I will cancel my trip tomorrow

[luvmy2babies]

I wish you all the best and I'm sorry you have to cancel your trip. Since it appears the 11 year-old didn't know about the trip (unless I read that wrong), it doesn't appear to be a punishment. Could be she is having issues that will make the trip less than the word I read on here so much...magical. I know from experience how one person can throw off a long awaited vacation. For different reasons I have experienced that "wish we had waited" feeling about a trip too.

The OP didn't say anything about therapy (unless I missed it), just that there were things in place to help her daughter, so we don't know if she is getting any or not.

Vacation is not a time for stress, it's a time to escape it. The reason I decided to take our trip this year instead of next year is because I feel it will be easier for me to do our first trip alone with my children before my younger child hits the "I don't want to be carried or sit in that stroller" stage.

I hope everything works out.

 

[Hannathy]

Really???? Gee I hope your mom doesn't DIE before she can take your kids to Disney again? That is quite mean ~IMHO!

Sorry but it is presenting an item to be considered by the OP that she may not have considered.Life isn't always only saying the sugar coated niceties, not if a thought out decision is to be made. You have to consider all the facts nice and not so nice. That is why I said the 14 WILL remember this, I'm not saying she will necessarily hold it against the sister, unless something happens and they don't get to go again, BUT she will remember. same as we never know what can happen between now and 2012

 

[MSLRAC]

Really???? Gee I hope your mom doesn't DIE before she can take your kids to Disney again? That is quite mean ~IMHO!

I agree. Also suggesting the child needs professional help because no behavior can be that bad and that the 14 yo will resent the 11yo for not getting to go is mean and a bit judgmental IMO.

None of us know what is going on with this child but countless people are here passing judgment on the OP, her kids and her decision and that is not why she posted.

 

[badblackpug]

OP, I applaud you for sticking to your guns. I could and would leave a misbehaving child at home. I understand that this is not an option because your mother is paying for the trip so it's an all or nothing deal. For me it wouldn't even have to be "severe" behavior, especially if it's an ongoing issue. I would definitely try to plan something special with your 14 year old, even if it is not WDW.

 

[robinb]

Just to make things clear ... I believe that parents should set boundaries, they should come up with consequences and they should follow-through with those consequences if they need to. I also believe that the punishment should fit the crime. Which is why I am perplexed at what this little girl could have done to earn her this severe of a punishment. A punishment that doesn't stop with her but is doled out to the entire family ... including the grandmother!

There are so many other ways to gain compliance from an 11-year old who exhibits bad behavior other than taking away a family vacation. My DD loves her iPod, her cell phone, her friends, her TV, playing outside ... the OP needs to find her DD's currency.

 

[MSLRAC]

That's not what I was saying. I'm saying that anything can happen at anytime. I was 43 when I had my heart attack. I'm now 46 and facing cancer.
My mother died when I was 10. I will never put off something important to do with my children and my family. Never.
It was obviously important to the grandmother to take he kids to Disney.

I totally understand that anything can happen but none of us are promised tomorrow and you can't let that influence your parenting.

 

[Gastonsgirl]

I'm very very sorry if I offended anymore, that wa just my opinion = )! Do waht you want to that was just my opinion!

LBG: Actually, I;m not a parent! I am probably one of the only people on this board who's not lol! I'm only ateenager.

 

[luvthemouse71]

Op, I commend you. You are doing what a parent should do- sticking to your guns. Far too many parents knuckle under at the first sign of resistance from their child. And an 11 year old is more than capable of misbehaving badly.. The OP is smart to start addressing this before the teen years are here.

 

[phorsenuf]

I totally understand that anything can happen but none of us are promised tomorrow and you can't let that influence your parenting.

Well, yes and no. I certainly did not let my children run amok. And they were properly punished for any misbehaving.

But sometimes you just have to look at the whole picture.
If my dad wanted to take my kids to Disney and one misbehaved I would not punish my father and the siblings. I would punish the child in a different manner then taking a special trip away with their grandfather.

I am still blessed to have my dad in mine and my childrens lives, and they have been fortunate enough to travel to Disney with him. I've almost lost him twice now so I cherish those memories and pictures. I'm very thankful they were able to have that. If I had canceled that trip and, since now he wouldn't be able to go due to health reason, I would always regret that.

I suppose that based on situations in my life I just view some things in life differently.

 

[Pineapple Whip]

Wow we live in a candy-ash society. Afraid to discipline our kids, afraid to cross the street, afraid people will die, afraid things will happen, afraid of the possibilities of the future that may or may not happen.

Of course things may happen, they present new learning experiences. They might suck, but we have to teach our kids. What happened to growing up and lessons learned? You live every day for your family whether or not you are together, whether or not you're at WDW.

Why are we bringing death into this discussion like it's some form of extortion for a WDW trip? WDW is a vacation, a destination, not an elevation to nirvana. It is an event that happens, and if not, so what. Families should not rely on a Disney trip to maintain their values.

The 14 yo is not responsible for taking care of her 11 yo sibling, but a parent is responsible for teaching all siblings compassion and understanding for each other, not creating 3 individuals who will leave the nest and never see each other again. A parent is responsible for instilling family values and teamwork. When the parents die, it is hard enough for some siblings to remember to stay in touch, let alone consider each other. I hardly consider a failed WDW trip a wedge driven between siblings. If it is, further emotional development is required for those kids, and it is up to the parents to work on it.

It's like a new Disney marketing campaign:

Plan that magical trip now... before someone dies. 1-407-W-DISNEY

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I do applaud you for following through due to her misbehavior, but would it be possible for you and your husband to take the trip alone? Maybe get a relative to take care of your daughter for a few days while the two of you have some fun? You could always shorten the trip if need be for finances, but I don't see why the two of you have to miss out on the fun!

ETA- i just saw you have two other chidren. I would take the rest of the family and get someone to keep you DD11. No reason to punish the children who were behaving!

My inlaws did this once to my DH. They never had anymore problems with him. Come to think of it, I never found out what he did because no one will tell me. It must have been bad!

 

[Lou Holtz]

It seems to me that if you are intimidated by reading differences of opinion on the internet, you shouldn't be on a discussion board. I think it's a great discussion. To see people so easily flustered and alarmed by a non cupcake-bubblegum-rainbows response is bizarre. Just let the discussion go.

I want to know what the 11 year old did because I am curious and nosey. I don't think it's right or wrong for the OP to cancel their trip. They are the only one who knows their situation. If the OP would explain their situation more in depth, we could more effectively render harsh judgements.

 

[luvthemouse71]

Really? Something that is bad enough to take away the whole family's vacation but not bad enough where the DD needs counseling to overcome her problems? OK then, name three.

She shouldn't have to give three. If the child knows the family rules and chooses to break them then the parent disciplines the child as they see fit. And I don't agree that this is going to set up the 11 year old for lifelong resentment. The otger children are probably aware of the ongoing issues.In every family, there's usually the problem child. If this were me, I'd leave the 11 year old at home but being that the trip was a gift, the OP cannot. She is doing the next best thing for her family. Letting the 11 year olds bad behavior go unpunished is not helping the child in the long run.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

If the 11 year old didn't know about the trip, it isn't a punishment.

 

[phorsenuf]

It seems to me that if you are intimidated by reading differences of opinion on the internet, you shouldn't be on a discussion board. I think it's a great discussion. To see people so easily flustered and alarmed by a non cupcake-bubblegum-rainbows response is bizarre. Just let the discussion go.

That's what happens when people from the community board wander around. No pixie dust over there.

 

[Bullseye]

Absolutely not trying to persuade the OP to reveal the bad behavior, but it's very hard to be subjective without knowing what it is. What one parent may consider a terrible offense may not be so bad to another. Is it possible a little time away from home, the environment where the kid is getting in trouble, may not be such a bad idea? ...some time to reconcile as family. Maybe it'll give the kid some time to pause and think.

Personally I would just be more aggravated, if I not only have to deal with the kids behavior, but now I have to cancel my vacation too!

I hate to say it but going to WDW isn't just about the kids, its about some RnR and down time for the old man.I think I would just have to find another way to correct the behavior than canceling my own and everyone elses vacation.

Good Luck, hope it works out.

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

Just to make things clear ... I believe that parents should set boundaries, they should come up with consequences and they should follow-through with those consequences if they need to. I also believe that the punishment should fit the crime. Which is why I am perplexed at what this little girl could have done to earn her this severe of a punishment. A punishment that doesn't stop with her but is doled out to the entire family ... including the grandmother!

There are so many other ways to gain compliance from an 11-year old who exhibits bad behavior other than taking away a family vacation. My DD loves her iPod, her cell phone, her friends, her TV, playing outside ... the OP needs to find her DD's currency.

Before judging OP and how she runs her family think about this: Parents have different expectations of their children. What may be a huge infraction to one parent may just be a minor "no tv for today" infraction to another. A friend of mine does NOT tolerate her kids running laps around the house (she's got a huge open floor plan and they literally run at lightening speed, twice one of her kids fell and cracked their head on the baseboard and on the coffee table)... if the kids get caught running laps around the house they get sent to their room until dinner, no playing with toys. In my house I wouldn't care, let them run, and if they get hurt they may, or may not, learn their lessons.

A LOT of kids have no currency. My neice is one. She's only 4.5 and while she isn't a devil child or anything (LOL!) she is very fresh, doesn't listen, defiant, purposely making a mess worse than help clean it up etc... it goes on all day every day. She has been punished as badly as a child can be punished and she just does. not. care. The worst punishment (they did build up to this gradually) was she spent an entire day in her bedroom with nothing more than a handful of books (ALL of her toys, baby dolls, etc are in the garage in trash bags and she is not even TRYING to earn them back!!), coming out only for lunch and dinner and potty, and she didn't even care. The next day she continued on with her god awful behavior. This has been going on for a few months and nobody can figure out what's up with her. She's not abused, she's not malnoursihed, she's not sick in any way, she's in a peaceful preschool and does great with her friends, is not overly emotional nor under emotional. She is just fresh, defiant, disrespectful and rude.

 

[robinb]

There are many things I can think of that a child could do that would warrant NOT being rewarded with a vacation. I can't think of why professional help would be needed. Just good old fashioned parenting and discipline, which the OP is giving.

Really? Something that is bad enough to take away the whole family's vacation but not bad enough where the DD needs counseling to overcome her problems? OK then, name three.

She shouldn't have to give three.

FTR I asked mefordis to give me three reasons, not the OP.

 

[Lou Holtz]

If the 11 year old didn't know about the trip, it isn't a punishment.

This is a good point. Maybe a good way to keep the trip on is to tell them about it now and then say "If you do ____ again, it's canceled and you've ruined it for the whole family". Give them a chance to redeem the situation.

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

Absolutely not trying to persuade the OP to reveal the bad behavior, but it's very hard to be subjective without knowing what it is. What one parent may consider a terrible offense may not be so bad to another. Is it possible a little time away from home, the environment where the kid is getting in trouble, may not be such a bad idea? ...some time to reconcile as family. Maybe it'll give the kid some time to pause and think.

Personally I would just be more aggravated, if I not only have to deal with the kids behavior, but now I have to cancel my vacation too!

I hate to say it but going to WDW isn't just about the kids, its about some RnR and down time for the old man.I think I would just have to find another way to correct the behavior than canceling my own and everyone elses vacation.

Good Luck, hope it works out.

Thing is, we DONT know what the problem/issue is with her dd, and for all we know it's something that would not go away if they went to WDW and it would just be a wasted trip for all involved.

OP, have this thread closed please. I know you're lurking about, but I am having a hard time biting my tongue for you. LOL!!