I will cancel my trip tomorrow

[arielsleepingbeauty]

My mom would feel the same way. She would never leave a grand child behind. I think it is a great idea if you could reward your older daughter for understanding.

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

I would plan a day just you and your older dd... she deserves *something* kwim?

My MIL would never, ever leave a kid behind either. But she also doesn't think the grandkids' poops stink. *RME*

 

[DisneyMominMTL]

I truly wasn't expecting so many answers! And opinions...
Only DD14 knew about the trip and she is well aware of her sister's issues. So she knew it was a possibility that we cancelled if DD11 ''relapsed''. Ongoing issue for a while now and we have tried to put many things in place to help her...

Again, I wasn't expecting so many reactions to this, and yes I absolutely agree that it has consequences to all other members of my family. I still think that we need to be very clear as to what behaviors are accepted and what isn't, and I don't feel as though I am punishing my other kids by not going on this trip. I truly believe I am doing what's best for my family.

 

[duffy]

I've been there, too, when I had to swallow my own disappointment and prepare to stay home with the unruly one, while dad took the other 2 on a family trip.

We didn't want the rest of the family to be punished as well. That meant one adult had to be the parent and miss out. Valuable lesson, well-learned by the unruly one, believe me!

 

[Disneynut25]

OP, if I were you I would delete the title of this thread and any subsequent posts that you have made to this thread. Unfortunately you are going to hear from all the psycho "do or die" Disney nuts out there who don't understand how you can decide to put parenting first and a trip to Disney World second. Some of these people are making it sound like you are going to scar your children for life. It's a vacation for goodness sake, it's not the end of the world. People cancel vacations every day. When you're in a family where there are siblings one child is always going to be affected by his or her sibling for good or BAD. A family has to pull together to get past obstacles. The OP probably feels bad enough about her decision to cancel. She doesn't need people making her feel like she is tearing her family apart. Good grief!!!!

 

[robinb]

For those of you who say an 11 year old cannot do something bad enough to warrant canceling a trip, you don't know what the child did. I have a child who has been awful: very disrespectful, rude, mean and horrible. She is almost 11. I would do the same thing if I had to just because sometimes you have to teach lessons. They might be hard on the parents and children. These days most parents don't follow through with their threats and that is the problem. Sorry that you had to do this but I hope it works out for you later.

Well, that's why I asked. As the mother of an 11-year old DD I know exactly how hormonally challenged they can be. Honestly, anything that I can think of which is truly awful enough to cancel a family trip needs more than just a punishment. It needs a professional intervention.

 

[kmk1180]

Due to DD11 misbehaving, we are canceling the trip. I am so sad (mostly because of the misbehavior). Hopefully DD will get her act together so we can go in 2012!

Wow that sounds so far away though...

To all of you who are going, enjoy it for me!

wow.
first, I applaud your parenting.

But that would be tough.
Maybe you could tell them it's canceled. Get trip insurance and if they improve before then suprise them.
if not then use the insurance and get your money back.

As for what others said, ya the other kids might be be punished too but I find it almost cruel to go take one child and not another.
THAT could leave a lifetime of resentment against the other children and you.
It's tough call but your the parent and you can only do what you think is best reguardless of what others think.

And i agree if it's that's bad you feel you need to cancel your trip, it's probably best to keep the reasons to yourself.
(ultimately it would not turn out good for you to say)

 

[phorsenuf]

Due to DD11 misbehaving, we are canceling the trip. I am so sad (mostly because of the misbehavior). Hopefully DD will get her act together so we can go in 2012!

Wow that sounds so far away though...

To all of you who are going, enjoy it for me!

I definitely thought about it. The trip was a gift from my mom and she will not leave one grandchild behind. I might look into taking DD14 during Spring Break, but she is very mature and understands the situation. I think she deserves a trip just for her understanding!

I truly wasn't expecting so many answers! And opinions...
Only DD14 knew about the trip and she is well aware of her sister's issues. So she knew it was a possibility that we cancelled if DD11 ''relapsed''. Ongoing issue for a while now and we have tried to put many things in place to help her...

Again, I wasn't expecting so many reactions to this, and yes I absolutely agree that it has consequences to all other members of my family. I still think that we need to be very clear as to what behaviors are accepted and what isn't, and I don't feel as though I am punishing my other kids by not going on the trip this year.

Everyone has a right to their opinion, feel free to judge me! I truly believe I am doing what's best for my family.

Wow. If it were me, I wouldn't cancel but think of another way to punish her. Your mom wants to take her grand kids to Disney. Has she been with them before? Is this a once in a lifetime thing? Will she have the opportunity to take them again?

I hope it's not a decision you may come to regret in later years.

 

[crostorfer]

I'm really scratching my head right now, the Dis never seems to amaze me.

I'm hijaking this thread for a moment, then I will be on my merry little way. I find it INCREDIBLY interesting that the majority of the comments to this post have been supportive. A month or so ago there was a very, very similar post in the Disney for Families forum by a lovely woman who was asking if one should take away a Disney trip as punishment. The poster was flamed uncontrollably by people until finally the mod's closed the thread. The difference? The OP of that thread was a step-mother. I just find the difference here astounding.

*OP, I think you did the right thing for your family, it's a personal decision for your family and if you think it's right, good on you! )

 

[JarrothsMom]

I do not know you... but I am going to be praying for you and your family. I have an 11 year old and I know they can be handful. I am sure this is something that is becoming hard on the family...I really hurt for you as a mother. I am going to pray not only for her...but for you all to have peace and strenth through all this.

 

[Donaldswife]

I truly wasn't expecting so many answers! And opinions...
Only DD14 knew about the trip and she is well aware of her sister's issues. So she knew it was a possibility that we cancelled if DD11 ''relapsed''. Ongoing issue for a while now and we have tried to put many things in place to help her...

Again, I wasn't expecting so many reactions to this, and yes I absolutely agree that it has consequences to all other members of my family. I still think that we need to be very clear as to what behaviors are accepted and what isn't, and I don't feel as though I am punishing my other kids by not going on this trip. I truly believe I am doing what's best for my family.

I hope you didn't take what I said as judging! I just know if I was the one paying for the trip, my DH and I would go and leave DD8 at home if she wasn't living up to her responsibilities. I understand that you Mom wouldn't leave a grandchild behind, that is the privelage of being a Grandmother! I hope you and your DD14 get to something together (even if it is not Disney!) and that things get better with DD11.

 

[LSUmom4kids]

My 10 yr. old did something really bad in May & June of this year - our trip was scheduled for August. We thought about perhaps cancelling the trip, or just leaving him home with Mimi, but we punished him by taking away all of his electronic devices and no computer usage and he had lots of extra chores to do! Plus we made him pay back his debt. (Yes, he used my debit card to purchase some things on the internet!)

He has been seeing a child therapist/play therapist (he has anger and behavior issues as well) and we all discussed this and decided not to punish the entire family. The family has been looking forward to this trip and we decided our vacations are for family bonding and relaxation. The therapist felt it was best to not cancel our trip; it would have most certainly been a step back for my son's self-esteem. His siblings would never have forgotten that their little brother ruined their chance for a WDW vacation!

My son had two months to pay back his debt and punishment and prove he was really sorry and would never do it again! (I was able to get a lot of the money back since he is a minor and he did not my authorization to use my debit card.) He is still seeing the therapist and is improving. Just before the trip, he had the option of paying back the rest of the balance he owed, or riding 10 hrs. in the car to WDW without his DSi. Guess which one he chose? (fyi, he still doesn't have any computer privileges and won't for a long while.)

My point is that, depending on the act of your child, there may be another way to punish this child, rather than punishing the entire family. Disney is a special time; vacation and time with your family is special too. Depending on the ages of your other children, your time left with them before they move on in life is precious.

Our vacation went well and we moved past the punishment stage and forgave. In our case, I think we made the best decision for our family. Without knowing exactly what the child did, we can't put ourselves in your shoes. Just my two cents. Best of luck to you and your family!

 

[DisneyMominMTL]

OP, if I were you I would delete the title of this thread and any subsequent posts that you have made to this thread. Unfortunately you are going to hear from all the psycho "do or die" Disney nuts out there who don't understand how you can decide to put parenting first and a trip to Disney World second. Some of these people are making it sound like you are going to scar your children for life. It's a vacation for goodness sake, it's not the end of the world. People cancel vacations every day. When you're in a family where there are siblings one child is always going to be affected by his or her sibling for good or BAD. A family has to pull together to get past obstacles. The OP probably feels bad enough about her decision to cancel. She doesn't need people making her feel like she is tearing her family apart. Good grief!!!!

Thank you for your support. I guess I set myself up when I it up the post, however i did not expect the turn of event! I feel pretty confident in my parenting skills, regardless of what others might say. Just wanted to share my sadness of not going... Just as many do when they cancel.

 

[mefordis]

This probably won't make you feel any better, but I just got back and after spending a ton of money, I kind of wish we had waited ourselves.

 

[Pineapple Whip]

Bravo!!! If what she did was important enough for you to make this decision, stick to your guns and show that child some discipline. Please don't take this as advice on how to raise YOUR child, these are my personal opinions.

Do not take the other two. This is a family lesson that is shared for all the kids. As a family you are unified, you don't teach the lesson that we'll just leave "the bad child" behind. All your children should be on their best behavior at all times and they will take you more seriously next time they decide to misbehave. Leaving the "bad child" also plants the idea that as her parent, you're willing to ditch her.

The other two should not look at the offending child with disdain, and should be told that they would be in the same position if they acted similarly. If they continue to act against her, then they will be in the same position and can share in the punishment. Instead they should be supporting her so that you can all enjoy a nice family trip next year.

Cancelling the trip is only the tip, what distinguishes this as a punishment for all vs punishment for the offender is a loss of "fun priviliges" at home. Consider the example of "go to your room" and the child's room has a 42" Plasma, XBOX, Computer... The other two can have a normal week, and the offending child can be restricted from stuff she normally enjoys.

Being supportive the entire time is important. The kid shouldn't feel ashamed, cast aside, or scorned, just made to understand actions and consequences. Too often parents "punish" like they were dealing with prisoners, rather than teaching why it was wrong, why they are punished, and why the punishment is just for the offense. It is not wrong for the parent(s) to take some time to "cool off" and come to a decision on fair punishment, then discuss it with the child. Even criminals are afforded that civility these days.

It would also not be wrong to offer an alternate punishment, like "we're going to Disney, but you get no "x" during the trip, and when we get back you're on a full grounding without any "x, y, and z" for a period of "x" weeks." But that's up to the parent and depends on the offending act.

 

[Suellen]

I give you MAD PROPS for following through!

That being said ~ I would never use it as a punishment as I don't think I could follow through with it. But I think knowing that is half the battle.

My kids are still young and I know I behaved when I was 11 ~ can't think of anything I would have done that would have made my parents take a trip away!!

**Do NOT say what it is, take this advice**

The other thread I believe the SM at some point indicated that she wished just her and DH had a trip planned alone AND she was debating if to leave the child home or take her NOT canceling the whole trip!

Two different things.

 

[mefordis]

Well, that's why I asked. As the mother of an 11-year old DD I know exactly how hormonally challenged they can be. Honestly, anything that I can think of which is truly awful enough to cancel a family trip needs more than just a punishment. It needs a professional intervention.

There are many things I can think of that a child could do that would warrant NOT being rewarded with a vacation. I can't think of why professional help would be needed. Just good old fashioned parenting and discipline, which the OP is giving.

 

[musicmic39]

I did the same thing with my 11 year old son. He chose to do something knowing the consequence would be not going on the trip. I had a friend meet me at WDW and I took our twins with me. My husband stayed at home with our son.

 

[ilovepete]

Does the 11 year old even know there was a trip to cancel? You said your 14 year old was the only one who knew about it?

 

[bumbershoot]

Thank you for your support. I guess I set myself up when I it up the post, however i did not expect the turn of event! I feel pretty confident in my parenting skills, regardless of what others might say. Just wanted to share my sadness of not going... Just as many do when they cancel.

Assuming everyone reads and understands everything in the first post of a thread, some of it could have been avoided by either not saying why you're canceling, or giving all the info you've given subsequently... The 14 year old knew about the trip, and knew it could be canceled and is mature, etc etc. Of course, noticing that your third kid is under 2 is also a good thing...they wont' even notice. Also including that it's a trip from g'ma and she won't leave one kid home would have helped. Putting all pertinent info in the FIRST post, and then hoping that people read and understand, helps things go better! Otherwise people miss followup posts and any further info sounds defensive or worse, and that's not good.