Here's a WWYD? See #89

[GoldieSaysMeep]

If you were in your best friends wedding (which was costing you around $300 for attire & other financial contributions) and a serious financial emergency arose 1 1/2 months before the wedding and this emergency required you to take a loan from another person you are very close to (think SO, immediate family member etc.)

You know that person worked really hard (scrimped and saved) to save up that money for dire emergencies.

would you...

1. Drop out of the wedding. Life happens. Tell your bff that something serious came up, you had to take a loan from another close friend and need every cent you have right now to pay it back.

2. Stay in the wedding party but drop out of all related activities (bachelor(ette) parties/showers etc.) and not give a large gift and use that saved money to give your other friend back their money sooner.

3. Pay your loan back over time and expect that person to be okay with your spending at least $300 on unneccesary stuff (being in someone's wedding party = a want, not a necessity) while they wait for you to pay them back.


4. Take option 1 BUT be always bitter towards the person who gave you the loan for wanting their money back so soon and think the person who gave you the loan is selfish for thinking their loan repayment is more important than your BFFs wedding.

I'm curious as to what people would do.

I would personally choose option 1 & I asked my two best friends, who both said they would do the same. We all also agreed we would never hold it against each other if we couldn't be in each other weddings due to financial reasons.

Edit to add, the person who took the loan, and the bff are men. The person who gave the loan is a woman. Not that it matters.

 

[MickeyP]

Tell the bride what happened and say you'll have to drop out. She'll help, or loan you the money. Don't take money from the friend that scrimps/saves for her savings. That way everyone will understand.

 

[BeenHereB4]

I chose option 2, but when I was much younger, I had to do option 1 because my "required contributions" just got way out of hand. The girl never spoke to me again and I was not able to recoup the downpayment on my dress.

 

[Darcy03231]

I would choose Option 2. By now I assuming that you've already paid for the dress, shoes, etc. I would also let the bride know that due to your situation you will not be participating in any of the extra stuff or giving a gift.

I asked a very good friend to be in my wedding party and paid for all of her expenses as I knew she couldn't afford to. Her company that day (and through the years) was my gift.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Without going in to more detail, the person who took the loan is a man and the bff is also a man.

 

[EthansMom]

If 2 would get me significantly paid off on my debt, then I'd do number 2. I'd also look at other places in my life I could cut spending (other than wedding-related).

If 2 really didn't come close, I'd do number 1.

 

[StephMK]

I would choose 2. 1.5 mo before the wedding puts a lot of stress on the wedding party & leaves them having to possibly invite another grooomsman last minute - who wants to know they were not an original pick?

I'd stay in it, cut costs where possible & find alternate ways to get the $ to pay back the friend in the meantime. $300 is not a huge amount to find ways to cut back in other areas or earn extra somehow to be in the wedding. Whatever steps they take to earn that, keep going after the wedding to finish paying back friend.

I did not attend one of BFF's weddings because I'd just had a baby 3 wks ago & my grandfather passed the following week, plus $ was very tight to fly, no sleep, travel w/baby hard, etc. That was 7 yrs ago & I still wish I'd made the effort to be there. She understood but I still feel like a crappy friend in that respect.

 

[simonsmom]

option 2 however I would try to give a small gift that is personal- picture frame,photo album,or something along those lines. And for the shower let the other wedding party members know you can't help financially but you will help physically with set up,clean up,etc

 

[sk!mom]

If you were in your best friends wedding (which was costing you around $300 for attire & other financial contributions) and a serious financial emergency arose 1 1/2 months before the wedding and this emergency required you to take a loan from another person you are very close to (think SO, immediate family member etc.)

You know that person worked really hard (scrimped and saved) to save up that money for dire emergencies.

would you...

1. Drop out of the wedding. Life happens. Tell your bff that something serious came up, you had to take a loan from another close friend and need every cent you have right now to pay it back.

2. Stay in the wedding party but drop out of all related activities (bachelor(ette) parties/showers etc.) and not give a large gift and use that saved money to give your other friend back their money sooner.

3. Pay your loan back over time and expect that person to be okay with your spending at least $300 on unneccesary stuff (being in someone's wedding party = a want, not a necessity) while they wait for you to pay them back.


4. Take option 1 BUT be always bitter towards the person who gave you the loan for wanting their money back so soon and think the person who gave you the loan is selfish for thinking their loan repayment is more important than your BFFs wedding.

I'm curious as to what people would do.

I would personally choose option 1 & I asked my two best friends, who both said they would do the same. We all also agreed we would never hold it against each other if we couldn't be in each other weddings due to financial reasons.

Edit to add, the person who took the loan, and the bff are men. The person who gave the loan is a woman. Not that it matters.

I would most likely do #1 unless I had already bought the wedding clothes which I likely would have that close to the wedding.

If the clothing were purchased then I would do a version of #2. Skip parties and an expensive gift. If the Groom is truly a close friend then he should understand that you're having financial difficulties and won't be judging the value of your gift. Dropping out of anything where you were helping to host might put an unfair and unexpected financial burden on other's in the wedding party.

I would cut my budget in every area possible and get my friend paid back. Think ramen noodles and staying home- spending NO money!

 

[MaumeeMom]

I picked 1 but with a caveat - if the programs have been printed, the member of the wedding party should really attempt to be there.

#4 is really harsh. "...the person who gave you the loan is selfish" If they were selfish, they wouldn't have loaned the money. Wow, would someone really be this shallow, to be bitter towards someone who tried to help them?

Good luck to all involved, I hope everything works out.

 

[greens_in_WA]

It depends on the people involved... most (not all) women are pretty touchy feely about weddings and might just understand the need to be in the wedding. Given that the loan receiver & bff are men, the bff getting married, might or might not thing its a big deal to bag out. Since your first inclination is to bow out of the wedding, but you feel a bit badly about it, I'd talk to the lender and explain what you are thinking and why, if she agrees, then you are comfortable with your decision and haven't jumped to conclusions about her preference. You could even go into it with the perspective of bowing out of the wedding. If she thinks you should still be in the wedding, then I'd discuss with bff, that you'd prefer to pay off the loan, but his friendship is important and if its important for him that you're in the wedding, you can set the priority that way.

Honestly, I think men & women differ a bit on this one. Maybe its just my dh, but I really think he would've understood...

Best wishes!

 

[Took]

I picked 1 but with a caveat - if the programs have been printed, the member of the wedding party should really attempt to be there.

#4 is really harsh. "...the person who gave you the loan is selfish" If they were selfish, they wouldn't have loaned the money. Wow, would someone really be this shallow, to be bitter towards someone who tried to help them?

Good luck to all involved, I hope everything works out.

I agree. A loan is a generous offer. Weddings are wonderful but "extras" so I chose 1, but 2 would be okay, too, if one already had paid for the clothes. Tell the groom/bride. If you're situation is that bad and they want you to be in the wedding that much, they'll help with clothes or tell you that your participation is "enough" and not expect a gift or other stuff.

Took

BTW, no one gave me a "bachelorette" party, only showers, and I didn't feel ignored at all!

 

[mjkacmom]

I would go with option #2. Explain to the groom your situation, and offer to rent your tux, but that's it. I assume you would still be attending the wedding anyway, and if you can't afford a gift, you would let them know this anyway. It would be a PITA for the couple to find someone else to stand in this late, and kind of insulting to the person who was asked at the last minute.

 

[crashbb]

Was there any discussion during the loan process about payment? Any time lines given? That would factor into my thoughts.

 

[uva185]

I wouldn't pick any of your options. I certainly would NOT drop out of the wedding or any of the related events! Being there for someone is alot more important than $300. I would take the loan and one way or another pay it back within a month or so. One can easily sell some unwanted items on eBay, try to work more hours, etc to re-coup $300. If all else fails they could tighten their own budget to save $300.

On a side note, with the amount only being $300 would it not have been easier to put it on a credit card or take a cash advance on a credit card rather than asking a friend (who is also financially strapped) for cash.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I am not the person who took the loan so I can't say why they didn't use a cc. I know this person is trying to get out cc debt and that is likely why.

The loan amount was $500 lent with the stipulation that the person it was being lent to pay it back asap by cutting out absolutely all unnecessary spending.

The person it has no other areas they can cut out. The loaner actually went over the loanees finances with him and there is really only cutting out the wedding stuff or taking a good solid 6 months to pay it back.

To the person who said the money was less important than being there for someone, who becomes more important here? The friend whose wedding you're in or the friend/family member who you took the emergency loan from?

IMHO, I think in this economy, if someone lent me $500 from their emergency account to cover my emergency, paying them back would be my utmost priority.

 

[uva185]

I am not the person who took the loan so I can't say why they didn't use a cc. I know this person is trying to get out cc debt and that is likely why.

The loan amount was $500 lent with the stipulation that the person it was being lent to pay it back asap by cutting out absolutely all unnecessary spending.

The person it has no other areas they can cut out. The loaner actually went over the loanees finances with him and there is really only cutting out the wedding stuff or taking a good solid 6 months to pay it back.

To the person who said the money was less important than being there for someone, who becomes more important here? The friend whose wedding you're in or the friend/family member who you took the emergency loan from?

IMHO, I think in this economy, if someone lent me $500 from their emergency account to cover my emergency, paying them back would be my utmost priority.

Wait, was it $300 or $500? Was $200 already paid back from a $500 loan?

Obviously paying back the money is important, and as I said, one way or another I would have it paid back in a month -- even if it meant selling items. I still wouldn't back out of the wedding.

Even in "this economy" there are plenty of ways to make additional money. It's just a matter of how willing you are to do so.

 

[crashbb]

Wait, was it $300 or $500? Was $200 already paid back from a $500 loan?

Obviously paying back the money is important, and as I said, one way or another I would have it paid back in a month -- even if it meant selling items. I still wouldn't back out of the wedding.

Even in "this economy" there are plenty of ways to make additional money. It's just a matter of how willing you are to do so.

I interpreted that the loan was $500 and not for wedding stuff (it was for a "serious financial emergency"). By skipping the wedding, the friend will "save" $300 which can go towards re-paying the loan.

 

[wdwfan16]

None of these options. You committed to the wedding and it is too late to back out. At this point you must have paid much of the dress (it should be on order). You cannot back out of the Bridal Shower but you can back out of all other wedding events.

Cut out all other fun spending and pay the loan back ASAP.

 

[MaumeeMom]

PARTIAL
...with the amount only being $300 would it not have been easier to put it on a credit card or take a cash advance on a credit card rather than asking a friend (who is also financially strapped) for cash.

To some people $300 is a lot of money, not "only" $300. For some, $300 is hard to come by, even by cutting out extras. I would venture to guess that this is a younger person who doesn't have a lot of assets so selling enough things on eBay to raise $300 may not be possible. Asking for extra hours at one's job isn't always possible, especially with so many places laying people off - they don't want to pay anyone overtime.

Using a credit card to fund something that one can't afford is never wise and a cash advance cost so much more in the long run. Credit card use is something that has gotten many people into trouble - it can cripple a person financially for many, many years. No real friend would want to see this happen.

The "borrower" should sit down with the groom or the wedding couple and explain his situation. Maybe they can help him pay for the wedding necessities such as tuxes or arrange to pay for them now with the understanding that they will be paid back later.

This is a thorny situation and could lead to problems, I hope that everything works out for all involved.