, and find out last night he doesn't have a valid license...and hasn't since may.

I now am at home today because I just cant face the world..its ongoing...and now I had a tradesman rock up asking for DS2 who also owes him money...it just doesn't stop. His dad now blames me for allowing him to move back home and bringing all this drama and stress back into the house.So DH is still in bed totally drained and upset, and it takes a lot to get DH flustered let alone depressed.

We built a flat for him and his GF so they could get back on their feet finacially and be in a safe place, but its just getting worse...and with the DS1 now being at home going thru a divorce, and the 3 GK's here every weekend I feel so overwhelmed. My mother is also being difficult and causing drama, trying to play the boys against each other and us..its just too much.

Sorry for the offload but I just cant do this anymore.

 

[Tashinwdw]

welcome to the boards...

now we are going to try BWV this coming trip so any advice, info, pics would be great.....

BTW having a REALLY BAD day today..so need some disney magic

I am really sorry to hear that things are not so great for you at the moment. I have friends in similar situations with their older children, and here I am just dreading the teenage years. I hope that today you have a much better day and your family gets through it with very little scars.

As I have never stayed at any other Disney resort I don't have anything to compare it to. The staff were very friendly, the resort was spotless, rooms were big and it was such a relaxing atmosphere. We had a room that looked over the back river that faces the Swan, it was really beautiful sitting on the balcony watching the boats go by. We could even see the lights and fireworks from DHS. We also had a great view of The tower or Terror. It was a bit of a walk to the lobby but it never seemed to worry us. It was great to be close to two parks, we often walked to epcot just for a meal, didnt do the walk to DHS as there was always a boat arriving when we would head off. I have heaps of photos of our holiday but probably not too much of inside the rooms. I will see what I can find. I am sure everyone loves all the resorts they stay in as I couldn't imagine a Disney resort not being fantastic. I would really love to try another Resort next time but with my husbands anxiety and the fact that by some miracle he wants to go on another holiday overseas, I dont want to rock the boat as he loved the Boardwalk and as I think it was the atmosphere at the Boardwalk and the way all the Disney staff treated us its the only reason he wants to go back.

Karen I hope today brings you a smile.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

I have a DS2 who is 20, neck high in debt from previous accidents being uninsured plus speeding fines(aprox $20K+ ) who changes jobs every month, who I have just registered/insured($700) his car against his fathers wishes ,to allow him to get himself to work, and find out last night he doesn't have a valid license...and hasn't since may.

I now am at home today because I just cant face the world..its ongoing...and now I had a tradesman rock up asking for DS2 who also owes him money...it just doesn't stop. His dad now blames me for allowing him to move back home and bringing all this drama and stress back into the house.So DH is still in bed totally drained and upset, and it takes a lot to get DH flustered let alone depressed.

We built a flat for him and his GF so they could get back on their feet finacially and be in a safe place, but its just getting worse...and with the DS1 now being at home going thru a divorce, and the 3 GK's here every weekend I feel so overwhelmed. My mother is also being difficult and causing drama, trying to play the boys against each other and us..its just too much.

Sorry for the offload but I just cant do this anymore.

So, DH has dragged his butt finally out of bed to go to soccer training, I spent the Arvo helping DDIL apply for jobs, as my ds2 needs. All the financial help he can get. The Minnie moo knows something's up so won't leave my side, whilst bringing me her toys as gifts for me to trip over, and my DS1 will be home soon to add to the carnage....as for my mother, she has always wanted to be in the middle of things, loves drama and just won't quit......
So back to work for me tomorrow as long as nothing sends me over the top and I will then be posting from a facility of my choosing.....

Thanks for the encouragement, no one told us being parents would be this hard, and would take us to the brink.

Morning Karen. Hopefully today is better than yesterday and every day after this one keeps improving. You and your husband sound like wonderful people who try so very hard to provide a great support system for your children. I hope DS2 can get himself more on track soon so that it takes the pressure and stress away from you a little. It sounds like there is so much family stuff swirling around you at the moment. Family's are just so complicated aren't they. Grrrrr.

Sending you happy thoughts and lots of hugs and hoping that you can block out the sad stuff and focus on the happy stuff, at least for today .

Chin up lovely.

 

[alicia1506]

Karen i am so so sorry for everything you are going through. You and your dh sound like amazing parents who are providing as much support and encouragement as possible to your 2 sons during this terrible time.

I went through a divorce myself not that long ago. We were drowning in debt and he ran off with what little savings i had. I moved out of my pretty townhouse into a bedroom at a friends house, sold most of my furniture and 'stuff' i had accumulated and worked out a payment plan with the bank for my loan etc. I had the strictest budget ever, walked or caught public transport everywhere and really learned the value of the dollar. During that time my parents lent me $1000 only and told me that i would have to come up with a plan to make it last. And i did. That tough time was the biggest learning experience of my life.

My brother went through something similar to your ds with his car. My brother sold his car, set up a payment plan for his fines, paid a friend to carpool him to work while his license was suspended and eventually moved out west to a country town where cost of living was lower. It took him 2 solid years of working and paying off his debts but he was eventually debt free. one of my friends declared bankruptcy as a way of managing her debts and said it has done her a world of good.

I hope that your 2 boys can work out a plan to rescue themselves. You and your dh seem like wonderful caring parents who are doing the absolute best with the situation you have been given... I sincerely hope that today is a better day for you.

 

[australiankaren]

we are both back at work....good to get our minds onto other things...the frustrating thing is that DS2 is a good kid.. doesn't do drugs, hit his GF or any thing else illegal...its just his car..he assumes we will bail him out, but its not like its $50...its in the $1000's..

so, baby steps.....I just need to get over the anger.....and also try to calm DH down, who is a typical bloke, wants it fixed and wants it fixed NOW!

DS1 and his pending divorce.....now thats another story, but the up side is that we get to see the GK's every weekend, when it used to be twice a year....and DS1 is a sweetie......now if only DS2 could just get his act together

 

[KiwiMouseGirl]

WOWZERS! Really feeling the Disney vibe this morning! Yay for magic! Will probably be doing some more trip planning over coffee tomorrow morning! Really getting excited about this trip now! Am going to set up a trip folder at work today when i'm not busy. I like having all of my information collated in one place, and now that we are passed that awkward stage of not being within a year to get prices for budgeting and what not we can really get the ball rolling!

 

[Marlea98]

I'm really hoping things turn out well for you Karen. We have our own family issues here too and DH approaches them with his typical head in the sand way, which frustrates me to no end So I just do things as well as I can given what we have been dealt with. Ugh! Family and the choices they make that we can't change

Enjoy your sweaty and smelly year 12s

 

[Marlea98]

Kiwimousegirl, I finally settled on my planning folder yesterday . After all of the money spent at Typo on cute note books, I ended up using my old Winnie the Pooh 2 ring binder from uni, with dividers, folder paper and clear plastic sheets. It's just like being at school and uni again

 

[australiankaren]

should we do 8 nights board walk studio preferred view, or 8 nights board walk 1 bedroom car park view??? and should i ask to be near the quiet pool??also, where do you refill your mugs at boardwalk as they dont have a food court??

if we do the studio, i will have enough dvc points to do 3 nights at vero beach as well...oh what to do, what to do......

 

[australiankaren]

I'm really hoping things turn out well for you Karen. We have our own family issues here too and DH approaches them with his typical head in the sand way, which frustrates me to no end So I just do things as well as I can given what we have been dealt with. Ugh! Family and the choices they make that we can't change

Enjoy your sweaty and smelly year 12s

better day today...and its not the yr 12's that smell...its the yr 7's who havent discovered deodorant yet..they smell like road kill after a hot day like yesterday

 

[Marlea98]

better day today...and its not the yr 12's that smell...its the yr 7's who havent discovered deodorant yet..they smell like road kill after a hot day like yesterday

I've got my own grade 6 lad who stinks to high heaven after sport at school - interestingly that's when he's most in want of mummy hugs!

 

[Tashinwdw]

should we do 8 nights board walk studio preferred view, or 8 nights board walk 1 bedroom car park view??? and should i ask to be near the quiet pool??also, where do you refill your mugs at boardwalk as they dont have a food court??

if we do the studio, i will have enough dvc points to do 3 nights at vero beach as well...oh what to do, what to do......

We found in September all pools were quiet, sometimes it was just our kids in the main pool. I am not sure where the preferred view looks out to. But if you dont need a seperate room to sleep then go the studio, the kitchen area is not big but has everything you need, fridge is a small bar fridge.

You refill your mugs at the bakery on the boardwalk or the Pizza window just near it.